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Apr 2016 · 788
Baby Bobby
Cat Fiske Apr 2016
Baby Bobby is free,
No more whips, from amish men,

Baby Bobby is free,
You kicked and screamed on the glue truck sweetie,

Baby Bobby is free,
A nice lady Cathleen rescued you for me,

Baby Bobby is free,
She Cleaned you up and healed your wounds,

Baby Bobby is free,
Bobby baby, why are you scared of me,

Baby Bobby is free,
Bobby baby, I'd never hurt you, I just want to love you,

Baby Bobby is free,
Bobby why do you kick and scream?

Baby Bobby is free,
Bobby I love you, what's wrong baby.

Baby Bobby is never going to be Free,
Bobby is trapped inside his fears, much like me.
My horse Bobby has PTSD no wonder I love him so much.
Mar 2016 · 723
Creation
Cat Fiske Mar 2016
in the beginning, God created the heavens,
and as heaven had been created to God's liking,
God finally moved forward to his next plan,
creating the earth,

in the creation of the Earth,
the Earth existed as a wasteland,
full of darkness,
strong winds brushed up on the waters,

God looked at what had to be done to finnish earth,
and he saw the darkness the surrounded his new creation,
compared to the bright lights of his heaven,
and the darkness had a dull beauty of its own,

God said let there be light,
God then said let light be separated from the darkness.
God made the lights like his heavens the day,
and the darkness the night,

and as night fell on the first day,
morning followed,
then God looked down upon his creation,
as the bright lights of day made it possible to see,

God said, as he stared upon the winds and waters,
let water under the winds be swarmed into pits,
as the water drew away into the pits,
and God named the pits drawing the water away, the Sea.

land appeared, and God named the soil of the land, Earth.
He said for the Earth to bring forth Vegetation,
of fruits and trees as any plant with seed.
God saw how good it was,

as night fell, on the second day, morning soon came,
God looked at heaven,
as God plucked a piece of heaven from the sky,
and made them into two pieces of light.

God put the larger piece in the day sky,
and as night hit,
God placed the slightly smaller piece in the night,
God decided to make tiny stars to place to help the night.

the stars help to govern the day and the night,
to separate the light and darkness,
and God watched evening come, on the third day,
morning soon followed.

God saw how empty the pit called the Sea was,
God brought forth all kinds of creatures as God sent them to the sea,
God made all the creatures with wings and feathers to fly in his sky,
God finally made all kinds of animals, and creeping things, for his land,

God saw how good the creation was,
and evening came on the fourth day,
and morning soon followed,
as God stared over the earth,

and said, "let us make man in our image"
let man have control over the sea, air, and land,
let's give man control of the creatures of the Earth,
God created man and women,

and night fell, on the fifth day, and morning soon came,
God said, to man and women, "Be fertile, and multiple,
have ******* of the sea air and land,
See all the seed bearing plants I give to you,"

God looked at everything he had made,
and he found it very good,
Evening came on the sixth day,
and morning followed,

Thus the seventh day appeared,
heaven and earth were completed,
since god was Satisfied with his creations,
God rested, night fell, on the seventh day,

morning
followed
soon
after.
Easter related poem.
Mar 2016 · 1.2k
Bum Cigs.
Cat Fiske Mar 2016
Almost jumped off that bridge,
sadly I wish I did.

instead I found some relief in *** cigs,
and used to help me forget,

I held my breath to calm down,
until tomorrow came around.
been mylife the last 2 months.
Mar 2016 · 1.3k
what I did wrong.
Cat Fiske Mar 2016
__

*I can't give you my trust,
I can not get close to you,
I can not let you hold me even when I wish for you to,
I can not let you show me how you love me like others used too,

I struggle when I listen, or try to concentrate, to the things you say,
I struggle to communicate my feeling back to you in the same way,

I sometimes feel like I'm too demanding of you,
I don't know how to do the comedies of a give and take,
I feel like I sometimes only take, and leave a burden on top of you,
I constantly feel guilty for what I do to you, I feel guilty for the things I do,
I get to have you, but I am not worth someone like you,

I hope I don't hurt you too bad, on days when I am too sad,
I sometimes need to relax and detach. my dissociation won't last forever,
I know I am not perfect in this world that is so dull and grey, but I try,
I each day, have tried, I empathise more then not,

I am sorry more then not, like the fears I cry tears over,
I wish I could overcome them, I wish I could stop avoiding my past,
I wish I could forget all the bad, make memories that are good and will last,
I can't remember day to day tasks, and I can't remember anything un-sad,

I wish that when you told me things I could understand it better,
I wish I handled things better, learn to fix them on my own,
I wish I didn't depend on you for help, but I wouldn't if I could fix it myself.
I wish I stopped staying in bad places and leaving the good ones I find,

I want to not act so compulsive with these addictions that surround me,
I wish I could get rid of the overlaying grief that hangs over me,  
I wish I could move on from what has been taken from me,
I want to stop letting it exhaust me,

I am tired, but never sleep, and to sleep wouldn't help my tiredness,
I tried to sleep with you and lay down next to you wide awake,
I wish I could of been sleeping as peaceful as you,

I feel plagued by all my bad memories,
I want them to go away, because they only make it harder for you,
I know you don't love me, I know at least you shouldn't love me,
I worry that I worry you, and I don't want you to be worried about me,
I feel like you deserve more, and better, and should get it.
I want to protect you from the damage I can put upon you,
I feel the panic inside brews, and I can't rid myself from it,
I wish you would save yourself from me.

