Tell me I’m not ****** for allowing myself to feel,
searching out for the next wound before letting the former heal,
I’ve been convincing myself that the invisible path is real,
but it’s not wide enough for two; one can stand and one can kneel.

If there’s anything in this world that tightens my chest,
it’s the moment I am strangled by vulnerability.
I keep it chained away to the very best,
to the very best of all my abilities.
Take all those thrown away phrases
and piece them back together to hit my ears
it’s funny how the long silence still amazes,
amazes me after all these quiet years.

Are you Sonic the hedgehog,
‘cause this is a chaos emerald.
Wipe away the tears to see the fog,
my world shakes when once it trembled.
I’ve got an easy road ahead of me
where the path could be so easy,
but I’m drawn to walk into the sea,
I wish that instinctive pull would leave me.

We humans are such destructive creatures
we turn soil to scorched earth with just one touch.
It’s the curse of emotions and all it features,
makes us decline a cast and accept a crutch.
We fall prey to our monsters like a disease,
do I pick life support or a clean cut cure?
A solid steel spine or weak and shaking knees?
Toxic lungs or a gasp of air too pure?

Should I swallow this gulp of mundane routine
conform and erase all individuality?
The white picket fence in photographs is so pristine
but it’s covered in dust and mold the ***** eye can’t see.

My storybook ending is incomplete
as I didn’t much care for the ending.
I traded in tragedy instead of something sweet,
‘cause I’ve never been so good at pretending.
All along there are holes both in the souls and plot,
and I wish to roll but can’t afford the toll as empty hands are all I got

I longed to feel the sun
Shining on my face,
But
It never happened.
"Why?" I asked the sun.
It simply replied,
"Who are you?"
I stood there
Confused,
Couldn't even find a word
To tell the sun
About
Who I was.

i miss the words never spoken,
the actions never taken,
the kisses that never kissed,
the songs that were never sung,
the glances that were never approached,
the calls to hesitant to ring.
the things that never happened are the things i miss most

im unsure.
about everything.
whether i am in love or if i love the mere thought of love.
whether i am living or surviving.
whether on my good days i am dead or alive.

today, i had a grilled cheese sandwich revelation.
sitting there in the coffee shop  eating my grilled cheese and drinking my coffee, i thought to myself.
why do i feel this way about myself.
hateful
spiteful
angry
and most of all guilty.
and i thought that if a good grilled cheese sandwich can make me happy and make my day why cant i make myself happy.

the beginning ...
is the end of something
the end ...
is the beginning of something
a thin line
painted by our mind
between fear and hope
nothing is defined
a confused beginning
of an endless end
shaded shadows
of the same moon