I hate it.
Everything about her is too beautiful.
From the splits at the end of her hair
To the sparks that ignite when they stare.
I can't help it.
Ever time we meet I die inside.
All you can think of is him;
He who is a part of our team.
And yet I try.
I try to accept what is happening.
That you love him and not I.
I promise you my eyes will stay dry.
Now I ask why.
Why not I, who always tried?
Am I not worthy of your love
When I've given you all that I have.
But I want to see you happy.
I'll just hide all my feelings for you
Just promise me you'll be okay
And I'll be on my merry way
if life is a perception
let my eyes be
the illusion
that pitter patters
on your skin
all over your body
into your mind
then soul
opening the door
to your reality
Jay 2d
I woke up to a checkered reality
and the absolutes of abandonment
three-hundred miles from a meal
From the red velvet love I craved

From cream cheese acceptance
and everything bagels with
horseradish guidance, the kind that
Stings in your nostrils and
goes down sour, but resurfaces years
later. With sweetness like ice cream

I woke up to empty pantry lies
The kind to which self authenticity dies
and I fought on, hungrier than I’ve ever been
Skinnier than I’ve ever been
I woke up lying in bed, puking on myself, and lying
to everyone around me
“I’m fine,” I say
and it’s true as long
as the bile stays in my insides

I choked down the bitter pill
Choked on a bitter hand
Bruised myself on a baseball
one I had to throw and catch and
catch and throw
Alone for hours
before I could come inside

I licked my sweat and bile
from my face.
Swallowing my dried tongue,
I ran until I couldn’t breathe
for the father who told me to
for a glass of water
And last night,
I choked down a bitter bottle
to feel something a little sweeter

All the while, I dreamed
strawberry milk dreams of
a future, spinning like blue cotton candy
the blank, white canvas of a life to live
of your lips, stained blue with frosting
and bubblegum, passed from your mouth
to mine.
This is a poem about my journey, I guess. I had a pretty dysfunctional life growing up, and it's about fighting through stuff and coming out the other side. The last stanza is the trans pride colors. Because escaping from my reality and becoming the girl I felt like I was is the thing that gets me through all the other stuff.
I Liked Barbie, I Loved Barbies,
I Was A Little Boy Obsessed.
Barbie & Action Man Kept House,
Lovely Little Nuclear Family & The Teddy Bears Were The Kids.

I Tried To Get Barbie & Action Man To Get Along,
Barbie Was Sad Because Life Was All Wrong,
Action Man Was Mad Because Barbie Wasn't Strong,
The Teddy Bears Cried While Hearing Nighttimes Song.

Action Man Developed Issues With Substance,
Checked Into Rehab At Barbies Insistence,
Action Man Cheated & Formed A New Life With Persistence,
Barbie Took The Kids & There Wasn't Any Resistance.

The Kids Leaked Stuffing In A Crumbling Old Doll House,
Barbie Blamed Herself For Herself For The Actions Of A Mouse.
The Kids Learned To Stop Caring That Rat Man Was Gone,
Barbie Found Hope In Her Heart & Was Strong.
Harry Roberts - Barbie & Action Man © 18/07/18
“You're an asshole”
She says to me on the phone
It looks like she's mad
She’s always so mad.
I went drinking again with my best friends
Instead of having movie night.
I guess I should feel ashamed.

“You're an asshole”
She says to me through text
It’s something I said?
She left me on read.
I think we're fighting again and she pretends
That everything’s alright.
I guess I have to play this game.

I’m an asshole
I know, I’ve heard it all before.
Everything’s my fault.
It’s always my fault.
She takes a look at my flaws and makes it cause
To mold me as she deems.
I’m not animal that she can tame.

She doesn’t seem to
Understand.
I didn’t mean to
Disappoint.
I'll never be who
She wants me to be.
It’s no use.
She can’t accept me,
She’s to blame.
I’m slow when I walk now.
My eyes are getting rheumy.
I get crabby sometimes.
I know it. So sue me.
I only hope, when it’s time
That you remember this song;
That you have the fun I’ve had,
That you should live this long.

Being young wasn’t always
The basket of puppies was it?
Remember the growing pains
And all the things that cause it?
It requires that we persevere
And face things less than fun.
It starts right away in life
Well before the age of one.

Every age has it’s roadblocks
And sometimes its outrages.
Some politely refer to them all
As life in all of its stages.
There’s getting back on the bike
After we tumble and fall.
Rollerskating and sports, too.
We manage to learn from them all.

Age makes treasures of memories
And gold of the brass we once had.
The thing is to celebrate age too.
Applaud this stage and be glad.
Slow down when the old must walk
And have some good words to say.
And then walk behind them and smile
Because they are showing you the way.
1.  Plants are rad as fuck
2.
3.  My professor is awesome
4.  It's okay to love yourself
5.  It's even better to be in love with yourself
Inspiration strikes in the weirdest places
If you don't blunt your mind
A little bit,
You're liable to take a world
That is way beyond your control
Way too seriously.
Shadows plastered on a wall,
One wooden purple cat
Family photos, frames and all,
Our patchwork coloured flat

Softer carpets than before,
The quiet lull of cars
But further in I'm grated, sore,
Uneasy with the stars

Catharsis gurgles out my name
With fangs drenched red with blood
But I don't want to stay the same-
A self-releasing flood

So through the dying light I trace
Beyond the softened keys
A comfort zone in outer space
With blackened melodies

There's nothing here except the art
Of a thousand dying men
My blood pumps fast, I click to start
And spread these wings again

Then, once the song has ended,
I can finally breathe once more
There's nothing like some music
To treat the red and raw.
a nightly routine, of sorts
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