Iska 6h
One slips down
Smile lasts a little longer

Two slip down with a gulp
Now I am giddy.

Three go down one after another
Now I wonder have you noticed me stutter?

Four go down
And maybe one more...

Five go down with a gurgle
When do I start feeling alive?

Six is a struggle
But it’s worth the trouble

Seven go down
Yet I still drown

Better be eight
And you won’t feel the hate

Then goes nine
To feel this time...

Ten go down
And I start to D R O W N
In giggles and gurgles
In chimes and rhymes
In sad and hate
In numbing pain

Happy pills why do I still feel the same?
Lost in an ocean of oblivion
No punctuation
да, нет, что ебать
Sawdmkidroffglibwdble
Words are worms that crawl
Beneath my hands scrawl
Meaning found in places
Aces and empty spaces
You can't begin to envision
My illusions the manipulation
Built on intricate delusions
Could I be awake in sleep
Awake in my sweet
Hallucinations
Lucy May 11
It’s been a while since I tried to write a poem.
It’s been a while since I’ve tried to make sense of the Spirographs that are my thoughts.
Sometimes I try and follow the line as it weaves it ways through the dark circles.
But sometimes
I can’t,
Sometimes I end up in the kitchen taking a whole bottle of pills,
Sometimes I end up in the hospital drinking bottles of charcoal,
You see everyday April 5th replays in my mind.
Haleigh May 9
Razors;

Just one
slash on the skin
and enough
blood will gush out
then it’s finished
you’re free
and dead

Poison;

Easy, not
one sweat would
drip from your skin.
Just drink
nonstop—
don’t pause to
catch a breath
because you wouldn’t be
needing it.

Choking;

A lot effort,
but will definitely do.
You will need some
time with yourself
and only you.
Tie the most beautiful
knot you could do,
then hang yourself
like one of your
favorite clothes.

Pills to sleep;

One,
two,
three—
doesn’t matter how many.
Drink it all,
and you will fall
deep asleep
and wouldn’t feel it hurt.
It’s just like
overcoming a nightmare.

Intentional Accident;

Wander around
the dark, quiet highway.
Sit for a while and
maybe write a little.
Look around, say,
"I’ll miss you."
And then by now
maybe a car in a hurry
would hit you.

Drowning;

Oh, how calm the
sea looks like.
Would I bother its
sleeping time
if I jumped in it
and hugged it
tight?

Trigger, pistol, gunpowder;

Daddy had a pistol
hidden in his drawer.
He said he would use it
if some bad person
tries to burgle.
He only knows of
one kind of bad person.
He never suspected
he was living with one.
clever May 4
Rx
There are four pill bottles in my cabinet.
1.) Vicodin for the pain, the agony that comes in the night, the suffering.
2.) Prozac for the numbness, the void, the grey space in my brain.
3.) Ativan for the insomnia, the late night tears, the constant thinking.
4.) Xanax for the panic, the racing heartbeats, the walls closing in.
I'm working on a couple more.
There are four pill bottles in my cabinet.
All of them are almost empty.
IamThatGirl May 3
I did it good, I did it all,
I tried my best and I threw that ball,
I went to school, I did my job,
I worked my ass of even tho math was a flop,

I brush my teeth and I go to sleep,
but suddenly I´m wide awake,
nothing works not even counting sheep,
and I´m yet again loosing faith,

I can lay in bed for hours,
I realize that I have no real power,
so I shove a pill down my throat,
I´m ready for sleep I´m stoked

but all it does is make me dizzy,
and I´m getting cranky and pissy,
it has been like this a few days in a row,
and I want to get out of this deep dark hole,

suddenly I cant bring myself to school,
doing anything is a mess,
my bodys getting weaker,
and I´m collapsing underneath the stress,

I´m trying pill after pill but nothings working,
some makes me drunk,
others just makes me thirsty,

after hours of hours,
days and hot showers,
my memory is fading,
the room is once again shading,

