You, sir, I wish I know
How did you do it
And you, sir, will never know
How bad I wish I could deny it
But yes.
Somehow
I am charmed by you

Never have I
Expect to feel this way again
With just a simple meeting
A messed up one, I insist
You swayed me
To your rhythm of melody
Now my heart dance
To the music which I
Happily sing along

I wasn't sure of my heart
I'm fond of you
That, I know, and I'm sure about
But is it something more?
Or is it just a fulfillment
Of my loneliness and bore?

But, sir, my fingers froze
To write to you
To even send a simple hello
Let alone to tell you how I feel

I am amused of myself
How I able to write here about you
But so, very, disappointed
That I don't have the courage to write to you
So here we are
At a point
Where no one said a single word no more
Strangers again. With memories
And how I wish
It didn't turn out this way
And how I miss
The conversations I had with you

And so I wish you read this space
In hopes the feelings get to you

This is an old poem that I wrote after realizing that I actually like this person after I met him on a blind date set up by my long lost friend. The date was a mess but he stayed nevertheless. We do talk on the line a couple of times before the meeting and I thought he was just an 'okay' person. But boy, I was wrong. But since the meeting,

is this not enough
trailing lips and hands
staggered pathways upon skin
mapping out lines
mapping out sin.

is this not enough
with palms that touch
and tender words in trust
how simple is longing
Oh how simple is lust.

is this not enough
to which passion unflamed
and what little cinders smoulder
is it not a heart that's claimed
is it not my burden to shoulder.

i wish it was enough.
But it's not.

I want to be fulfilled

Always, pleasantly, like a spring day, you come to me.
My life unravels like a flower losing its petals; bit by bit I shed my skin
I become a new self and the sun shines down brightly upon the earth
Glimmering rays of light show the way to all life has to offer
And your eyes recite poetry; somehow, your love is grander than the sea
Your skin is paler than snow but you live on the beach, where miracles grow.
The wind gently grazes the grass that prickles my toes and your smile,
It replaces the sun. It makes me feel like I am the moon. Do you shine for me?

you are so much more

I look happy
Yet so sad,
I wear a fake smile
Fooled by others

My thoughts are messed up
For I am a cutter
I made the mistakes
Of fullfilling my needs

My scars shine bright
From far away
I hide my pain
And you wonder why

You saw my cuts
You heard my cries
You leant my ways
And watched my struggle

You sit there wondering
What will happen
For now I'm dead
Because of you

It's difficult to explain and hard for you to understand, but maybe you'll see. I visually perceive you, I felt a good feeling inside. Like a hope to the mess I go through. You're one of the most infrequent things that can make me endeavor a smile. It takes an abundance amount of energy to even arouse and commence moving. You're my motivation to keep going.

I like you for many reasons
Immensely colossal and minute. They're amazing because they're amazing to me. I like you not because of your qualities. I like you for the things you do that brings something special to my life. I like you that you care for me and push me to do better. I like you just because I do. Because now In the deepest part of my heart, a place where there was nothing before, there is something now...You

A love letter I wrote to a guy

The Canal is frozen solid,
near by my car tempts fate with races.
In my last goodbye each "I" is dotted,
with broken hearts and sad faces.
It reads; "I'm never going to leave you,
my ghost can float along in your life.
While each moving noise will deceive you,
and I'll be bound to you as if your wife."

So you tore me up like an old receipt,
just another object you don't wish to keep,
but you can't return as I did not sell,
I should've seen down payment before I fell.
Do I even know you? I'd like to believe I once did,
A conclusion I drew, and from the beauty you hid.
It's more painful for me to ask,  than for you to have to hear,
I guess you switch up your new mask, at the start of each new year.

I feel so hollow inside my torn up chest,
to the point where I'm not sure which side my heart does rest.
Left or right, I just can't decide,
and it calls out silently, but the beats seem to hide.
For I still grasp at my clothes, I wish to forcefully pull each thread,
as the inner turmoil impose, on my already swollen head.
That is now flooding this page, an explanation to your fully aware mind,
I'm just past that blissful stage, that we could never really find.

you can't drift by
but you can sift my mind

you can't lift anything -
not even yourself; why?

a down-tempo mystery
who once said "i love you"

-----------------------------------

you saw the good in me
that's hiding inside you

maybe i love you
because i see the bad in you
that's hiding in me

what does it all mean?
we don't die...

{ inspired by Tricky and Francescas's "We Don't Die" & a past relationship }

It's Thursday. You've just told me how you really feel. How the sky we painted blue has turned to grey, How the stars I captured for you began to fade.
One word, Ten letters.
Shattered.
It's Friday. I Haven't talked to anyone in hours. I can't get out of bed or bring myself to leave the house.
One word, Five letters.
Tired.
It's Saturday. I'm pushing away the thought of you, and I'm wiping away the words you stained my skin with. I'm out with friends, but I'm all alone.
One word, nine letters.
Isolation.
It's Sunday, And your voice is forever bouncing around my skull as I wipe away the words I have left to give to you.
One word, seven letters.
Falling.
It's Monday. A day I dread regardless of the event or time, but a day I can't get through with the weight of the world and the weight of your woes on my shoulders.
One word, Four letters.
Lost.
It's Tuesday. I haven't talked to you since you crushed my heart under your foot, laughing the whole way. I don't care if you've destroyed me, because I would give anything to hear your laugh.
One word, Seven Letters.
Missing.
It's Wednesday. No one is sure how okay I am. I stopped talking two days ago. I only watch as everyone carries on without my conversation, and only watch as everyone, including you, fails to notice.
One word, Seven more letters.
Silence.
It's Thursday again, and I'm trying to forget the feel of harsh words and tongues like knives. I'm trying to forget the words you etched into my skin. I'm trying to remember how to sew a broken heart without falling off the string and I'm trying to forget the taste of your name mixed with tears and gin. It's not working.
One word, Nine letters.
Forgotten.

When i listen to you
I feel  as if I were lending my ears to someone else
Someone who wants to listen to your stories
Someone who is not me
Someone's place I'm trying to fill

When I talk to you
Words seem more complex than Pascal
Deciphering what to say becomes a paradox
Do I shamelessly arrange my cards in the box
Or do I pass the turn to another personality
Reuniting time to form the perfect reasoning

When I see your cherry lips
There's no contradictions
To what I'll will taste
Nothing but what she left
Your saliva, her saliva, and mine
Colliding creating the perfect test
What will be my answer
Do I ignore her manner in you
Or do I make you spit
Until everything of hers cease to exist

written for the boy who loves my ex-friend and who I am trying to.
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