In the mirror through tears, i notice that i am dressed in the scars of every deep wound I played off like a paper cut, and the phone in my pocket weighs a thousand pounds from your text messages.
I want to skip the ******* thing in a river.
Oil and water but just as much as I know we won’t ever mix, you convince me it’s all part of the recipe.
I have shrank down, cut pieces of myself like a cake and served everyone at every table a slice every time.
Stuffed my baggage in the closet and let you move yours in instead.
Cried like an anxious dog who’s owner wasn’t around.
And we called this pain love, for 20 years.
I slipped into the role, thanks to my parents.
Mentally ill and emotionally unaware,
It’s so easy to choose what’s easy and so hard to notice your love has gone rotten.
I changed my perspective and every smooth word started to sting.
I was kind as you were building up pieces of me to fuel your own fire.
I understood until I couldn’t anymore, but you never would.
Change your perspective with me, climb the mountain and realize the hike’s easier on the way down, i would’ve carried you all the way up if you asked me. But we sat for 20 years and heard everybody on the way back down talk about the view.
I chose to sit with you instead. And when I finally took that first step up, I should’ve known it meant leaving you behind me.
I am my own destiny. I am the bullet in the chamber and the consequences of the trigger pull. I am my own mind, I tended the garden of fear and worry and constant replay of mistakes and regret. I am more than who I think I should be for anyone else.
good luck with all the **** you’ve got going on. disrespectfully yours, your ex “best friend”
About a former connection I’m healing from.
