There are holes where my heart should be
There are holes in my brain as well
My body tried to make up for the missing mass
And made some of the remaining parts of my brain swell

Start now knowing joy,
that’s an order,
overcome a deepening solitude.

Like a bee at a bugle
or me at the deli
on Third Avenue.

I said to Joe when do you think this weather will break?
He jokes, April.
That’s no joke. Weak creatures die and the strong barely survive.

Half a year goes by
another cancer checkup.
Cheer up. Any weather’s

better than no weather at all
and there’s always governance
even when there is no government.

My candidate drops out
after Iowa. Why do I always lose
at politics and poker?

Peace at last!
No lawnmowers, no leafblowers.
Big comfy couch.

Meditate on this: Do what has to be done.
Find your lover gazing at the moon
and take your garbage to the dump.

Your web site evaporates
and your possessions are thrown in the dumpster
except your trumpet which finds its way to a future trumpeter.

Nothing could...
Even if it be something deadly-

Cancer
biting my tongue,

Poison
on my lips,

Venomous snakes
Drooling expectantly,

Fear of defeat
From spiked punch,

Or even from guns
And bombs against my skull,

Chemotherapy, overdose,
Pretty poisons and drowsiness...

Nothing could stop me
From loving you eternally

Today
Hamas terrorists let rockets rain on Israel

Today
Israeli soldiers shattered Palestinian dreams with shrapnel

Today
I learned that cancer killed, again! Shyra this time. RIP

Today
Gray, rain, pouring down depressing large tears, non-stop! Just weather, or is it?

Today
Bleak reality, Ina got diagnosed. Hello cancer my old fiend!

Today
Pandemic work from home blues, lonely stares at screens, empty flat, inward screams, ahuman void.

Today
The world would’ve been less brutal without your malevolence. I hope, you do better, tomorrow. I really do hope so!

Today
Just now! News: it’s a boy, Tomme! Lungs inflated, first screams, first breath. Hope a tad elated.

Today
Death and life, a full circle

Stop, Drop, Rock n' Roll!
We built this city on cruise control!
It started with a seed and grew into a jungle
Where people grumble and boxcars rumble
It's growing up! It's growing out!
So honk those horns! And curse and shout!
**** these newfangled roundabouts!
There's a new billboard on every corner
Just signs and symptoms of the greater disorder
The cancerous urge to keep growing and growing
It will be too late when it finally starts slowing
So get outside! It's time to start mowing!
Before our urban yards start showing
Their wild side.

If only I would've known
exactly what would happen,
and how it wasn't just
something to dismiss.
I wish I would've known
I was witnessing
a slow, catastrophic death.

Try harder, so I do
Still reaching for the fix
My mind cannot bear another year of six
It’s in his hands so what will I do
He yells and yells louder ...
I’m waiting
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on you
Fix this and do that
Can you ever just, STOP!
Hours, minutes, seconds on your clock
The label of duty of a wife on Shabbat
Your intent was evil and always with plot
Spread your legs!
Shut your mouth!
Let my birthright inside you
Alone in my mind
But I had to abide you
I cried ‘till you finished
Left burned and diminished
Curled up
Dead inside with nothing left to give
Yet, you demanded more if I wanted to live
These unspoken vows
How could I have known
I wasn’t a Jew
How could I be ******
You are nothing without me
I will take as I please
Your screams are useless as I enter with ease
My distain was certain and I fought to withhold
I could not bear your touch and prayed to die cold
Your punishment loomed always
You made me guess “when”
I hid in our closets pulling my soul further in
You were never worthy to be at my feet
You serve as my slave and you are now mine to keep
As I grew out my armor
I hoped it could repel
Your disgusting hands
You inadequate male
For your spirit was cold
It was mean
It was old
You were born self-entitled
Adorned self-proclaimed gold
Even cancer can’t change you
Not even a bit
Still abusive as ever
Still living to spit
Your host is so evil
The most rotten apple from her tree
I wish her the deepest of pains for creating the abuser you'd be
The sounds of her mouth
All the stink of her too
Inappropriate
Loud
A pick-and-choose Jew
You’re chosen you say
So, what, you don’t need to abide
By the laws of, The Book
Alas, The Book, has two sides
You choose what you want and ignore all the rest
Your go to MO
You've both mastered it best
Still dutifully married
Our life torn apart wide
Clenching me tightly
Prancing around with your pride
But as I grow older, I begin to whither and fade
I still deal with my devil to whom I’m enslaved
When will he go?
I’ve asked and begged why
I’ll ask for forgiveness when I can no longer cry
Now finally, I stand over you
Lifeless and cold
Your soul still infested with hatred and mold
My last mitzvah of dirt I’ll gladly shovel with ease
To finally breath that longed moment of peace
Peace from your self-hatred
Jealous of me ever more
I sigh the deepest breath as dirt covers your door
Cry one last time …
Impossible
I have no more tears
You stole them from me when you ***** me for years