I´m putting my my head on the bed,
lights go out,
and I´m finally at rest.
I´m a serious insomniac, and I am a really rare rare case because of my adhd, I have had insomnia since I was born. I was born with it. Sometimes it feels like I´m always awake, and I am also always alone
Ren May 2
I'm going crazy
I'm trapped in my head
But you're gonna give me drugs instead?
I'm lost, I'm confused
I come to you
But you're gonna give me another pill?
Just listen to me once
Just listen to what I have to say
Don't give me another drug
That
Dulls my thoughts
Suppresses who I really am
Why can't you just
Help me find myself?
Can't rely
On you to care
So I go to my friends
Who are always there.
I feel like the laughs and smiles rattle in my chest like my anti-depressants when I shake the bottle.

It feels so hollow and dark until I light up momentarily, and then it dies again.

The smiles and laughs are like bugs in a jar, you shake them and they move, but leaving them in too long kills them off.

I just can't understand why I cry feeling this pain but then inflict it upon myself when I can't feel anything at all.

I can't help but think how fucked up I am, taking pills, talking about my problems, slicing my arms until they drip with blood.

It's impossible for me to be happy when this hollow feeling lingers with my emotions as its prisoner.

Shaking itself, rattling them up to taunt them until they cry out.

I can't live in this false hope anymore.

There is no help for me, no happiness for me here.

They're just echoes that bounce off the walls in my chest.

No one can hear the loud pain beneath this numb body.

It's like screaming for help underneath water.

and happiness is the one keeping me under. It's

Pointless

Lies,

Egocentric

Abuse,

Silence

Eerie filled rooms full of avengeful ghosts. I can't help but feel,

Hateful

Erratic

Lament

Perplexed by these feelings that rattle in my ribcage.

Maybe this life isn't for me
Eternal emptiness that can not be fulfilled.
I can't feel anything.
Nyx May 1
Hey Mr, Could you tell me
Whats the best way to die?
There are so many different reasons
I don't know which one to try

Should I, Slit my wrists in a vertical direction
Watch the blood drip down, As a desperate need for affection
The blood draining from my body to surround me in a crimson red, would I finally then feel happiness spread

Should I, Overdose on drugs? Illegal or Prescription?
Feel the nausea and vomiting decay my body, As nobody ever listened.

Should I, Drown myself in the bathtub? Or the pool to make it public
The crushing pressure of my lungs collapsing, As if i am absolutely nothing. A burning feeling will spread through my chest as if I am to burst
But dont look down into the depth cause surely you'll feel worse

Should I, Step onto the highway? With all the cars at top speed
Allow the pain of my bones breaking, As I only wanted to be needed
The impact could still render me alive, But in a world of agonising pain, then everything I had done will surely be in vain

Should I, Light myself on fire? Or torch me and my home
Let the searing flesh melt off of me, As I was always left alone
They will hear my screams for miles to come, but know that it was me
As my charred corpse will remain, forever left unseen

Should I, Hang myself in the closet? Let my mother find me dead
Feel the tightening rope cut short my breath, As nobody heard what I said. My limp blue body will dangle down with a note left by my bed

Should I, Jump off a high building? A tall place with strong winds
For a moment I can fly away, before I splatter across the ground leaving nothing but my outline and some red

Should I, Shoot myself in the head? Allow myself to pull the trigger
A gunshot will echo, I'll fall to the ground, Then I would finally be dead.
I wouldn't feel a single thing just the hurt of those before me
It would be instant and over in a second, that way their tears wont bore me

So Mr, Could you tell me
The best way that I can die?
You've played this game before
So hurry there is no need to lie

Hey Mr,
Its not like you actually care
Whether I personally live or die
So hurry up and tell me
As he's waiting for me in the afterlife
What is the best way to die?
I’m ashamed
I need certain substances to keep me sane
and pills at night to feel alright
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