I am pulled under
by your questions
that were designed
to prove assumptions
I choke on your connections
and drown without respect.
In perpetual apprehension
On a table for my answer
You'd meticulously dissect
My words aren't worth the time
it takes to change your mind
My will is not within your power
I cannot speak, and show my worst
I am only trying not to act sour
as your bubble bursts
When they'll be burning me to the stakes
For the true witch that I am,
When the smoke gets in my eyes,
And clouds over my judgment,
I'll tell you.
I'll tell you of who I killed-
My hopes and dreams
That I thought I unshackled for what it seems,
I'll tell you of who I am,
Of who I used to be,
Of who I want to be,
And who I need to be,
But what I am now,
Is none of those things.
What I am now,
They ask me to speak
but I have no words in the head,
I am the blank state
and they are not going to wait.
Their voices erupting
their sounds disrupting,
the construct of my thoughts
turning it too short.
It feels ridiculous
how empty my mind feels,
words do not say
what they are suppose to.
I loss my breaths midway
forgetting to open my mouth,
they say to speak loud
they are being unnecessarily rude
they do not know I can't.
It surprises others that it is not easy
to find your voice in midst of the noise,
silence though nice gives you no presence
and no one comes to my defence.
Try clearing my throat
struggling to open the mouth,
waiting for sound to let out
with words that support my cause.
Silent mouth and silent mind
The ignorant language of my kind.
To question is to be discouraged,
Brains to ravage not to flourish.
Don't question those who know more than you, don't look for knowledge, don't seek what's true.
Should we speak for others?
And say what can't be said
Or should we follow suit
And accept we should be led.
I want to speak
I want to say hello
I want to say I love you and I always have
I want to tell you I keep going in hopes that one day
I might really know you
I want to tell you how even though you are human,
Somehow, you are perfection
I want to say I'll be there for you when no one else is
I'd love to tell you death is a small price to pay
To see you smile
But instead I tell you nothing at all
Because my voice,
My voice is a toxin
That freezes hearts
And when I speak
The toxin pierces my lips
And I am helpless to stop it
It wouldn't matter what I'd say
My voice would stab you as if it were a knife
And it would leave permanent scars
My voice would stain you with
All of the horrors that are me
So I'll keep those words to myself
And pray that you'll find someone
That can make you
Everyone writes about what they believe in
Praising the greatest parts of life
or confessing their sin
I find no interest in common literature
When people speak it's about their life
New found accomplishments
and never ending strife
I cannot converse over common matter
Humans make decisions based on a certain topic
Their bountiful wealth
or emptiness of their pocket
I have never related to common economics
Celebration is a wicked, twisted event
Rejoicing over heroes and heroics
and shielding each other from evil stars like a tent
I do not cheer for common excitement
I believe we've met
I saw you sitting all the way over
next to me, quiet.
"Are you ok?" - I ask because I care
tearing apart myself
can't bear to not remember
I need to ask you better questions
questions like "Are you ok?"
Am I ok?
I'm so bad at conversation and I am
robotic and expressionless but
you help me express feeling that
I saw you sitting all the way over there
so I came closer and
put my arm around you