I get angry, and mad, and upset,
I do this rather then having an emotional shut down,
I hate that I lash out, I don't want to get mad at you,

I hate myself, I wish that I could love myself like I used to,
I take risks hoping that something better could happen, but it doesn't,

I feel alone,
I feel abandoned,
I feel rejected,
I feel helpless,
I feel trapped,

I know you left because you felt like this
I lost you, because of all these things,
I know what I did wrong
my ptsd ruined my relationship, this is a reflection
Feb 2016 · 987
Believe [10w]
Cat Fiske Feb 2016
I believe in things
they say,
"not to, believe in,"
10w
Feb 2016 · 920
I, Make, Me,
Cat Fiske Feb 2016
_________

shake, cold, ****

Make me believe these forgeries spitting off your tongue,
thinking I am someone to purely award you my love.
when you're nothing more then trash


no, stop, crys,

"Make me?"
make you not take the vial of my youth, you hold it,
worthless to me, but worth everything you still hold over me.


years, passed, two,

Make the memories go away,
of all the things from that awful day,
you hold nothing and everything over me,


black-out, leg-spaz, cry-now,

Make me lose control of myself,
"do you really know yourself?
what is happening to you?"


count, tiles, breathe,

Makes me know the length and width
of every ceiling, every floor, every wall, of every room,
I'm stuck inside of as I struggle to just breathe,


in, and, out,

makes me wonder why I can't do these simple things,
makes me remember all my other flaws and mistakes,
makes it even harder to breathe,


please, help, me,

Make me look someone down,
and beg with my eyes,
for help, for something


giving, trust, hard,

makes it look easy when its not,
I can say it all that I want,
but do I mean it?.


Talk, to, me,

Make me tell you what is wrong,
tell me what to say,
tell me its okay when its not,


it's, not, okay,

make me argue with you,
make me have to tell you the truth,
my past and pain,


you're, just, helping,

Make me help myself,
make me learn to do things I need on my own,
Make me not feel bad for getting help.


you, did, good

Make sure I tell myself,
"because no one else is there to tell you,
how good you did for getting through,"


I, Make, Me

**make myself do the things I need,
I no longer rely on you or anyone for these,
I'm not a child anymore sweetie,
Feb 2016 · 563
:c
Cat Fiske Feb 2016
:c
Just once,
can someone please,
be afraid,
of,
losing me,
10w
Feb 2016 · 1.1k
Where Has Mommy Gone
Cat Fiske Feb 2016
your mommy has gone to bed early,
that's what the doctor had said,
and he didn't feel the pain you felt the year after,
every time someone asked you where mommy was.

Kids can be mean, and kids sometimes miss their mommy,
can't you leave it at that,
You could if you knew where mommy went,
But we don't,

now all I have is a box full of her memories,
her photos, her jewelry, her smells that wish to never fade,
the last bottle of whiskey you saw her drink,
put next to the bottle of wine saved from her wedding day,

mommy went to bed early,
that's what the doctor said,
I asked him when she would get up,
he said she hurt to much to wake,

without another cup, a nurse chimed in,
I asked him, when she could come back to love me,
come back to hug me,
and he shrugged with no reply.
Feb 2016 · 694
Help Me.
Cat Fiske Feb 2016
I look,
for some sort of protection,
but find nothing close to it,
behind your eyes,

I look closer,
deeper,
hoping to pull what I need,
out of you,

but I can't even find a bit,
or a piece,
of what I truly need,
what I want,

from you,
to me,
to the wall,
and the in between,

nothing we do,
makes sense to me,
and the trust is breaking,
it will get lost before it has begun.
Feb 2016 · 1000
Horse Therapy
Cat Fiske Feb 2016
My horse Bobby is trapped in horse hospital,
Bobby kicks at things that make sounds like the whips used to beat at him,
so Bobby is behind a wall with a window for his head to poke out,
and he pokes it out all time when I stop by,
and I hate to leave because goodbye leaves me to cry,
I'd of never seen Bobby's body,
if it wasn't for the spaces inbetween the bars on the wall,
Bobby back used to be nothing more then ripped up flesh,
Bobby lives in his own world of fear now,
in that little stall,
in that little box he is safe, yet trapped in his past,
Bobby reminds me of my past,
and how my room is like his stall,
and sometimes I get to stick my head out,
but I will always be reminded of those sounds of fear,
like to Bobby those sounds that scare him as if he was getting whipped,
I have my own fears,
I keep hold of,
never to get rid of,
Just like Bobby,
and like Bobby no matter how many times you tell us it's okay,
we still are fearful of the wrong that was done,
and easily could become done again.
Bobby, I may not be able to own you,
even if I could,
they wouldn't let me,
because you're in horse hospital,
so I want to make you and myself get better,
so I would be able to take you home,
and not cry when I leave you in the stall,
as you stick you head out,
and watch me leave the horse hospital,
Bobby my horse has ptsd, just like me.
Feb 2016 · 8.9k
PLEASE HELLO POETRY READ!
Cat Fiske Feb 2016
I have read so many wonderful poems,
haiku's, 10 words, so many more, and none are alike!
But we tend to forget about spoken word poems,
Hello Poetry, can you make it possible to share our spoken words as well as our massive pile on's of endless poetry. Spoken Words would add to the sight, and only make it better.
I wish I could also Use Hellopoetry on my mobile phone, in an app,
I'm not sure about anyone else, but that would maybe add to HP

Please consider what I've had to say, c:
Please send repost like and share and comment anything else you think the sight needs since it's growing in great ways. Please share and like if you agree c:
Feb 2016 · 611
Talk To Me,
Cat Fiske Feb 2016
Talk to me,
That's what you said,
every time something was wrong, you tried to get inside my head,


Talk to me,
You asked me to trust,
and when I opened up to you, I got crushed,


Talk to me,
I have no memories of our last day,
I need you, for one simple thing, then I can go away,


Talk to me,
Please don't hide from me in plain sight,
you told me I could talk to you, and now you left me still in this fright,


Talk to me,
Sweetie I am scared,
I don't know what I said or have done, my mind is unprepared,


Talk to me,
The things I fear I said compared,
to what's leaving my mind racing, retracing, rewinding these impairments,


Talk to me,
Things have happened,
I never could have imagined,


Talk to me,
like you promised,
please keep your word, just be honest,


Talk to me,
Because I need you to,
talk to me because I need you, and for you, to tell me, the truth.


