What are we,
Now that we are?

Who are we,
After whom we left behind?

Where are we,
Since we're neither here nor there?

Why are we,
'We' without you or me?

When are we,
To be, not the future, but present?

How are we,
Going to be.. Just.. Be?

I hear sounds,
But I’m not a part of it.
Does listening count?
I’ve gotten to know it all bit by bit.

I see shades of spring,
Breeze still chilled.
Just a bit of warmth
The sun can fulfill.

Work hasn’t stopped
For those who’re hustling.
Come hail, shine or Covid,
Keep going, little tummies are rumbling.

Lockdown lifts,
Isolation ends.
We think we know it all,
From what heaven sends.

Little pink petals
Peel away from the source.
Lands on another’s yard,
This is nature’s course.

We grew many years,
We learned to share, serve and save,
Where nature will take us,
Depends on how we now behave.

We wanted to be left alone,
Now we want company.
We nagged for personal space,
We want to be around many.

Were we made to bond,
Or were we made to detach?
This is the mystery of life,
From Adam and Eve to the latest batch.

We cursed that paradise was lost,
When Adam bit the apple.
How long it is taking us
To restore this planet, is a baffle.

We use up everything earth gives us.
We spare not a single resource.
And now look at us isolating,
Like forbidden prisoners behind trap doors.

What does lockdown mean for me?
I'm housebound anyway.
People think I'm always free,
I'm now that 'at home' mom everyday.

This is also what they thought,
When I told them I'm a singer.
'If you don't own charttoppers,
You're just a failure.' is what lingered.

I found it shameful and difficult,
Broke down several times,
I couldn't find my own identity,
Searching for myself felt like a crime.

41 weeks and 2 days I carried her,
My little angel, the apple of my eye,
I'm now learning a basic fact -
- A lifetime flies faster than light.

So fast, I don't know what day it is,
I'm living each day by the hour.
Before I know it, it's bedtime again..
What exactly is within my power?

When the birds stretch their wings,
At the crack of a quiet dawn.
The time I was raised to wake and listen,
To the Tanpura, the sound of Om.

This is my one true power,
Whether they believe it or not.
A lockdown may not define it,
I'm a musician, a mom, not a robot.

These clear blue skies at spring,
Came again after a barren season.
I'm housebound and learning again,
Another chance to live it right is my reason.

There are some
Who age too fast
To keep up
With the trend

There are some
Who say age
is nothing
But numbers

There are some
Who need numbers
To help them
Feel their worth

There are some
Whose numbers
Don't add up
Till the end

There are some
Then there are others...

There are some
Who like to wander
With thoughts
Loose in their minds

There are some
Who spend their lives
Thinking 'bout feelings
Of all kinds

There are some
Who believe that
It's too late to
Trust your heart

There are some
Who'll stand in your way
When they know
You'll make it safe

There are some
Then there are others...

There will always be
The one

There are some
Then there are others...
And there will always be
The one.

The rug
Lying underneath your feet;
Been on the ground
So long,
It's stuck to the ground.

The fence
Standing deep, anchored in soil;
**** rooting down
So deep,
It's part of the land.

The frames are clean,
The pictures seem
Like history.
Once upon a time,
I was
More than furniture to us.

But now:

I want you to see me,
Like the door you can open;
I'm more than what's inside your home.

I want you to want me,
Like you used to everyday;
I'm that girl you wanted to make time for when you're alone.

Now, are you not alone?
Is that why
I'm the rug, fence and your furniture?

I know I work from home.
I know I got a lotta things to do.
I know I haven't lived up to the best of expectations.

I'm still that girl you fell in love with.
I dream beyond every bandwidth.
I take my time to really be sure.
I wanna do it without complications.

But I know,
I bore the hell outta you.
With my
Nagging that could turn ears blue.
But I
Promise that I love you baby,
You gotta see me in the light of the truth:

I want you to see me,
Like the door you can open;
I'm more than what's inside your home.

I want you to want me,
Like you used to everyday;
I'm that girl you wanted to make time for when you're alone.

Now, are you not alone?
Is that why
I'm the rug, fence and your furniture?

Oh how I love you,
Dear Unborn Baby,
I've been waiting
For you.

