Today,
A young man was digging in the trash
Next to an Art Gallery
Here in Denver.
I didn't really think
That there was anything of value in that trash can.
So, I interrupted him by saying,
"Sir,"
"Would you like a bar."
I had a few of those Bearded Brothers Bars in my backpack.
He appreciated getting interrupted
From his fruitless search
And gladly took two Bearded Brothers Bars.
Then,
He asked me for water.
Well, I have a very wide mouth water bottle,
And he just had an empty bottle of purchased water.
So,
I didn't think it would be easy from me to pour water
From my bottle to his bottle
Without a funnel.
I gave him my change,
And instructed him to get some fresh water
At a gas station instead.
Then,
He started talking
And it was all a "word salad".
He didn't make any sense at all,
And I excused myself to go buy some lunch at Parsley
Nearby.
As a person with a psychiatric myself,
Let me tell you
That no one can tell you how to cope
In this crazy world.
When you see someone who can't use his or her mind,
You realize
That your "sins" are infinitesimal.
So,
Maybe,
I'm  spend a bit too much money
On good quality Chinese Food.
Yes,
I really like to look at
Well-Focused  nude photos
Of beautiful women.
I probably spend too much money
On houseplants
And give too many of them away.
None of these
"Excesses"
Amount to the catastrophe  
Of being helplessly incoherent
Out there on the streets.
This Right Wing Conservative Agenda
Of people like President Donald Trump
Doesn't just deprive agencies that serve people with psychiatric disorders of funding.
It also represents  false sense of values.
We need to help everyone to THRIVE.
So, a President who is NOT thriving cognitively himself
Really is in no position
To preach a Gospel of
"Self-Sufficiency"
And side with the Religious Right
On all issues pertaining to sexuality,
Telling women what to do with their bodies.
However,
If President Donald Trump
Was admitted to an Inpatient Psychiatric Ward,
He would give the therapists and psychiatrist
A lot of work!
He would not be rapidly let back out on the streets
Until the staff was sure that he could function
On his own in Society.
If he wasn't so rich,
I guarantee you that Donald Trump
Would be digging in a Trash Can
That has nothing of value in it
Just like the fellow
I helped today.
These words written
are more understood and accepted
than the ones, I wear and speak.
My thoughts are tucked
safely in these words
than the ones I disclose to people.
My pen never
leaves
decieves
hurt
hide
and judge
like people do.
It just pours ink for me to craft
and offers paper for me to be listened.
My therapist asked me if I ever think about hurting myself.
I paused and genuinely thought about it.
I said, "no I don't think so. In fact I'm scared of dying so I wouldn't kill myself but sometimes I don't know where to put this sadness."
She asked me if I feel like I just don't want to get out of bed, or think things like, what's the point?
I said, "yeah. I do say things like that. I guess a lot of times I say I want to give up, but not like that, I just feel hopeless that this feeling will never go away."
She told me it's impressive that even though I'm depressed I'm still able to go to work and be productive.
We decided I would like to try medication considering this episode of depression has lasted longer then a month now.
She said, how would you feel if there was one medication that could help with the depression, anxiety and hair pulling? Would you be into that?
I laughed a little and replied,
"That would be great."
And it really would be.
But I am still wondering if that's really possible.
If one day I won't pull out my hair, or feel intense anxiety everyday and if I will no longer feel so damn sad.
Faith Jul 7
so
i want to know
the sound of your heartbeat
so
send me your favorite song
Leah Oviedo Jul 6
I tried forgiveness
Not to let them off the hook
But to taste sweetness again
I learned to create water
To put out that angry fire
When it returns, compassion dances in my dreams
A lightness to comfort my hungry heart
Wanderlust Jun 30
I don’t want you to love someone else.
I only want to love someone so I can get better.
But I don’t, really.
I hate you.
I love you.
I hate you.
I love you.
Either way, I’ll still be jealous.
And I’m a horrible person,
For not wanting you to move on,
For forcing myself to move on,
Even though I’m lying if I say I have.
Because I know
It will be ten years or more
Before my hands stop shaking and my blood stops running cold
When I think about you with her.

Because I know
It will be a hundred years
Before I picture your beautiful face
And resist the temptation to kiss every inch of it
And sigh and smile and feel butterflies.
Promise me you’ll never forget me.
So that we can always love each other.
Even if I never see you again,
Hold me to your heart and close your eyes
And I will do that same.
And I will always be with you.
And you will always be with me.
japheth Jun 30
close your eyes
and listen
to your favorite song.

close your eyes
and listen
to the sound of your mom
preparing your breakfast.

close your eyes
and listen
as the gentle wind comes inside your room
and gently blows on your face.

close your eyes
and just listen
to everything
but your problems;
to all the little things
that makes you smile
and not worry
about the problems in your life.

close your eyes
and breathe.
take time to breathe, my friend.
relax.
Mars Jun 18
I never believed you could help me.
How could you?
You don't know me
You've never stepped foot into my shoes.
All I had to do was talk about my difficult circumstances
While you listen and play the part.
How does it feel knowing you didn't help me? not one bit.
How does it feel to falsify your motives,
when all you really wanted was wealth.
Wealth.

All these recommendations from doctors,
Therapist,
Therapy sessions.
But all you could recommend was high doses of drugs.
Meditations for my depression?
That would be too easy,
Here are some pills,
It will help you.....
So they say.
You said the same thing
You said the same fucking thing to my friend,
It helped her,
It helped her.....
It... helped... her...End her life.  
It helped her...
It did not help her.
It ended her life.

You failed to convince me that these drugs are good for me
So you ended my sessions short.
Because you realized,
Money was more important than helping me,
than helping me get through the rough days.
You said I didn't need you anymore because
I am "okay"
Guess what?
Guess what?
I've known this all along,
All along
That..
I am "okay"
I have gotten used to this painful life,
and this is what "Okay" looks like.
It looks like struggle
I am stuck,
In a predicament that I have now gotten used to.
I mean I had to
even though days are not actually "okay"


Now I sit here going through the same fight to win
Everyday is a constant battle
Seems like I am ...
Seems like, I am losing more days.
Winning, but those are just moments.
Just moments
Now I sit here going through the same fight to win
You've just reassured me that,
That this is my life
A therapy session
sessions
cannot fix.
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