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41.5k · May 2015
eye contact
Cat Fiske May 2015
I can't look into,
those eyes,

eyes that I've learned will judge you,
eyes, that will make or break you,

no,
please no.

I can't look into those eyes,
*but I look you in the eyes,

and every memory,
or being laughed at is erased,

all I see is your beautiful face,
and maybe the laughing memories comeback,

because all I think is,
I wanna kiss you,

and how much,
your going to laugh at me,

if I did,
eye contact is a hard thing for me.
39.4k · May 2015
BEaUty
Cat Fiske May 2015
being beautiful has to do,
with the words:
BEing yoU,
beauty is in all of us
31.8k · Jun 2015
Grab My BOOBS, I don't care...
Cat Fiske Jun 2015
I don't mind if you touch them,
but maybe she did,

I don't care anymore,
to me there just a pair of flesh,

but to her,
they're still innocent,

Mine have lost the specialness in the I want you to touch them,
Now it's met with I don't cares,

For I no longer have what she has,
those first time butterflies like i'm shy when I remove my top,

when it's the first time I show them off to you,
because they're not special anymore,

when a time in my life my brest made me happy,
were I could look in the mirror and feel good about something,

but they became nothing,
so now I look and see nothing but a black canvas of disappointment,

everytime I stare at my reflection,
every time I see my wound,

our wound,
because that's the one that everyone sees,

the rest I made are hidden just for me,
and I wish our wound was like that,

I wish I could totally remember what happened to my breast,
but all I remember was burning right over the year old scar again,

because the pain of remember hurt more then my second burn,
but the first time you were the one to burn me,

and I had hid it so well,
but there came a time where I didn't care,

and I showed it off,
battle scar? call it what you want,

if you wanna grab my **** go for it,
they have gone through worse assault,

if you wanna see them,
it's not going to mean **** to me,

and I am really sorry that thats hows it's been for me,
but it's not my fault my ***** innocence was stolen from me,

because of a *****,
with what used to look like the end of one of his cigarettes,
a **** poem, go figure......
21.4k · Apr 2015
PTSD
Cat Fiske Apr 2015
Polite
Typical
Smiley
Daughter

Pointlessly
Trusting
School
District

Professor
Turns-blind-eye
Struggling
Drastically

Packets
Turn-to
Stacks
Deficient

Panic Attacks
Turn-to
Self
Destruction

Pulling
Teeth
Sick
Design

Plan­s
To
Stop
Discussing

Peace
To-her
Silence
Disturbs

People
Talked
She
Distracted

Passed
The
Snacks-to
Dinners

Pulled
The
Same
Dimensions

Pre-K
Then
Smaller
Didn't

Pause
Third-Grade
So
Dead

Parents
Though
She
Drowned

Piled
Thoughts
Suffocated-her
Dexterity

Patient
There
Suffering
Depression

Problems
To-many-to
Score
Dispute

Progress
That
Shockingly
Developed

Potentially
Taken-away-the
Suffering
Dramatically

Poor
Tiny
Sweet
Doll

Par­t
Traumatized
Sleep
Deprived

Phobic
though
Sixth grade
Doesn't

Play
Though
Six-Years-of
Death

Until... The little girl, learned she had,
Post
Traumatic
Stress
Disorder
and, school treating her badly is only one of her three traumatizing events.
this is about my very first traumatizing event that caused my PTSD, I have lived though 2 others, But this first one is caused by the school i go to denying me help when I have a learning disability, this caused my mom and me to argue, making her sometimes emotionally and physically abusive, that's where the second one comes in, and the third was a stem off of what i thought was normal, and also only knowing English based on what i had taught myself, because that resource wasn't provided for me, when a boyfriend was being abusive i didn't know it wasn't okay, because its what I was used to at home, I thought it was okay and normal. its been a year later, I'm in 10th grade. Yelling, or loud places make me trigger, school in general makes me trigger, because the trauma never stopped, and at home, when ever my mom get aggravated over the school, she takes it out on me, and my dad, and everyone. But again, I'd of never had these added traumas if a therapist didn't explain to me my life and the right and wrongs, I'd of love to go my whole like thinking my relationships where fine.
Cat Fiske Apr 2015
We all want to Support
stopping racism,
because we sent black and white men to die in war together,
before we could be educated together,

The end gender inequality,
Because women can't where cloths,
and feel safe,
walking down a street alone,
with out feeling were going to get *****.