Holding you in my arms,
Is all I'm yearning,
For I've been waiting,
Since 22.

I can't wait
Any longer
To see
Which part of you
Resembles me.
I want you
To be better
In every way baby,
Better than me.

I've seen how
This world can be deceiving.
I want you to trust me,
When I hold you close.
I can't wait
For this world to see you.
When you're ready to take off,
Take my love with your wings.

Oh how I love you
Dear Unborn Baby,
I've been waiting
For you.

Holding you in my arms,
Is all I'm yearning,
For I've been waiting,
Since 22.

The days are filled with silence
I spend sunlight on finding answers
Waiting hours on end for night to fall
Hoping another day will carry chances

I used to sing my heart out
When I was left alone at home
Now I fear that someone might hear me
That someone is me, oh no

How did I go
From melody to nothing
Years of dreaming
To losing everything

How will I rise
From nothing to something
Years of learning
Have I forgotten to sing?

The nights are filled with demons
I spend moonlight on finding angels
Waiting hours on end for the morning
Hoping I'd wake up to a sequel

I've only lived half of what I can
I've only dreamed half of what I am
I've only sang half of what I understand
I only, only, only... just began...

How did I go
From melody to nothing
Years of dreaming
To losing everything

How will I rise
From nothing to something
Years of learning
Have I forgotten to sing?

Who said,
We must love more than once,
To know what love is?

Who said,
We must kiss more than one,
To know it is worth our heart?

Who said,
We have time to experiment,
To know if it'd grow into something better?

Who said,
We can dabble in variety,
To filter out what's best for us?

Who said,
Love isn't love if it's our first,
Or last - who really knows?

Who really knows,
If it's love,
If it's worth my heart,
If it deserves my short life,
If it's best for me,
If it's me first and last,
But me?

When we were kids,
We just couldn't rest.
We'd wake up early,
Coz each day was a fest.
The younger we were,
The less we slept.
We felt waking up was better,
There was much to test!

The more we learned,
The more we knew,
The more we heard,
That more became true.
The less we observed,
The less we grew,
The less we listened,
This less became true.

We learned to wait,
We learned about patience.
We designed ourselves to fit in,
Whilst we outwaited our creations.
We began to yearn for time,
We began to yearn for another chance.
We began to yearn for what we once had,
We began to blame it on finance.

We spent our first few years unafraid,
Didn't we know then that we were in an ocean?
We didn't stop to think of that, did we?
We just continued to join the waves in motion.

We didn't know fear,
Until we reached for something others couldn't.
We didn't know fear,
Until we yearned for something others didn't.
We didn't know fear,
Until we waited in hope, whilst others didn't.
We didn't know fear,
Until the rainbows we saw weren't our own.

Now time is running out,
We're in yet another decade.
We've been through hell and back,
But we've reached this age, still afraid.
We wake up everyday with reluctance,
We don't want to face our duties.
We muster it up and turn on auto-pilot,
We let ourselves become our own refugees.

We've forgotten how we awoke,
6am every Christmas morning,
Run downstairs to see Santa's gifts,
Our tummies all butterflicious, hearts warming.
We've forgotten how we felt excited,
To face each day with the unknown
Each year taught us to be less dependent,
Leading up to the writings on our headstone.

Isn't it time we were born again, everyday?
Just so we once again embrace what we don't know?
With something new to look forward to,
Would we not find this lost joy and our own rainbow?

I trusted you.
I trusted that even if I let go of your hand,
you'd never let go of mine.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you would listen to understand,
not listen only to retaliate.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you were my go to person,
not the one who had to walk away from me.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you would argue until it's fixed,
not punish me with silence and distance.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you would stay with me,
not walk out of the house and not come back.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you would come back wanting me,
not back only coz I asked you to return.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you want me even through this,
not just be with me coz you have to.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you love and care for me,
not just said so and still had the courage to walk out.

I trusted you.
or maybe that wasn't trust.

Perhaps...

I assumed you.
I assumed that you'd hold my hand,
even if I'd let go.

I assumed that you listen and understand me,
even if you're only going to retaliate.

I assumed that you were my go to person,
even if you wanted to walk away from me.