Please,*
Just,
Talk to me,
Talk to me please :c I can't remember what happened, I just want to know, I have been  living in so much fear, just please if you cared you would of.
Feb 2016 · 550
A girl.
Cat Fiske Feb 2016
A tear, shed down for each fear that's been sticking inside my head,
A life, not worth your time, because the soul inside has died,
A thought, has killed its host, as the leave her to decay away to what she fears most,
A hope, for she has none, she is broken, she has come undone.
A friend, for she has lost them all, to her mind's fears that trap her inside,
A mind, that tears her apart,
A heart, that is stolen with her innocence,
A body, that suffered abuse from everything that hides in her closet,
A closet, too small to hide her pain, or memories,
A life, that she had tried to live on though,
a tear, is all there is left for her to do.
Feb 2016 · 548
Give
Cat Fiske Feb 2016
I feel as if I gave you my trust,
I am letting you read my innermost secret thoughts,
I am trusting you with these things,

I am scared to do it,
I know I have to,
If I want this to work,
I have to trust you,
even when I am scared of things,
I want you to know my fears,
and know you can tell me yours,

this is huge for me,
but I just want you to believe me,
when I tell you,
I give you,
all my trust.
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
I've been told from a young age,
that in the end,
everything is going to be alright,

but I'll lead you in on this little secret,
a Secret a word has been blocked from,
because the human race decided to put the blinders on,

Not everythings going to be alright,
and in the end,
If things haven't hurt you,

made you forget the sky is blue and the sun rises and shines each day,
but every time you only think about the things like,
how you ponder life and death,

and sometimes its too early for thoughts that whisper in your ears,
when u have to stop to make sure you heard them clear,
because sometimes they keep you up at night,

and the nightmares play live shows,
that you wanted to return your tickets to,
but you sit there and wait til the sun shines and makes the sky blue,

because sometimes that's all you can do,
and that's as close to alright as it gets,
When battles never seem to have a victor anymore,

Because we have more tools than we know what to use,
and if we could try to not abuse the people we've claimed to love,
because we should get even they had it rough,

because we sometimes wish for things that takes hearts above angels,
and we don't know if the angels wanna listen close enough to hear,
and people sit in hospitals each day praying to someone to just hear,

praying before themselves,
because they learned that someone means more to them,
inside their world, they don't wanna live like they died as well,
because of the impact that has been put upon from person to person,

But there prays will only ever be covered up by distant strangers,
praying for things they don't really need,
and the angels try really hard to get everyone what they need,

but when angels have to sift through prays of wants rather then needs,  when those people have got a roof over their head, sleep in there own bed,
never worried about where their meals come from,

we sit wondering why prayers go unanswered,
Why we keep complain about things when we're better than it could be,
Is it because it's not how you think it's meant to be,

Can't we see how we're lucky? I wonder to myself,
Do I have the right to be depressed over the thing that have been done to me,
even as bad as they have seemed, even the  worst afflictions done onto me,
when countless people have it worse and say,
everything's going to be alright,

because I still don't feel like it's alright,
when my world crashes before my feet as people shove you,
off cliffs for the fun of hearing your screams echo as your fall.

But sometimes you want to fall too,
Sometimes we leap off the building that mimic cliffs,
because we can't take everything,

because sometimes,
like life handed us out the rotten lemons,
because from the start we learn how it's never going to be sweet,

But we have to learn to make the most of it,
so even when thing seem like nothing could get better,
we know at some point,

maybe right now nothing is going to be alright,
and everything's not going to be alright,
but something will be alright,

But it just takes time,
and patience,
as we learn to make the most of rotten lemons.
re write
Jan 2016 · 783
Trust
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
I hate feeling like a pest and a mess,
I hate feeling like I bother you to death,
For I want to know why you can't trust me,
but I must trust you,
please help me,
when I am trying to open my sealed and closed,
heart and soul,
for you, why can you not even speak a word to me
besides mute sounds, that's all that ever will come out,
I am trying to let my voices spiral out for you,
but yours still hid in the back floor of the closet in fear,
never seeing an inch of light for so many years,
please trust me,
and let me trust you,
if you want this to work,  
you have to agree that you can rely on me too.
trust me
Jan 2016 · 954
stop
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
__
stop.

don't give in,
don't let them,
make your worst dreams,
come out,


shout,

as loud as you want.
as loud as you need.
but make sure you,


stop.

before the demands on the inside
**get released,
Jan 2016 · 755
Happy.
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
I wish to make you happy,
before I put another smile upon my face.

as you see me now,
broken down and weak,
like when you're at the end of a cigarette.
i'll rise from the ashes as if new again,
just this time I'll be better.
ready to fix your problems,
not just fill the void,
I am not just going to be a stimulant,
to you darling,
I'm here to let you vent,
tell me what's wrong,

I wish to make you happy,
I want to see you happy,

*even when I can't.
I want to make you happy.
Jan 2016 · 528
Hearts [10w]
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
lost, but now,
I have found myself,
inside of you,
10w
Jan 2016 · 562
where am I?
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
where am I?
this place is unknown,
where you and I can hold each other together,
but still alone,

where am I?
smiles fill this place,
I can't stop these curve like figures,
they are left permanently on my face.

