I bury this year's stillborn dreams
in the soil of despair, before the
new year begins with colorful
explosions embroidered in the sky.

i'm 21;
yet my mind is still flying away to the countryside
to dance with the lark under the meadow bridge

22; i'm 22,
still don't know what to do.
Roaming around in my mind,
chasing dreams that aren't mine.
Lost in circus - lost in perfection,
something's turning;
changing my reflection.
Smile mirror, smile
dance with luck for a while.
Down the drain it goes,
dripping failure flows
from the eyes to the toes.

You brighten up my day
in such a peculiar way.
My usual blue feeling
morph into a smile which the
familiar tears can't wash away.

Little free sparrow
with the sad sound,
rolling with its shadow
all night long.
Settles in your heart with
memories from there once were
and if you keep quiet
you can still hear it singing.

Little blue butterfly
floats on the last day of May,
around in the bright spring
off on life's highway.
It has seen the world
and take it all as a play,
it dives into an ocean of clover
and a nirvana of forget-me-not.

Little black cat
spins the dark night,
chasing rare demons
while guarding your mind.
While you're away in dreams
nothing dangerous can come in here,
two large amber eyes are watching
shining like moonlight.

Little white dove
with wings as a sign of peace,
knocking gently on your doorstep
waiting for crumbs of love.
Somewhere unknown it flew away
around its little leg hung a message:
"wipe the diamonds away from the cheek
and keep in mind that nothing lasts forever."

I wish I cared a little less
about what the world thinks of me.
Because it only makes me more depressed
when perfection is always out of my reach.

I wish I loved myself a little more
for the sake of my starving self-esteem.
But I lost the key to the entrance door
thus my happy ending remains a pipe dream.

You see me and I see you.
I have never met someone like you before.
You all of a sudden say you like me, is that true?
You open up a before locked up door.

As a warm cup of coffee you warm up my soul.
It is a feeling I had forgot.
But now I am no longer in control.
I guess I like you a lot.

You make me feel like I am 10 feet tall.
I can almost touch the blue sky.
But what if I loose my foothold and fall.
Would you catch me or let me die?

I feel so carefree in the cold and thin air.
I can see all the tiny people passing by.
But when I turned around, you were no longer there.
Did you forget me or was all of this just an evil lie?

Well, I guess there is no more to talk about.
So I suppose I should just let it dwell.
And as a candlestick being burned out.
I now bit you a bittersweet farewell.

The love you paint in my heart,
looks more like vandalism than art.

approaching nightfall
rosy stray lips talk too much
drinking the false truth

Every night I lay down to rest
The same old visions keep on creeping around my head
They scrape my mind and burn my core
I don't think I can take no more
Will I get through the night?

On the edge to insanity
I don't know what's real or fantasy
The demons sip on my coffee cup
Their screams get loud they never stop
My ears are a red masterpiece

The chaos beings to rise
I'm falling down the rabbit hole to my demise
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But loving you will make me whole
The chaos drowns me tonight

A seesaw is all that's left
Bouncing anxiety inside my chest
Strangers steal my loneliness
Patching up my self-made mess
Frozen in the concrete jungle

Jon said we're halfway there
But it seems to me I'm stuck in second gear
I lay my back flat on the ground
Here I'll die with no one around
Out of reach and with nothing to fear

A light in the dark calls my name
Safe and sound it guides me home with its flame
With a broken wing left to die
I could still learn to fly
Once lost but now I'm found

The spiderweb catches glistening water
jewels in the newborn sunlight.

The black ink curves over my
skin like a crouching tiger.
The pain is nothing compared to the open
wound that has settled in my heart.
My guardian angel with no wings
nor halo has given me the emptiness.
He sits on the silver-plated moon,
he keeps her company.

The ink has etched into my skin,
writing down his and my history.
Without him the Grim Reaper would
have harvested my life-flower long ago.

He held his hand over me when
I walked on broken glass.
He hummed lullabies when
the demons screamed their chants.
He wiped my tears away
when the mirror was distorted.
His presence played chess with
the ever oppressive solitude.

Now that he is gone, I am an easy
prey for the lions of the world.
I'm just a bunny,
my vegetables can scare nobody.
But he was also a bunny,
a bunny who fought to the last.
So the least I can do is fight so
he can see he did not fight in vain.

And if I ever feel lonely,
I'll just dive into the moonlight
where he resides.

