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Vale Luna 17h
When I grew out of my adolescence
I lost my crippling thrist to write

I stopped cutting myself in my early 20's;
just like the research articles said I would

Disorder direction, however,
was not the cause of my coping correction

I moved away from rampant tantrums
Sliding down the ***** of sufferance

I used to write to externalize my internal desperation
My frustration with the life I was given
(Certainly not the choices I've made)

Over a decade of time has aged me
From a helpless girl, to an impassive woman
Submissive to circumstance

Now, I chain bricks to my ankles
And throw myself in the sea of apathy

I will not expend the energy to care,
but rather intentionally strive for indifference

In doing so, I sacrifice my desire to write…
Losing desperation makes me hollow

Then again, helplessness is for children.

I am a woman now.

I no longer crave the ability to describe my emotions
Asking for help is not a viable option anymore
I've tried that long enough
kayzamo 6d
---TW: themes of self harm---

I'm hungry,
******* hungry.
I'm not really in the mood
For the moldy apples in my fridge.
My brain is hungry though,
******' hungry.

A nagging, a pulling, and a tapping.
The urges crawl to and fro in the back of my skull,
Like drunken, confused spiders.
I roll my eyes back
To take a peep at the spiders,
And I stare at them for a while.
Their clumsy crawling is mesmerizing;
I can't look away, even though I want to.

The stomach growls,
The skin quivers,
And the aroma rises.
The blood running in my veins,
Along with the goosebumps on my skin
Are tantalizing.
Why does it smell better than any actual meal?
My thoughts begin to narrow in on my hunger,
On my skin,
And on my hunger,
And on my skin,
And on the box cutter,
And on my hunger,
And on my skin.
Eventually it's all I can think about,
God ******.

I bite and groan;
I bite and wail.
The guilt consumes me,
But the hunger consumes me
With an even sharper bite.
Not actually about cannibalism - I was using that more as a parallel to discuss the themes portrayed in this piece. It was a tough one to write.
Leah Carr May 8
Deep, deep down
Where no-one's ever been
Hide dark, dark waters
Of tears unseen
Far from below
I hear my own, muffled screams
Of when you all turned
and hurt me
kayzamo May 3
----TW: brief mention of blood----

i wanna ***** on your floor.
i don't care how gross it is...
i want you to get a good look
and watch it harden and dry -
like my feelings for you,
like your feelings for me,
like someone's feelings about the weather,
like your lips when they occasionally crack,
like my tears after a regular midnight crying session,
like an old man's emotions,
like my emotional intelligence,
like a kid's year old play dough,
like your sliver of remaining motivation,
like an adhd project,
like the blood i'll cough up,
like a teen's sloppily painted nails.
yeah, like all those things.
I'm not fond of this one but... I'm posting it anyways I guess?
Merlie T May 3
I want to be present and
thinking about the world
Not worrying about myself+my mental illness+wellbeing.
Maybe I can find that out in the flowers
kayzamo May 2
Three stoic monitors,
Illuminating the room with a blue light glow.
If he squints hard enough, he can almost see
The ghastly spectres that crawl up his walls.
Haunting shadows
Of guilt and inferiority.

Waking up
At twelve o'clock PM sharp.
He was stirred awake by a dull drumming.
The sound of his suprachiasmatic nucleus
Echoing in his ear
Alerted him to consciousness.
He sunk his bare feet into the Texan snow,
Standing naked out in the flurry and
Somehow not getting cold.

He looked back at the footprints he made.
Despite having just stepped outside,
He had a nagging suspicion that
They had been there all along.
I haven't posted in almost a year but I have been writing, so... time to catch up and post a bunch of mediocre pieces!
Leah Carr Apr 30
Keep holding it together and keep holding on
You need to survive, you need to stay strong
It doesn't matter that you want to give up the fight
For no-one but you is going to be the light

Keep holding on and keep holding it together
You need to walk on, no matter the weather
It doesn't matter if you don't think you'll make it through
Because at the end of the day, the only person the change this,
is you
Leah Carr Apr 29
Pain does not discriminate.
But pain, in people,
it causes them to hate.

It targets the weak,
forces them to be strong
Pain is the world in which I belong

Pain takes soldiers
and turns them into casualties
It takes beauty
and infects it with darkness

Pain is division
between those who know it,
and those who don't

Pain is losing everything you thought you couldn't lose
And then somebody saying

"You just have to choose"
The foe that strikes the hardest
is the one
that lives underneath your skin
and there
you are vulnerable
and there you will feel
the paranoia
of facing the hidden enemy
A paranoid Schizophrenic walks into a bar
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