where am I?
how am I to know
I feel nothing just a limbo,
like never too hot or too cold,

where am I?
why, I'm here, and so are you,
as if nothing else matters,
because I have finally gotten you,

where am I?
I am with you, today,
tomorrow, and maybe the rest of my life,
I think we should stay.
lost, but now I have found myself,
inside of you,
Jan 2016 · 1.0k
unlovable
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
it's sad that you feel no one can love you,
to feel only the one person who hurt you, will be the only one to of loved you,
when his love was in ways good and bad,
but the bad outweighed the good,

you as you are, miss him for every time it was good.
and  you as you are, try to use it to cover up the bad things,
you remember, there were lots of good thing that happened,
and you wonder, how many bad things really happened,
as you see the bad were always there, just ignored,
if a living soul only truly knew,
like a child I played hide and seek with this one, but made sure it was never to be found,
and lived the pain that stays and will follows you around,
like the things you wished you could of done more about,
this is why I can't allow myself to love anyone,
even if I deserve them
even if I want them,
even if they wanted to,
I don't know how to trust that way again,

I don't remember turning fifteen,
so I promised myself never to live that day again,
I can't celebrate my birthday without hating the skin I have to live in,
My body feels disgusted by all the things I have to remember,
I ******* turned fifteen, and what you did,
was far from the gift I wanted,
but I still stayed with you,

as I was so blinded,
maybe by you.
maybe still,
why do I still want you,
why do I still want to be with such a bad soul as you,
I've shut my heart out to anyone else,
I planed at fourteen that at eighteen I'd move away with you,
what was I thinking,

you've only brought me pain,
only made me cry,
only made me remember things I tried to forget,
this is why I took up smoking cigarettes,
and burning away my pain,
giving the third degree to my skin like it's you,
I doubt you have felt an inch of the pain I have been dealt by you,
because I was nothing but good to you,

just not myself,
when it came to you,
I still remember the good though,
the times we smiled,
and went for walks,
and saw two dollar movies over and over but never really saw them,
I wish I could have it all back before it all got bad,
but I can't.
and i'm unlovable now.
because I gave a fool my trust,
when I should of run,
Unlovable
Jan 2016 · 419
Shall I love you.
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
oh do I love you,
or does my head just make me think I do.
as my heart beats so fast my breath can't keep up,
and I feel like I'm going to die,
as if this is some power you put over me,

but, sometimes my brain turns my thoughts into lies,
as if maybe, to help me get by, make it easiest to pass the time,
Because I know for more then a fact,
I don't deserve to be loved back,
from a person as good as the one in front of me now,

so these lies get spat out,
to distract me and you from the truth.
as I know, I need to save them from myself,

no one can love me,
like on most days,
not even myself.
Jan 2016 · 410
erase.
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
I watched them bleed tears,
watched the red stain their pale face like it wanted to tear away what was under their skin,

as if tears of blood were telling them you're thicker within.
but you see,
they, couldn't stop crying,

couldn't get it all out,
what has been done to them,
they can't even speak about.

you told them blood is thicker than water,
but they bleed the thickest red tears, so large,
like ink, and will overwrite your name,

from their memory,
from there family,
from everything you have taken from them,

they won't need you gripping at their ankles,
always being the one to pull them down every time they were in a fight,
no longer will will you make them feel like they're living a worthless life,

all the good memories have been bleed on,
red ink does not come out with an apology,
and it doesn't even lift the stain lightly,

when it's done to spite them
and despite their innocence,
and despite their age,

but you ruined them,
and you think they should grow up about it,
move on about it,

and forgive you,
they kept silent,
every night they cried because of the things you would do,

and now when they cry,
they begin to bleed,
Thick tears to cover up the mess,

as to try and fix all the monstrous distresses,
fixing their family to feel something right,
breaking limbs off the family tree til it's nothing but a wreck,

snapping the limbs harder as they picture yours in its place instead,
and this is trying to live,
for them,

while everyone, they have left,
still wants to fight them,
and hurt them more then they already are.
Jan 2016 · 776
Living
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
Feathered head and weathered dreads,
no one comes out to play with me and my imaginary friends,
I promise were lots of fun,
we are we are,
I promise oh please,
come out and play with me,
were waiting to see,
we wait to see your fears,
and all your uncaught unsafe dreams,
fall right apart,
oh it'll be a blast, it'll be sweet,
this nightmare dream is totally neat!
don't be shy,
come eat a slice of america's mini apple pie,
but you're not allowed one bite,
until you come outside with me and my imaginary friends!
we can fake our deaths,
and rob our neighbors cars for cigarettes.
and if we see they don't have any left,
we will just borrow the money instead!
so why won't you come outside with me and my imaginary friends?
but first,
fly yourself on out the front door.
so we can destroy the world.
just you,
me
and my
imaginary friends.
idk tbh
Jan 2016 · 623
America as we know it
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
When this nobleman was around,
He went town to town,
segregation, being his fight,
while brave men of black and white,
went hand in hand and were united, by one common goal,
to save america's face,
or the blacks and the whites would get the same terrible fate,
but at that same time, Martin Luther ironically had to fight,
for black kids to walk into the same schools as the whites,
ride and sit on the same bus,
and even get the same bathrooms, water, and bar counter brunch,
but we could have them be in a war together,
no if ands or butts,
because oh great america like we are now,
doesn't stay out of other countries or allow,
that country to do its thing,
has america let someone tell us how to run our land?
didn't we leave great britain for our independence?
so how come like then and now,
we get into war over problems other countries need to fix themselves,
when we havn't fixed ourselves yet either,
Martin Luther King Jr. Could've told you that,
anyone from a history book could predict the future,
because we have not learned from any mistake we have made
so america is at fault and the one to blame.
all truth
Jan 2016 · 4.8k
under my communist blanket
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
_
I
_
I walked with my communist looking blanket tied around my neck,
I had long ago stolen them from an airoplane and like then,
they still did everything you wouldn't expect from a thin blanket.