The city's drowsiness
seeps into the bus,
leaving behind misty
eyes and empty promises
of a better tomorrow.
For a while, everything
seems perfect.
But I know I'm playing
a dangerous game
with this self-fabricated
pipedream.
It will eventually
burst and leave me
halfway there, enveloped
in a nirvana of despair.
Despite knowing this,
I still dive in; head first.

As a child, he whispered newfound dreams
to a delighted dandelion, before
he softly blew it to pieces.
He watched the tiny parachutes
float away in mother nature’s warm breath,
until the seeds arrived at their destination.

But now, he is throwing those dreams
into the ocean like useless rocks.
He watches them as they hit the wet surface
and vanish in a heartbeat.
Rings emerge, one after another,
until the debris of those dreams are gone.

Demons, demons everywhere.
They touch my skin and smell my hair.

Cold, cold eyes.
Floating faceless beings in disguise.

Deadly, deadly claws.
Scratching the mind, waiting for an applause.

Throat, throat is sore.
Painted in blue, can’t take it anymore.

Tears, tears so very clear.
Face is bathed in agony and fear.

Pills, pills to swallow.
The soul passed out, the body is hollow.

Please, please go away.
Come again another day.

You are like a corpse flower;
Beautiful and rare, but with a hint of death

I just spoke to you this morning.
You sat elegantly, just like a queen.
Yet you left us with no warning.
Now you are nowhere to be seen.

No more strange looks behind my back.
No more tiny sounds with that crooked tooth.
No more fur coated in midnight black.
No more eyes that flash like a photo booth.

The two there are left, what about them?
They don’t know you are gone forever.
Cars combined with speed is what I condemn.
You deserved so much better.

On this mild Monday in July.
Your memory now will be kept.
If I knew, I would have said proper goodbye.
Your death is hard to accept.

Your spot is now empty.
Like an important missing piece.
You were so sweet and friendly.
I hope you rest in peace.

darkening seashore
a golden, bare halo flies
betrayed by the knife

You do as you please.
I'm just a human,
in the form of a woman.
So of course, you can
do as you please.
How dare I speak up my mind?
I should just shut up.
My no means yes to you,
so why do I even bother?

But that ain't working,
not anymore at least.
This pushover has been
pushed too close to the edge.
Tornado meets volcano;
and destruction will lay upon you.
Let me erase your being,
so you can start anew.
And this time I'll help
by planting in your mind
a simple seed of common sense.


*******.

You saw a glimpse of me
in a sea of people where
my individual existence
drowned in the crowd.

You saw me
in the midst of my inner struggle
where my common sense was
unraveling: thread by thread.

You reached out to me
lured me with crumbs
of love, just so i could see
you were not dangerous.

You waited for me
your patience paralyzed my
xenophobic mind and melted
the glaciers around my heart.

You held my hand
so i couldn't run away
because i tend to play
hide and seek with things i fear.

You whispered into my ear
morphine filled words
slipped down my spine and
burned their way into my core.

You see me
right here in front of you
i'm not used to it therefore
i plead with you: don't look away.

You did not want to make me cry
I did not want to say goodbye
oh, I've been a fool for far too long

You did not want to make amends
I did not want to make it end
oh, what can I do to get to you?

I did not get to save your soul
now I'm sitting here alone
bleeding heavily from loving you

And I know that it's way too late
I put my life in your fate
but I'm still smiling here in the dark

I cut the pain away, I cut you off as well
how can I survive, when all I know is hell

I've seen the world burn down, I've seen my self decay
but what should I do, when my reality fades away?

Tell me it'll be alright, tell me the morning is on its way
hold my hand forevermore, and keep the loneliness at bay

The pain rushes in with the tide,
and I feel so alone now, without you by my side
the darkness is whispering sweet dreams of mine,
but what am I supposed to do
when the darkness comes inside?

Her hazel eyes tell me secrets that
I have never heard of before.
And she don't have to worry about them,
because now I only want more.
I want to learn more about her, about the
person that lies beneath the firm ground.
About the person that will not let anybody
see her tears and instead let herself drown.

She is as mysterious to me as the girl
who forgot her glass slipper on the stairs.
And I can insure her, no one has occupied
my mind as she has, no one compares.
And when I finally tracked her down
and faced her with nowhere to hide.
She all of a sudden just gave up on running away,
and I made our fates collide.

