I.
Under new raindrops I see the same sky differently
Second chance for the 5th time
Loneliness will soon creep under
(but my skin will not prevail this time)
I need to love myself more, quietly
A dream at arms reach
I, only, can get me there
The intensity of your eyes does not compare
to the one in my mind
I'm choosing the quiet to listen to its heartbeat
so I can breathe easy for the first time.

II.
I'm here, even if I'm late
Would've made it sooner if I wasn't so poor and depressed
I was scared before
I'm still scared now
But this is fear on purpose this time
Tamed and slow in speed
The only one in the race is me
Same thought on repeat
'Master of myself, and no one else'
I have everything inside my mind
'Actions are the only words we're remembered by'
I say into the dimly lit silence
My longest companion.

III.
Loyalty comes easy to the trustworthy
Who do I blame when I understand everybody?
I don't like the choices you've made
But who do I think I am
When I've only seen myself in reflections

Maybe I'm living this backwards
Doing everything we say we hate
Hating that we can't get away
Making excuses where there never was one
But you're a god, and so am I
You've chosen burdens different than mine
So who do you think you are
When you've only seen yourself in reflections.

Despair within me grows like a tree by the water.
Be okay on the outside
Because I am. I'm "okay" to the people
Nothing physical yet.
In fact nothing left.
I am alone in this cruel world.
I talk but no one listens.
And when they do, I get laughed at.
Depression? they say, your just sad right now, it will go away.
But it doesn't, lurking around every corner, creeping after me in my own body and mind.
So I don't speak. Not anymore
Expect nothing and feel no pain when the pain comes again.
Silence within me like a cancer grows.
Silence to meet silence

The anger
The saddness
The loneliness
The fear
The anxiety
The depression
The embarrassment
The regret
Its all temporary
But the story is permanent
Don't lose sight of who you are or who you want to be as you try to fight through these feelings

there’s a knock at your door.
care to answer it?
oh, you didn’t hear it, did you?
oh, that’s okay.

she’s saying hi,
don’t you hear it?
oh, you have headphones on?
that’s fine.

she’s giving you a gift—
do you want to open it?
you didn’t receive it?
ah, i see. that’s fine.


wait, you noticed this whole time?


you opened the door, but she just didn’t say anything?

she said hi, and you waved back, but she just walked away?

you opened the gift, but there were only tears in it?

oh, so you do care about her wellbeing?






oh, so it’s all in her head?

Spaces
Between the letters of a word
Between the words on a page
Between each breathless sound I heard
Between those moments as I age.

Spaces
Between my eyelids and my tears
Between the sniffles of my cries
Between the drums of my two ears
Between the whites of my two eyes.

Spaces
The nothingness of emptiness
A place no physical exists
The center of all loneliness
The comfort of the pessimist.

Spaces
They’re places asking to be filled
They have meaning in their presence
To those both soulful and strong-willed
Space is where they find their essence.

I need no shoulders to lean my head on, but I won't mind your gentle tap assuring it all hunky-dory to be.
I need no feet to match my frequency, but I would love to run wildly with you, if you dare put your steps forth.
I need no hands to wipe my tears off, but I won't hesitate accepting the handkerchief you pass.
I can savour my favorite dish all alone, but the dessert on my platter won't taste sour if you take a bite from it.
It's basically,
I don't want to scream, yet don't want to be left unheard.
Solitude I can befriend as I recall no names.
I want to give in, yet I'm fighting strong.
It's basically,
A constant struggle between,
How the hell so strong am I!
And what this fragile soul longs for.