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Righteousness of action
   Assimilation despite protest
      Gesticulating invalid points
         Excommunication for beliefs
Hypercorrection to fit in
   Accountableness and your actions
      Thermodynamic reaction
         Excuse me for a moment

Please forgive my descent in anger
This poem was more of an art project than anything.  I took two words that I feel when I am truly angry at someone.  Then I took the time to find 8 words that resonate how I feel during those moments of absolute anger, forming 8 small phrases that express my feelings.
Bede Sep 2019
I am going out today
To see where I can go
Maybe I won't return again,
Lord i dont even know.

Would it be a blessing or a curse
To just put down my pen?
Why do i write, I feel contrite
To never write again.
Poetry conveys emotion. Poetry conveys power.
forgive me
for i am the one you love
for i am one who’s betrayed you
do not forgive me
i deserve it; but I don’t
its my fault    
but please
forgive me
The Unsung Song Mar 2018
I remember a time when I wasn't happy.
I would torture myself for it because I believed that it was my fault.
I would look down at myself like I deserved to bleed.
Like I deserved this pain.

I'm still not happy.
And it's still my fault.
And I still torture myself for it.
But instead of making my pain appear on my arms,
it only appears in my head.

Have you ever thought about that?
Have you ever thought about how you have no clue what that kid across the table goes to sleep thinking about?
I'm not sure about you,
but I don't have a single friend,
of which I've known long enough to tell what I lie awake thinking about.

It is shameful that I am having these emotional breakdowns almost every night,
but my own mother doesn't even notice.

It is shameful that instead of asking me what it wrong,
the person who should love me unconditionally,
lectures me because I didn't apologize for something I should have.


...all I can say,
is that...I am tired of living this lie.
I am tired of living with a mask on my face.

It is shameful that the human race can't think with empathy instead of thinking about what they're going to say next.

Now, look at what I just said.
I didn't say whites,
I didn't say blacks,
Puerto Rican,
I didn't say any of those terms.
I said,
"Human Race".
I leave that with you to think about.
We Are Equivalent in social hierarchy.
Shawn Oct 2017
Please forgive me
for i have not
so innocent
day of departure,
when i promised
to forget you,
i selfishly
promised myself
not to.
Pineapples Sep 2017
Don't want to fight anymore with my back against the ropes.
Bobbing and weaving your verbal counters.
Box on my inside so we can clinch and get close enough to tell you I love you.
I still type,
Those things,
We would say to eachother.
They all go,
In my notes,
Because I cant say 'em to you.
I still pretend,
That it's okay,
When I'm only kidding myself.
Call me stupid,
Maybe I'm ignorant,
But I wish my notepad could type back.
I really dont know what I was going for, the things we used to always say to eachother are now nothing but words in a notepad for me, my only way of coping. I didn't choose for things to be this way, so not saying them is nearly impossible, I just wish at least once... I could hear them back.
Delta Swingline Apr 2017
It was a Monday afternoon...

4th period, first semester 10th grade. Drafting class.

You hated the class. And I... didn't.

But we had fun anyway. I had a headphone splitter and while we worked we watched YouTube videos together. You introduced me to Panic! At The Disco, My Chemical Romance, All Time Low, Bring Me The Horizon, Black Veil Brides, And Jon Cozart.

And I showed you FadeIntoCase, Dodie Clark, and whatever YouTube had to offer that interested me.

Our friendship was good. We never had to worry about boyfriends or girlfriends, we were just kids. But I guess looking back, I can say that we were definitely better people than most.

I feel bad about that one day you were rewatching the Deadpool trailer over and over. You asked me what Deadpool video we should watch next.

And I told you I thought you should calm down.

You pulled the headphone splitter out your computer and chucked it my way. A sudden disconnect. I immediately apologized and when I realized you didn't want to hear it, I stopped trying to get your attention.

I know that's a stupid memory, but I still feel bad about it for some reason.

But I also remember that Monday afternoon that would test our friendship. We were in class and you were... not there, mentally I mean.

You were crying and I felt like something needed to be done. So I went and asked the teacher to let you go... and he did. As soon as I told you, you left.

And I felt bad. I knew I did the right thing, but I felt bad because I was going out of my way to make life better for someone I truly care about. It was overwhelming but I did it anyway.

