It's where I'm meant to be,
But you're standing in my way.
You're not a harmful subject,
Yet you're not asking me to stay.

It's where I'm meant to be,
My heart said it's the only way.
You're standing before me,
Turning my mind into your clay.

It's where I'm meant to be,
I thought my final signs were screaming.
At me, of course, who else?
You're standing there listening and watching.

It's where I'm meant to be,
I thought God finally heard my call.
My call to Him was not for you, but for a path,
The one you're still standing in strong and tall.

It's where I'm meant to be,
For how much more must I pray?
You're still my growing obstacle,
Hey Ganesh, lost options for games to play?

It's where I'm meant to be,
I call the place my mother, my home.
You're there standing like a sacred idol,
Hey Ganesh, please make your message to me, more known.

Will I be the one
You can see with your eyes closed?
Or will I be the one
You can't see even with your eyes open?

Will I be the one
You will hold in your arms?
Or will I be the one
You will hold in your heart?

Will I be the one
You speak all the truth with?
Or will I be the one
To hear all truth disguised as lies?

Will I be the one
You will choose to share a bench with?
Or will I be the one
You will choose to share a home with?

Will I be the one
You will still write to
When your heart is heavy
When your mind is weak
When your stomach is growling
When your eyes are aching?

Or will I be the one
You will think of writing to
When your heart is occupied
When your mind is strong
When your stomach is stretched with delicacies
When your eyes are freshened as ever?

Will I be the one for you?

Good morning world
Open your eyes with a smile
Give your ears to the melodies of your heart

Listen to your heartbeat
It carries the rhythm of your soul
Feel your pulse and set your spirit free

Good morning world
Open your eyes with a smile
Wake up and hear the sound of love

The air is filled with music
Pause just a moment to breathe it
As you take it in you’ll hear the sound of love

Good morning world
Open your eyes with a smile
Give your ears to the melodies of your heart

Good morning world
Open your eyes with a smile
Wake up and hear the sound of love

Tu mera dil (you are my heart),
Tu meri jaan (you are my life),
Jaan-e-jaan (the life of life)…

Here I am, awaiting rain
Awaiting a band of colours
To shimmer upon these eyes in pain
To clink into these ears disdained
To delight this mind of fears, memoirs and shame

There you are, it is you
You embody all the colours
Within the rainbow of my imagination
Within the verses of this ovation
Within the message carried in my creation

The power of doubt
Corners me, I wander about
I look at the sky for answers
When the sky’s dropped you down to sing them out

Emcompassing sheer valour
Giftwrapped by your voice so tantric
I’ve come to terms;
There is only one colour –
– The colour of music.

You can have me
Have me now, pay later.
Or pay now, have me later.

You can want me
Want me now, regret later.
Or regret now, want me later.

You can see me
See me now, touch me later.
Or touch me now, feel me later.

You can take me
Take me now, I’m yours forever.
Or I’m yours forever, to take me whenever.

I ask you to do one thing
Pump blood around the body
The rhythm is key
For I live on the fitting melody

Fight if you must,
The pain is just the crust
Throughout all that is unjust
Success is at stake, as is my trust

But you betray me, while I fight
Deceive what feeds you day and night

How do you go on?
What gives you strength?
The way you work astounds me
I thought I was the labyrinth

To bind another with a spell
Do I fuel your power?
Or is it all just me myself and I
Ignorantly undercover?

If only one of us could live
Without sharing the shadows of the other
Then again, what is life all about
If we don’t cross the finish line together?

The book was opened years ago
The story was always a blur
The author’s still unidentified
The plot holds a gift, not a curse

When you’re feeling lonely,
Take a walk and think of me.
Breathe in all that is pretty
As though you’ve little to carry.

My dear, hold your chin up
The sky’s clear at last
The stars are your audience
You’re the hero, the leading cast

You’re never alone
I’ve left the crew behind
The story must go on
You’re the hero till the end

Walking by those trees
Past those walls
Over those roads
Across those fences
Just like we were floatin’

Summer breeze kissing us
Through our hair
On our skin
On our illusive faces
Just like we were imaginin’

All was captured in the walk
We were there through every blink
“Lonely” could never be you
Even after this story ends

You’re never alone
I’ve left the crew behind
The story must go on coz
You’re the hero till the end

Look into my eyes
They widen and glisten
I can show you the elders’ cries
Through sight, you must listen

Take my hand and walk
Soles silently cringe
Walk on but no talk
What you see is a matrix fringe

Curl your fingers together
Feel the icing on the tangible
Clear your throat, it’s fever
Of frill and lust, the dispensable

Can you see?
Can you hear?
Can you feel?
Speak with yourself –
It is no super than I.

