I aways say that I don't want you to fix me.
I don't need you to make me happy.
There's no need to pick my bones back together and
Sweep what's left of the my self esteem
I don't need you to lift the weight of gravity
To a bearable level
To a breathable level
To a level of density that allows me to stand on my two feet.
I always did.
I always do.
Come over unannounced and do nothing but help me do the dishes.
Tell me about the time you couldn't stop staring at the astronomy of my freckles,
freckles that are only showing in the sunshine
You are sunshine
Like a daffodil
I need you to grow
I hope you wake up
at five o'clock
in the morning
with me on your mind.
I hope your eyes wake up
missing my printed words
at seven o'clock
in the morning.
at eight o'clock
in the morning
on my drive home
I find myself,
Begging you to wake up,
Begging you to speak to me.
& even though I know
I won't hear from you
for a few more hours,
I can't help
but sit there
The space between ethereal measure,
the nothingness connecting our divide.
This lack of substance is surreal, obscure
are old memories of sharing your side.
Ours is the spirit, by which we are bound,
a realm we share where timelessness persists.
Where shapeless planes carry a formless sound,
the self becoming selfless, unresisting.
The place you’ve gone does not belong to me
and in the space between us, seeds are sown.
The tree of life sways softly with the breeze
while you continue, beyond what I know.
Like wings that carry over to another shore,
you are my leaf on the wind. I see you soar.
You tell me that you love me,
"Oh thank you!" I say.
But you aren't happy with the answer.
And you keep on telling me so,
"I don't know what else to say."
I can only ever manage this.
My heart has been broken badly,
I can't tell you anything gladly.
Please understand and let me be.
Parishioners gather around me
God has taken my mind
My god is splayed before me
Forming dust from thought in time
The ones like us
The ones, they've never come up
And all the ones, they don't deserve
I don't deserve love
To find me
The organs groan, than make me high
Each new motion besets me
My god is burrowed into the sand
As I am mocking you
My motives burrowed into mind
And you won't survive me god
Every six months, my thoughts change
Any time is too long
Every hour is droning on
Before I wake up, incomplete
We've cast aside distant memories
God is dead
What was once old is still old
Still we remain...
My newly bothered brothers
And sisters, so lovely
So come with me
Into this night
We are the new vicars
The world will bow
And we are the new gods
The sum of which is god