I took your bag and waited for you outside the classroom. But you didn't show up. I found another friend and began crying in her arms, telling her how I couldn't do it anymore. Eventually you did find me, you took your bag and left.

I felt bad because I felt like my efforts went unappreciated time and time again. But they weren't.

I went home to write the song "At what cost?", which I performed the next day. You asked me why you hadn't heard the song before. I told you I wrote it after what happened. And I promised to send you every song I'd write from then on. And I did.

I still do.

I wrote you letters and cigarettes, I meant everything I wrote. And now where are we?

During the musical, I made and effort to wish you good luck before your big song, every single show. Every show...

You baked me cupcakes for my birthday.

The last time we FaceTimed was a Monday night. We listened to Disney music while you worked on art. You offered to FaceTime... I felt lucky that you would want to hang out with someone like me.

I would give you a hug everyday before leaving school at the end of the day...

In the last cigarette you gave me for my birthday you wrote "I couldn't ask for a better person to go to France with."

And I believed you.

So while we were in France. I can only remember watching a part of an episode of Riverdale with you and thinking to myself, "she still cares... we're okay".

We played games of 31 and that felt normal. But then we played cards in a different crowd and suddenly I didn't feel safe around them. I felt judged, by them, by you.

I don't even know if the locks mattered to you. You gave the letters back as if they didn't matter... I don't know how to fix this.

I remember walking slower to get the attention of a guy. And you saw me walking by myself and tried starting a conversation with me. I told you I was in the middle of another conversation. So you left me to try and talk to him.

You even said, "It's been awhile since we've talked." AND YOU WERE RIGHT!!

I should've stayed back and talked to you.

I wish I did.

I still care about you. So much so that I'm willing to leave you if it'll make you happy. I'm sorry.

How much I remember makes me cry because I will never be able to take back everything I did wrong. And now it's too late.

When I asked you if you thought we'd still be friends after high school, you said you didn't know.

And I believed you. But I still hold out the smallest bit of hope. Everyday, that you'll tell me it's gonna be okay, and that our friendship didn't just...

Pass by...

That I was somebody to you.

On your birthday, at the stroke of midnight, I texted you saying happy birthday the same way I did the year before. And you just said, "Thank you".

So I guess...

Thank you for being there. Thank you for existing. Thank you for being my friend. And if, in the future, I do make things right and we become close again, than maybe I can drop this guilt and shame for what I did.

Because I need too know...

If I'm worth your friendship all over again.

I'm sorry I ******* up. And if I could do it all over again, I would. And I would make all the right choices, making our lives better.

And if this really is the end. I just hope that you listen to my songs once in a while and remember me as someone who wrote a couple good songs for you.

Because "Rush" is still my best piece of work. And it's yours.
I am... sorry. I think the saddest part of all of this writing is that I should've just said something. This isn't right, this is cowardice.
j Apr 2017
Been dreaming about you lately,
Seeing someone like you and feel happy,
Missing your loud voice, your round big eyes,
Your endless stories and all the thing you taught me,
the way you listen to my problems and believe in me,
I'm sorry if I did that to you,
I can't get you out of my mind lately,
I'm really missing you,
if only I can talk to you again but I can't.
Delta Swingline Mar 2017
Hey God...

I have a confession.

I am not a good person.

I know it isn't original, and I know you've heard this too many times from too many broken people.

But it's the only shred of honesty I can give so please accept it...
Because I do not know how to forgive myself for this tower of lies I built over the last month and a half.

I am not a good friend.

I try...

And you know I try. But I haven't been trying as hard as I used to.
But I want to try and make things right.

I have convinced myself that heaven seems too high up for me to get to.
And I'm here asking you to tell me there is still a chance for me to be saved from my life.

I went to church today for the first time in months.
I saw old friends, and read new verses... I learned more.
Although I still feel like an outcast in this place we call "safe".

I can't feel your presence near me even when I pray.
It's like I've cut the communication lines and there is no repairing them.

I am willing to work for my life.
I will build houses of faith and sing praises until I drop, but it won't be enough.

I work well under pressure. So if you told me that getting to heaven was as simple as building a ladder as high as I could in 24 hours, I would work through war and hellfire to get there.

I would climb every rung until the ladder ended above the clouds and started feeling like the solid foundation of a life restarted.

I can only hope you will accept me with open arms, forgiveness...

And a "hello."
I've been working too hard.
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