I’m
Still left somewhere in last week at the bar in between drinks
When you so casually claimed
“you know I love you”
somewhere between my heart stopping and feeling like it got plunged with a needle full of adrenaline
“you know I don’t ever wanna make you mad I just wanna make you laugh”
my smile felt somewhere between triumphant and pride
ecstatic and overwhelmed
It’s like the smoke cleared out and centered around you
why are you all I see?
how are you all that I see still?
I told you once that you have a power over me and to this day it’s still true.
I can deny it until I’m blue in the face and I have no more air in my lungs- but it’s true
But….. you love me.

I got you
I actually won this prize
I can’t get out of this haze I’ve been in and I can’t stop seeing the way your hands were moving when you told me.
your shy smile. your earnestness in your eyes.
I’ve never fought to be so relevant in someone’s life the way I fight for a spot in yours, the claws that come out when that spot is threatened feel so sharp and steadfast
Like they’d take on any and everything to be near you
And you love me.

It’s a relief and terrifying at one time. cause you can confess a love that makes flowers bloom in my chest but proclaim that love isn’t real in the next breath, so what is it that you’re trying to say? That the love you feel for me isn’t as cemented as mine feels for you? I’ve stifled my love for you, I’ve proclaimed it to you, I’ve held it steady for you, and in my heart it’s only you that holds this love and I’m not scared to give it to you, but the love you’re handing me… I’m petrified and proud to be responsible for it. It’s a heady thing, your love. I don’t want to hurt you.

I understand "mad"
Obstinate amongst navel oranges
Coasting with the  waves

Cry no ,cry no,cry no
Illogical and untrained,
Bullied,victimised and left for dead,
Felt so low
How am I expected to grow,
When I didn’t feel the love of man
My spirit is drained,
Night are so long ,
I’d rather smoke and be using my ****,
Leave me be,
I stay in that dark space like the Capricorn,
At least I’m ridden with pain.

he perfectly knew when my body was possessed by the twins.
he could identified them in an magnificent way.
he said “your eyes are darker when you are K, you change. you are savage, manipulator, dangerous, careless. the devil”
he also said “your eyes are brighter when you are E, you are another person. you are care-loving, sweet. an angel”

They say Capricorns are fearless but also reckless.

We're fearless because we have this idea that the earth works on its own. What is to happen will.
Yet...
We are reckless when it comes to the heart. There's this visual of this perfect love that we seem to think is capable with every intimate soul we meet. When that is not the love we intend to require we drop everything and run.

Our sanity and peace of mind means more than others. Not to be absurd but we are disturbingly at peace with ourselves and that balance is to precious to be broken.

Because I don't think you understand, we are the constellation of determination yet ambition. We are magical yet a majestic sign. We dance like lilies and communicate like lovers at 2am. We are dangerous because we know the balance but simply don't care.
We can't wreck what was never there
We can't fear what we can't see