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topacio 2d
your love was actually
just attention disguised.
& my reciprocation
was just the need
to feel admired.

your compassion
was just
little gifts of generosity
with an agenda,
and my acceptance
was just
a mere hope of
your possible change.
You follow as i swallow you leave my heart a howling hollow.
Eniola 3d
The overflowing sadness,
that courses through thy vein.
Thy heavy mask,
that thou places upon thy face,
for thous never-ending show.
But thou always ask is it worth it?
for is it really worth it?.
this always is the million-dollar question.
sankavi 4d
six months
i've spent 6 months hoping you'd love me at least have as much as I love you

six months
hoping one day you'd call me to say you've loved me all along and it just took you a while to realize I'm the one for you

six months
drowning in a cold lifeless ocean with you thinking of someone else on the warm sandy shore

six months
thinking about you every single day

six months
spent hating you yet loving you so **** much

six months
that I would never wanna take back for anything else, because I know it's gonna be worth it in the end
since you don't know me
here's something to help

I leave wood splinters in my hands
so I can brag about not crying
when I clench my first

manly, yes I know
because you told me

the scales slithering
through my spinal cord
tell me many things

like when you
bit my long hair
and said it was gay

I spent years dislodging your teeth
but I think I learned my lesson

build cradles from rusted nails
sew them to your skin
so you never have to leave

I forgot the next lesson though
and was caught swallowing pencil shavings

sneers rattle from the tail in my ribcage
hissing that I'm too skinny to be a boy
the jokes hard to get at first
so I l graffitied the punchline on my mirror

my heartchambers gasping for breath
is the sound they make from
draining blood for gun powder

a strong proverb really
I'm glad I learned how
to blow up ghost sailing to my head

now my shadow walks to the store for me
because
I'm still learning how to crawl on my belly
dailythoughts May 18
.
Sitting still with moving thoughts
Pretending nothing can break me more
You come and go like the wind
Leave me wondering if I should feel warm or cold

Suffering for sanity
Only smiles on my face
Guts are sickened of my imagery frame
Praying for a better God’s plan

Every once awhile I win the battle
Of sanity and peace within
There you come again with twisted turns
Blurring my worth with your twisted says
I will still welcome you back with everything I've got in me
One day, a hand stretched out to me
Like the naive fool I was, I took it
I knew full well that it would hurt
That it was some joke or prank
Just so they can watch me bleed again
Yet I desperately wanted the hope

After that day, he was always there
Studying with me in the classroom
Sitting with me at the lunch table
Playing soccer with me during recess
I was waiting for the sting of a needle
Yet each day went on with no sting

There were changes from that point
I wasn't alone when they attacked
He defended me from them
Or he bleed on the ground with me
He didn't have to do any of this
He was accepted and loved by them

They always made fun of him now
That he was wasting his time with me
The things they said had to hurt
Yet he stood there courageously
Telling them the same thing each time
That he saw a Hero inside of me

My Hero helped me with many things
He showed me how to study better
How to kick the ball properly
A whole world of ideals to pursue
My Hero helped me find who I am
Yet he wanted me to believe in people

We both wanted to prove our worth
Too many told us we were worthless
He had manifested a fruit tree in him
Fruits that would show them the truth
I had manifested a fire instead
One that wanted to make them burn

I think about that day we met still
It's been 14 years since I knew him
I'm struggling as a Junior in college
I'm trying to do what I love to do
I'm working to show them my worth
Yet I still haven't found the truth

There haven't been any hands now
I fought my way here on my own
Yet they still call me worthless
My family, classmates, co-workers...
Not a one wants me around
What am I even fighting for again?

I look back towards that last day
Where I had that fight with him
My Hero acted strangely that day
And for the first time he snapped
And that was when I felt it sting
The needle going through my knee

My fire grew far too large for him
He stood there and watched
As his Hero's fire consumed him
I realize that I never let that tree grow
I guess he was wrong about me
Wrong about that Hero he saw in me
I've heard it all before. Worthless.
I tried to run from it. Worthless.
Then I found new strength. Worthless.
I stood and faced it down. Worthless.
I moved on now. Worthless.
Yet here I am again. Worthless.
I'm standing here alone. Worthless.
The voices had stopped.
I was finally happy.
I was getting sleep.
I made friends. WORTHLESS.
Why is it here again? WORTHLESS.
I was better. WORTHLESS.
Why is this happening? WORTHLESS.
Is that you mom? WORTHLESS.
Father, you too? WORTHLESS.
Why is his voice here? WORTHLESS.
Why? WORTHLESS
Why why why why?! WORTHLESS.
I did my best! WORTHLESS.
The echoes are right. WORTHLESS.
I'm worthless.
dark-buddy May 12
To the one I was waiting for, I’ve had my fill. 💋
I know that I’m worth something. I may not know what that is yet, but I’m slowly learning.
To the one who made me slow down, I’m truly so thankful you were blinded.
May have stayed and lost myself, trapped away inside it.
To the one who wouldn’t stop, and I made the mistake of going back.
I don’t miss you, at all.
To the one I took care of, I miss you, a lot.
You’ve grown though, beyond me, and I’m so proud.
To the one who opened my eye,
I know someday you’ll be in my shoes, with someone looking up at you, and you’ll feel the same sting. You’ll feel the same pain. I’m sorry in advance, it ******* hurts.
To the one who doesn’t know, who hasn’t shown up to the party yet.
I don’t want you as much as I thought. I absolutely love the chase, certainly love to feel important and I’ve never stopped wanting to want, this just isn’t for us.
To everyone else who may show up along the way, be warned.
I’m quite content even though- somedays it rains, and somedays it pours.
leah May 8
I’ve spent so long being my own woman,
I don’t know how to share myself anymore.

- Leah
People are so scared to be alone. But what about all of us that are so content being alone we don’t know how not to be?
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