I have a friend
who is not there,
Everything I have
I'd happily share.

But she is absent
with never a care,
My new best friend
who is not there.

© Pagan Paul (2016/Aug 2018)
Old poem recycled
I stare blankly, sitting like a stone.
People are around me but I am alone.
They are one with others, I am one with myself,
By my thoughts and silence they are repelled.
I can't find anyone who feels like me,
Because I am different to some degree.
I think with my heart and feel with my mind,
Does that make me one of a kind?
My voice is scarce in their presence,
But my thoughts deafen me in their absence.
Does it scare them when I say no words?
Do I need to talk much for us to work?
I ponder on ideas quietly,
So that later I'd write them privately.
I'd hide them so no one would know,
And I'd appreciate them on my own.
I see minds all around, just none like mine.
For now I'll hope that I'm not right.
To be alone for a while is quite alright,
But fulfillment to me is finding someone alike.
I've always been selective 'bout friends and who I trust but it's not all good since the feeling of loneliness is always there.
Riptide 21h
I feel it so often
Maybe too often
I have broken things
I have barley anyone left holding me down
Because if I stand up I will snap
I hate who I am
Because all I feel is anger
Why do I feel these emotons all the time
Why am I unstable...
I guess...
No one will ever know
Not even me
Because I am unstable
And filled with anger
I truly want to let out my happiness that I keep locked up like a percious stone at a museum never used
I guess I will stay this way
Because life is supposed to look up
Life never looks up
For me that is
Am I just unlucky?
Or hated that much
I am like glass
Left untouched I am clear and perfect
But thouched I am smudged and disgusting
I hate myself
This world
I should
not live in it anymore
But I deserve the pain this world puts me through
I will live only for the pain
For the pain
the first and second ... are two people but the last ... is other there subconscious talking to them their "devil"
lbbueno 1d
Under new raindrops I see the same sky differently
Second chance for the 5th time
Loneliness will soon creep under
(but my skin will not prevail this time)
I need to love myself more, quietly
A dream at arms reach
I, only, can get me there
The intensity of your eyes does not compare
to the one in my mind
I'm choosing the quiet to listen to its heartbeat
so I can breathe easy for the first time.

I'm here, even if I'm late
Would've made it sooner if I wasn't so poor and depressed
I was scared before
I'm still scared now
But this is fear on purpose this time
Tamed and slow in speed
The only one in the race is me
Same thought on repeat
'Master of myself, and no one else'
I have everything inside my mind
'Actions are the only words we're remembered by'
I say into the dimly lit silence
My longest companion.

Loyalty comes easy to the trustworthy
Who do I blame when I understand everybody?
I don't like the choices you've made
But who do I think I am
When I've only seen myself in reflections

Maybe I'm living this backwards
Doing everything we say we hate
Hating that we can't get away
Making excuses where there never was one
But you're a god, and so am I
You've chosen burdens different than mine
So who do you think you are
When you've only seen yourself in reflections.
Katey 1d
Despair within me grows like a tree by the water.
Be okay on the outside
Because I am. I'm "okay" to the people
Nothing physical yet.
In fact nothing left.
I am alone in this cruel world.
I talk but no one listens.
And when they do, I get laughed at.
Depression? they say, your just sad right now, it will go away.
But it doesn't, lurking around every corner, creeping after me in my own body and mind.
So I don't speak. Not anymore
Expect nothing and feel no pain when the pain comes again.
Silence within me like a cancer grows.
Silence to meet silence
Pyrrha 2d
The anger
The saddness
The loneliness
The fear
The anxiety
The depression
The embarrassment
The regret
Its all temporary
But the story is permanent
Don't lose sight of who you are or who you want to be as you try to fight through these feelings
sushii 4d
there’s a knock at your door.
care to answer it?
oh, you didn’t hear it, did you?
oh, that’s okay.

she’s saying hi,
don’t you hear it?
oh, you have headphones on?
that’s fine.

she’s giving you a gift—
do you want to open it?
you didn’t receive it?
ah, i see. that’s fine.

wait, you noticed this whole time?

you opened the door, but she just didn’t say anything?

she said hi, and you waved back, but she just walked away?

you opened the gift, but there were only tears in it?

oh, so you do care about her wellbeing?

oh, so it’s all in her head?
Between the letters of a word
Between the words on a page
Between each breathless sound I heard
Between those moments as I age.

Between my eyelids and my tears
Between the sniffles of my cries
Between the drums of my two ears
Between the whites of my two eyes.

The nothingness of emptiness
A place no physical exists
The center of all loneliness
The comfort of the pessimist.

They’re places asking to be filled
They have meaning in their presence
To those both soulful and strong-willed
Space is where they find their essence.
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I need no shoulders to lean my head on, but I won't mind your gentle tap assuring it all hunky-dory to be.
I need no feet to match my frequency, but I would love to run wildly with you, if you dare put your steps forth.
I need no hands to wipe my tears off, but I won't hesitate accepting the handkerchief you pass.
I can savour my favorite dish all alone, but the dessert on my platter won't taste sour if you take a bite from it.
It's basically,
I don't want to scream, yet don't want to be left unheard.
Solitude I can befriend as I recall no names.
I want to give in, yet I'm fighting strong.
It's basically,
A constant struggle between,
How the hell so strong am I!
And what this fragile soul longs for.
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