getting prung and pricked as the buckberry bushes punctured,
me and my communist looking blanket, but atlass I made it,
torn by thorns and all, to the half iced over ****** dam,

_

II
_
this is where I was greeted not by my friends, as they happened to be there,
No, I was greeted warmly by the fire they made,
as they burned detention slips, and failed tests, and anything alike,

it made me take fire 101 control of things, as I spit out,
you can not put wet leaves in this fire, stay ten feet away from the fire,
but it would soon be done,

_
III
_
when it was, we broke up some of the remaining ice from the dam,
placing it on top of the fire as gracefully as you could,
my fingers were once so warmed by that fire, now so cold from the ice,

we went and sat on the rock, and I wrapped my communist blanket around me,
I went into my bag, and pulled out my sock that had my bogs inside it,
I never like to smoke with people, I never really smoked more then two drags

_
IV
_
when I needed to let my edge off, I smoked, and it was a rare thing I did,
under my communist blanket, with ice cold hands I unwrapped my sock,
I pulled out my new pack of spirits and my lighter, and offered anyone with me a bog.

Everyone but one of my friends took me up on it, so I told him,
he can have the rest of what I don't smoke, I only smoke two hits,
I put the bog in between my ******* and my ring finger on my right hand,

I couldn't lite it with the wind, I said,
but, it's because people were there.
He lit my bog for me, I smoked more then I normally do and handed it off,

_
V
_
What was to come soon after was what one,
wishes they could escape to there bedroom with their communist blanket,
and then cry,

he finished what he wanted on the bog,
leaving me with a little more then half,
I put it out and put it away,

my other two friends pulled out a bog each of their own,
as I began to pick up all the little pieces of paper that didn't burn,
I threw them with my ice cold hands into the dam,

_
VI
_
by then they were almost done with there bogs, when one asked me,
"Can I try to burn your arm?"
as she stuck her bog in her mouth before I could respond,

she went into my communist red blanket, and pulled my arm out,
hold my arm with one hand, she took the bog in the other pressing it lightly,
She asked me "does it hurt?" I muttered "no" still shocked,

She went and did it again, this time higher up while twisting it in,
next to a set of new burns I had done myself a few night back,
I didn't even feel what she did, but she went through a layer of skin,

_
VII
_
her and the other girl, proceeded to try to lightly burn themselves,
a half a second touch on the top of the arm, that's what hurt more.
I looked at my friend, and he looked really confused, I was too.

I went into the iced over pond, and pulled out ice,
trying to get the ash out of my arm,
only causing my fingers to freeze more under my communist blanket,

_
VIII
_
*I was unable to continue watching them play around and burn their flesh,
I walked back up, and said I need to be alone,
and I never made myself feel more alone under my communist blanket.

I know it was my fault, for I had let her do it,
I didn't dare say stop, but then they did it to themselves.
why couldn't me of been enough?
bogs where I am from are cigs. if you didn't know.
Jan 2016 · 581
American Spirits
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
Lately I've fallen down,
deeper then I can dig myself out,
I've taken up smoking when they only make things worse,
My skin itches because I am allergic to some of the chemicals,
My body can't breath well enough for a good while after,
asma or not, I have to remember I wasn't breathing when I started,
at least now I feel my body trying. to do something.
sometimes if I  smoke too much my body can't take it and I *****,
funny thing is, I highly doubt any Native American smoked these.
idk
Jan 2016 · 334
Bad Souls.
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
Why does my soul strive to lead me towards broken things,
As if my soul wasn't broke enough, my soul likes to forget my memories,
memories of bad people doing very bad things,
My body doesn't need a reminder, as we know the taste of this disease,
it's eaten away at my body before,
making every breath harder and harder to breath in air,
like a mother gasping to bring her child with life again, I mourned,
My soul should've learned by now, I don't dare to give prayers,
to broken and bad things, full of hate and hurt,
these types of people attract to me like i'm in pain,
I don't find my soul like theirs trapped six feet underground in the dirt,
instead, I'll cry longer then the rain,
as if this will wash away my misery rather then hurt someone I love,
but instead my body longs for bad souls like you,
you're down below the dirt my love, and i'm trapped crying for you above,
where you and I meet again has to be different, has to be new,
I'd let myself ignite like a fire and burn,
I'd watch you dump water over my flame,
and expect  me to return,
but the shameful fact is the flame is more tamed,
then the water,
I wanted peace,
you wanted to slaughter,
Maybe I need to let you go, like butterflies you eventually must release,
people.
Jan 2016 · 1.5k
Magic Wands
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
If I could wave a magic wand,
as if to wave away everything to becalmed,
would you, would I,
look up at the sky,
and tell me if you can see,
if you cannot we still aren't free,
as the sky has taken overview, over us,
we must learn to love ourselves, **** it up,
and not fall down, but rise up.
we all must stop trying to play with magic,
and get our heads out of such tactics,
but uses our mind,
to lead our souls less blind,
than wands won't matter,
no matter how big a disaster.
idk a poem
Jan 2016 · 5.1k
Box Turtle
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
I am the Box Turtle,
I shut you out,
and sleep away in my shell,

I am the Box Turtle,
the only turtle who is safe from the world,
the only turtle who can shut away the world,

I am the Box Turtle,
I'll hid for life,
behind the hinges that cover me,

I am the Box Turtle,
Who will slam my door,
on you and the world,

I am the Box Turtle,
I can live my life in my shell,
while you continue creating this hell,

I am the Box Turtle,
I will not fight,
I will live in peace not war,

I am the Box Turtle,
I'll  lock the ones who try and hurt me out,
to try and survive these battles alone,

I am the Box Turtle,
inside my hinge like doors,
I'll be safe from the world,

I am the Box Turtle,
I must be safe from you,
and any other fools.
Box turtles  are cool,
only turtle that can fully close its shell bc it has mini doors,
I love em, they're cute.
Jan 2016 · 888
I saw Mary
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
we drove by saint mary's all the time.
and this was no different today,
than the last,

but I saw mary,
in the window that night,
and it was all a flash as we drove by,

as I said we did all the time,
but this time,
I saw the ****** in the night,

each and everyday I wonder,
why did I see her,
why didn't I greet her,

I wonder why she was there,
or if she was as scared,
as me,

I question myself everyday,
like did you really see,
Mother Mary?

