When I was 5,
The world seemed like this big place.
I was little, with no clue how to navigate.
But then, by chance I met you.
You, with your dark brown hair,
And eyes that belonged to an old soul.
I found a friend in you.
When your little, you’re still growing into
Your own person.
So there is no differences to separate you.
We were little and innocent.
We became connected.
We blinked and suddenly we were no longer 5.
We were pre-teens in junior high,
With a little less innocence.
Always changing, always growing,
We still found a way to be inseparable.
We were best friends.
I found it easy to talk to you,
2 a.m. phone calls,
Telling you my secrets.
I never hid behind walls with you.
There was never a reason.
So I fell in love with you.
You, with your arms opened wide,
Making me feel safe.
Feeling like for once, I found my forever.
I found real love with you.
People change, and grow.
People want different things,
They drift apart.
And found I wanted more,
Than the life we planned.
I found it easier to push you away,
Then to tell you the things in my life,
That became dark.
I pushed you away,
I rejected what you gave me,
Because I couldn’t trust anyone.
I didn’t think you’d understand.
So I hurt you.
You, with your calming demeanor,
And your happy life.
The way you walked on sunshine.
I couldn’t and wouldn’t darken that.
Now we’re grown,
With children of our own.
We see their innocence,
We want some of ours back.
Because of the pain I put you through,
You locked me out of your life for 12 years.
So, now I’m letting you back in.
Letting you see the person I’ve become,
With the wall I’ve built to protect myself.
Letting you know the truth and see my scars.
Hoping that after all this time,
You can forgive me.
You, whom I hold on a pedestal.
The one friend I still love and respect,
And miss more than anyone else who has left.
You, who can still look at me,
And see something other than the darkness.