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Sam 12h
I stared at you,
a cold empty face.
You didn't have much time for me,
and nothing much to say.

You never really touched me,
and if you did you made it hurt.
With spite you said I remind you of him,
I felt to blame, but wasn't sure.

Was it my fault when you left?
Because you never said goodbye.
Yet you took the others with you,
and the soul of a small boy died.

Strangely as I grew older,
you relied on me the most.
I kept trying to earn your love,
to bleed affection from a ghost.

With my early twenties scattered,
I couldn't pinpoint how I felt.
I was broken and alone,
while juggling shards of shattered self.

As time progressed I began to heal,
and put myself in a better place.
I understand too much to hate you,
But I don't have much to say.

I know the pain you went through,
that you were damaged from the start.
A lonely child you were too,
with missing pieces of your heart.

I couldn't bring myself to do to you,
the things you did to me.
To perpetuate that awful cycle,
so forgiveness set me free.

Forgiveness is a habit,
not a singular event.
Sometimes past words and actions
muster up my soul's lament.

But through it all you're still my heart,
and that's not an easy pill to swallow.
But I won't live life filled with resentment,
we're not guaranteed tomorrow.

I remember the night I danced with you,
Such Great Heights, Iron and Wine.
I wanted you to know that I could love you through it all.
I will give more than I was given, dearest mom of mine.
I’ve kindled my body back into the earth. She stretched her arms wide and embraced me tenderly. I have time to tend to my garden again and I’ve seen what it really means to bloom. Vulnerability, once cataclysmic to the garden, became the set of seeds that were worth waiting for. Welcomed by the soil, the sky and the clouds, my flowers and my fruits grow in abundance.
there's nowhere to go but now
so why not fall in love with life?
Sam 3d
We stole away
                    (The air cool, and lively),
                        
           Strolling down a side street at a calm, and quiet pace.

          The ambient noise of several a raised voice echoed
                             faintly through pulses of bass.
                                                           ­                                     
                                                               In that moment,
                             A world removed...

              (Something came over me) With impulse, revelry;  
        
      Grabbing her hand -- "May I have this dance?"--and then  
                              we swam in waves of 'Frenesi'.

                                                     ­  Nervously laughing,
                   you, always self-conscious

                         It was one of things I so loved about you
              
                 I wanted to let you see a life lived carefree,
                              And to bask in adventures anew.

Laughing, twirling
On a moonlit night

Time stood still, as we swayed like waves in the ocean

The world was ours, near those downtown bars as
we painted the sidewalk with motion.

But life moves on
And time moves forward..

Silence replaced laughter, joy with indifference

And with a colossal divide, a crack at a time
her face grew blurred from the distance.

                                                      ­  And then one day
                                A vague silhouette.

          The lover I knew was gone, though once she was close..

        Those fiery chocolate eyes were now veneered with  
                       icy guise..I could no longer cope.

                                                          ­  Old memories,
                          Nostalgic thoughts.

                    It seemed a losing battle, the battle we fought;

               So, raise a toast, I say:  'A la fille que je connaissais,
                                  et puisses-tu trouver la joie.
Malina May 20
it's so tiring,
this back and forth in my brain.

i want to be better.
i want to be content
just as i am.
i want to be able to exhale,
relax
and shut out the voices that tell me otherwise.
but they overpower me.

"my stomach looks good today",
"my legs aren't huge",
"i'm not ugly",
i try to say as my hands tell a different story.
grabbing at fat and skin,
trying to find any imperfection to prove me wrong.
and this is where the confusion starts:
looking in the mirror.

what do i look like?
how should i feel?
am i actually fat?
am i deluded to think i might not be?
i have no idea the answer to any of those questions
and millions just like them scream at me.
every minute.
every day.

if i am fat,
should i be trying to lose weight?
or should i try to accept how i look?

i try to be better,
to cope,
but i don't know which voice is right.
i don't know who to listen to.
and i'm trapped in this in between.

it's ******* exhausting so someone just tell me what to do
I needed to get these thoughts out of my head and onto a page
Allesha Eman May 20
It’s the inimitable nature
Of a hand that is extended in love
To the one who walks with their thoughts  
As if an immeasurable weight rests on their shoulders

it’s the precise curvature of the smile
That an unfamiliar face gives
To the one who’s heart pounds against their chest
After their voice projects into the open
When it's always just a whisper  

It’s the bed of relief that lies on the shoulder
Of a friend that offers it in goodness
To the one who never asks and always  listens

It is the heart of the outcast
That blooms into gardens
When they meet a soul
That takes them under their wing
So they too can fly
Without feeling the fall
June is the soft smile of your best friend as you regale them with your tall tales about how the weekend went, and their sweet giggle as you eat cheap lollies from a shady ice cream van.

June is a spinning ferris wheel at dusk, overlooking a royal blue bay scattered with olive green tents, and your little cab on the wheel that you get into over and over again.

June is the crisp notes that you spend on thin, wispy clothes in high-street stores, and the novelty sunglasses you try on in an opticians and end up buying because they're cool.

June is the flavours of a spice-infused curry, and a large spoonful of rice afterwards to soothe the burn. It is the tall cup of fizzy cherryade that tastes like it did when you were 7, but a bit different.

June is rainbow-spotting with your friends, and being yourself, and maybe for once not feeling so alone in a world that's usually so cold.

June is flying the flag of the weirdos, and jumping up and down to rock music, and flinging open your windows dramatically in time to the soundtrack of a musical. It is 80s music so loud that you can already see the noise complaint, but the complaint never comes.

June is a month of discovery and talking about nothing for hours on end. June is about hope, and a dawn for something different. June is about having a dream, and having the power to make it come true, because no matter who you are, you deserve for your dream to come true.

June is your time, but only if you let it be so. Will you stand? I will be beside you. I love you, and I'm glad you exist.
freedom from the feeling
that I need to be
someone or somewhere
else
FS-30 May 17
Take that risk.
I promise you this,
You will finally live,
And no longer exist.
Ankita Dash May 17
I’m all out of midnight phone calls and wilted rose petals.

I’m all out of throwing out letters out of windows and building cathedrals of sand.

I’m all out of the avalanche of goosebumps your touch caused.


I yearn stillness now.
I yearn indifference.
I yearn to keep my head above the water now.


And so, your eyes are graveyards and I bury all words unsaid.
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