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eva-mae 1d
I tug on your arm,
You don’t turn around anymore.
Observation
I put up curtains
So the sun couldn’t seep in
To hide the fact
That my pain was slowly leakin
Bleeding out
Felt like I had nothin to believe in
Opened up
And got kicked in the teeth when
I only had love
But soon jealousy would sneak in
We tried to front
But our hearts were only seekin
Custody of love in its entirety
And not just on the weekends  

And though we had it
It was laced with irony
Because love will slowly morph
Into a monster that tries to swallow me
And it’s not under the bed
Like they say in the movies
This **** lives in my head
And tries to control me
Like a puppet to its master
I feel strings at my throat
Because my emotions are always faster
Than I can cut the ropes

I’m a hopeless romantic too
In this wicked wild game
Which makes it hard for me to part ways with you
Because I feel this overwhelming shame

Because I’m mostly hopeless
When it comes to love affairs
Let the romantic slip my grip
When I feel like you don’t care

All I want is to know you love me
And to always prove I love you too
Because if you’re my reckless decision
I’ll always continue to choose you

Like a drug
You’re my strange addiction
I’m in constant need of you
A prisoner to loves conviction
Too blind to see the truth
That I’m not that wise
I’m infected by my youth
But I have to survive
And what else can I do?
But fight to stay high
And keep acting aloof

Here’s the proof

I once said ignorance is bliss
Until I learned the hardest lesson
That There’s love in every kiss
You can save the vague confessions
And there it is again
It’s slowly creepin in
The jealousy that takes my words
And slides out from my pen

I suppose thats my fatal flaw
Which adds development to the character
So I should be real evolved
Because I’m full of flaws and failure

Yet I try to give my all
In everything I do
But I always hit a wall
Wandering Far into the blue  
Lost Looking at the stars
To tell me what to do

It’s the only place that ever feels  like home
I Can look up at the sky at night
And not feel so alone
So i wonder if the constellations
Can give me a consolidation
On the humiliation,
of my constant reconciliation
With my own temptation
Think I love living in damnation

I’m never patient

Remember I said emotions rule my world
twisting and turning my thoughts
Watch them twirl
Might give em a whirl
While they swirl
Out of my brain
In the form of rambling words
Maniac is the strain
Roll it up and lick the wrap
Spark it up and smoke that


Expand and deflate
My lungs are irate
Might choke up on the sentiment
And start to suffocate
Cause thoughts can be killers
They’ll cut the brakes too
When your mind is going 100
And there’s nothing you can do
Heading straight into traffic
Your heart will start to race
And you quickly start to panic
Now it’s terror on your face

Hear the glass around you shatter
Feel it digging deep within
Now the thoughts that never mattered
Are carved into your skin

Tear drops turn to Whiskey
They fall so fast these days
Please tell me that you miss me
To help and ease the pain
Lance Sep 8
I was never the jealous one
But actions  proved me wrong
When I placed passion into it
Another can master without effort

When I put heart into it
Another can make it perfect.
It was daunting
at the same time humiliating

I was happy for them at first
Then slowly Happiness made it better
It festered, matured
Like a tumor slowly killing

I felt hatred, Sadness and disappointment
For the things I could never perfect
yet another can master.
I was down, drowning and dissatisfied with myself.

I was never the Jealous one
But actions proved me wrong
Approval for the other
and utter disappointment in me..
I wasn't the grade A student in my family. But having sisters who were proved to be a challenge. Especially when they excelled in everything.. I grew jealous, but never spiteful of them for they were always praised for things I once did but they made better. I only wanted approval and the sense of pride.. But was never given any..
Kai Sep 6
Eyes beaming to boisterous belly laughs of old friends-
pursuing painted sunsets and cold winds.
Made me feel like a man, from your alcohol and wine.
She said, “where were you when I wasn’t fine?”