The whispers from the moon
From rabbit’s supper to a drone
Akin to a butterfly from a cocoon
Echoes the sound of ‘Om’

Take a seat, float, know tranquil
Look behind, in front, anywhere
The silence is what remains still
Though entities exist everywhere

Can you see?
Can you hear?
Can you feel?
Speak with yourself –
It is no super than I.

I feel lonely
I lie to myself that I am not

I want love
I lie to myself that I cannot

I need consideration
I lie to myself I can manage without

I am alone
I lie to myself that I won’t always be

I have hope
I lie to myself I always will

I refuse to try again
I lie to myself with visions of success

I will be lying to myself
Until my lies turn into the truth.

While the world slept,
My father stayed awake.
With all his might left,
He stayed just for my sake.

He sang to me,
Patted me to sleep.
I could feel his eyes on me
Watching me breathe.

I remember being in his arms,
On his lap as a baby
Holding him tight with my charms,
He’d say I was his little lady.

I grew up, I grew tall and I grew
Stronger, weaker, colder, warmer
There my father stood as he knew
I’m a handful, but I’ll always remain his loving daughter.

I want to be your guitar
Run your fingers over my fret board
Pluck my strings and give me my melodious avatar
Sing to me and play that major chord

I’m feeling your song through and through
You don’t need a plectrum, you’re a born original
Work your rhythm baby, let’s get on the groove
Your fingers are enough to create our music wholly attritional

I will reward you myself for how you release my tension
I will resonate our love song through longevity
You’re a prodigal performer, I can feel you in tune with locomotion
We will move from verse to chorus under no shadow of ambiguity

I want to be your guitar
Let my moans reverberate off your walls
A finer touch for our creativity – a sitar
Let’s Indioul our way through these musical waterfalls

Those birds that sit on the grid wires
It’s how they like to start their day
Waiting snugly for the sun to rise
Are they owls? I cannot say.

The sun is rising, warm and calm
An orange hue, only of the rising kind
The rays touch my skin like a soothing balm
Extracting layers of pain from my mind.

Yesterday was a new day
It somehow turned its back on me
Today is another new day
A new chance for my mind to be free.

I know there’s a different world.
I am on the counter-realm.
I am not meant to be here –
– I belong in the other realm.

My realm, my light,
My colours, my night..
My moon, my tide,
My heart, my mind…

I would unfold my arms
I would reach out to the sky
I could touch the pink clouds,
And the blue, purple, even the shimmering white

The stars quadrupled just for my eyes
The night sky holding no darkness
A dream on its own, above me
The moon so close, igniting my senses

The water never too deep,
Never lacking this fantasy shade;
While I think the dream is up above,
I look at the water – perfection of balance God made

This fantasy one man created
Turned into my much longed-for reality
In search I journeyed for eleven years
Today, realizing – Freedom to dream is my destiny.

For the one
Who makes me melt,
Makes me feel warm,
And always makes me smile…

I kiss you with moist lips
They stick to yours
Like poetry on a melody, perfect fit
My heart opens up like unlocked doors

My thoughts float about
Worries all out of reach
No space for fears and doubt
As our spirits surrender to a kiss each

My shoulders feel sedated
My arms feel light
My winged feet have me levitated
As we share this one kiss tonight

Me holding you, you holding me
A grip so assuring you’ll never let go
Not a tornado or storm at sea
Could stand in the way of our love flow

When I say you changed my life,
What do you understand from it?
Do you think I’ve changed,
You’re a hero or –
– Thanks to you, I’m now a somebody?

When I say I think about you everyday,
How do you see that?
Do you see me gazing at the sky,
You’re my hero or –
Without you, my thoughts are meaningless?

When I say, “Baby, I need you.”,
Where do you see me going with it?
Do you hear my cries for help or –
Am I just too dependent on you?

When I say “Baby, I love you.”,
Why can you just not believe me?
Do you feel my actions don’t speak loud enough or –
I just don’t love you?

