My heart starts beating fast
I keep wishing the moment would last
Seconds, minutes, hours?
I guess they all pass
When I see you.
I can't even look at you
My eyes dart around the room
Checking if anyone else can see
What your meer presence does to me.

This is about someone that for some reason makes me so nervous yet I know it could never be anything real.
redberries Aug 2

never have I ever been confident in myself

so forgive me
when I fear

that this 'love' I think it is
isn't The love

Trust me when I say
with all my heart,

I want you to be The One.
so very much
more than anything I've wanted ever in my life

which says a lot.
I have many wishes that came back as disappointments

But I've always known how blessed I am

So I wish
this time

with all the blessings I will ever have
for the future and love we promised each other
to be real.

redberries Jul 30

You treasured your body,
you kept it for me even before meeting me.

I treasured my heart,
I kept it for you even before knowing you.

You once gave your heart away,
it came back bruised and broken,
I helped it heal after we met
But the thought bothered me,
I wished we met earlier
so you never felt pain like this.

I once gave my body away,
it came back numb and broken,
You helped it heal after we met
But the thought bothered you,
You wished we met earlier
so I never gave up like this.

You kept your body locked down for me
I kept my love locked down for you
so they are not polluted, so they can be pure as new
we collide.

I wish
we met earlier, so
I could give you the unbroken and whole me
that you deserved.

Together, it 's a whole.
redberries Jul 22

The Perfect way to know for sure is “wait”
or you’re just leaping to the next thing you think that’s great, with a chance of running against fate.

Given a fairy-tale reality
You try your hardest to fight the insecurities
a motivation to finally learn to love yourself
The default setting,
”It's too good to be true."
embraced the idea of bliss soon fleeting

The beginning
Was everything sweet and heart-melting
it was pleasant and pure, simple and warm
It's sitting closer to you just to steal a little warmth
a lovely secret you swear to kept to yourself unless Otherwise
It is a fresh start from hell since you got into your birthday skin

The Otherwise happened
it was so unexpected
like two painters meeting in the middle of the canvas
Realising what they were painting
was just half of something wonderful
and together you created a masterpiece without knowing

Retracing that your entire life was leading up
to this
being overwhelmed
natural instinct kicked in
But being Home
Prevented it from happening
being home disconnects the motherboard

It was like being crippled your entire life
then given a walking stick
And I would ask for nothing more

Just grateful you added a new colour palette in my life
wishing. With you
I could finally
walk slower and enjoy the view I have always loved
Hoping we'd walk to the end hand in hand

How I wish we are so far away from the end
knowing even when we do
Hands would still be linked after crossing the line

I want the entire room to be filled with paintings we paint
trusting nothing could torch it, even with a burning fire Match

Wishful silly thinking hoping it becomes reality.
redberries Jul 15

The Perfect way to “Grow Up Too Fast” is by being a spectator for as long as you dream
yet you know just by submitting an application, you could be on the team

Failed by a daughter’s first hero, the warrior geared up,
Dreams still filled of rainbows and unicorns, lilies and daisies,
fireplace and wooden cabin, hot chocolate and cosy blankets,
chase towards the sunset, walks on the beach and dives into the seas.

First, it was electricity.
It got so shocking, it became cringy.
It was a nice piece of candy, with an intriguing wrapping,
you took a peek and it came alive. Chasing and haunting.
Too eager to have you taste its sweetness, too eager to have you love its taste.
Later when the obsession died down, you realised it wasn’t the flavour you want.

Then, it was bonfire. It got cold, deep in the woods.
In the dark, you see the fire from afar. Attracted, you closed in.
The fire crackled. Your new favourite sound.
You sat by the fire, telling stories of a warrior, of how she dreams in her town.
Ways to take off her shields and disarm her.
It was too hot. The fire almost melts you with warmth.
So you took off your jacket and moved closer.
It burnt you. You became speechless, as you were the one holding knives, so why were you the one bleedin?

Shortly after, a friend came over to look at those healing stitches.
But the request to show the scars were too absurd. You overreacted.
Leaving you in disgust and you zipped up your jacket.

It was just a scratch on the surface. Yet you felt you were quickly catching up.
No longer the new member on the team. “You learn fast”, they said.
The burden, the distance, the emptiness, left you as you were, as skin heals in seconds.
It just made you more familiar as a player.
Bandage ready, you are set for a new Match.

Here are few of the "Perfect Matches" before you eventually find The One.
Here is the reality for those who have yet to experience love.
Everyone was once 'new on the team'
Steve B May 19

Insomniac routines of cyclic obsessions and thoughts, of the one... I'll just wait here, for my number, from the other side of an oh-so familiar queue  ... Is this even the right queue?

You made me like dancing
The way you made me feel
We were touching one another
Feeling the rhythm of our favorite songs
There’s nothing I love more than this
Swing dancing
That’s what gets to me
The second any country song came on
You grabbed me
And we started dancing
We didn’t care who was around us
We danced and we sung
You made me feel light as a feather
You threw me into the air
And caught me as I came down
You dipped me
You spun me
You swung me
I can’t think of anything I love more

I want to feel that again
I want that touch
That grab
Your hands in my hands
Dancing as the night grows old
Swinging to the beat
Getting our boots dusty in the dirt
Making memories in the crisp night’s air
Or in my kitchen
Anywhere with you
You made me feel special
That was swing dancing
With you

I can't think of anything I love more than dancing with the one I love

Months have gone by, but the pain remains

They said it’ll take time before it fades

Harder and harder I try not to think of you

But thoughts come back of you leaving on that plane

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to love again

You have my heart, you took it away

I feel empty and lonely inside

Every hope and dream is shattered within

I don’t understand how you continue to hurt me

We haven’t had communication since

You would think I’d be ready to move on

The thought of you- us will never let me be

I wanted so badly to end up with a ring

To live together happy for eternity

You made me believe this could be real

You took it all from me, my everything

My family took you in as theirs

My brothers looked up to you, though they shouldn’t

It wasn’t more but false hope you gave

You took for granted all their care

You aren’t the same as you once were

But that’s what happens with time

Or is it because you hid the true you

Your mind was a mess, you were never sure

Now I’m the one feeling this way

You’re in my thoughts, my prayers, my dreams

I can’t escape the reality

You’ve done nothing but betray

I've gotten my heart broken by someone I completely trusted and fell in love with. Some how it's been several months and I can't get over him. There has been no contact or communication but my hopes is to use this poem as an outreach of my emotion to him.

This holiday...
This delightfully cheerful,
Wonderfully happy,
Endlessly beautiful holiday,
Is also so terribly lonely.
Every year I spend it alone,
No Valentine to give my heart to,
And no Valentine gives me their's.
I'm happy for those who
Have found love and
Have Valentines,
But I can't help but feel
So lonely and sad on this day.
Because the cute couples,
The sweet letters,
Kind gifts,
And warm cuddling
Just reminds me that
I can't have the one I want.

February 9, 2017.
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