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If you know the way you came
You know how to return.
It may be an uphill climb
With many twists and turns.
You may lose your footing once
Or twice while on your way,
As the road may seem to just
Get steeper with each day.
You will fall from time to time
And tears will follow suit,
Demons from the mountain top
Shout claims you must refute.
If you can brave the obstacles
That once set you aflame,
You will make the journey through
The way that you once came
And it seems
no matter how hard I try
I cannot sleep
this will of mine once strong
now weak
nobody could have made my head turn
nobody but you
and when you left
it was like my heart shattered
just as fast as my mental state
but you broke me
long before you left
all the drugs and alcohol
mixed effects
all irreversible
you forced my head
to the table
fear was your chosen weapon
and it worked
but all things
good and bad
come to an end
as did our love
our hate for one another
but although I cannot stop
thinking about you...

... I would still spit on your grave
a week ago
i turned 26.

two days ago
i hurt myself again
for the first time
in four years.

this time i didn't
use the little blades
from my razor.

this time i
got more personal.
used my own fingernails
to dig deep for the life
i'm scared to live
beneath this skin.

then i took some
deep breaths in
& restarted the journey again.
yikes. isn't it so scary to be so honest with yourself?
Serotonin, dopamine,
Wherever have you been?
I looked for you in *** and drugs
And all that's inbetween.
I even took up therapy
To fix my attitude,
So tell me why it is today
I woke in a good mood.
Should I be concerned of this?
I feel a little fear.
I can hear the singing birds
In place of angry sneers.
I can see the colours dripping
From the sky like rain.
Comforting, it coats me in
A range of gorgeous stains.
they don’t know.
they don’t know.
I tell myself over and over and over.
it’s impossible,
purely impossible,
for one to know my thoughts.
they cannot see me,
they cannot know,
so why is it I hesitate.
this feeling of paranoia,
so strong it drives me to insanity,
bedevils me even now.
I will myself to persuade my mind
that truly they do not know,
cannot know, will not know.
I tremble in the moment,
the ones that debilitate me,
leave me questioning my own reality.
it feels that they’re inside my head,
beckoning me...taunting me.
but I tell myself no, no,
no way in **** can they know.
for surely it is not possible,
for them to see me.
so why do these anxieties plague me,
over things I know they cannot know.
my struggle with mental illness
Vulnerable;
Scared. The
Only comfort I get is from knowing
He’s always there.
(Your love keeps me
Warm and
Alive)

Ready to cut
These walls wide open.
Stop them ******* staring at me.
I think they
Mock me because they have
Adjacency, they have
Friends. I sit, looking
At them. They
Watch me-
Cry.
(I escape and find peace in thoughts of
You and I)
My love helps me through everything; he is the guiding light of my life.
maybe the words i said
couldn't contain themselves
into their strict meanings
and suddenly
i revealed my headspace

Suddenly you are a part of it
my dark twisted struggle for
a body removed
with a body that won't
will not
move from its concrete place

it's a different kind of silence
one only few learn about
There's nothing in my pocket
but for a smile and the hope
that it'll last a while.

Hiding from my depression
in the space between dark thoughts,
I watch the trees lose their leaves,

and thinking of the struggle for joy
that has plagued my life since I was a boy,
I dry the tears on my sleeves.

Yet all of this is soon forgotten
as the seasons change along with my mood.
Brooding is worth nothing in this floating world.
Jo 3d
I want to feel the skin on my knuckles split when my hands connect with glass
I want to see my hands shake when the pain sets in
I want to feel the metallic taste of blood on my tongue
I want to look at what I've broken
A mirror
My best friend's trust in me
A mirror
The smiles that used to light my sisters' faces A mirror
Every chance at love I've ever had
A mirror
I've broken much more than a mirror
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