I could see she started to realize how curious I
was and how much I wanted to get closer.
Sadly, I was not aware I trapped her in a corner;
I must have looked like a merciless bulldozer.
Somehow, she put all of her fears away and
prepared herself for an unexpected battle.
A battle I did not know she was fighting because to me,
I only saw an interesting person unravel.

As time passed by, I came to know her a lot better,
every day she showed me something new.
She took me by my hand and showed me another world.
She showed me her different point of view.
She could endure every pain that came in her way,
even walk through an eternal winter storm.
That did not surprise me when I found out she was
born under a steady sign such as the Capricorn.

But then a day, it all suddenly became clear:  
She was tomorrow and I was today.
We both came to realize we were too different
and eventually she went a separate way.
And I look at the sky that used to be a pretty
shade of blue but now is a gloomy grey.
My heart still aches when I think about her
and I still occasionally pray.

Pray that our paths will meet one more time
and perhaps we could begin again.
But I doubt she wishes for the same thing as I do, and
there is probably no difference between now and then.
And as the lifespan of a flower, our love was ephemeral,
I was happy it happened but I still can't move on.
I finally came to realize she was the sunlight;
and now the sun is gone.

The world is trapped in a thick haze,
which is why no one wants to be themselves these days.
They are watching; circling like vultures,
while slowly washing away my colors.

Bandages and "sorry" don’t fix bullet holes,
decaying people have decaying goals.
Do not dare to dream of something bigger,
when your friend is shaking with their finger on the trigger.

Childhood songs are stored within,
like ink is etched into my skin.
My youth they stole; they left me plain,
with venom quickly crashing through my veins.

We are all but pilot episodes,
failing to ever make it as we go.
Like lost souls we flourish through the night,
searching for originality to make us shine bright.

Society; your cage is officially suffocating,
our lives you so ruthless is dominating.
The truth I speak is so loud you can not ignore,
because this is not another harmless metaphor.*

I declare war.

You are half a world away
but you still make my heart flutter.

Hair was dark as night
the silver fox has arrived
I call her mother

Roasted chestnut eyes
searching for people to help
hope lives in her palms

Four strong beating hearts
she embroidered those to us
a human angel

Today is her day
because she emerged from it
April dwells in her

How is it possible to feel
so empty, when the negative
thoughts keep piling up?

The porcelain bird flew so very high
until its neck encountered with the ground.
From the windowsill to the edge of night
it died alone; with no one else around.

The pills make me brave
no more stumbling words
or drowning in attention-waves.

The pills make me calm
no more marathon in my chest
but no calm without a storm.

The pills make me relax
no more arson in my cheeks
but i know it soon will attack.

The pills make me happy
or at least they suppress the tears
but they haven't set me truly free.

The pills make me a better version
while the real me is still a wreck
how do i break the distortion?

The pills make me feel alive
yet i'm still dying on the inside
but here i am; i intend to survive.

front line; left behind
a steady battle cry crawls
into the death drum

I let go of my first love before it had a chance to bloom.
I watched it fall with autumn into the descending moon.

But here we are again; talking about yesterday's tune.
It's like nothing ever happened, and thus my pain resumes.

I am soon leaving a place to find a new one to roam.
The place I am leaving behind is what I call home.
I am leaving the green fields and the cozy old town.
To face new challenges and get my world turned upside down.

Before, I was stuck at the bottom of a now forgotten ocean.
It was dark and quiet, yet the water around me was in commotion.
I could not breathe and was desperate to take in another breath.
I was not ready to greet the eternal sleep, better known as death.

My body felt weightless even though my eyelids were so heavy.
I cut off the chain that hugged my feet and swam slow but steady.
“Would I make it?” was the thought that kept making me nervous.
However, that did not stop me from taking my eyes of the surface.

With my head above the water, the air felt so liberating.
Because being in the water for too long can be quite intoxicating.
I find it funny how water makes you either float or is pushing you down.
It can scream into your eardrums, yet at other times it makes no sound.

When I finally reached land and felt solid ground beneath my feet.
I looked at the horizon and felt a warm embrace from the sun’s heat.
When the last drop of salty water left my body, I took seat in a full bus.
We drove off without direction, while the sun was still shining on us.

