I can't recall the last time
more than a drop or two
escaped my eyes.

Much sadness and grief
repressed over the years,
building like gasses
under the earth's crust,
mixing with molten rage
inside the hardened chambers
of my body.
pressure builds
as magma boils;
ever climbing temperatures,
impossible to contain.
Churning in my chest,
pushing upward,
burning my throat,
forcing itself to the peak,
building behind my eyes;
face red from the heat.
I feel ready to erupt,
but only a small release
and pressure subsides.

These small releases
become more frequent,
and I know
it's only a matter of time
until I erupt entirely.

CautiousRain Dec 2017

Silly little floater,
a ghost memory,
words of silence
dissipated into my head
like melted goo;
it wants to knock
but it's been forgotten
and the door hinges are rusty,
old, practically archaic;
it floats by my eyes
and I could almost taste
the sting and tang of what happened
yet it's nothing but a floater,
a little mix up in the view,
nothing to remember.

I hate when you remember something bad and it kinda hurts but it's also something you forgave and forgot and now you're like...what should I feel? And so you try to shake it away but it just melts in your brain and settles like a puddle and you're like well okay thanks.
Carter Ginter Sep 2017

All the good memories
Are being washed away
By the ocean waves
Because the thought of your face
Makes my heart break
And I can't stop the streaming tears
I know my choice was right
But I also know that it's killing you
We had so many good times
And now I'm plagued by nightmares
The good thoughts are destroyed
Imploding with the weight of reality
Im so sorry
I'm so sorry
I'm so
Dead inside.
When your entire world comes crashing down
And you just run away from the wreck
Revisiting that graveyard
Plagues your life and soul with undead spirits of what you thought you had
And what you gave up because it wasn't real
All those happy memories
Are now rotting like dead flesh
Because they are a part of me still
But my body is rejecting them
Because they hurt too much to keep alive
My energy is depleting
But I can't let them go just yet
I don't want to forget you.

Sexuality is an important aspect of oneself,
If one respects it, it will be an Ally
Of one's Intellect and one's Spiritual Self,
But if one DISOWNS It, one will be terrorized by It.
Sexual Repression might even cause one to become a terrorist oneself.

The nun
And the whore
Are close artistic comrades
Without sexual puritanism,
Neither would be necessary
But Christian Fundamentalism
Has always tended to promote

Carter Ginter Jul 2017

As I drag through life on my knees, bleeding
I try to unlock the chains that pin my body down
And while I cannot find every key to free me from the weight
I have learned strength and endurance
and other tricks to ease my journey

Though the years I have hashed my blood onto paper
Smiling as my emotions bled into the clean sheets
Forcing the purity of the page to match my damaged and dirty soul
Yet I have never thought to cut out my darkest experience

Instead, it swims within my stomach's acidic pool
Remaining dormant until a thought or melody claws at its bones
Until it can no longer be contained

So I begin ripping through my lungs and intestines
Simply trying to locate the source of the misery
As it torments both my body and mind

And by my own hands,
The acid spills into the crevasses of my muscle and bone
Sizzling through the structures on contact
Until I no longer recognize the dead stare reflecting off of metal and glass
And so I destroy them by using them
To destroy whatever shambles of my body remain

As I sit in a puddle of blood and feel the air ticking away like seconds on a clock
I smell the familiar perfume of death, nestled with regret

I promised myself that,
if I somehow survive another night,
I will try to face the thickest chains that bind me tighter than ever before
Those that continue to stain the ground with my past and
Refuse to let me stand without fear

And so I begin

This is the first poem in a collection I'm doing about an extremely hard topic that I've never wrote about before but I hope writing can help me face my demons. Because poetry has helped me through so many other problems, I hope it can with this too

The World is full of
Little Dictators
When there is a Terrorist Attack
At a Pop Concert in England
People act as if they're so  shocked,
But we practice SO MUCH Censorship
SO MUCH "Political Correctness".
So many INNOCENT things
Are suppressed.
It's no wonder
That MORE people
Aren't "Walking Time Bombs".

I shared a very respectful photo of People in Papua New Guinea with a Denver Indigenous Events Group. Maybe, they thought it was "porn". People are so full of shame and censorship that it's remarkable that Terrorist Organizations aren't the ONLY Organizations that can succeed!

The more people are held down,
The more they rise up
And do a lot of damage
As they explode.

Regina had been a good,
Churchgoing girl
Her entire life,
At the age of 27,
Religion had begun to feel as if she suffocating
And she was dying to have
Some sexually explicit photos
Taken of herself.
She recited all the prayers.
She passed the plate to collect donations.
She even taught Sunday School
For a while,
All along,
She had been denying
The animal within her.
She was gonna' get raunchy on camera
And throw off the yoke of repression!
She didn't give a fuck
Any more!

CautiousRain Apr 2017

Remember this,
but I can't be sure,
if I spoke to him or not,
if I left my door unlocked,
if I lost my books upstairs,
if I started what I needed,
if I even brushed my hair
because my mind refuses stimulus
and all I know is that it clears,
everything from my memories
leaving me in a haze, protecting me from something,
experiences I can't remember why I fear,
making it harder to rationalize my emotions,
as if I needed more paranoia
if I could remember
what he said to me,
when I closed myself off,
when I left my guard down,
when I began noticing these trends,
when I stopped caring if I was okay,
and all I know is nothing
from what stings,
leaving me all alone in a horrible fright
of thoughts I can't resurface.

rip me, gotta love when you actually cannot remember events and then go into this spiral of doubting any of your emotions having validity because you ACTUALLY CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING- I woke up from a nap the other day and couldn't remember anything I did that day at all, nothing, not even if I had gone to class or ate
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