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I’m sad today.
And I’m hiding in my bed,
wondering why I got here?
how I got here?

there’s no one here to cheer me up.

I wish I was hiking
or biking
or even swimming
all I know is that I don’t know how to leave this room
right now
the blanket over my body feels heavy
My body feels paralyzed
why can’t I just get up and go?
I’m hungry
and thirsty
my lips are dry AF
so is my face
I don’t seem to care though
do I not care?

Amma brought me food and water upstairs
fed me when I went down briefly to watch my nephews
how does she do it?
how does Amma get up every **** morning right at 8?
She cooks, cleans and  
She knows exactly when we need her attention
She does it as if
she has no life
then she goes to sleep around midnight
with no rest
a full time job maybe she didn’t ask for
life just handed it to her
that’s not consent!  
what the hell life?
I’d like to think that your ways
are the air, the winds.
I am the water you can move, and carry mists of me with you,
though brief and fleeting
though you can’t see me there sometimes,
I am felt in you. I am breathed through you.
When you’re heavy with me, you are the fog.
When I’m heavy with you, I am the breaks of surf
smeared out on the sands.
we make a rip curl,
burrowing under me
by some unearthly gravitational force.
I swell and mix with you.
We fight for the top till
we must fall over the apex
and break over the earth,
crashing down
again and again.
Until there is no more moon
there is no separating us,
as much as they try.
The sea of our stories
will be played in by the ages
of Children and their children.
From our ritual they may find sanctuary
So long as our ritual exists
The love I have for this human is by far the sweetest thing to touch my heart.

She is of my womb, of my ansestors and of my guides.

May she never let anyone dim her light, may she dance to the beat of her own drum, may she never lower her voice but scream and kick and make her claim upon this world.

May she be of magic, of the night, of crystals and sage. May she be of courage and rebellion.

May she be of love.

The love I have for this human by far reaches the darkest depths of my soul.
Nico Judd Oct 11
Where are you, my daughter?
death has come to reclaim her own
eager to quelch this mother’s perfection
Seizure; as in the taking of

Death has come to reclaim her own
You, grabbed and shaken by the collarbone
Seizure; as in the taking of
this hungry heart braced to break

You, grabbed and shaken by the collarbone
C’mon, baby girl. C’mon wake up
this hungry heart braced to break
panic erupting softly from the belly

C’mon, baby girl. C’mon wake up
speeding now. Flailing limbs grasping at God
panic erupting softly from the belly
not fall, but autumn. not winter, but death.

Speeding now. Flailing limbs grasping at God
eager to quelch this mother’s perfection
not fall, but autumn. not winter, but death.
Where are you, my daughter?
Written August 24, 2020
Karijinbba Oct 4
More often than not
one is fated to continue loving
a lost great love misunderstood
as regrets teaching self love
expanding to others
is healthier to living
then surviving in daily
worthless pain that hating is.

I wanted to know true love
in this life time.
To meet great wise souls,
but mostly haters came to me as
stranglers boa constructors
mendicants greedy blood
hungry Alien moths
attracted mostly to my light.

Snakes slidered around
my tini cradle in my parents
forestlands, one bit my leg!
Through life, it was the most benevolent of my attackers!
My uncle's malignant
child predator his jealous
viper wife Roselia was as evil
marriage to my spoiling paternal uncle didn't change her ways.
Roselia murdered my two baby brothers David Sanchez and half brother blue eyed Antonio Chavez G.
She devil left me
internally bleeding dying requiring surgery to save my life
I ran away at age seven
surviving that ugly predator
in her jealous rage towards my
naive un-protective ignorant
unfit widow mother!
Later on, running from this nightmare two human predators
fathered my three precious kids
Jealous Greek Medeas tortured
my newborn babes in Calamata and Athens Charalambos
(haralobo) Kiriaki and her family
poisoned us three for years and
a lifetime trashed me to those who were deafly jealous of me in USA.
Henry R, W remained
a Charles Manson advocate in CA
he is and his evil sister Liz his sterile ex-girlfriend all high on ******* almost turned me into Sharon Tate!
trashing me for being an RH -O-
Back in 1983 to steal my children and sell them for ******* dues to whom ever bailed them out
a hate crime against me a Mexican born a Mom struggling to stay alife all alone beautiful in and out purple heart Mom;
an immigrant running for my life saving whatever the vipers left of my 3 baby girls and myself!
I couldn't find a single friend in USA
My Josie-Rosie my sassy, required surgery on her sternum chest
to save her life.
We are hated for surviving them all
foes ditching their death dice each time they tried stocking me and baby girls everywhere we went.
Elizabeth W G even bought me a fraudulent life insurance sold my medical records to thugs in the medical LA care fields
in LA CA USA hating me
for succeeding in all they have failed.
For my heart, my perseverance!
for my lovev to my children.

