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All the memes and videos we shared together
that weren't really funny,
but funny in the way that you reacted to them
and the cringy faces we made after
What is this fickle world,
where not everything is as it seems.
Who am I truly?
Forever changing & evolving into something more or less.
My world is as a sandstorm in a desert.
I flutter along with the motions,
nothing more & nothing less.
I call out to you from the deepest depths of my heart.
Do you feel me?
Do you hear my cries?
Come save me.
Wrap me up in you.
Come save me.
Ashley 2d
The day I waved goodbye for the last time was the hardest thing I had ever had to do.
You didn't look back.
I tried to hold back my tears, but I couldn't.
I had gone home and cried.
You got on a plane and left.
I had flipped through all the memories. All the pictures, all the best friend necklaces.
I stuffed it in a box and tried to forget.
Tried to forget my best friend in the whole wide world.
Tried to forget everything.
The ****** fights, the sleepovers, the giggling, the hugs, the fun times we shared.

I know you said you’d visit.
You said you’d come Winter break.
Sure, you did.
It wasn’t the same.
We had fought over something ******.
The bond was broken.
If only you had stayed.

You came again during the Summer.
It felt like there was nothing left to fix.
Nothing left to say to each other.
And so you got on that plane again, and you went back home.
Wherever that is.
If only you had stayed.

If only you had stayed.
I wouldn’t have had to sit alone at lunch, staring at where my best friend had once been.
I wouldn’t have had to become someone else.
No one had accepted me except for you. But you left.
So I changed.
I wouldn’t have had to yearn for someone to talk to.
I wouldn’t have had to sit alone, wondering if things would be different if you weren’t on the other side of the country.
If only you had stayed.

I know you said you didn’t have a choice.
You said it was up to your parents.
I guess you were right.
But you had the choice to keep in touch.
To still be friends.
And I will never forgive you for not making that choice.

You said you were sorry.
Sorry is what you say after a fight.
Not moving across the country.
But I pretended. Acted like we were fine.
Like I was fine.
I wasn’t.
I was crumbling, breaking, trying to hold myself together.
Sorry will never be able to fix that.

I  found a new friend.
She was the best.
She made me laugh. I don’t think we’ve ever fought.
You and I used to fight a lot.
You came again for Winter Break.
Called me your “Best Friend.”
Yeah right.

I told you about my new friend.
You flipped out.
“Don’t forget who your REAL best friend is,” you’d often remind me.
You were jealous.
You were jealous.
After you abandoned me. Left me.
Oh sure, you had made new friends.
You called them your best friends.
Meanwhile, I was struggling to find anyone who was ****** enough to become friends with me.
And when I finally did, you were jealous?

I guess you thought I was just going to wait around forever for you.
You were wrong.
You thought you were going to be my only friend forever.
You were wrong.

Things could’ve been different if only you had stayed.
But you left.
You changed.
And, well, so did I.
I said stay. You didn't.
when did i lose you?
when did you decide you weren’t mine?
it was like falling asleep, slowly, and then all at once when you decided you couldn’t be broken by me again.

in this scenario, i was your hammer. i was the one who crushed your heart, over and over.
until you couldn’t take anymore. so you decided that living without me and my love was better then living with it but always having the sadness on your mind, like a boulder crushing you slowly, then all at once as the item holding its weight breaks down upon you.

you told me once i always put you to the side
and that you let me walk all over you.
is that true ?
how did i do to you what cruel actions were inflicted upon myself?
how did i become this person?

i learned this human tendency from a book we read in my english class, that those who have been oppressed, subconsciously or consciously oppress others.

this is what i did to you
and i am undeniably culpable.
so i am sorry.

truly my love.
i miss him. everything about him. his hands on me.
his kisses.
at least i can remember the last time we kissed
the last time we hugged
and it all makes me wanna cry.

i want him. i want all of him. his love and affection. looking at his face and into his beautiful beautiful eyes. the lull of the silence which was so perfect.

i want to be his again.
i want him to be mine
but he already belongs to another.

i keep replaying it in my mind, over and over and over. i didn’t know it was the last time. did he know it would be the last time? it was a thought stuffed into the back of his mind- always there-like the crumpled up pieces of gum wrappers you stuff in your pockets.
or maybe he didn’t.
i don’t know
it doesn’t matter now
i just miss it.

i miss you.
Nightmare bursting through the seams
Stuck in a lonely purgatory
Of my ****** selfish mind
Longing for green eyes of heaven
Yet, falling further from your love
With thoughts of sorry on my mind
Violently grasping at the fading light
Painfully knowing that
"Lonely Goodbye"
Is the only thing that’s
Awaiting in the dark.
void Dec 6
Gone too soon
We will always see you
As you were before us
Our eyes so deceived us
You reached for our hands
Yet no one reached back
And gone too soon
We will always see you
As you were before us
Wounds and our ignorance
You reached for our hands
And we tried to reach back
But gone too soon
We will always see you
As you were before us
Lost and then found
Yes gone too soon
But we will always see you
As you are before us
And what you were and
Forever will be
Gone too soon
But meaning so much
To me and everyone
Around us
So wonderful in life
And merciful in death
To you we owe our lives
Gone too soon
We will always see you
i miss you i whisper
fog forming in front of me
staring into empty space
that used to be filled
now its a cold slab of concrete
with little details of midnight memories we made
it’s a scene in my mind i can see clearly but could never remake
not alone
i miss you i yell
the hills only yell it back at me
reminding me that i’m alone
that the only thing that will hold me tonight
is an old hoodie we shared
your smell has faded
i miss you... all of you
come back and remind what these warm winter nights were like
MG Dec 5
how do you explain:
i'm the one who's broken my own heart.
years of allowing negativity into my cracks,
tolerating it's bloom.
only now trying to rip out their roots.
but they have grown like weeds.
manifested in my chest, tangled throughout my ribs.
trying to make them love me, to make them see.
trying to fall back in love with myself,
is really not that easy.
it actually hurts more than loving any one else.
because you know, more than anyone, what you're capable of.
good and bad.
but please, in my upmost hour of desperation,
im begging myself
to take myself back.
she misses you.
she needs you now more than ever.
still waiting for me to come back
Emilia B Nov 24
As petals fall from the rose in my room
I lie shiftless not a clue what to do
The pillars of loneliness
I have one for each day,
Slowly the cement crumbles away.

Staring blankly at the corner of my room
When I think of nothing weary eyes
But when I think of you time flies,
I’d love to see you even if it was to say goodbye.

Head out the window incredible view
Though I’d rather see it with you
Clear sky breath of fresh air
But I don’t seem as happy when you’re not there.
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