My parents were so proud of me
the day I left
Said my addiction
'We'll let them down soon!'
As it rubbed its hands in delight
I kept my good word,
and got straight back to using,
like I'd never left.
Like picking up regular shifts
at a job I hated.
I've actually never stopped using,
Not for seven years.
Sure I kicked the drug habit,
But boy I learned to love drinking.
Guess what happened next?
Like in any story, I met a girl.
And like any addict, I got back to using.
Only this time it was different.
I began to use her,
Her attention (or lack of it)
Her smiles (or her tears)
Her hugs (or her avoidance)
Every single crumb, drop and vapour of hers' would get me high.
She knew I was obsessed,
I spent lavish amounts on her,
For she was a commodity in high demand,
But I had to go and do something really insane to show how much I was addicted,
And finally she cast me out.
It was always me who stopped using,
Now the drug was the one who was breaking my addiction,
Still I'm struggling to get clean.
I've even gone back to using drugs that got me here in the first place.
I'm always going to be an addict,
It just depends on how many times I want to use before I decide to go into recovery.
This time is going to be the last.
Thank you for getting rid of me, I was never going to get clean on my own.