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I think I lost my mind,
Between finding myself
And letting parts go that
I'm not sure of anymore.
I needed the strength to bind
My brain together, but what's left
Isn't enough, and getting it back
Is leaving my heart sore.
Friends are slipping away,
Because I do not have control
Over what I do, or if I talk
About the pressure of being myself.
Sad thing is, I'm losing more each day,
The war opened up my soul,
I knew I was not
Normal since I met this hollow desk,
And my mind worked itself away-
All feedback is welcome and appreciated
I never thought I'd be important
I never thought I'd matter
I never thought I'd be cared for
I never thought the latter

I never thought I'd be important
Until you came along
And changed my whole perspective
My feelings for you are so strong

I never thought I'd be important
You make everything alright
I'm grateful for you everyday
You make the world seem bright

I never thought I'd be important
Perhaps it's all a lie
There is only one for me
Please don't make me cry
          
I never thought I'd be important
You're not even mine
Maybe i'm just ******
Putting my heart on the line
I wasn't sure about this one, any feedback would be welcome and appreciated!
Tell me I’m not ****** for allowing myself to feel,
searching out for the next wound before letting the former heal,
I’ve been convincing myself that the invisible path is real,
but it’s not wide enough for two; one can stand and one can kneel.

If there’s anything in this world that tightens my chest,
it’s the moment I am strangled by vulnerability.
I keep it chained away to the very best,
to the very best of all my abilities.
Take all those thrown away phrases
and piece them back together to hit my ears
it’s funny how the long silence still amazes,
amazes me after all these quiet years.

Are you Sonic the hedgehog,
‘cause this is a chaos emerald.
Wipe away the tears to see the fog,
my world shakes when once it trembled.
I’ve got an easy road ahead of me
where the path could be so easy,
but I’m drawn to walk into the sea,
I wish that instinctive pull would leave me.

We humans are such destructive creatures
we turn soil to scorched earth with just one touch.
It’s the curse of emotions and all it features,
makes us decline a cast and accept a crutch.
We fall prey to our monsters like a disease,
do I pick life support or a clean cut cure?
A solid steel spine or weak and shaking knees?
Toxic lungs or a gasp of air too pure?

Should I swallow this gulp of mundane routine
conform and erase all individuality?
The white picket fence in photographs is so pristine
but it’s covered in dust and mold the ***** eye can’t see.

My storybook ending is incomplete
as I didn’t much care for the ending.
I traded in tragedy instead of something sweet,
‘cause I’ve never been so good at pretending.
All along there are holes both in the souls and plot,
and I wish to roll but can’t afford the toll as empty hands are all I got
I longed to feel the sun
Shining on my face,
But
It never happened.
"Why?" I asked the sun.
It simply replied,
"Who are you?"
I stood there
Confused,
Couldn't even find a word
To tell the sun
About
Who I was.
i miss the words never spoken,
the actions never taken,
the kisses that never kissed,
the songs that were never sung,
the glances that were never approached,
the calls to hesitant to ring.
the things that never happened are the things i miss most
im unsure.
about everything.
whether i am in love or if i love the mere thought of love.
whether i am living or surviving.
whether on my good days i am dead or alive.
today, i had a grilled cheese sandwich revelation.
sitting there in the coffee shop  eating my grilled cheese and drinking my coffee, i thought to myself.
why do i feel this way about myself.
hateful
spiteful
angry
and most of all guilty.
and i thought that if a good grilled cheese sandwich can make me happy and make my day why cant i make myself happy.
life is too short to hate yourself because you have no control over the bad in your life, but you can control the good.
Reminiscing all the times,
You slept on my shoulder and tried to be my side.
Hit me with nostalgic feels,
Because I see only memories when you're coming near.
I never thought this would happen,
I might try to sleep but it's still you stuck in my mind.
Can't help myself.

I don't want to wish to travel to back in time so we can be just friends,
I just hope that we can have better days that we can spend,
But it confuses me because I still want to hate you for what we did,
What I did also makes me want to hate me for what I've been.
And I can't put my emotions aside,
It's who I am,
A kinda funny guy with a poker face but exploding with tears within,
And if I could say one word that describes what I think about you,
I'd just like to say "Feels."

'Cause it feels like I'm alone,
'Cause it feels like you were my home,
'Cause it feels like you took me away,
Now I can't seem to escape,
You really made me feel this way.

Don't think that I'll be acting reckless,
I'm just letting out this mess so I can be myself for once without you making me feel all depressed,
And all hopeless,
I can't help but change my mind every time I think about you 'cause it changes all the time.
Oh NO I hate you,
Oh NOW I love you,
Oh just please keep your distance so I can put everything behind.
Because once you've left,
I felt my heart beat for myself for the first time in awhile.

And I don't want to confirm that I despise you,
Because I know there's a part of me that loves you,
But I hope you don't mind that I bury it away since all that feeling does is make me go insane.
And I really hope you feel the same way,
'Cause I'm losing myself.
And I can't think anymore.
I don't want to feel anymore.
the beginning ...
is the end of something
the end ...
is the beginning of something
a thin line
painted by our mind
between fear and hope
nothing is defined
a confused beginning
of an endless end
shaded shadows
of the same moon
I hate this feeling
This feeling I’m feeling is a feeling that’s not appealing
This feeling I’m feeling is way to unappealing I scream to *** “why aren’t I healing?”
This feeling that’s revealing,
People see what I’ve been dealing with and It’s hard to express this feeling I’m feeling  better cover it up better start concealing it…
I can’t say a word though… to anyone about it …because if I do I’d cry,
I’m depressed and people ask me why I get high?
Because I feel college is getting dry
This isn’t what I expected, this is all a lie
The thoughts of me failing would only leave me mortified
Got me in my dorm thinking why should I even try?
Beating me up leaving me with this **** black eye
And people got a nerve to ask me why I get high?
That’s why I get high
This is what college is about?
This is why I’d cry
Now a days I get so busy and overwhelmed I don’t even have time to admire the blue sky
I’m drained
This feeling I’m feeling make me lean to *** more and more I pray I get some faith healing
Kneeling on my knees I pray for the answers I’ve been needing
The negative voices in my head are getting louder and louder
The words that my demon has been speaking can get a little much
I’m screaming I can’t bare to feel this feeling that I’m feeling
I’m stressed
But the cutie on the 8th floor got my back
Call him down for some ****** healing
After he’s gone I’m still left with this feeling that I’m feeling
I’m done
But I can’t be, people say have courage and I’m trying to
They say I’ll be right here for you
But this feeling I’m feeling is so unappealing I just don’t want to feel it anymore
This poem means so much to me. Because I'm in college, I often feel this feeling I describe in the poem almost everyday.  I often feel lost like what I'm doing isn't right and everything I'm doing is wrong. College is getting overwhelming for me and I needed to let what I've been feeling about it all out. I hope people can relate to this.
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