When I reached my final destination, I did not know what to do or say.
I have never stood alone before, and I was ready to just run away.
But then the traffic light stopped me with the brightest shade of green.
And suddenly I knew what to do with my life, at the age of nineteen.

Flute
Elegant, fragile
Captivating, enticing, comforting
Cleansing your soul, intensify your spine
Alluring, controlling, compelling
Powerful, sophisticated
Saxophone

As a child, I said hello to poetry;
but I did not know that it would
become my ultimate adult therapy.

A lonely snowdrop initiates the dance
out in the woods on the bare ground
they emerge, one by one
as shooting stars on a highway
they embroider a blanket of white serenity
to embrace spring and greet her once again

Lightning bolts embroidered on swaying hips;
two oceans roam with potential danger.
Come take a sip of wonder - if you dare;
let the water guide home the lost sailor.

Different ways of dying,
occupy my mind every night.
One of them might be worth trying,
if it'll make serenity hold me tight.

I submerge myself
in sadness
drenched to my core
I paddle through
heartache and
melancholic waves
unaware of the
lurking tsunami
spawned by
everlasting
thoughts of you

I’m a healer; not a feeler,
a traveler with loss of passion.
Pipe dreams are clear when day is gone,
then I spawn stories you can’t imagine.

I’m a wanderer; but I am not lost,
burn the human manufactures.
The sky is bleeding poor man’s gold,
drowning lunatic dream-catchers.

I’m a winter child; but my heart is fire,
it's a roaring black hole of ancient lullabies.
Follow the zebra through the midnight woods,
I saw glimpse of amnesia in its eyes.

She is hiding behind the tall pine trees.
My thoughts are all twisted. She is calling for me.
Her silhouette is now stored, burned into my eyes.
She spoke with a voice that disrupted the sky.

It’s only her and I in this misty forest, all alone.
The path I came from is now gone, overgrown.
When I take a step closer, I simply go nowhere.
She stands completely still, guiding me like a flare.

Everything is quiet, except for all the voices in my head.
They scream her name, coloring my ears with red.
A distant look is embroidered on her face.
She is captivating; I might be in dire straits.

I’ve been wandering for so long, in so many years.
Now I stand in an awe of her, stuck in second gear.
So I’ll just stay here forever, looking at her in despair.
Because if I turn around, I am afraid she might disappear.

The "us" in my head was just
a stillborn dream of mine.
But in another life, that dream
would live and breathe with us.

The golden leaves have said their final goodbye,
as they slowly fall down the trees.
But never have corpses of nature looked more beautiful,
than the crown they made on the top of your head.

Lie with me
on this ancient
ground and keep
me warm with
your lies about
a better tomorrow
where sorrows
die with the
remnants of my
common sense

Open your eyes and see the world;
it's been here the whole time.
Free your heart and free your mind;
loving yourself is no crime.

Take off your mask and just be you;
it takes courage to come alive.
Let the light fight the dark away;
you don't need to be disguised.

Tell the world you're here to stay;
drown your doubts in the river bend.
Believe in yourself and you'll realize;
you're your own hero in the end.

I know I'm a fool for
running away from love,
especially when love is the only
thing I've been dreaming of.

But I'm afraid of rejection, so I
isolate myself from other's affection.

Time after time I find myself
walking this road alone,
with just the thought of love
to keep me warm.

i scraped my knees in the
realms of time
i don't know where to hide
under the willow tree
to find and harvest
the new moon
a cracked ceiling blinks
with long lashes
my long lost friend is
still ice cold
it is not yet spring

greet my reflection if
i go too long
without smiling

a transparent person
it looks a lot like
me

I take occasional sips
from my favorite mug that
I've poured chamomile tea into.
It's strange how we
change through the years.
When I was younger I hated
chamomile tea, since my mum
made it when I was sick.
But now, it's one of my favorites.
I guess my soul is sickened of the
mundane world I live in,
and it needs something to
clam it down.

meandering thoughts
a central, vicious star writes
whilst watching the skulls

Wherever you look she is there, waiting;
beautiful and cold as she is,
for someone to entertain her.

When the sleepy skies yawn away and
his golden locks take the podium,
he can’t help but notice only her.

He invites to dance, so she lifts her skirts high
and puts her transparent hand in his and
together they dance their crystal waltz.

He might entertain her only for a while,
because she will soon perish from something
magically beautiful to just another puddle.*

But despite knowing this, she does not mind at all.