The waves swashing gently on the rotten plank,
A forlorn sailor looking through the misty night;
With bare hands paddling in the icy water, expression blank,
With no land nor a steady or welcoming haven in sight.

As he was floating through the opaque haze,
His clothes covered in drops of dew and froth;
The sea transpiring into an inescapable maze,
now calm but once fierce, untamable and wroth.

He realized no soul was going to rescue him from his sotty grave,
Even if one was swimming with him he would row for himself.
For people aren't cruel, callous, cold or unwilling to waive,
They just think they are the most crucial book in lifes' shelf.

Jacob 4h

I know I've been a gone for a while
But I heard that you're doing just fine
You graduated and got a job and you've been working for some time
It's good to see you looking forward and not behind
I know you never find me crossing your mind
But I would be lying if you didn't cross mine
And from time to time I see some of your pictures online
Summer of 2017 was hard, a time when I put my heart on the line
I tried to forget you and that took a couple months of my time
It looks like you found the love that I was hoping to find
The only you that I love is the one that I create in my mind
You'll never be mine and I know that
But remember the time I came to see you?
I thought it would just be you, but there were a few other people
I know there never was a "We", so there would never be a sequel
I know you were bluffing when you said you cared
Our only real connection were the memories that we shared
I would never try to blame you, I know that much isn’t fair
Not that you care but the stress is really starting to wear
And through these words is when I took our story and I used it
I'm gifted with the curse of honesty and the truth is,
I loved you more than words I just didn't know how to prove it
And I often ask myself if you ever did care
I ponder countless thoughts that's why in my mind is the only time you were ever there
I know we were only friends, but it felt more than just pretend
These past few months have been awfully clear
The real us is what I fear to see
The one where we were only friends and I acted like we were dating
And nowadays our messages go, "Hey, happy something~belated"
And every letter I wrote for you
Deep inside I know you actually hate them
Because I realized that you never felt the same when you read it
You never cared on how much I put into it
But I guess that's why I'm so emasculated
All the love that I've been getting through my phone feels phony
I try to rhyme a couple of words together
To put myself out there so you could understand me
We're in a world full of people and yet I'm still feeling lonely
I keep telling myself there's plenty of fish in the sea
But the sea is full of sharks and you’re the only one for me
And as I find myself drowning while I'm fighting to breathe
I realize that I'm still in love with what I thought we could’ve been

Countless thoughts about you

her fingers are numb
thinking of touching him
not because of how cold he was to her,
but because the warmth was never for them
in the first place.

-and she's still cold

No one I meet ever wants to stay
So whenever I meet someone new
I hold my breath and hope they don’t run away

No one I meet ever wants to stay
They tell me they will never bid “adieu”
Yet I find their abandonment the next day

I’ve tried to keep my hurt at bay
By telling the pain and abandon to shoo
I hold my breath and hope they don’t run away

The debt I’ve owed life is impossible to repay
So while trapped in debt I find no matter what I do
No one I meet ever wants to stay

I hold my breath and hope they don’t run away
I’m scared they will, just like you
So I’m left alone on my own to decay

In the end I’m alone, as it seems I must stay that way
No one stays long enough for me to tend to
No one I meet ever wants to stay
I hold my breath and hope they don’t run away

I sit and watch the walls
Of loneliness slowly closing in
Drawing in like a cold
Windy, rain-filled night
I can't ever remember feeling
So utterly alone
So completely adrift
From everything
And everybody
I think of all
The opportunities untaken
The abilities wasted
People shrugged off, blanked
With all the flaming arrogance
Of one who thinks that
He is born lucky
To whom the rules do​ not apply
The kind who thinks he will
Win the lottery
Without even buying a ticket

But I wasn't born lucky
And I'm not special
Failure hits me just as hard
As anyone else
And it keeps on hitting
I'm like the boy who cried wolf
I pushed people away
Not thinking that one day
They would take me at my word

And now it's like I'm on a ship
Condemned to drift
Upon a sea of nothingness
Unable to dock at any port
Whilst food and fresh water
Steadily run out
Holes appear in the sails
Water slowly seeps into the hull

I have to choose, either
A sad slow lingering starvation
Or swiftly and sadly
Walk the plank

I sit and pray
Up in the crow's nest
I keep watch and hope
Someone please calls
The coastguard

An old poem, but I think that it's a good one.

my hands
        my heart

i remember a time when
    both my heart and hands
      knew what they were meant for

             a time before you came along
   and they made it their job to show
the love they could hold for you
                 my hands
                      my heart

Copyright under Bianca Reyes
All rights reserved
Blah blah blah

I always know when it's about to happen,
(an unfortunate foresight)
but I always neglect to prepare myself.
It's almost like
I look forward to the pain
because it gives me a scapegoat
for my persistant discontent.
Maybe I didn't love you,
I just need to be loved.
But either way,
I haven't been sleeping
and I'm struggling to find myself
outside the context
of someone else.

Open if i never wake from the deepest dreams of more,
Open if I give up, succomb to a roaring seashore,
Open if my eyes give way to darkness, where is the light.
Open if my arms fling down, i have given up the fight.
Open if time passes without a murmur, a wanting or a tune,
Open if I run, I hide, seek solace in the flashing moon.
Open if you no longer feel a yearning for a place in the world.
Open if there are no sounds or encouragement to be heard.
Open if it's hard to swallow, the pain, striking right at the chord.
Open if when the rain stops beating, you still can't find the words.
Open if your mind stops wondering, where and when and how?
Open if the door stays locked through bangs and knocks and rows.
Open if I begin to forget all of my manners, my ways.
Open if we're no longer placing photos in frames, of the better days.
Open if all friends have walked by and you find yourself alone.
Open if worry takes centre stage, know that I'll eventually come home.

i'm projecting again

i don't love you
i don't see you
through the eyes
of a true romantic

a bird migrates
flying south for the winter
it finds a temporary place of refuge
something that fills the gap
when food is scarce back home
but this little place in the south
it's not home

i'm like a bird
when i'm lonely
and human touch is scarce
when he is nothing but a rare,
and often absent presence
you become that little place in the south

and i'm sorry i feel this way
it's wrong, and cruel of me
but then again, i can't help it
my survival instincts kick in
and i am forced to carry the illusion
that you could be a home the way he is

Sun 4d

I find you
   in the loneliness
 of the crowd

    In order to die,
                you must live a life

                         You are the voyage
                     I call home
                                    My eternal hope

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