You appeared
And made my fears turn into play
Nail mittens and a funny smell
You’re God’s giveaway

I didn’t know you could melt me so easily
I was stone until I held you squeamishly

You’re so shapeless
But I love you already
Your heart’s beating so fast
Faster than mine buddy
You’re just moving
I’m moving along with you
You’re just perfect
An awaited gift, that’s you

That’s you, that’s you, it’s all you, all you…

I want to sleep right next to you
I want to put my arms around you
I’m so tired, I want to close my eyes with you
Close yours first, I want you to know you’re safe 'coz I’m with you

You’ve only been here a short while
If I close my eyes before you shine a sleepy smile
I will miss it, and won’t know what’s next by your style…

I want to learn from you,
I want to sing to you,
Oh, I didn’t know you could melt me so easily
I was stone until I held you squeamishly

You’re so shapeless
But I love you already
Your heart’s beating so fast
Faster than mine buddy
You’re just moving
I’m moving along with you
You’re just perfect
An awaited gift, that’s you

That’s you, that’s you, it’s all you, all you…

A moment of silence
Will not change history
Will not bring back the dead
Will not replace tragedy with victory

A moment of silence
Will not reverse events
Will not restore security
Will not resend tears

A moment of silence
Is only to remember
What life was like before
We lost our patience
We gave up our hopes
We lost trust in our faith
And decided –
Segregation is the way to world peace
Separation is the way to independence
Solitude is the way to heal

I stand before my mirror today
Drawing on my eye line with a black pencil
Adding weight to the lashes that protect my eyes
Shading my lips to a hue that is not my own
Knowing, that my true colors beneath all application
Will be judged against my character
Will be imposed with expectations against my vision
Will be depended on with no gratitude
Will be compared to stereotypes of ideals

I would like to take a moment of silence
Today and everyday
To accept who I am
To recognize what I once was
To let myself grow

This moment of silence will guide me
Today and everyday
To dream with my eyes wide open
To realize who I need to become
To find the hero within me

I am taking this moment of silence
To create history, instead of become
To live before I die
To reform my failures into victories

I am taking this moment of silence
To live this day with many new beginnings
To trust myself to recreate security
To replace tears with courage

This moment of silence
Could take my breath away
But I will stand still
For our saviors would do the same

I face challenging situations,
I know it tests my character;
Its a part of personality development,
Previous experiences could’ve been sinister;

I’m Ambika Jois,
My soul is named thus whilst I reside in this body;
My purpose is transmitted through my voice,
Carrying peace, hope and love to everybody;

I’ve looked fear in the eye,
I’ve listened to doubt through these ears;
I’ve spoken lies with this tongue and –
I’ve touched what harms just as what heals;

These mistakes are just my teachers,
Guiding me through my learning curve ;
Day by day they’ve turned into healers,
And I’ve gone from giving my heart away to opening it to serve;

I’ve made decisions,
I’ve made difficult ones;
Some were totally right,
others were quite wrong;

They affected me greatly,
Yet today if I fall I am fit for survival;
'Coz my words may have held negative definitions,
But I, the soul, have got nothing to do with it – no denial;

I am a soul,
My qualities are love and peace;
My body is just an instrument,
This is what I believe;

I’m positive, if you see me so;
I’m negative, if you see me so;
I am beyond what can be seen,
I am beyond what I have ever before been.

I am Ambika Jois
I’m a soul chosen to play with zeal;
Without this essence of mine,
Non-existent will my connectivity be.

Fragility is the membrane
As peace is the crux
Our constant search for the latter
Devotes our journey through flux

Keys do not build
Doors, signs or the floor
Keys only open doors
That we build to hide much more

Within these doors hold grounds
For scents and aromas beyond mankind
It merely is a part of our universe;
Finding resemblances is a game of our mind

Locking doors to banish our demons
From flowing, entering and ruling
Reminds us that we must unlock frequently
To invite our guardians patrolling

Without a crack or two
What light are we letting in?
The descent may be filled with darkness
But we are our torch, shining from deep within

All these days
I thought I was fated
Challenged against my will
To gain the trust of strangers
Strangers who turn into friends
Friends who turn into lovers
Lovers who turn heartbroken

I don’t bow my head to their feet
I bow down way beneath
To offer this trust
In desperation to be trusted
With the impression that trust happens on the outside.