Same or different *** relationships,
Because the way you love your significant other,
wouldn't be the same if they changed there gender to the other?

Transgender rights,
Because there a man everywhere else but in there pants,
And men don't get cervical cancers,
So yes legally changing my gender won't help me if i need a treatment only a lady would get,
and this goes vice a versa,
But I shouldn't have to worry about any other pains,
except the possibility of one in my unwanted ****.

**** victims,
including males,
Yes you,
Feminist views,
Please just Stop over looking,

Men go though it too.
And we all may know men may be the main cause,
Women have just as much play,
No human,
Wants an unwanted Violation,
to come into any contact with them so personally,

See all these things,
we want to stop,
and they need to,
but,

When u last walked down the street,
what stranger did your Arrogant eyes peek?
they saw someone,
and you though they were,

too fat,
too small,
too tall,
a ****,
needs to button up,
he used to pop pills,
now he cant pay his bills,
and there's so many I'm leaving out,
like what they thought about you,

so you see,
each of these little groups,
we just pass each other on the street,
even when we didn't even meet,

it's human nature,
our natural order,
to insult each other,
some just get the really blunt edge.

maybe we should change how we think and act,
before we go wishing for things out of our knack's.
I just hate all of these things tbh.
19.5k · Apr 2015
Perks to being a Fat Girl
Cat Fiske Apr 2015
were so fat,
maybe,
our gravitational pull,

will make someone orbit around us,
and fall in love with us,

because who could love us,
If we don't even love us,

So just maybe,
Someone will orbit around us,
and not the pantry's continents,
lol i thought of this while reading a yo mama jokee years ago......... middle school me.
10.5k · May 2015
Respect [10w]
Cat Fiske May 2015
After all,
you may never find,
anyone like them,
*again.
10words
10.2k · Apr 2015
Kmart, Revenge Kisses.
Cat Fiske Apr 2015
I will not go into Kmart now,
Because you work there,

I want to go to Kmart,
And be an ******* to you,
like you were to me,

I will not go into Kmart,
Because you work there,

Maybe I should go to Kmart,
And maybe I should Get a job there too!

I will not go in Kmart,
Because you work there,

Maybe I'll go with my new boy,
and he doesn't beat me like someone did,

I will go in Kmart,
Because YOU work there now.

I'll make out with my new boy,
While you watch and check our order out.
i handle my PTSD triggers well. I was going to go apply for a job, found out this **** head was working there, so now i cant apply there. I will have a PTSD attack if i see this boy. soo great x.x
10.2k · May 2015
Alcoholic Love[10w]
Cat Fiske May 2015
you,
                         drowned,                                                      
  ­ me,      
                and,
now i'm trying to get...*                 **sober,
christian right.
10w
10.0k · May 2015
Too Broken [10w]
9.8k · May 2015
Mermaids [10w]
Cat Fiske May 2015
there will be,
mermaids,
and death,
that's what love is
Mermaids what They do is only what we do to ourselfs but keep eachother living.
10w
8.8k · Feb 2016
PLEASE HELLO POETRY READ!
Cat Fiske Feb 2016
I have read so many wonderful poems,
haiku's, 10 words, so many more, and none are alike!
But we tend to forget about spoken word poems,
Hello Poetry, can you make it possible to share our spoken words as well as our massive pile on's of endless poetry. Spoken Words would add to the sight, and only make it better.
I wish I could also Use Hellopoetry on my mobile phone, in an app,
I'm not sure about anyone else, but that would maybe add to HP

Please consider what I've had to say, c:
Please send repost like and share and comment anything else you think the sight needs since it's growing in great ways. Please share and like if you agree c:
7.0k · Jun 2015
Single Lover [10w]
Cat Fiske Jun 2015
The problem with our love,
was when I only loved,
Love
6.2k · Apr 2015
blue shoe you
Cat Fiske Apr 2015
you,
two,
had no clue,
what new blue shoes,
and going to zoo,
could do for you,

Drew,
to Rue,
on Cue,
had their eyes glued,
and new true,
that very few,
due,

Drew,
with Rue,
flew,
to Peru,
And lost their new,
Blue shoes,
But gained a new
Blue hue,

Drew,
and Rue,
got married in Peru,
Under their New,
Blue,
Hue,
english project had to ryme with one of the following words:
Her, him, he, she, we, me, you, they, their, there, they're,
6.1k · Apr 2015
Diamond soul
Cat Fiske Apr 2015
Your soul is like a diamond,
Worth so much,
Because diamonds are actually worthless,
On the outside,

But this diamond is not like the rest of them,
Like the ones that have been hidden,
From the world.

