i've got something,
a feeling of all sorts

if there's anything i have learned
through the entirety of my growth
it's to know and understand
and find the right moment
where i have to twist and wring and pull
such a tight knot in my chest,
just so none of my feelings
would sleep anywhere close
to those they are concerned for
or took birth 'cause of

barely tried for 407 hours,
simply gave up

always a mix and combination of almost
never the forever
always a something,
never the nothing's everything

i will wring out my heart
until every single drop
of this newly found heartbreak
breaks me from within
and does not seep
into anyone else's thought

but what if i meant
i wanted to disappear
only to be found
by the one who has enough time
and enough want
to actually search for me?

some days i despise
having this weak, old, ratty heart
that is attached to the tip of my finger,
not even the sleeves—
and slips itself
into the pocket of anyone
who so much as breathes

do not despise the love i feel
(even though doing the gulp of acceptance
is like drinking lemon
straight from the pet it's found in.)

Mía fue, como fueron
míos sus besos;
mía, como rosas y versos.

Mía, nunca fue, pero
suyo todavía soy.

Mía, ya no es, lo sé; pero
suyo seré, tal vez
por siempre, o simplemente por hoy.

Is it better to have loved and lost

than to have never loved at all?

Well—you tell me.

Every time I see that face,

I wish I could turn you back into a stranger—
so the sting in my chest could fade

back into ignorant bliss,

unbeknownst to the pain of love.

When I look at you I see
the boy I told,

“I could never be loved,”

who smiled and swore
he could see the love that exudes from the cracks of my soul
,
What beautiful words

that once lit up my heart,
now make it scorch,

and burn.

But even through all that...

I still miss you.

And I miss you that little bit more

when our song plays on the radio,

and when I watch our favourite movie—

again and again.

It’s the third time this month
that I’m listening to your voice note
you know, the one before our first date
I mouth the last words with a sting in my eyes
‘see you tomorrow my love.’

I say,
I hate you.

So why do I still feel sad

it’s over?

So please tell me,
because I still don’t know
is it better to have loved and lost
than to have never loved at all?

You gave up on me. And I like to believe it wasn’t because the love disappeared, but because holding on asked too much of you. It’s hard to grasp, the way you let go of a heart that still beat for you, even after yours had stopped echoing back. I loved you deeply, with an ache that felt almost otherworldly in the quiet moments, rare, once-in-a-lifetime kind of love, the kind that slips away if not held carefully. I loved you in ways that didn’t show in daylight. In the silent sacrifices, the unspoken words, the meals laced with hope. Even when the softness left your eyes. Even when your smiles had to be forced. Even when the distance made your hands forget the feel of my skin. You gave up on me, even when I still saw forever in the outline of you. Even when I still dreamed dreams that had your name folded into every page. I never asked for perfection. I just wanted you to stay. To fight, even when it hurt. To meet me in the thick of the pain, where love could still be stronger than the fear. But maybe love isn’t always enough, especially when one heart stumbles before it reaches the ground. Still, I’ll carry your name quietly in the back of my mind. Not with bitterness. Not with regret. Just with a love that never found its ending.

I keep pretending that you don’t want me,

Because that would be a reason to stay.

So if I find a reason to leave, I’ll be gone

By golden hour, without a message or note,

Without even any goodbyes.

A small, reluctant smile forms on your lips;
small because there are no smiles without the guilt
that comes from being the only flower in a field of weeds.

To me, you're such a wonder ~ ~
A fresh winter rain in the middle of summer

You console me when my soul breaks
An antidote for the wounds of my heart

Never leave my side and never go away
Till I assure you and said that "I'm fine"

You give me hugs and kisses
Whenever I feel lonely and afraid

Like sunlight covering my whole body
Your warmth is everything I've ever craved

Your kisses never disappoint me
Like a daydream, like a famous movie

Yet a tragedy of another story ~

Time is limited whenever I'm with you
You said you can't be with me —

And I knew from the first page that
There's an invisible wall between us

A dimension that separates us apart ~

Wishing it will crack someday somehow
If happens, I will run into your world blithely

Embracing you with all my heart and
Saying, "Take me...I'm all yours"

I wonder if you will feel the same way ~ ~

Like a teenage girl, my heart bumps
I found myself blushing at the thought of it

But that's not going to happen —
All is just a wish never going to be fulfilled

Cause you never knew my existence ~
Cause you never existed in my world ~

You're just a gift I belong in a split second

From a fabricated universe ~
From a fictitious world ~

Like a solar eclipse, like a blue moon
You left me alone when the story ended

Only appeared in my sophistication
Never showed up in my world

Why is it so hard to meet you?
Is it wrong of me to yearn for your touch?

If I could ever turn back time,
I wish I had not met you at all

You filled my mind with lust and desires
My heart with passion, my soul with love

Eventually left me behind with vestiges of pain

And I despise the fact that you're
Just a character that only existed 

In a world that I'll never going to reach ~~~

I left an earring on your nightstand
like a dare,
like a dog whistle only I could hear,
like a lie I could almost live with,
like a warning you didn’t read.

You wrote me like you were killing time.
I let you.
I was tired—
tired of being the intermission
between things you actually wanted,
tired of holding out my hands
just to catch the sound of you leaving.

It was raining the next day.
Of course it was raining.
The whole city smelled like last chances
wrung out in the gutter,
like a bouquet dropped
when someone realized it wouldn’t change anything,

You said,
"Take care of yourself."
And I did—
by breaking every mirror
that still showed me your mouth,
by smashing every reflection
that looked like hope.

There's a version of me
still waiting at that train station—
wearing the wrong jacket,
gripping the wrong book,
mistaking longing for directions,
carrying promises like ballast.
I'll know it's you
by the way my spine recognizes the disaster
before my eyes do.

I hope she never learns.
I hope she keeps looking up every time the wind shifts.
I hope she believes in arrivals.
Even when no one steps off.