one hell of a party
while it lasted
the neighbors would have complained
if there were any
but nobody was around
just you and me
you loved the music i brought
and the drinks i mixed
i loved your music too
and what you wore
a few others showed up
but We never made it there
and Us had other plans
you and i were doing fine without them
listening to the music
dancing and having a drink
then i got drunk
and started doing crazy ****
that confused you
i can’t hold my liquor
you asked what was wrong
i got more drunk
and vomited words all over you
words like Love and jealousy
but you had clothes ruined before
by drunks like me
and the cleaning bill
was too expensive
everyone else had left by then
they didn’t want to be around
a drunk either
you didn’t yell at me
or call me names
God knows why
it just isn’t you to do that
you just said you had to go
that you couldn’t come back again
for more *****
who the hell would
I was terrified
When I realized
That I had the urge
When I saw you
I’v always liked
To see you naked
I’ve always followed
The lines of your waist
The rivers on your thighs
The heaven between them
I hate that I am eating.
I hate every bite, every swallow.
I hate every taste, every wrapper.
I hate the bile that raises in the back of my throat every time
I try to consume food.
I am so so very sick of it all.
So sick of needing to be high to even want to eat.
So sick of the feeling of being full
And I hate my need to be rid of it.
Of trying to force it to stay down
But secretly wishing that my ***** will drown me.
I hate myself when I do *****.
But I hate myself so much more when I don’t.
But they say I’m pretty
But they say I’m better
So why is it so hard
When every swallow is burning me alive
And every ***** makes me a liar.
And every skipped meal makes me a coward.
I swallowed a pebble in a garden today. It was hard and thick and the graininess of it scraped against my teeth. I ***** the stones back up, shiny with bile. Perhaps I'm just tired.
I retch on cue and he smiles
Feedback is always appreciated! Thank you!
The acidic aftertaste of *****
scratches its way
down my throat
with every beat
of a broken
I'm falling slowly
Deeper into madness
Crazed with feelings
I want to *****
the happiness that
I have injected into
Can I cry?
I hate seeing myself
I hate seeing myself
Can I cry?
Because I want to be free
from the shackles
That bound me to this Earth
he cooly walks down the hallway
long strides with hands tucked in pockets
only he knows what’s to come
he takes off his rings before he reaches the bathroom
tucks them and his right wrist bracelet away
his left side bracelets cover pale cuts
he won’t take them off
the hollow lock slides shut on the stall
his fingertips leave a weird taste at the back of his throat
he spits into the porcelain and water in front of him
when he presses into his throat
his body revolts
it’s disgusted, it panics
tears form in his eyes and he tries again
gags and throws up
it’s sweet like the iced coffee he drank
it burns like his morning showers
he leaves to wash his hands
he spits into the sink before walking away like nothing happened
his stomach hurts
he still walks with utmost confidence
he’s empty inside
he slips back into his desk and chews cinnamon gum
he regrets what he did and can’t wait to do it again
he’s a real unfortunate story
she points ***** covered fingers in accusation
as her bones melt down the sink
her flesh stuck to my porcelain bowl
I still smell that chunky pink
if ***** had a voice
patawad sa mahal kong akala ko'y lumisan na
sa paggunaw ng kaisipan sa mga bagay na pinipilit nitong takbuhan
ngunit bumubulong ang puso gamit ang lirikong tayo lang ang nakaiintindi –
mababalikan pa ba ang ritmong ito
o mananatili na lamang sa kasalukuyang pintig?