I can tell you what heaven is;

Heaven is

Sitting on a metal bench

With friends

And a rat pack of Samuel Adams.

I live in 2300 square feet
of dark cold house.

there are steel canisters
of fresh ground coffee.

there is a coffeemaker
that is old but working.

there is a cedar box
full of discount cigars.

there is a wooden rack
stocked with cheap varietals.

there is a media player
with hours of blues tunes.

there is a desk with pens
and reams of lined paper.

take those away from me
and I will have nothing.

Have I lost my way
been tossed astray
depraved and often caught in shame

I am Phi Kenzie
suspend all your envy
I’m plenty unfriendly and tense up when sensing

The touch of another
to shutters and covers
and run for the river, ride rough with the rudder

Flown under the radar
I hoped it would stay dark
but no, it’s the day and it breaks the equator

I could go on about my fears
they won’t disappear
peerless endearment from people jeering for years

Eerie queries in tears
near and dear to mine own ears
rearing iridescent essence empirically in spirit

Hear it speared into the ether
reverberating meter
ceaselessly tinker on the readers need to reach eureka neater

you face me,
as I look into your eyes I am paralyzed
lost, in the sweet honey irises surrounded by thick dark lashes,
captured by the lines formed by your cheekbones as you settle into a luminous smile.
swept away, by every little mahogany chestnut hair on your head.
breathless, by the rushing breeze that escapes your lips
when you laugh.
I am so overwhelmed yet it never feels like enough
I keep wanting to lose myself in you, your presence, your touch.
it feels as though I'm falling asleep, all the while I'm wide awake,
that I've never been surer of a feeling,
yet it's almost too hard to take.
my vision blurs, my hands shake,
my breath catches, my legs quake.
it feels as if I could lose consciousness any second.
that with one word, or one graze of your fingertips,
my heart would be filled with such an indescribable amount of emotion that it could just stop altogether.
suspended in my vision, you're the only thing I'd see
frozen in time, at this moment
if yours was the final thing I could be
I'd let my heart stop, my breathing cease
I'd gladly die this way eternally.

Clenched teeth.
My heart is beating fast and slow.
The love of my life,
His words,
Were not as beautiful.
And they were,
At the very best,
Un-welcomed in this heart of mine.
I itch for a pencil and a yellow book.
I itch for my tears to fall.
I want my heart to be taken out
I am not him
And I am not his
He is the fairytale
While he is the broken knight.
I am neither and
All I can say is my heart is closed.
As my anger towards only me
Start to consume my headspace.