I never want to wake up with amnesia
Those boys you used to be obsessed with can sing it all they want
But I’m never changing a thing
I would love to forget the screaming each morning
The police in my house
The holes in the wall
Cinnamon
I would love to forget my embarrassments and nightmares and heartbreaks
But I don’t want amnesia because I don’t want to forget you
Remember in 6th grade when I screamed to you about glasses
Remember in our first conversation when I saw your scars for the first time
I don’t think we’re fine at all
I listened to this song and it’s called amnesia
I have the tune stuck in my head right in this place
I remember how it felt to finally see you
After a summer without even seeing your face
And we’re not fine at all
I remember how I never knew I loved you
Or I never show you the romantic poetry I write because I write it at night when I’m disoriented and I can only think of you
It happens a lot
I don’t know if it happens to you
Nobody deserves to have a person such as me in their thoughts because I’m no fun and my skin looks like it never gets any sun
People don’t like me so why did you
Sometimes you tell me that I should marry you
I would like to but I don’t know how to figure things out yet
I’m only 13
Am I really that adorable? It was just a smile and I smile at most things you say to me
Do you still have the moments where you question what we are exactly because I do that
I know you’re my best friend and I know you’ll replace me sometime
I don’t want to replace you though
I’m bad at poetry
I love your eyes so much
And your hands
I don’t like physical contact but I love it when you tackle me in a hug
I love everything about you
I don’t love that I’m the one that saves you, sometimes
I’m no one and you deserve all the someones in the world
I admire this poet
A man who writes spoken word
“I don’t want to turn any of this into poetry
But
You’re so beautiful
flowers turn their heads to smell you.”
He said that once
And another time
“Don’t tell me you’re not beautiful. You’re the kind of beautiful the blind would see, if we could figure out some way to give them 3 seconds of sight. When you tell me you’re not gorgeous I want to pop out your left eye and show it to your right.”
Once upon a time he said, “it’s gravity that’s been getting us down,” in a poem I memorized
But I kind of think he’s wrong because gravity is a force that makes things float in some amounts
And we’ve kept each other down to the ground and not hanging from ceiling fans
So it’s gravity that’s keeping us (don’t give) up
Do you remember in the mall
Running into you
I think you noticed me last because I’m small
I think I noticed you last because I tend to save the best for last
People say it can make everything so much sweeter
I gasped
I don’t think you meant to tackle me but I am very scrawny so I don’t mind
I like the name you’ve chosen for yourself
It’s my brother’s name, actually
But I think you’re still my favorite Tyler
I’m sorry I used to annoy you with that song about mashed potatoes
You should’ve told me
Too late now
When I was in the 6th grade, I told you that if you wanted to die you should’ve just killed yourself
I’ve never felt more guilty
I’ve never wanted to reverse the situation more because I know that you were strong enough to ignore my bigotry and I was a coward
I would’ve done it
I was stupid
I am stupid
Last April I wrote a poem about you called Skin but it’s deep the confines of a notebook that you shouldn’t read
Your skin is beautiful
And unique
And covered in red marks and of course mental illness isn’t a love story but maybe a love story is the subplot and not the main one and you might have a lot of them
I’m so scared you’re going to die soon
I don’t know how I’d react
Would you want me to keep living
Would you miss me
I’d miss you
The other night, you were in my dream
You came with me to visit my dad in the hospital
And then you disappeared
Is this a sign
I don’t want it to be a sign because I love you so please don’t disappear
My dad was walking and talking
I can’t remember what happened
I think I pushed past him to find you but I can’t remember
I can never remember
I wanted to tell you about it the next day but you weren’t there
I still really want to tell you about it
“You’re worth crossing whatever distance it would take
Worth building bridges to make a connection
Because I’ve been secretly stealing stop signs
Repainting traffic lines so that it can only go one way
Because as far as I can tell dedication is the better part of foreplay
And I admit it, I’m committed, everything I’ve done I did it to make you smile
Cause it’s been the largest part of a long while
Since I had someone do that for me.”
Another quote from the man
The name is Shane Koyczan
I admire his poetry almost as much as I admire all of you
I could never write the way he does
I think I can write okay about scars
The rose’s-worth of storybooks that mark your entire body?
Because everything has a story(even those marks) and I’ll be damned if you haven’t made yourself into a library
But I would read every page of every book if it meant knowing your story
Roses have thorns so be careful with yourself
You’re as sweet as one but you can be just as deadly as its thorns
I keep quoting the man who knows how to write love poems like the back of his hand
It’s like the back of his hand is a galaxy
But oh lord that’s not my quote either that’s a woman’s and she writes about her future daughter
But I still stand to believe he has the galaxies memorized and he knows all the perfect words
I think you would like his poetry more than mine
But all I can say to make it beautiful is “I love you”
Because 3 words are worth a thousand and I’m counting the seconds until you say it back
this is one of many poems about tyler. I said, “hey, I sent you a poem over hangouts. Levi cried reading it.” and they said “I don’t want to cry!” and I said “you won’t, it’s about you.” and with a short glance they said, “it’s always about me.” full of curiosity.