I was so battered myself I feared going public but my silence allowed enemies to return to trash me to my kids and harm them some more I couldn't save them they were assimilated drugged compromised and blackmailed.

I have not seen my grown kids in eons
just to not to spike the demented jealousy in those thugs
they now call friends enemies
who took my place in their life.
the witch hunt must end
for God is stronger then evil doers.
That deadly enemy used drugs to lure my 2 sons in law trashing me
  to them too beyond repair.

They think they won but God's justice shall prevail to avenge some justice
for me and my blindsided children
whom I birthed adored raised schooled my gifted high IQ'd kids.
I saved their life a million times
my motherly rights shall resume.
as God is my witness
evil just can't prevail forever.

True love divine found me too.
in all areas of life that may matter
the all wholly good ways.
That unforgettable true love
had left me behind shredded.
alone misunderstood;
Afterwards misery and pain
was all I found as you read above.
but my heart of gold knows how to love no scorn in me hides only love.
Is it better to have love and lost?
This purple heart Mom knows
what true love is though.

What to be in love is like,
when a special human being
fell in love with me too.
When my children deep down understand we are all victims of same evil enemies
my kids love themselves and me their good life saving caring heroic Mom.
deep down, my children adore me Angel Mom, remembered well.
their Mexican-American Mestizo French mix Mom pride and joy
Mexican lives matter too!

I am glad I was your Mother
(my lala, my sassy, my coco)
Patricia Angela, Josephine Rose,
Michelle J San-Gutier.
I am giving you three new names
for good luck, new beginning!
kiss my grandkids for me
their true maternal grandma.
with much much love.

And to me all, all this,
it made all the difference.
Copy Rights
To the loves of my life my grown daughters my grandkids and my first
and last love JPCRk
as for my unprovoked jealous enemies.
My children and grandkids belong to my heart to God not to you snakes in our paradise!
we aren't dogs nor cats not for sale!
your evil deeds are destroyed with truth.
Charalambos haralobo serial killer human trafficking predator: Kiriaki Mantalozis, Elizabeth W G Henry R W
Arthur and Susan W. Raitano
chikd tiryurer Judy A
you are trash thieves human ptedators racist biggots
human trafficants with agendas
sociopaths I give you all ten traits of narcissist personality. I didn't make you sterile you were born that way God is wise in who to make a Mother and who not to but the devil births and feeds thugs like yourselves
to steal treasures and feel important because without victimizing innocents you have no life at all.
As God is my witness you all shall rip what bitterness you inflicted unprovoked..
They keep telling me not to give up on finding love, that “the one” is out there for me, the thing is I haven’t given up on finding love, I’m simply accepting the love around and within me.
I have spent years chasing that romantic fairytale love, following what I thought were signs to happiness, only to end up at dead ends.
After too many sleepless nights, I had to wake up to reality and see that I am already truly and deeply loved, realizing that put everything in perspective.
There’s nothing wrong with being single, I can still accomplish my goals and dreams, I will be a mother, and raise beautiful children.
Relationships and marriage is a beautiful thing, but so is single hood especially when you realize you can stop seeking love my dear, you are love, you are beautiful, and you are living a life to be proud of.
Who says you can’t be your own “one”
m Sep 14
i think that most of motherhood is the aching for that feeling;
the feeling of putting every single thing you are too small to fear
into a being that is nearly too small to love;
everything that is terrifying, everything that is menacing,
brought to light, literal light,
in your actual arms.

i am young and fertile and stupid I know.
but there's an ache, a breaking
inside of me, that is terrified
repulsed and jealous, at the thought of gaining
the inexplicable peace of the splitting of my soul
into myself and hope.
my heart is breaking all the time I need to stop drinking
Cait Sep 11
Hope in things Eternal
A Promise in your Life

Shock and Sorrow at your Loss

Joy in knowing Jesus
has conquered Death and the Grave
and nothing can take away
my Hope.
For my daughter, Esperanza Claire. Eternity will be all the sweeter because you are there.
Cait Sep 11
Joy overwhelming met
with peace.
So many plans and prayers
were for your sake.
You were given resurrection life
and the chance to save millions of hearts,
but if all you did was change this <b>one</b>
you were worth it
and forever loved.

Heaven has never been clearer
or more sweet.
For my son, Peregrine Lazarus. You could not be more dear to me, and I cannot wait to meet you.
Cait Sep 11
Met with death before your time
Waiting for heaven
For my son, Vespasian James. I eagerly await the day when I can hold you and never let you go.
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