No,
This one,
Is made rare,
Because,

like diamonds,
They bound things of love,
And this one,
Was created from love,
talks about how we find things so valuable when there actually around us, but connects the "rare" beauty to someones soul because everyone's soul is, that was my main point. not the diamonds, the beauty we don't see in our self.
Cat Fiske Apr 2015
And Maybe we started off loving each other,
Or maybe we Pretended the hate we had for each other,
wasn't what Begun.

But Maybe the Lust
was just Lost
in our Hostility,
Because we only showed our true affections,
though our every aggression.

Maybe Obedience on my part,
Led you to your obsessive,
Threatening tendency's,
Some that led you throw your clammy fists at me,
But you Threw Terribly,

Sometimes I think you were being Empathetic to me,
When you didn't really force your fake Expression of love on me.
Because sometimes,
I just had blow you,
To prevent our blow outs,
But Every time you Exposed me,
You Excuse yourself,
by saying you love me.

Sometimes,
Love and Hate
Start off the same,
But we wont see it,
Until the ending letters,
end with E,
for Ending.
this is about a relationship I had, that has lead to more problems with my PTSD, I honestly write this on my hand a lot, and I finally transferred it. to my laptop, so I hope you like it, that is who ever reads it.
5.8k · May 2015
Broken toys
Cat Fiske May 2015
Draped,
in a long sleeve
shirt,
to cover the evidence


And painting an expression
of contentful bliss

But it is simply an illusion
for the sake of others


Denial the easiest act to employ



Crimson tears stream down
and pool on the floor

A slight shudder
from the sting of the razor’s kiss


Momentary reprieve
from the turbulance in her mind

This pain her only time of joy



But the outside world only sees
the smile on her face


A subtle attempt to make it seem
like nothing’s amiss

Her false expression
of happiness forever a burden to her

Because no one wants a broken toy…
Old poem
5.6k · May 2015
Homeless
Cat Fiske May 2015
My heart is racing,
My thoughts 
I’m retracing,
Hoping it,
Will lead me home
,
But all I’ve learned
,
From this day to day
,
Act
,
On what best,

Makes you happy
,

Because I will pace the streets
,
And walk the woods
,
And float in the river
,
And never reach my home
,
But I will find my house
,
And wish deep inside,
for a place with in it
,
To call,

My home,
I just wanna feel like I have a home
Cat Fiske Apr 2015
Loving you,
Was as easy as loving God,

Some days it worked out,
And others,

I couldn't force you,
To love me back,

And I knew,
I was less then God to begin with,

That's whats so ****,
Conflicting,
3: Talk about the person you have had the most intense romantic feelings for.
5.3k · Jan 2016
under my communist blanket
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
_
I
_
I walked with my communist looking blanket tied around my neck,
I had long ago stolen them from an airoplane and like then,
they still did everything you wouldn't expect from a thin blanket.

getting prung and pricked as the buckberry bushes punctured,
me and my communist looking blanket, but atlass I made it,
torn by thorns and all, to the half iced over ****** dam,

_

II
_
this is where I was greeted not by my friends, as they happened to be there,
No, I was greeted warmly by the fire they made,
as they burned detention slips, and failed tests, and anything alike,

it made me take fire 101 control of things, as I spit out,
you can not put wet leaves in this fire, stay ten feet away from the fire,
but it would soon be done,

_
III
_
when it was, we broke up some of the remaining ice from the dam,
placing it on top of the fire as gracefully as you could,
my fingers were once so warmed by that fire, now so cold from the ice,

we went and sat on the rock, and I wrapped my communist blanket around me,
I went into my bag, and pulled out my sock that had my bogs inside it,
I never like to smoke with people, I never really smoked more then two drags

_
IV
_
when I needed to let my edge off, I smoked, and it was a rare thing I did,
under my communist blanket, with ice cold hands I unwrapped my sock,
I pulled out my new pack of spirits and my lighter, and offered anyone with me a bog.