I assumed that you would argue until it's fixed,
even if silence and distance were mere threats.

I assumed that you would stay with me,
even if you wanted to walk out and not come back.

I assumed that you would come back wanting me,
even if you would only return coz I'd have asked.

I assumed that you want me even through this,
even if you were only being with me coz you had to.

I assumed that you loved and cared for me,
even if you had the courage to walk out.

I assumed you. And thought I'd trusted you.

Coz isn't that what you do,
when you love and think you really know someone?
Trust them and assume them?

Maybe that's where I went wrong.

I should've trusted you for who you are.
Or assumed differently.

Maybe I should learn the difference between the two.
Maybe I should learn to love better.

Maybe I should...

When you know you've lived
the exact present you're living now before,
doesn't it make sense to think of it as though...
there is another part of you in another universe,
going through the same thing?

I believe in the multiverse theory,
for I cannot prove that we are not alone.
I believe there is a reason why
I feel the skies talk to me every night.

I believe someone's message is reaching me
through the beams of the moon every night.
My skin seeps it in
like a flower knows to bloom.

Ever think of a time difference
between one universe and the other?
What if we are born here on Earth and after we die,
our soul travels to another universe
and relives the same story?

What if...
we are a horcrux of our own soul
which is split up and placed
in different universes?

As the sun sets across the horizon
I see how flat the earth is believed to be
From left to right my eyes scroll
Over the valley, rainbow, into a strange eternity

The golden chariots riding on the skyline
Booming chants of the future from another era
I attach myself to the story once heard before
Envisaging my former being as perhaps an ephemera

I relive the day, the noon till the night
As twilight beckons the nightingale's dawn
Saluting the sun from the heart of the lotus pond
For before, now and after are all from our own antiphon

Every time we argue
I shut myself off outside
Overpowered by my own reticence
Trapped away by my own pride

You fell in love with the fire
I'm flaming and burning out here and there
You only speak of the one in my belly
I feel the damaging aftermath everywhere

I love us the way we are
Fights, arguments, the regular LQ
We form the hurt, we form the surrender
It's perfect as it is, thanks to the MU.

Love hurts - I disagree.
Words do. Actions do.
Love can heal and unite everything.
Undoubtedly, even me and you.

You can forgive
You cannot forget.
And when you cannot forget,
You rethink, you remind yourself
How it hurt you.
How it betrayed you.
How it made you believe,
That everything was okay now.

Can you really forgive
That which you cannot forget?
That which you do not allow yourself to let go of?
When you say you have forgiven,
Whose conscience are you setting free?
Why do you forgive?
Why did you forgive?
When you are reminded of your own agony
Again and again, with the same person
Walking by everyday,
Spending each day with you
In the name of family, friendship, love, marriage,
How are YOU sure that you have forgiven
So as to not allow a new rise
To that which you have forgiven
And put aside?

What is it that convinces you
That you can forgive
That you have forgiven
That you can move on from?

What is it that assures you
That once you've forgiven,
YOU will be okay,
That you are ready to move forward,
That you know will not affect you anymore?

I was afraid long ago,
That the truth would die with me.
I lived a lie that betrayed
Every soul I could see.
The devil would disguise as my angel,
My angel would appear much like Satan;
Only my muse could help my decipher,
The root of mine and your creation.

No job is beneath you,
For the necessities you need to fulfill,
No qualification is too little,
For the benevolence you can give another,
No house is too small,
For you to help the underprivileged,
No mind is too untameable,
For you to bear thoughts of goodness.
No heart is too small,
For you to love greater than fear.

You make me weak in the knees,
I shan't look at you in the eyes,
For each time our smiles meet,
My heart skips beats and I shyly sigh;
Your pull gives me goosebumps,
Making my lashes dip and cheeks blush red,
My fears crumple and out they jump,
I surrender, I'm all yours, I've accepted.

You become my words,
When I became speechless.
You became my sunshine,
When I drowned in darkness.
You became my inspiration,
To wake up and live my dream.
You became my reason,
My pride, treasure and esteem.
You my darling, became my Kanna,
My strength, love and best friend.
You and I are now not two, but one,
Together, forever, beyond every end.

