My mind thinks worse by every night
When it will finally breach the calm garden of thoughts
Overthrowing it with insanity
Will you think of me?
Will the mental's ability to draw forth desires succeed in corrupting yours with thoughts of me?
Do you even still think of me?
Is this conscious carnival now my only company,
Constantly surrounded by intrusion
Howling, no longer at the moon,
But for my doom?
My heart beat slows every morning without you
When it will finally slow to halt
Will you feel me?
Will I cause a woeful effect of leaving a hollow gap in you?
Will you attempt to reincarnate me?
Is this sacred solitude now my only love to keep,
Sheltered in the warmth of bleak
& Catabolic memories
That metabolise me?
My soul detaches little by little everyday
When the last sip surpasses to seep out of this fallen cup I call myself
What will you do?
Who will you see?
I'm fully aware that this battle is purely between me & myself
Yet I'm still stuck here, contemplating without conclusion
A hero saves all & will risk all to save his/her lover
But if that lover no longer wants to,
who saves the hero?
I know I should focus on myself
If I don't, it's not good for health
But see the truth is
I'm fighting with myself
& well darling, I'm losing...
So how are You?
I don’t think you’ll ever know,
How it feels to be all alone.
Just holding on to anything,
Just to keep these tears at bay.
My shoulders feel heavy
And my chest is tight.
I just want to make it through the night,
Hoping that you don’t see
I’m fighting not to give it.
I don’t know how I got into this,
Been fighting with myself just to hang on,
I know you can’t see what’s killing me...
But never mind, you’ll never know.
My mind is a battle field.
I’m just stood in no-mans land,
Don’t care if I’m hit.
I won’t open up just in case you run
My mind is a dark place, just shutting down...
My life is a mess
I found a pair of scissors
Now my arms are a mess
Everyone think that I'm okay
Truth is that I'm not
I have depression, anxiety and eating disorders
I am a 105 days clean from cutting and chocking
But I still get the urges
Some days the urges aren't bad but other days I'm close to hurting myself
I used to get called an emo or an attention seeker because of my scars
I am paranoid that I have become a disappointment to everyone I know
There is one person who knows what's wrong but she doesn't understand me
I can't live with the mistakes I have made
I don't believe that there is anything or anyone out there for me
People judge me because I'm not skinny
So I restrict to be like everyone else
I self-harmed because it was the only thing that helped me feel alive
I self-harmed to feel pain
I self-harmed to get even with what people have done to me
Self-harm is not just cutting, chocking, scratching or burning
Restricting and purging is self-harm
I'm not clean from self-harm completely
I'm close but to stop restricting and purging is harder then ever
This is me
I don't like me one bit
It's a miracle I have made it this far
I don't expect to be here for much longer
And on the seventh day
injustice, famine, disease, war, misery,
to draw inspiration
from all of the above.
I’m sure I could do a better job of Creation
I seem to overlook the
fellow two-legged creatures
live on a daily basis
How the bloody hell do they do it?
I’m glad to sit next to this noisy boiler
at 4 o’clock in the morning
just to give this mind
some healthy competition
The thought of lunch is dreadful
Music can only drown out so much
But I am not quick witted
I have no strength to fight back
If only you could sit with me
Because being bullied together
would be better than being bullied alone
The cafeteria turns dark and dreary
Children turn to demons starring
Their mouths turning to knives
I am too sick to eat around them
If only you sat at my table
Because starving together
would be better than starving alone
By myself surrounded by strangers
Unable to pull words from my throat
Fidgeting and jittery I can not sit still
Shrinking deeper against the pain
I wish you had my fourth period
Because being isolated together
would be better than being isolated alone
The sounds have hurt my ears
Their torture has burned into my bones
My nails have scratched deep into my skin
My eyes have twisted in ungodly ways
Every moment I am here
Every time I hurt
Every time I cry
Every time I'm forced to sit with strangers
I wish you were here too
Because dying together
would be better than dying alone.
An autonomous program written for all,
The margin of error is rather quite small.
A day to day basis I go through my week,
Without any error it's bound to repeat.
The automatic smile when passing a stranger
Believe it or not the code is in danger.
A fault in the code that lies in my brain,
At first I feel normal but then feel insane.
The code is so broken that nothing seems real,
How could it be when this is all I feel?
Day in day out a feeling of nothingness,
Most mark it off as me being a pessimist.
It all meshes together and all feels the same,
All I want is to get out of this sick, twisted game.
No changes in schedule is really quite boring,
But the thought of change is super abhorring.
I look at my friends and know I should care,
But in the end my mind is just bare.
i am not your princess
you should not be holding on
i am not your savior
you should’ve know that...
i can’t even rescue me
you wanna broken girl
till you wind up in her world
till you end up breaking glass and dishes
because her ambiance is fading
and you can’t meet any of her
hundreds of wishes
you wanted a broken girl
that’s what you said
you wanted a broken girl
to escape your own head
for the sun shining through your hair
and stubborn, indignant passion
for smiles with dimpled cheeks
and the twinkle in your eyes
because the ocean calls you
and the tides pull me in
you saved me from feeling like i'm drowning,
my head's above the water now
and so, now i'm breathing
honey, i'm all in