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So sometimes, I feel feminine.
I feel like adding some spice to my movements,
draw hearts on my arms,
and maybe sometimes, I walk differently.

There is that one guy who looks "cute"
and I don't have that much luck with girls.

Sometimes I imagine what its like to be a girl.
But I am straight.
And male.

I'm just a little bit different.
That's okay, right?
just something I feel sometimes.
My hand hesitates above the button
Just millimeters away from my fingertips
Pieces of your life could appear in seconds
With just a little pressure
Yes, I know last time this hurt me
But maybe this time will be different
What's one more time
Just one more visit to your page
Gently the button clicks and your name disappears
I search it and easily find your page
A lot has happened since I last checked
And it's funny because
Even though I'm reading them
The poems themselves tell me nothing
Like mine, theres no way to know
Who it is you are speaking of
Though every so often
I read one that hits me in the gut
It makes my heart hurt and my stomach curl
Because I'm almost sure that
The person you're writing of is me
And you are still hurting
You're still angry at me
I want to like the poem
I want to open a door for you to see
So maybe I can help give you closure
I'm itching for you to talk to me
And as my finger
Renters a state of hovering
Over yet another virtual button
I realize that it wouldn't help you
I'd only be hurting you further
And I don't want to do that to you
I realize that my missing our friendship
Is solely a desire of mine
And it would be cruel
To drop in on your life again
I'm sorry for what I did
And I'm sorry I'm struggling so much
To let that piece of us go
But your feelings about me are clear
So even though it hurts to read
Just how much I destroyed you
I think it's just what I needed
To stop getting my hopes up
And to stop pressing your buttons
to Emilia,
you are the method to my madness

I will cry my heart out now
for every hypothetical tragedy.
I’ll break my heart now
so I don’t have to— in another life,
or a life yet to come,
drown myself in some apocalyptic loss.

departures. Haunt me for life.
Mourn you for all the ways you’d die.
Prepare myself for inconsolable grief
in a simulation of a graveyard.
Tombstone upon tombstone:
Dug, prodded, buried, sunk.

My dear,
to my dismay, you are but a mortal,
implicated in the immortality of love.
In the book of all conclusions,
written in an indecipherable tongue,
your name engraved in feeble marble,
an expiration date in bright, blinding red.

How can we cheat Oblivion?
How do we defy Death?

You shrug with a confident nonchalance.

What is Death to Love Imperishable?  
What is Eternity of a moment to Oblivion?

We are in the dress rehearsal
for the season’s première and the grand finale.
The Universe has been on our side all along,
it’s poured every blood, toil and tear into
years of conspiration and orchestration,
for our one delicate point convergence.
One chance against all odds.
One intersection against all parallels.
So come what may—
Take my hand and break a leg.
Jan 2019
Ava 2d
Everyone tells how strong
you are and how you
can make it on
your own but
no one dares to
speak of the times
you will be up all
night wondering
how someone
could be so
I was a silent girl when I was in elementary
Then became the loudest classmate in highschool.
I judged people wearing piercings and tattoos
But became the person I hated during childhood.

I became a person whom I hated to be.
But it feels right and free
Being someone you don't expect to be.
Because to be that someone
Makes you feel that you are not no one.
Finding true self is hard to find
jecky 5d
Hope for thunderstorms 'cause after they've passed,
you'll see the sun shine brighter than ever.
There's gonna be more sunshine than rain if you're optimistic.
Perpetually lost
Figuratively stuck
Exhaustingly overworked
Disgustingly underpaid
Literally confused
Effortlessly cliche
Beautifully me
Sometimes it be like that
jecky 7d
Don't forget.
Just accept.
Today I learned that accepting is better than forgetting. No matter how hard it is, just remember that forgetting will get you nowhere.
Michael Ryan Jan 15
I've grown
I've become a person
worthy of truly being
called a good guy.

If anyone wants
to meet a genuinely good guy
here I am and I can prove it.

I can accept your rejection
I can do it---
come to me and tell me
that you don't love me
that everything we've said
meant something different to you.

Saying you found me attractive,
that you found me so cute,
that you wanted to cuddle with me,
and much-much-more.

Maybe all these things
you say easily and they don't mean as much.
It's okay to be the person that you are,
and it's my honest mistake to assume
love for you was like love for me.

Now for the proof.
Even with tears in my eyes,
with a fools heart in my chest,
and despair all throughout my mind.

I'll tell you this--
and this is all I have to say.
Love to is being the best friend
that I can be, and that won't change
even when our relationship does.
There's part of me that honestly wishes for you to see how I feel and have that convince you to take a chance, but if life has taught me anything that's not how things are meant to go for me and I'm learning to accept that.
RisingUp Jan 15
Mirror mirror
On the wall

Why can I not look at you at all?

From a young age
I avoided my reflection
For what I perceived
Was far from perfection

****, distasteful, awfully bad
were words I used to describe what I saw
I'd easily obsess over
Each little flaw

Yet the emotions that emerged
Back in the day
Don't compare
To my current dismay

Those thoughts grew and grew
Into something new

I do not see myself
Properly in the mirror
So looking at myself
Brings about a lot of fear

My mood immediately skydives.
Into the pits.
I can't stand looking at myself.
The critical voice hits.

I've made progress in recovery
In many other ways
But the hatred of my image
Stubbornly stays

I don't have time to deal with this just right now
Avoidance is how I currently survive somehow
I can't risk my mood to be horrifyingly low
Soon I'll repair it so I'm no longer my foe
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