I cannot explain what I saw,
Mary had not spoken to me,
as she just appeared to me for a moment,

as I was shocked to see her disappear so quickly,
the view of the hospital window she was in was fading,
I clutched a set of my grandmother rosary beads she gave me to fix,

in my hands there all I felt the whole car ride back,
as I kept bringing back the image of Mary,
and her outstretched hands,

the silhouette won't fade from my memory,
I constantly try to find out why,
she decided to appear to me,

we drive by saint mary's all the time,
and I look for her in the window before it fades away,
as we drive by,

and I haven't seen the room light up,
since the time she appeared to me,
but I will still wait for her every time we drive by.
it's true. and I will look for her every time we drive by, until I die.
Jan 2016 · 1.7k
Sunday Morning Homily
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
this day was no different than any other,
as we went through the tunnel onto the highway,
I think back to this mornings homily,
how the deacon spoke of this city's cross on the mountain,
I hung onto the rosary beads around my neck,
as if I was still looking for some answers,
and as ignored the smell of exhaust fumes,
as they mixed with the scent of chain smokers,
like a disastrous duo,
and focused my body outside the car window,
clenching my rosary beads I saw the cross on the mountain,
Holding them up the the window,
my cross covered the one on the mountain like it was its lost child.
for five minutes I felt like I had nothing to ask anyone,
I felt like my life was okay,
we drove into another tunnel,
and took a right on the exit ramp,
I never felt more peace in my life,
then I did as we drove home
that night,
it's true.
Dec 2015 · 488
Safety in the Sun
Cat Fiske Dec 2015
I feel as if this world called earth, had made me come undone,
so I decided today,
that I'd sleep it away,
as I transport my brain many miles away,
as my mind runs for miles upon miles,
until my mind becomes my body,
and I'm at a beach,
feet in the sand by the tireless ocean,
I look up to see the sun,
as my mind makes me float like a child in the water,
but instead of water i'm sent into the clouds,
strait into the sun,
the heat surrounds my body,
my mind does not remember things like gravity,
and I sore away,
from this dull world,
I am destined for brighter things,
things where the people on earth wont crush them,
where you're never given false hope like an early snowfall in October,
as to show you that planet had no plans of a winter.
How come the earth is so bitter?
the earth doesn't need snow for me to feel cold,
as our actions have made blizzards we can't shovel ourselves out of,
and cries of children young and old,
from near and far,
from up here I can see it all so clear,
that we cause more problems than were originally hear,
if we could learn to let other ask for our help,
maybe they might of before,
but now since we thought we knew best,
our whole worlds become a mess,
and we have worse problems to deal with then a war.
so I shoot past the clouds,
into the sun,
knowing that help is an art of asking,
rather than controlling.
and until our world can master this art,
nothing will save me or anyone from falling,
when it gets torn apart.
A poem/story about well, I hope I was clear c:
Dec 2015 · 774
finding happiness
Cat Fiske Dec 2015
he pulled rainbows out of clouds when the skies were dark and grey,
he'd do this day after day,
as if to show her the beauty can show from underneath all the pain.
even though he couldn't make her pain wash away,
he could try to push it back so it would fade to a smile,
making her laugh for just a small while,

his job was to serve her,
and show her how to be happy,
even when happy days came by fewer and fewer for him,
he got up and did his best to make her happy,
pulling the rainbows out of his sorrows and showing her,
see, things aren't always as bad as it seems,
sometimes he wished someone could open their heart up,
and pull there rainbows out and show him how to be happy,
but no one did,

and each day he tried to make her smile,
as she smiled more he smiled less,
and her rainbows grew brighter though,
and his faded into the black and grey of the skies,
as if never to come back,
who ever helps the people, who end up helping everyone else.
Dec 2015 · 1.2k
I used to believe in santa
Cat Fiske Dec 2015
I don't believe in childish things,

like santa,

I don't partake anymore in the act of gift getting,

I used to believe that all these things used to be what christmas time was for,

but what about the kids who never got even 1 gift this season,

we hardly hear their cries,

there happy to have they family together just for christmas night,

but what about those kids,

who can't even get that,

santa must not like them then,

*** santa has forgotten them,

no,

because there's no such thing as santa,

and I have not forgotten them,

but who else has not forgotten them,

someone needs to help them,

I used to believe in santa,

I used to get gifts,

but now I ask my family to give my gifts to other kids,

this seasons about giving,

so give to someone who has less.
an idea for the season.
Dec 2015 · 692
burned boxes
Cat Fiske Dec 2015
I wiped away every memory you left me with,
as I printed the messages like you wrote me letters,
sealed them in in envelopes,
but boxes marked incinerate,

I waded through knee deep snow,
carrying a box full of memories while wearing some I couldn't let go,
I removed your sweater off my back and created a fire from the tear stained sleeves,
I burned the rest with the box, and cried over the memories that couldn't go away,