Deluded her with my plausible lies, truth be told-
You were forgotten, but I’m not your foe.
Is he a better charmer whose eyes light up your den?
Lost a good friend, cause’ I left for some men.
Oh, how foolish I was, I cried more than I could chew.
Truth is I am not a man without you.
I hope your best friend is better than what I could have become.
Jealous of a person that I don't even know
Angry with the person that let me go
I hardly recognize who I am anymore
Never have I harbored this much bitterness before

Walk me through the differences between me and her
Like walking the whole distance California to Virginia
A task so vast it seems insurmountable
Tell me what it means to you to promise things in double

Do you take her to the same places you and I would go
The thought of her tainting our lookout is enough to make me burn
Take her hammocking in our tree in the park close to school
At galaxie view remember when it was my body lying next to you

West Beach, Thousand Steps, Newport 56
Huntington, Laguna, San Diego for a switch
There is nothing new you possibly could do
Drive the whole coast searching, but you and I did that too

I hope I drive her crazy
I honestly hope she hates me
I hope I cause you lots of problems because your dreams still portray me
Realizing on the daily how you mistakenly betrayed me

I hope when you're with her you feel haunted with regret
I hope the thrill falls flat and conversation lies dead
And you walk away painfully aware
Of the fact that what we had was rare

Not every girl can take the late night thoughts you gave me
If you write her paragraphs past midnight
Then you're downright ******* crazy
Playing house with every person who is duped into the role play

If anyone asks, jealousy made me
08.31.2020
E Aug 22
I am happy
I am sad
I am jealous
I am mad

Smiling
Frowning
Glaring
Drowning
i wouldn't say i'm the jealous type
i would say i'm a writer
no one's muse
admiring from afar
hugging walls like close friends
more familiar with the architecture
of disappointing myself
than laughing with others

i wouldn't say i'm the jealous type
i would say i'm a work in progress
withheld on a canvas
half-finished strokes
vibrant in places that matter
dull smudges in spaces
unsure where to go next
traffic jams in my cerebral
creator and destroyer

i wouldn't say i'm the jealous type
i would say i'm an artist
expressing myself in ways
that others can't quite comprehend
but speak volumes of my soul
through more than
[words]
phrases things pronouns
breathing is painful
without creating
[controlling]
emotion
becoming vulnerable
in a comfort zone
people don't understand
[me]
stepping outside of my art
is painful and draining

i wouldn't say i'm the jealous type
i would say i'm ******* tired
Just go head
Be my guess
Keeps manipulated
Me.
Jealous people
Don’t pay my rent
My electric
My phone
And put food on my table.
I got no time for people
Who’s trying to
manipulated Me.
I’m not the one
Who’s struggling
I’m able paying all
My bills
In one day.
I don’t care
Alex Scaife Jul 24
I - Mediocrity

I'd give my flesh just for one ounce
Of your genius. In my mediocrity
I turned the extraordinary
Into the ordinary.
You made a symphony from lost
Moments, only you knew their worth!

Ashamed, I scorned you. Forgive me
For we are both lonely orphans

II - Time

I sit waiting.
Each day,
Just waiting. Still,
Waiting.
For anything.
A sign
Of gods' favour
Perhaps.
Always a fool.
A fool,
Always.

III - Fading Footnote

All I am becomes faint.
You just take, consume all.
A greedy little child
Worth more than my being.

A desperate orphan,
I want love and it shows.
I am discarded for
My needy requests. Shame.

You need no love and
Are loved for it. Cruel God!

IV - Haiku for  Atonement

Two souls have diverged
Jealous, I scorned your beauty
Tired, I scorn no more
A poem about jealousy and some other things. Being long I imagine I probably spelt something wrong
Z Jul 24
I'm tired.
I'm sad.
I'm disappointed.
I feel like a fool.
I'll keep on trying.
I'm jealous.
I'm breaking in silence.
I'll be waiting.
Even though my heart aches,
It's okay.
I still love you.
I always have.
I always will.
I hope you still love me too.
words i can't tell her series
part 9
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