Laura 12h
It's all cranberry juice and pills
Zoloft pills
Little tiny tic tac Zoloft pills.
Insurance pays for most of it,
But there are a couple crinkled dollars in my pocket that pick up the rest.
They're supposed to help.
I should be able to get out of bed,
And do daily shit.
But all I do is grab more Zoloft,
And take my daily shit.
The cranberry juice helps the piss not burn,
But the cream doesn't do anything for the hemorrhoids
That come from trying so hard to shit out the food I never eat.
It all just hurts nowadays,
So I have to take pills.
Pills on top of pills
And pills after those pills.
It all just hurts from laying in bed all day.
But I never get up.
Just to get more tiny tic tac pills,
And to take my daily shit.
Most days I forget,
But sometimes I take 6.
Twice the prescribed won't kill me.
I'll kill myself before any little pill does.
Constantly hidden by an altered mind.

Medicated to numb this monster I try so hard to hide.

Isolate myself before you have a chance to see

who I really am on the inside.
Mae Andrea May 14
I spend all day begging for my head to come in contact with a pillow
But when the clock finally permits this
I lie awake

For hours on end my mind is filled with noise and my heart feels hollow
Why do I still suffer like this
For goodness sake

I'm unable to feel sadness thanks to the medications I swallow
And the happiness I get from a kiss
Feels entirely fake

I know this is better than suffocating in the deepest shadow
That extended from my past
But still I ache
anya May 2
you will try to paint it out,
or write it down,
sing,
dance,
and act it out,
but no one will see the picture.

i'm sorry.
one day, i'm sure, we shall search for those who will.
Marloes May 1
The doctor says I’m ill
Unable to function so they give me a pill
Still unable to get rid of this condition
But trying to fix me seems to be their mission

My muscles are weak
Poisoned by those drugs, I can hardly speak
Is this cure supposed to be this bad?
Because if this is I’d rather be mad
This is about my current frustration with the medication I take at the moment for my bipolar disorder.
Shanne Apr 20
It’s 5:22 and I still haven’t slept.

It’s not uncommon anymore and they say insomnia is a side effect of Paroxetin.

I call bullshit.

Tomorrow I’ll be picking up a new prescription - things they feed me to make themselves feel better.

St John’s Wort.

They say its safer and more traditional, less side effects.

I’m just exhausted.

I think they’re just trying to get me talking again. I’ve stopped coming to the sessions and is it normal that I’ve felt better since?

Probably because they’ve upped the dosage of my Paxil.

Do they know that Paroxetine can overdose? 560 mg I heard can kill. That’s 28 tablets.

I counted 13 in my bottle. That’s just about enough to get someone to hallucinate and vomit.

Useless.




I hear chirping outside my window.

It gets me smiling.
T R H Apr 6
I've talked to the doctors
I'm taking the pills
Medication, meditation
but it all seems to fail

I'm shackled down
by the weight of my misery
and what other steps
can I take to be free
except to find
the tallest building

and leap.
Kassandra Apr 5
Melancholy
It's been my whole life
No cause no start
It cuts like a Knife

Crawling out of bed
Is always such a chore
All these medications I take
They’re such a bore

Nothing has helped
Not talking, Not meds
No walks in the parks
They just tear at my threads

A zombie puppet was I
Dragged through life by strings
Being a good little girl
Not excited for what life brings
Guys being honest I am fine
I've just been struggling with depression my entire life,
Nothing new, I have had it since I could remember
It’s my night to meet with Liz
To tell her “bout my private biz
She mulls it over then tells me how it really is
You see it’s her job
To listen to me cry and sob
Imagine that…
She gets paid the listen to me

Most therapists say:

“Having a little anxiety attack?
"How about some nice Prozac”
Or
Can’t sleep, feeling lost and alone?
“How about some nice Trazodone”
Or
“Manic Depressive? Feel like a Bum?
How about some nice Lithium”

Not Liz…
She gives appropriate drugs
Better yet she gives big hugs
Encourages me my thoughts to share
Teaches me to live again if I dare
To break free from loss and pain
Knowing from the truth I might gain

More free time
For both of us

On
Wednesdays at six
Dedicated to Liz
My therapist for over 15 years.  
Original 12/10/04
KM Hanslik Mar 26
I don’t really keep a diary anymore;
it seems kinda normalized to down a couple of pills instead
of learn how to look at myself in the mirror.
I wish I could say I’ve become numb, but the reality is
I feel
everything
and it tears me apart and it crawls into my bed and I can’t
sleep anymore, although when I do it’s
too much and my head is fuzzy from avoiding
myself.
I wish I could say I don’t dream, but I do
and my dreams are half-truths of reality,
twisted and mutilated to torment my anxieties
because I am my worst nightmare, I am
my biggest enemy and I know
that I should try to be better, I know,
but it seems so much easier
to play along like everything is fine and to not
ask anyone for anything.
I don’t know how they don’t see me
drowning. I don’t know why I don’t
ask for help
I want to, but god knows I always
crawl in on myself before placing the burden
on another.
I’m not going to risk
taking any more bodies down with me.
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