I lay down into the snow, holding onto your memories that went too deep,
crying because I can't remember some of the things you did with my body,
crying because I honestly wouldn't wanna know.
like as if  crying would honestly allow me to let go,

you used to tell me things like how I didn't have to worry about my makeup,
or how I didn't have to worry about everyone,
and how you told me you loved me despite my flaws,
like the ones covered over my whole body,

and yet you tricked me,
so I'd let you in,
I was weak and you hurt me,
you don't deserve me,

but who would deserve me,
other than you,
you ruined me,
and I'm the fool.
old memories, bad memories. they never seem to fade away.
Dec 2015 · 1.3k
you again
Cat Fiske Dec 2015
my throat was rotted and dry,
as I urged for you to hear my cries,

as if make you hear me again,
as if to try and show you my smile again,

to smile and show you,
how everything will be alright,

wouldn't it be nice,
like the puzzle becoming complete finally.

but my voice cant speak these words,
and my lips and throat aren't moist enough,

to motion this smile we both truly need,
to speak these words to stop the cries,

as if to tell you its all going to be alright,
so we will part ways, drift, and fly away this night,
just a poem.
Dec 2015 · 1.4k
unwanted
Cat Fiske Dec 2015
I feel like i'm toxic to the touch
when I felt and tried to return the love you gave me,

turning not to thank me,
as I reach out to grab you,

you walked away,
as I watched and cried,

I retrace each step you take,
my tears falling so fast they fill your footprints place,

drawing what ever may live in your souls,
as you stepped and went away,

eventually the night falls,
and I am left in the darkness, alone,

without you,
without anyone to care,

I sit unwanted,
hoping you will care.
Unwanted, I wrote this after Several day of depression,
Dec 2015 · 795
Gone
Cat Fiske Dec 2015
I turn to say hello to you,
and you to away,

I turn to say hello to them,
they look the other way,

I try to say something, to anyone,
as everyone has gone away,
Cat Fiske Dec 2015
The Children Pick up bones,
like its where our leftover emotions,
will hold the memories for us,

for them, They are quick as foxes,
as we used to be,
as autumn finally came,

These Children sniff the wind,
Smelling the Frost from within,
But for now they smell the sharp grape sent,

and that at least is still left,
For the children pick up our bones,
We Left much more,

The Children pick up our bones,
and see what we saw,
the stars gaze, the clouds,

from the roofs of our house,
or beyond when locked up inside,
the Sent of the windy sky, blew though,

The Children Pick up our bones,
to be educated on our driven to despair,
our lack of, because we know whats to come,

Children Please listen up,
you will speak our speech,
and never know,

Our spirits left behind,
a storm brewing in the walls,
waiting to strike,

Destruction to the house,
the the rest of the world to come next,
with you, children left in the shadows,

left out in the dust, able to fix destruction,
by seeing past the clouds,
and smear the world in a gold like the sun,
my interpretation/ rewrite*kindsorta* of a postcard from the volcano by Wallace Stevens

I am doing a report on Wallace Stevens for one of my classes and that one poem I loved and when I wrote his/my interpretation on the side it was a poem so of course I had to post it.
Dec 2015 · 948
separated
Cat Fiske Dec 2015
I feel as if you have passed away,
gone away and won't come back to stay,

Like the rain that is scared to cry,
I have done all I can,

I have Tried,

So I sit each day outside
waiting for you to come back to me,

like the rain,
I stand over closed flowers,

I cry out for you,

as tears drip off my face,
rolling on unopened  petals,

as they take the rain's place,
unopened petals open up like new,

and I can only wish they were you,

but they are not,
moving away my crying eyes from now open petals,

but neither you nor the rain,
come back in time,

as I and the flowers rot.
about losing someone you care about.
Nov 2015 · 928
coloring books
Cat Fiske Nov 2015
_____________________

­when I was a kid,
I used to color,

I used to color the whole page,
inside,
and outside of the lines,
like how out of the box I was,
you couldn't contain all of me in a box,
even if you had boxes,
I'd escape,
and break free,


When I was a kid,
I colored inside,
and outside of the lines,

while in school they told me how I was out of line,
I was far from out of line,
I always made sure I was inside the lines,
but sometimes,
sometimes its as if my imagination got the best of me,
and I got to escape there conforment,
even if it was for a second it felt so great,
as if I was in prison and I got to go outside for the first time in years,
my adventures in my head couldn't break through to the real world,
like reality came in and arrested my imagination,


when I was a kid,
I stopped coloring outside of the lines,
and only colored inside,

To feel like a square peg going into a round hole,
as they tried to shaped me into what the saw to be as standard,
shaving down my unique edges,
like it was a crime to be so different,
as if I saw them try to expand to fit my square ways of thinking,
not once had they thought it could work out better,
then lining the squares and triangles and hexagons and countless others up,
to get sanded down to be as close as they could make them to be to a circle,


I'm not a kid anymore,
I'm much older now,

I still color inside the lines,
to make my beautiful pictures,
and sometimes,
like when I was a child,
I color outside the lines,

*because sometimes no one has to know,
when you've made a masterpiece,
a poem about coloring
Nov 2015 · 589
Untitled
Cat Fiske Nov 2015
I hate myself,
I hate myself,

don't you **** ever think I loved myself,

no way in hell could I ever,
I'm ****** sure to never tell,

tell what you ask?

on how I came to hate myself,

on how I came to hate every last thing,
about,
myself.
Nov 2015 · 616
I prayed for help.
Cat Fiske Nov 2015
a mountain is upon me,
I have dug and dug,
what seems to be my grave,
and with little grace is left I try my best,
to dig my way out,

each day I've prayed,

a mountain is above me,
and I've been trapped,
my grave is where I stand,
and with little grace I tried my best,
to get out,

each day I prayed,

a mountain hangs overhead,
and I've been left for dead,
I lie in the dirt grave I've been told is made for me,
and with little grace I did my best,
to take my last few breaths,

each day,
*I prayed.
mountains = problems

your trapped until your die in your problems,
you sometimes only can make things worse,
sometimes others will leave you for worse.
Nov 2015 · 1.7k
you're alone today
Cat Fiske Nov 2015
I cried today
and burned away at my pain,

I hurt myself in a way,
I believed I had once fell in love with,
but soon enough forgotten.

you're simply not here anymore,
I am simply not worth a breath off your lips,
as you sigh,
as if to say,

Sweetie just leave for today,
and don't come back for tomorrow,
or any other day.

