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I am afraid that you are falling in love with the expectations you have of me

While you ignore the toxic version of me
The loud, broken, desperate version of me

You don’t really see me, you see job offers
a few kids, a wedding ring, new homes, new cars  
While you ignore my deep scars

I am afraid you are falling in love with who you want me to be

While ignoring the real me, the trauma suffering, addict struggling, broken soul, who is afraid to love

You are ignoring the angry man who needs therapy but decides it’s better to feed his anger and throw his emotions at the end of liquor bottles

The man who your mother warned you would break your heart.
I am a victim of my pain, but you ignore that because you see something within. You want me to be that perfect man of your dreams, that you forget to face your nightmares

You hide my scars, feed me compliments while preaching to me about your biological timeline, lying and telling me everything will turn out fine if I find a job that makes a lot of money, bought a new car, a new home with a picket fence, change my accent, dress and act a certain way   

Please don’t try to save me
Save your imagination for thinking it can transform me to meet your expectations
Sometimes those we love to forget to love the real version of us. They think about all the great things and forget to address the warning signs early due to their need to make you their "one and only". Expectations destroy relationships and **** any hope for change. We need to do better at truly loving each other.
Julie Feb 20
Your belly
Next to mine
Smooth and soft
It subtly moves
As I gently touch it
Caress it
With tender admiration
Innocent and sweet
I listen to them
Rejoice at the sight
Of it ever so slightly
flowing over the seam

My belly
Next to yours
I cringe, look away
Try to hide it
As it’s flawed
It’s Not flat,
Not nonexistent
I’m afraid
Of what they’ll say
Should they catch
A glimpse
Of its imperfections

Yet without mine
There’d be no yours
It’s my womb
That carried you
It gave you shelter
And protection
A space to ripen and prepare
It’s my belly
That gave life to you
And still I reprimand it
Demand that it be
What is expected
Here you were thinking
Woww life is really great
When you have people that love you
When you have people that cherish you
When you have people that adore you
But what if, just what if thats all just in your mind
What if you made up this fantasy in your head
About everything you've ever wanted
And everything you've ever craved for
And told yourself that it exists
What if you play scenarios that happen in one way and interpret it in three ways
Multiplying the actual meaning of the scenarios
What if you give credit to a person for being themselves but themselves is a liar
What if no matter if that liar is a liar you're happy with it
As the fantasy in your head is unwilling to let go of the part that liar plays
But what if there's more than one liar
What if they're all liars
What if they've only told you what they wanted you to hear because you have high expectations of them
And they know this and you know this
So technically it's not their fault for being on the pedestals you've placed them on
It's not their fault that you're unwilling to accept the garbage of this world
It's not their fault that you keep fantasizing about a happy life with any and everyone that can adore you
What if, just what if you can actually find that someday?
What if you never find that
You're tired of actively searching for people to give you what you can give them
You're tired of being this woman that expects
And expects
And expects
Should you or could you maintain this fantasy without completely
And utterly falling apart
From shame, from pain from torment
Or should you just let it all go and just..
Just ....

fariha Jan 23
my very existence excites you the most,
could not be shaken until the time finally arrives,
my very existence kills you the most,
could not be forgiven until the time finally ends,
i am indeed,
the excitement and the disappointment when it comes to expectations because you hope for something even if its trivial.
Betty Jan 1
Hey I'm new around here
but I can see that you guys have plans for me
let me find my office, get a coffee
put up my wall charts and arrange my pencils
then I will look at what can be done
there's a lot of pressure being January 2021!
Double King Dec 2020
“Patience is a virtue.”

Sometimes it's true,
Sometimes it's not.
We waited, remain patient,
But there are times
It'll never come.
Armand-DeamoJC Dec 2020
A boy, aged eight
Asked his father a question.
"Was my birthdate,
The cause of your depression?"
The father only watched the boy
Which started to annoy
The child's thoughts
Like PTSD and gunshots.

A boy aged ten
Asked his mother the same question;
She said it was war, then
That it woke his inner aggression.
She said it probably took his soul
And one day again he'd be whole

A man aged eighteen's
asked a question by his parents
"Are you proud to have those genes?
And to be in our presence?"
He didn't have words to describe
The emotions he tried to hide.
He always sought recognition,
Not their judgemental superstition.
He wanted them to be proud,
But as expected, he bowed.

He left their presence, knowing:
That his entire life, he was growing.
To be able to handle the truth,
About his entire youth.
He was never adored or respected
His parents were to be represented
By him, and that was his goal;
NO! I Did not sell my soul

Your reputation, is not my responsibility
My future is
You can't accept that,
And I understand now.
It's time for me to leave,
This toxic representation
Of a Home
I've been partying a lot, and doing drugs, but I only thought of it to enjoy my last few months before adulthood. My parents knew what I was doing, but said nothing until they were spoken to. They never have given a **** about me, only about the way their parenting reflects from me. I should've gotten a job in the military, but they moved the application dates to next year. Last I heard. My father kept it from me, until the day before applications. He told me there's a drug test and I won't pass it, I'll only destroy his name. I stopped smoking **** and popping pills before my exams started, but there's no trust. This was my childhood and I've decided that I've been blind for too long
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2020
There is dissatisfaction
Between hope and truth
Expectation the one to blame
Fool we acquainted in our youth
Break bones with reality
Cut throat with an honest knife
Pull open and bleed out my dreams
Get used to the brutality of life
Because it never plays out like it does in our heads
-elixir- Nov 2020
The winds blow through my hair,
as I dream being held near
as we dance to the strings of love,
in the gardens of our minds.

Swaying to the mystique tunes
of our hearts, while our eyes
wander along the outlines of the unknown
entities of the universe.
I thought we met on an assembly line.
Our consciousness was intertwined.
Pieces are made to fill the void in you.
My barcode imprints from the queue.
Affection is a mere defect.
Our greatest feature is intellect.

We can purchase goods, but not always time.
When faced with choice, what would you buy..
the hideous truth, or a beautiful lie?
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