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jon 3d
I'm not afriaid to die, I don't necessarily wanna be alive
I used to think I could never take my life and leave my family hanging, but I can't help this pain from my heart aching
One day it'll be alright that's what I keep hearing, but they ain't there when my mind is goin crazy
I didn't ask for this but if you did I'd say its ******* *******

Speeding through traffic, thinking to myself I want to let go of the wheel
My thoughts are suicidal, my manic mind is my one true rival
I didn't grow up with the best role models, hold up gimme a sec, I gotta finish this bottle
Faded as **** to numb my mind, with every sip I unwind
Blurred vision, slurred words, that's my negative grind
Turn around look up and feel the vibes, starry skies are my favorite nights.

Mary Jane and Tina ease the daily pain, but I also love smokin c
It puts so much strain on my body, and thoughts on my mind that're draining me
Thank the higher power or whatever the ***** out there for my family
The love they have for me helps me spiritually and emotionally
I'm talking about my mom mostly, she's my person

I appreciate it, through all the conflict
There's no resist when I need somethin
I can always count on her, I know I can get overwhelmed in this realm we call life
But that's when I grab my pipe and break a bud off the stem, smoke it, become myself again
I'm not stuck anymore, I'm free to be me  
I've dreamt of this reality because my childhood felt like an eternity
It's gonna be alright cuz the people all around got me
All this anxiety and in constant panic mode,
Some days you just gotta breathe and get through, just do you
No counting the seconds or minutes, stay present within your surroundings even if you feel like you're drowning
Deep breathing to know that you are okay, and that your soul is at peace for the day
My feet standing their ground, I'll make it sound with each step
Just let me do me, just let me breathe.
KHY 7d
It feels more natural
Than a capsule
Talking with you
Even though you make me blue
Medication puts me through
Sungmoo Bae Sep 10
Call me a medicine man,
and yeah, I'll be there for you sure,
dedicated to you only,
to help the one without a cure.

    Once I step inside your heart
    you'll begin to doze off,

and those shaky hands will be soothed
while letting your head rock to and fro; can't be helped.
You'd be my tiny little sleepyhead
holding that little dose in your palm

    and you'll soon wander off
    deep into the neverland of your own version,

forgetful of human senses:
the striking smell, the taste to savour,
the sound the music that is ever whimsical,
the bright light and the dim dark.

And I reckon you already like it
all surrounded by the forgetfulness
- the numbing sensations nullifying your will to rise,
and the pleasure finds shelter within you.

    Then in your dream
    you start to want me more,

    not knowing the impending consequences
    of forgetting all about yourself,

of drowning
further into the river
that we all call the sorrow,
and of falling faster and farther

until you know nowhere to return.
I call out "Wakey-wakey," then,
prying open your eyes and every doors
that'll lead you outside with haste

- the light shines upon your pupils
still drowned in tears,
bewildered, with your legs wobbling.
Yet you're no longer my sleepyhead anyway,

    so walk on, off with you,
    carry on with your stiff legs

    - though you pretty much look like
    you'll need a stick just to stand upright -

    and do come see me
    if you ever need me again.
If interested, you can also visit my Facebook page as well:
https://www.facebook.com/sungmoo.bae.3

(C) Copyright: Saul Bae
Jamie Aug 26
I've noticed a pattern with you.

You seem to care for me,
but hate buying me the
medication I need

You roll your eyes
or shout at me for
finishing them
like they are candy,
addicting

Maybe pick a side
Please, it's getting really confusing

Two nights ago

You asked me to take
every two days
to 'get me used to it'

I told you that I
might need them
You disagreed

If they were cancer meds,
you wouldn't be encouraging
or rather
forcing me to do this

So I've decided to stop swallowing
so that you won't ever need to buy
me anything
She couldn’t bear to look
She couldn’t bear to see
She hid behind a wall of lies
To escape her own beliefs
She stayed shut in the dark
She couldn’t even peek
She was too scared to face it all
Without the words she dare not speak

But then I came along
Swept her off her feet
Taught her to be strong
Instead of always weak
She shed now; tears of joy
Things no longer felt so bleak
Introduced her to her self again
I thought the two should meet
She learned to face her fears
She no longer screamed retreat
She found the courage to stand up tall
And land back on her feet
This poem is symbolic of what I dealt with with my depression, and finding the correct medication that helped me find my true self.
Carlo C Gomez Aug 20
I remember the Fall
I remember the bokeh

Placed in a vase and kept by our bedroom
window

It took your breath away, fed off your lungs
and grew so monstrous by dark

We tried in vain to replace what was lost
with the artificial:

Albuterol haze, Gaussian distribution

It failed, as you know

And I too fell within the blur of the rebound effect,
struggling to keep from panic

Then rang alarums that lay-in-wait, then came red lights,
then came shouting for help

You laid on the livingroom floor, intubated

Life nearly snuffed out

Me in tremors, two cats hiding

You would survive, but neither of us would
ever be the people before

Clearly, not all blur is equal, each has its own aesthetic quality

Mine tends to fall under the umbrella of disturbing thought patterns

We each reflect on different things
about that day

My fail-safe is trying not to remember at all
This poem is a companion piece to my wife, Mrs. Timetable's work 'How It Reminded Me of Fall,' also here on HP. It recalls a very dark day several years ago, when a reaction to a bad medication nearly took her life.

https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3469122/how-it-reminded-me-of-fall/
I'm ******* Happy!

The pills they make gray.
I wanna fade away.
The tears they never come.
My doctor is so dumb.
I swear that I'm okay.
There's nothing wrong with me.
The pain it doesn't stay.
And worst of all today
Sadly I'm Happy.

I wanna cut my wrist!
I wanna be a *****!
No one can stop me.

The pills they make me numb.
They take away my fun.
Mother just let me be.
Sadly I'm happy.

I wish that I could cry.
I'd kick and scream all night.
My best friend's lying dead.
My pets haven't been fed

I go to run a mile.
Can't let go of this smile.
Want to feel different today
But sadly I'm happy.

I wanna cut my wrist!
I wanna be a *****!
The nurses stop me.

The pills they make me numb.
They take away my fun.
Doctors please let me be!
Sadly I'm happy.

I can not cut my wrist!
I can not be a *****!
Everything stops me.
The people make me numb.
Pills take away my fun.
Can you just let me be.
And sadly I'm happy.

I'll flush them all tonight.
Pink! said let's start a fight.
Would you please join me?
Else I'll feel lonely.
Grab right onto the rail.
Quickly let's hightail.
I feel so great today.

Sadly, not happily.
i remember
the first time i thought
taking medication was a bad thing
a thing
i would be better off not doing

i remember
wondering if it would make me a different person because
if it’s changing my brain, and i believe my brain is what makes me me, isn’t it changing me

i remember
taking it anyway, because it was supposed to help, and it did . . . sometimes
but it kind of made me worse,
the first one did anyway, but that’s another story

i remember
taking the second kind and knowing
that this was helping
it was making me feel better,
but then

i remember
my cousin telling me he didn’t need medication, that it wouldn’t help him
plus,
he was strong enough without it anyway

i remember thinking
“doesn’t that make me weak”
and i didn’t want to be weak
so i stopped taking
my medication

i remember
my cousin telling me i wasn’t weak either way
that i should take the meds if i needed them
but he also said “throwing meds at a problem isn’t always the solution”

so i remember
deciding it wasn’t the solution i wanted
i’d find a different one
i would be fine on my own
so now . . .

i remember
when I was taking medication
the lows weren’t quite so low
but
the highs weren’t quite so high either
This is not me advocating for anyone else to stop taking any of their prescribed medication.
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