Like you wish to of said,
I will leave,
and I don't see myself coming back,

you like others,
have folded outstretched arms,
as you scold me,
as you tell me it's okay for me to be alone today,

I unlike you don't see how,
I can live without you,
I unlike you don't know how,
to keep going on.
sigh..
Nov 2015 · 6.0k
Hate Crimes
Cat Fiske Nov 2015
I have no sense of pride
when I wake up each morning
to get ready for school.
I do not wish to be here;
not because
I just don’t want to go to school
like most kids,
It’s because I myself
and so many others
have felt what it feels
to be victims here inside these schools.

When you're a victim
you face a fear of similar acts
repeating again,
it's like waking up
and expecting someone to punch you
and knowing you can avoid it.
school is like the punch,
and we show up each day,
waiting for the punch
to strike us down,

we could avoid it
by not showing up,
but we have to show up,
so there's no way out
of the fear.
When you're a victim
of verbal abuse
you never know when it's going to strike,

when someone speaks to you
you're left on edge all the time,
when it happens due to
staff and students
nothing seems safe anymore.
You lose your trust,
you lose your friends
you lose your freedom of safety.

Sadly, most of the time
when someone becomes a victim
of verbal abuse,
the teachers causes it to occur
for two reason;
the first,
because they allow it to happen
and second
the worst
they do it themselves
to the students.

In the classroom
you're there to learn.
No wonder students
have picked-up it's allowed
to put down someone
for being different in any way.
If we learn from our teachers,
and they have taught their students
it's okay to put others down,
how do you blame the students then?

How can you blame students
for learning how to harass a kid
if a teacher single handedly
gave them permission?
When they were being mentored in
the act of putting down,  
instead of raising someone
who was a little weaker up?

How can you undo the damage
put onto the victims
who no longer want to walk into school
but still do each and everyday
because
they have to?
How can you deny a kid
their right to sit in guidance
instead of go to that class
when they are being mistreated
and harassed?

How can you Punish these kids
with detentions
when they have been through worse punishment
than you have the power to give out
with a yellow slip?
When they all say
“it's my word against an adults”
when I’ve heard
the same cries and tears
poor out of girls and boys
who hate it here
because they feel their voices
are unheard,

there issue has never been handled right.
“I reported the teacher
and it's like nothing happened
and only made my time
in that class worse”
“They told me I can't
report the teacher
and I have to report
the students,
How do I report
almost all my class?
someone or probably everyone
will give me a problem
when they get back?”
How do you honestly solve that?

You can’t fix the damage that has been done.
The faculty here
has put students
against students
while they sit back for their amusement,
its sickening
that we allow schools
to partake into such crimes,
To allow Faculty
to insult individual students,
based on their biased opinions
on their Ethnicity,
Religion,
Gender,
and Disabilities.
This is considered a Hate Crime.

Schools Supporting Hate Crimes
and doing absolutely nothing
but skating around the issue
as if that will stop
the appalling act
from happening.
Fooling Around,
to Teasing,
to Playful Jokes,
to Hurtful Ones,
To Insulting Ones considering to be bullying,
Than lead to the start of Harassment,
and Verbal abuse of an individual,
That Can From there,
only move forward
unless the victim is removed
from the environment,
to becoming a Hate Crime.
Hate crimes, how they cycle through schools, and how usually nothing is done.
Nov 2015 · 566
Broken Truth,
Cat Fiske Nov 2015
I promised myself,
I will not burn my flesh,
and feel as if the hell i'm in is like the hell below,
as the lighter makes my skin itch,
as if i'm hotter than the sun's kisses.
and maybe your jealous I kept this promise to myself,

I kept my promise,
while you told me lies,
as your bent the truth like the metal in your skin,
but I had to hold all my urges in,

I kept my promise,
while the world crumbled around me,
while my mother wanted to shout at me,
everyday,
for the pain I caused her,
as I only let tears come out,

I kept my promise,
while a boy told me he loved me,
as he got his and my heart wrap up like in a to-go bag,
he shortly stopped holding my hand and started raising them to me,
and I only said stop,

They broke their promise,
why am I not allowed to,
as them before me,
let them watch me bleed out the broken truth,
as they may see for the first time,
how they have hurt me,
Broken Truth, is about being told, not to do things, by people who keep lying to you
Nov 2015 · 656
Dysgraphia.[10w]
Cat Fiske Nov 2015
how can I be a poet,
when I have,
**Dysgraphia.
10w
Oct 2015 · 2.0k
do you hate me?
Cat Fiske Oct 2015
I ate a whole thing of oreos in front of you,
and then,
*I ate another.
i am thinking he does hate me or is repulsed.
Oct 2015 · 1.1k
hold me
Cat Fiske Oct 2015
I want to be loved,
more than you feel unloved,
more then I tell you daily,
I love you sweetie,
Love you more then I want you,
to just love me,
and feel my love surround you,
hold you,
and have you hold me,
but you don't
you walk the otherway free,
and leave me in a cell,
and you come and go as you please,
and when you do visit me,
it's like a cell block tango of emotions,
as if you throw me behind bars,
untouched,
unloved,
by you,
when I just want you to,
hold me.
I just wanted you too.
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