but I can't be sure,
if I spoke to him or not,
if I left my door unlocked,
if I lost my books upstairs,
if I started what I needed,
if I even brushed my hair
because my mind refuses stimulus
and all I know is that it clears,
everything from my memories
leaving me in a haze, protecting me from something,
experiences I can't remember why I fear,
making it harder to rationalize my emotions,
as if I needed more paranoia
if I could remember
what he said to me,
when I closed myself off,
when I left my guard down,
when I began noticing these trends,
when I stopped caring if I was okay,
and all I know is nothing
from what stings,
leaving me all alone in a horrible fright
of thoughts I can't resurface.
"I caught my daughter, Lisa, posing nude online."
"What do you think I should do about it?"
"Do you think I should confiscate her computer,"
"Or beat her, or what?"
"Well, ask those guys at the American Nazi Movement meeting, "
"Which you attend, Ralph."
"I'm sure they know a lot about Obscenity."
She stares at me,
Her eyes seem to search mine.
Her hands stretch towards the division,
Towards that finely marked glass line.
She seems to whisper something,
Sayings too faint to hear.
Yet her lips move with such passion,
As though her utterances are very dear.
I take a step back & stare,
At the being before my eyes.
Torn robes & mangled hair,
And scarred hands to my surprise.
I try to draw close,
Yet I cannot seem to reach.
It's as though a barrier lies between us,
One that I cannot breach.
I looked with more intent,
But the less I saw instead.
Yet in her eyes I could discern,
Something that filled me with dread.
Then suddenly it hit me
From out of nowhere
And like an unraveled mystery
All became clear.
For in my curiosity
And my desire for close inspection
I had failed to see
I was staring at my own reflection