While I feed my soul to the world outside
While I feed myself an understanding
That strangers turn into friends,
I am blinded away from my world on the inside.
Those I always know are my own
Become more transparent than invisibility
Those I take for granted as my own,
Become the strangest of strangers.

While I chisel and chisel away
I shape strangers into friends
Friends into lovers
Until I carve a bit too deep into the stone
Realizing a little too late its fragility
Lovers turn broken hearted
And I fall

And there they appear all over again
My very own strangers
They reappear
With love
They disappear again
With strangeness
Yet only they appear again
And again

Godsend, these strangers are
They let me walk away from them
They let me befriend
They let me love
They let me hurt and get hurt
They let me fall
They watch me fall

Yet they appear,
Only to pick me up again
To hold me with grip
To be my crutch, my wheel and my horn
To be the strangers I first opened my eyes to
To be the strangers who showed me friendship
To be the strangers who taught me love
To be the strangers whose hearts are too strong to break
To be the strangers I call,
My family.

I don’t want you to go fishing
For salmon, when you can get ray;
If you’re fast enough, you can shoot –
– A hook around a horse’s tail.

If you’re patient,
You could weave through the jelly’s glow,
Glimmering softness through each filament,
Calming your senses from morbid to mellow.

I don’t want you to go fishing
For make-believe, when you know it stings;
If you’re strong enough, hold on –
– Gills and fins are just as brave as wings.

If you’re yearning for more and more,
Boundaries are all you’ll see;
If you’re ready to stop waiting,
Why are you telling me?

You can’t see the air around us;
It doesn’t mean you’re not breathing it.
I could lie on hot coal to show you;
If you want my wings instead, nothing else will fit.
Every note, every vibration,
Bears the fruit of your powerful mind.

If you truly wanted love and peace,
You’d be devotedly singing it out to mankind.
Honesty can be sweet, it can be brutal.
There’s nothing like facing your fear,
Afraid to discover the truth,
When like a fool, you treat trash talk so dear.

That tiny ray of light shining through,
Is for us, me and you to be reassured,
There is no pleasure, no gain, no good,
In the absence of what has to be endured.

What am I
Without my baggage?
Do I have what it takes
To be somebody with courage?

What am I
Without those who cling on?
Do I have it in me
To fly light, being anything but a pawn?

What am I
Without my limits?
Do I have the strength
To fathom my journey through all climates?

What am I
If I’m perfect?
Do I have the power
To change the world that lives to contradict?

What am I
If I’m but a spirit from my own past?
Do I have a future
So I can make this present forever last?

I perceived you only as I could
I saw you for what you were
You were an innocent being, of all
You never saw coming what caused the stirs

Your purity won my heart
Among all senses, there was my seventh
That awakened me every night and day –
My rationale, my core’s filament.

I have always been myself
I’ve carried myself with care
Once I am told that I do not belong
My heart, mind and spirit are all stone and bare.

I have seen and faced many heavens
With my hands, fingers, lips and conscience
I have been all that there is to be
From devoutly hopeful to hopelessly incontinent.

In your name, I have set myself free numerously
My zeal faded each time, as my fetters clinked
I know I became your entire world, but did you at all know –
You were my cage, within which I fluttered incessantly to fly out and sing?

I stand here
Awaiting your touch
Free me forever
From my crutch
Take me away
I’ll join you in your freedom
From days so achromatic
Preserved in an arboretum.

I bear water in service
Like a tree bears its bark
I stand by hope
Until my faith makes the mark
I search for answers
The more I know, the less I know
Everything is a mystery to me
But the water that guides me.

As I took a fresh breath,
I realized for how long I’d been holding.
I understood I’d gone into stealth,
Immersed in the depth of thinking,
Influenced by emotion, memories;
A glimpse of the future possibilities.

My chest had tensed and tightened.
I felt some kind of unusual pain.
My senses had intensely heightened,
By the idea of losing all I’d gained.
My stomach had been churning,
Digesting how I’d been hallucinating.

I’d heard that we as humans,
Never stop wanting.
How distinctively we stand in unison,
From other creatures wandering!
The reality we know of and imagine,
Shows how wild our minds run during famine.

As I test my tolerance of turmoil,
I also test my strength in giving;
In being so far from my mother’s soil,
Knowing what fuels my living and loving,
Will connect all the roads I now roam,
To just the one that leads me straight home.