I could’ve done the right thing
Many moons ago
If only I could’ve understood
How my heart, I could follow

I didn’t know myself enough
Yet denied it when you claimed to
I was afraid to let myself in
Always thought, maybe it’s too soon

I knew when something didn’t feel right
I could feel my skin shiver and my bones tremble
I could never tell what, precisely,
Whatever the truth was, often remained a jumbled mumble

I went so far away to find myself
Days and nights I cried in emptiness
That’s when I understood myself
Then it was clear that you and I are the oneness.

I’m grateful for the struggle
For without it, I wouldn’t have travelled so far

I’m regretful for the pain
For because of it, I have travelled away so far

I’ve accepted my slow growth as this is who I am
For because of it, I have travelled so close

I admit my greatest gain today – You,
For because of you, I have found myself.

I’ve walked on fire and thorns
Forgotten what the ground feels like
Every step I took were upon my wounded soles
How does a caged bird know to fly?

I rattled my gates every day
They were strong, metallic and I wasn’t strong
Every lift off was in vain,
How foolish was I to think, to the sky I belonged?

I, like a mother for her child, wanted more
To see within my veins, my being flourish at the mere tune
Every note was becoming a part of a song
How quick was I to dream of this music as a boon?

I feel that rumble inside me
My hunger, anger and desire upon my own pyre
Every day I wish for that first day again
How can I ingrain my liberty from this quagmire?

I wonder if you could tell me
What you saw in my eyes on day one
The day we met had a warm summer breeze
But what did you see under our setting sun?

I ponder until my sky has darkened
What you heard that you didn’t want to let go of
The night we sat in Aya with our eyes widened
But what did you hear through the music of love?

I squander my imagination out of reach
What you could’ve felt on our last embrace
Over the clouds, mourning mountains and seas
But what did you feel about the memories we couldn’t erase?

I surrender my thoughts and dream from yesteryear
What stopped us from erupting every single day?
Through our implosions, we’ve turned igneous and seared
But what good are we if we can’t make it through today?

Why can't I have it?
Why?

Why can't I have that joy,
When I can see her have it?
Why can't I hold my smile firm
The way she is able to dodge the grit?
Why can't I have that resting queen face
When all I can see is that she befits?

The way she holds him close
Like a cute little kitten
A purr in her voice as they rub noses
As he gazes at her looking smitten

The peace in her eyes (called love)
The grace in her smile (called acceptance)
The contour upon her cheekbone (what is she made of?)
His hypnotized gaze on her being, her very existence

Why can't I have it too?
Why?

I become the person I'm looking at
I envision their vision stat
I forget that I'm not them
I realize that they've won again
I'm just that one step behind
I've yet to convince my mind
I'm looking at my future self
But no, I'm not yet on my own shelf
I'm getting paranoid and obsessed
I can't see anything about me that could impress
I'm a particle of my own vision
I'm lost in my own transition
I'm fading out
I'm dissolving in my own doubts
I'm also fading in
To the start of a new ending
I become that person I'm looking at
I envision my own vision. Stat.

Be my siren.
Give me another chance.
Kiss me now,
My emotions will enhance.

I feel broken
Without your presence.
My heart is weighing more.
I need you, not silence.

You equals me.
Me equals you.
My soul pauses
Just to think of you.

This life is wasted,
Just like the others too.
Come, be my siren.
I will always, always be with you.

It burns me up inside
How together you appear to be
I know my own temperament
It’s magmatic, though its not what you see

Like a scorpion, it stings me bitter
The poison spreads into my eyes, trachea
Like a starfish surviving on the shore,
I deny my slow death and call upon my inner mafia

I fight myself away from the border
Right by there, I see you cope
A concentration chamber, my mind has become
I burn like paper, letting my ashes elope

With the itsy bits of rubble remaining
Somehow I awaken, with a brush and pan
I kneel and scrape, dust and cleanse
To become a phoenix and rise from my death again.

When I miss you,
I feel a tingle down my spine
The kind you'd caress with your finger
As you show me you're mine

When I miss you,
I hear the rustle of an autumn leaf
Scraping on the pavements we walked
As you'd started to become my heart thief

When I miss you,
I look into the mirror and see
The pixels of definition the reflection encompasses
As identical and truthful as you = me