Lazily I sip my tea And hope to drift Far out to sea In dreams of calm And gentle oceans. Rocking in the waves.
A soft warm breeze To comfort me ‘Neath clear night skies, And pale moon light To keep me safe, From all my fears. Cleanse out my spite.
I pray please let me sleep.
The whispers of my anxious thoughts Creep through the dark To pester, To haunt. They infect my dreams To force me awake When nothing more Than peace is all I pray.
So help me. I need to rest, The burden buried deep In my chest And none can help me Be free of it, If I can’t name the evil within.
So I beg of thee My darker self, Let me fall to dreamless sleep. And then when I Start to rise You may continue torture, With all your might. But until such time, As a long rest achieved, I banish thee.
She touched me. In something so indifferent to maternity, an inhumane humanity drying me of innocence. She took my body, now a stranger of skin, and made it a mess of cells that collide in agony. Broken, may I say, but a break that'll never heal. Fingers I can't quite comprehend, lacking dignity wholly. I hate her. I hate how I still feel her hands on me sometimes, an immortal grasp at my pride. I hate her.
I cannot seem to think on my own. People think for me and I feel alone. But without them I would not be around. I hear a voice in the background. I say background but do I mean it? I don't, its probably just another memory slip. Wait, I do mean it. But instead, it's all in my head. My best friend is my bed. I gotta get in the booth and get emotions recorded.
Everything is distorted. Things start to move. I become someone else. A new person. A new identity. New everything. The whole works. I wish i was dead. They tell me it's in my head. I'm gonna survive. I know it look like I'm being lazy. I promise I'm trying, my head is crazy. I know I'm not but they don't. And I know they won't. When episodes occur, I just lay in bed, Still staying in my head. I do nothing but pick it back up. Whether it be crystal or my double cup. My person calls this Type of cycle insanity. I love her, my family, she is all I have. Without the love, I would be gone. Without the love, There would be no me. I need her just as much As she needs me. Without the love, I do not thrive. Without the love, I will not survive. Without the love, You can push and shove And not get anywhere. I'm so lost in my head, I don't even know my own way out. I only know the way to my bed. Momma knows best as I lay my head to rest.
I've given up I've given in I'm sorry I couldn't bear the weight of my sin I can't cope anymore In this terrible place Let me into the Heavens Let me see your face Take away my pain Let me feel your love Because love to me now Is just a fantasy from above Show me your side And the holes in your hands And maybe then I'll believe That you too suffered in this land Let me know what safety feels like Hold me tight in your arms Tell me I'm your child And protect me from harm Hear my words Hear my prayers Saying Dad I'm so sorry Please say you still care I don't say it as much As I know that I should But Dad I do love you I just can't do as much As I thought I could Because I'm just a child I'm your precious daughter And as much as I've tried I know I can't fight for much longer