I don't understand. How can you be depressed? But you are always so bubbly? But you do so much?
I don't know. I feel okay, just okay. Truly, I am fine. I remind myself that I have survived much worse.
But, how does one explain that they feel hollow inside? How does one explain that they aren't exhausted from the lack of sleep but rather they are exhausted from having to pretend to be okay? How does one explain that they are waiting for their inevitable doom, and they feel like they have reached a secret level in their life?
I want to feel normal. But what is normal. Normal is not numb. And it sure isn't the doctors term "throw the kitchen sink at them."
I want to feel. I want to remember. But without entirely being consumed by my own darkness. So, tell me what can I do to make you understand what I don't understand?
I took the medicine to save me But oh how lucky it erased me No, not even a trace of me Suddenly I moved gracefully Before the side effects overcame me And I saw only black and white again My only memory of me before then I was sitting by an old oak tree Within myself I found peace Something let me off the leash Now I’m crumpled up inside The lights too bright it hurts my eyes Everything is rotten fruit Craters are bullet wounds left on the moon And I’m gone, though the cracks again No one can find me I am bursting through the seams Now I know what dying means
It's a fascinating experience indeed To know you're unbalanced To know there's something wrong To be really very confident and to have red flags waving But people are easily fooled So you enjoy your high Knowing you should listen to your therapist Knowing she's absolutely right to worry Knowing you'll disregard every one of her warnings Knowing you'll lie over and over again Because you want to be free From the ******* of the pills You just have to know If they're what's ****** you up
Have you ever watched bipolar disorder set into someone? It's frightening and thrilling.