Everyone but one of my friends took me up on it, so I told him,
he can have the rest of what I don't smoke, I only smoke two hits,
I put the bog in between my ******* and my ring finger on my right hand,

I couldn't lite it with the wind, I said,
but, it's because people were there.
He lit my bog for me, I smoked more then I normally do and handed it off,

_
V
_
What was to come soon after was what one,
wishes they could escape to there bedroom with their communist blanket,
and then cry,

he finished what he wanted on the bog,
leaving me with a little more then half,
I put it out and put it away,

my other two friends pulled out a bog each of their own,
as I began to pick up all the little pieces of paper that didn't burn,
I threw them with my ice cold hands into the dam,

_
VI
_
by then they were almost done with there bogs, when one asked me,
"Can I try to burn your arm?"
as she stuck her bog in her mouth before I could respond,

she went into my communist red blanket, and pulled my arm out,
hold my arm with one hand, she took the bog in the other pressing it lightly,
She asked me "does it hurt?" I muttered "no" still shocked,

She went and did it again, this time higher up while twisting it in,
next to a set of new burns I had done myself a few night back,
I didn't even feel what she did, but she went through a layer of skin,

_
VII
_
her and the other girl, proceeded to try to lightly burn themselves,
a half a second touch on the top of the arm, that's what hurt more.
I looked at my friend, and he looked really confused, I was too.

I went into the iced over pond, and pulled out ice,
trying to get the ash out of my arm,
only causing my fingers to freeze more under my communist blanket,

_
VIII
_
*I was unable to continue watching them play around and burn their flesh,
I walked back up, and said I need to be alone,
and I never made myself feel more alone under my communist blanket.

I know it was my fault, for I had let her do it,
I didn't dare say stop, but then they did it to themselves.
why couldn't me of been enough?
bogs where I am from are cigs. if you didn't know.
5.0k · Apr 2015
Sunset, Moonrise
Cat Fiske Apr 2015
every morning,
we wake,
expecting to see the sunrise,

every night,
we sleep,
after the sun sets,

The moons the only reflection,
In our deep brown eyes,
til the next day,
Where we wake expecting to see the sunrise again.

But what if the sun doesn't rise,
Then we'll wake to see the moons reflection,
Staring back at us,
Wondering why?
"Everyone wants to shine bight,
In the day,
And be the sun,

But some days,
The moon isn't done,
Letting those who only shimmer,
In the night,
Shimmer for a couple hours more.

I am a moon.
And the sun doesn't know me,
like my moon knows me."

-Possible add on to the end of wondering why? idk though i wasn't happy enough to keep it.

idk just a little thing I made. but its me on the days I cant get up, and everyone just expects going to bed and getting out of bed to be normal things, my insomnia and my depression prevent me from enjoying those things like the sunset sunrise and the moon, even though i haven't missed it once in over a year.
5.0k · Jan 2016
Box Turtle
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
I am the Box Turtle,
I shut you out,
and sleep away in my shell,

I am the Box Turtle,
the only turtle who is safe from the world,
the only turtle who can shut away the world,

I am the Box Turtle,
I'll hid for life,
behind the hinges that cover me,

I am the Box Turtle,
Who will slam my door,
on you and the world,

I am the Box Turtle,
I can live my life in my shell,
while you continue creating this hell,

I am the Box Turtle,
I will not fight,
I will live in peace not war,

I am the Box Turtle,
I'll  lock the ones who try and hurt me out,
to try and survive these battles alone,

I am the Box Turtle,
inside my hinge like doors,
I'll be safe from the world,

I am the Box Turtle,
I must be safe from you,
and any other fools.
Box turtles  are cool,
only turtle that can fully close its shell bc it has mini doors,
I love em, they're cute.
4.9k · Nov 2015
Hate Crimes
Cat Fiske Nov 2015
I have no sense of pride
when I wake up each morning
to get ready for school.
I do not wish to be here;
not because
I just don’t want to go to school
like most kids,
It’s because I myself
and so many others
have felt what it feels
to be victims here inside these schools.

