friends
will be quick to show you
just how much they don't care
when you need a hand on your shoulder
or someone to have your back
just watch how they quickly disappear
like a mirage in the desert heat
it's an illusion
they're cardboard cutouts
the truth is
they were never really there in the first place
so you can't blame them for being
fake

Blackbirds backwards
and your solid foil to my boiling yawn
is remembered

I’ll always love you my dude

even though it’s mostly memory now
we travelled odd eighties early nineties
hinterlands
full of clear stupidities and hidden
immutable truths

but I’ll always hold
ridiculous dry heated cricket pitches,
run dark *** and loose joints
as what drove us

“What should we do today?”
“I dunno”

I'll never forget when
we were so young,
you lived next door
& we did everything together.

I'll never forget
that time I came over for your
birthday party
& we accidentally locked ourselves in the bathroom,
crying & screaming on the floor
because the handle broke off
and we thought we would never be found.

I'll never forget
when we were sent outside
of the classroom because we talked
to each other too much.
We sat on the side walk
in silence.

Staring at a crushed, sticky candy apple
glowing bright artificial red in the beaming sun on the pavement
leftover from last night's
school carnival.

I'll never forget
how we could play outside
A L L   day long
until the sun went to sleep
and we smelled of freshly cut grass
with wild flowers behind our ears.

The way we would
swing so high until the tips of our toes
would touch the leaves at the top of
the trees above.

And we'd laugh nervously
when we swung back down
as our stomachs would release
a kaleidoscope of butterflies.

I still remember...

And I still smile...

From times when I used to see you
walk past me in corridors,
to all the adventures with you aboard.
From the fun, we had in the hallways,
to the shenanigans in the dorms.
2nd bench shallow dreaming,
To the ice cream breaks under the Sun with you.
From the ****** wardens to cigarette butts,
we went through all, me and you.

I still want to jam to those old classics with you,
Hoping to see you again in your blue night suit,
remembering our handprints on your wall.
All those fights, all those tears accord,
the period of my life I will always adore.
Blessed to have found the greatest friend in you,
Don’t forget our celebrations are due.
And yes, I LOVE YOU TOO.

hey i heard you are doing better
im glad
for you

im not doing better
it's worse


im tired of drawing lines on my arm
running out of time all along

they told me it'd be ok
well what if everyone was wrong

?

do you still need me

you sent me a post
"send this to the person that saved your life, even if they didn't know it"

im glad you're better
im glad i could help

but dear god i'm still falling apart