I’m learning the new language of love
It’s cloudy and I’ve only
broken sentences
unfortunately already-fluent in the tongue of
drunk hook-ups and
meaningless touches and
compromised endeavors and
disguised intentions
I have never felt what I was promised
I want to bathe myself in it
showers
pools
seas of infatuation
if it exists
desperate for affection
addicted to the idea that a soul could long for me
craving something
anything
something a little better than the french boy
panting I love you’s in broken english
mistaking my moans for those of intense, unbearable pleasure
something a little more meaningful than the taxi-yellow lit disabled toilet on new years eve with a boy who flinched at the marks on my thighs
something a little sturdier than the 4:am coitus cuddling with a boy trying not to wake our friends on the shadowy bedroom floor
unreliable arousal
am I unfairly deprived?
You look at me
like you’ve seen God.
Your eyes are the greatest
depths of the ocean while
I’m afraid to wade up
to my waist on the shores.
It’s as if every care you
have in the world has been
replaced by your sudden
desire to touch my lips.
I know your heart is a storm,
but it thunders to know the sun again.
I saw him as my future
Even when he was nowhere
In my past and present.
I still loved him.
Unconditionally!
Was it blind love?
Probably!
The heart aches
For the love it craves
Holding fast to the dream
Of one day feeling it's embrace
Hold fast to the passion
The cravings and kindness
The hearts a curious thing
For those who want to listen
Hide in the shadows
It does no good
When the heart wants
There is no running
Embrace the passion
Embrace the love
For if you do
Compassion will be yours
I want to kiss you
at the end of each night
and the beginning of every day,
I wanna be there so you can see
me smiling at the things you say.
In a rusty white van,
We meet with a dope man,
He climbs up in the back,
Says hand over the stack,
Then he breaks us off fat,
Now take a hit of that,
So we load up the stem,
Melt the sweet smoking chem,
Lips teeth and tongue go numb,
Fuck why am I so dumb,
But my heart starts to race,
My thoughts pick up the pace,
Feel the uplifting thrill,
As words begin to spill,
I could do this forever,
Be light as a feather,
And just forget it all,
I'll be ten miles tall,
I just need a bit more,
All I want is some more,
I just can't get enough,
'Cause the comedown is rough,
The thing I just can't face,
So instead I will chase,
Till the crack turns to ash,
And I cry as I crash.
After a day spent
knee deep in debt,
I retire to morning,
to bed, to basement
It's there, cotton warmth,
jersey in Summer, Summer's here
sitting with me tonight,
cross legged, near nude.
Summer is a dude, I swear to God,
I know his scent. It's like
at the store at 10 PM, it's
the putrid musk infiltrating me
through my eyes, my nose,
my tongue, my tender throat.
After a day spent
knee deep in debt,
I retire to morning,
to bed, to basement
to wait for morning
and her gentle rays
so I may rise from
my concrete tomb,
a revenant, for you,
dripping my dreams,
eaten nearly to death,
to fulfill this debt.
I'm on this side,
You're on the other,
Dreams of life and love rush by,
You are my beginning,
You are my ending.
I dream of you and wander through life,
Searching ways to touch you,
I lost my way,
I remember you clearly,
Asking for blessings,
Please, God, show me the way on life's journey,
To walk together with love once again.
Copyright © 2017 Ronald J Chapman All Rights Reserved.
I used to want to be the last one to leave parties.
Watch the flames get extinguished
The bottles picked up
And the brake-lights of departing friends pierce the night
Knowing that I didn't miss out on any fun.
Now I am the last one to leave for college
And I wish it weren't so
Because I get the cursed privilege of
Watching every single one of my best friends go.
I used to hate leaving parties early
People still arriving, snacks to be eaten, and the night still young
Disappointed that everyone would keep partying after I left
The towel of fun still sopping wet and not yet wrung.
As the absolute last one to leave for the Fall Quarter
It's absolute fucking torture.
I wish I could depart early, leave this party of a town
Say painful goodbyes until December, and slip away without a sound.
I don't want our flames to be extinguished.
I don't want you guys to be picked up and whisked away.
Bright brake-lights parking at the airport
I just wish I didn't have to stay.
I'm here until the end of the summer, my friends,
and deep into the Fall
But I'm lucky to have spent the most time
With everyone out of you all.
I know we'll stay in touch.
Snaps of our apartment, and DMs about college life
It's the face-to-face contact, the summer hangs, I'll miss for now
But we'll be writing each other, surely
But for once
I want to leave the party early.
Her eyes belonged in bed ----- Smelled her clothes
Copper, snow, tangerine ----- Kissed her cheek instead