In silence I suffer, drowning.
Losing the fight, falling.
On the surface, calm.
To everyone else, happy.
Beneath it all, hurting.
They know I'm lying, breaking.
I want you to see I'm okay, even if I'm not.
That way things'll be better, even if they're not.
Convince myself over and over, even if I don't believe it.
Tell myself everything will work out fine, even if I don't believe it.
I'm fine, no I'm not
I'm happy, no I'm not
I'm grateful, no I'm not
I don't accept this, yes you do
I hate you for this, no you don't
I don't blame myself, yes you do
you're out in the world
living life how life should be,
a holy matrimony between happiness and
the desire to see another sunrise
you look like the sunrise
you feel like the sun glowing on skin on a cool afternoon
you sound like the happiest melody the birds can come up with
you make me feel... warm.
but alas that warmth always fades someday
my body is used to taking the sun's rays and turning them into sheets of ice on my skin, forever wanting me to wreath it a pitiful shiver
you're living in the ways of those who think that golden is eternal
and while you're out there, i'm here
writing shitty poems about how my mind likes to take everything good that happens and destroy it because it thinks i don't deserve it
i hope i don't destroy the sunrise, but the sun always sets right?
In the beginning it was beautiful, Every day so romantic, Thanking God for sending me such an amazing human being. But seasons change and people forget what they proclaimed.
Waiting for your phone call even though it never came. I can't make you love me the way you did before. Your love is confusing yet tantalizing. Like a drug I keep going and screaming your name.
To stay with you is a pattern but for some It's a pattern of disbelief. I don't even blame them because I struggle to plan even the simplest of things. Let alone thinking I'm in love with the commander in chief.
Make up your mind. I want you. I hate you. I don't love you. This is a danger zone. I'm crazy over you but despise everything about you. You're down for the ride but we both are not ready for a lifetime.
Who cares right? Rollercoasters have their highs and lows and still are lots of fun. Love is not set by definition but the way you make me feel. So I guess if I'm happy for a short time It's better than being sad till the end of time.
Its feeling the undying urge in your system
And be unable to do anything
Know nothing about taming
Ignoring the awakening
Disregarding the thrills and the tingling
How do you cling to springtime dreams
If it now feels like delusional thinking
It's the sense of being lost
In the cabins of the found
the scent of uncertainty
in the lodges of the doubters
the aroma of confusion
In the quarters of the sure
How do we grow to like something
And grow later in life to hate it
Eating away at me,
Digging into my flesh,
And grinding down my bones,
It festers inside of me.
Slowly it feeds,
Leaving me feeling absent;
Amongst my own emotions.
Its to deep inside,
For me to cut away at.
Leaving me staring off,
Trying to go to space in my mind,
Because the fog isn't as frighten as the deep,
Left sitting for days,
Waiting for something,
To end this hopelessness that has made home,
In my hollow cage which is my body.
with deep brown eyes and a knife in his hand,
he would bite into my neck.
tasting the desire that floods his mouth,
and he deserves it.
he plants inside me and he
wipes the sweat from my forehead.
he licks the tears i cry (tears flow like wine)
and he wraps his hand around my throat.
treat me like your little girl,
yet tie me up and leave a bruise on my hip (it's shaped like a heart)
he would never break my heart.
he wants to hurt me? he can be first in line.
when he's gone i am so lost;
when he's gone days are hazy.
i cry on the floor,
and when people ask if i'm in love --
i really really really am.
[since this hurts
i'll tell you so you can do this more.
since it hurts
i'll let you know because you like it.]
(as do i, so do i)
(i promise it hurts)
(yeah, it hurts)
Standing in the middle of the terminal
Confused on where to go
I have an empty bag but my heart is full of emotions.
I've been everywhere,
Searching here and there
Looking for something that I don't even know
It's not when, but where will I stop and grow?
I hope one day I end this confusion
And find a place I can call my Home.