When you're a victim
you face a fear of similar acts
repeating again,
it's like waking up
and expecting someone to punch you
and knowing you can avoid it.
school is like the punch,
and we show up each day,
waiting for the punch
to strike us down,

we could avoid it
by not showing up,
but we have to show up,
so there's no way out
of the fear.
When you're a victim
of verbal abuse
you never know when it's going to strike,

when someone speaks to you
you're left on edge all the time,
when it happens due to
staff and students
nothing seems safe anymore.
You lose your trust,
you lose your friends
you lose your freedom of safety.

Sadly, most of the time
when someone becomes a victim
of verbal abuse,
the teachers causes it to occur
for two reason;
the first,
because they allow it to happen
and second
the worst
they do it themselves
to the students.

In the classroom
you're there to learn.
No wonder students
have picked-up it's allowed
to put down someone
for being different in any way.
If we learn from our teachers,
and they have taught their students
it's okay to put others down,
how do you blame the students then?

How can you blame students
for learning how to harass a kid
if a teacher single handedly
gave them permission?
When they were being mentored in
the act of putting down,  
instead of raising someone
who was a little weaker up?

How can you undo the damage
put onto the victims
who no longer want to walk into school
but still do each and everyday
because
they have to?
How can you deny a kid
their right to sit in guidance
instead of go to that class
when they are being mistreated
and harassed?

How can you Punish these kids
with detentions
when they have been through worse punishment
than you have the power to give out
with a yellow slip?
When they all say
“it's my word against an adults”
when I’ve heard
the same cries and tears
poor out of girls and boys
who hate it here
because they feel their voices
are unheard,

there issue has never been handled right.
“I reported the teacher
and it's like nothing happened
and only made my time
in that class worse”
“They told me I can't
report the teacher
and I have to report
the students,
How do I report
almost all my class?
someone or probably everyone
will give me a problem
when they get back?”
How do you honestly solve that?

You can’t fix the damage that has been done.
The faculty here
has put students
against students
while they sit back for their amusement,
its sickening
that we allow schools
to partake into such crimes,
To allow Faculty
to insult individual students,
based on their biased opinions
on their Ethnicity,
Religion,
Gender,
and Disabilities.
This is considered a Hate Crime.

Schools Supporting Hate Crimes
and doing absolutely nothing
but skating around the issue
as if that will stop
the appalling act
from happening.
Fooling Around,
to Teasing,
to Playful Jokes,
to Hurtful Ones,
To Insulting Ones considering to be bullying,
Than lead to the start of Harassment,
and Verbal abuse of an individual,
That Can From there,
only move forward
unless the victim is removed
from the environment,
to becoming a Hate Crime.
Hate crimes, how they cycle through schools, and how usually nothing is done.
4.9k · May 2015
sweaters. [10w]
Cat Fiske May 2015
she owned scars,
but also owned,
the best,
sweater collection,
10w
4.7k · May 2015
Molly,
Cat Fiske May 2015
Molly,
you never needed to study in school,
things just came to you,
so trigonometry was easier than tools for you,

Molly,
how the boys would tease you,
how you couldn't use tools very well,
but you had your brain,
and they really did not.

Molly,
how smart were you,
trading math lessons,
for help with your mechanics,
the boys soon loved you,

Molly,
How you saved the boys,
and how they saved you,
how you were lucky to never have to fight,
side by side with them,

Molly sweet Molly,
how you cried later on about the day you had to learn to use a gun,
the reason you signed up for the navy was to never have to hold one,
but they made you hold a gun, aim, shoot, and fire down the range,
next to the boys who all had to **** it up & keep a straight upset face.

Molly sweet Molly,
how you were happy as can be,
when shooting targets,
and holding guns when away,
and never came back.

and Molly,
how you finally where done,
made your commitment to america,
and flying home on the plane in your navy uniform,
america won a fight somewhere,

so Molly,
everyone wanted to buy you,
a drink,
your first drink,
in a long while.
Molly, its my aunts nickname and was supposed to be my name, I honestly wish it was, but if I have a daughter first one will be named Molly Anne whatever the dude or girls last name is.
4.7k · Oct 2015
Slut Shaming.
Cat Fiske Oct 2015
*****.
Abused.
Photographed in the ****.
or even,
had a sextual comment told too.

Doesn't label you,
anything less than how you see you.

So stop **** shaming your victimized chicks,
who didn't seem to like you from your un puberized ****,

No one asked for this ****,
so do not blame them for it,
Stop.
4.6k · May 2015
speechless pills
Cat Fiske May 2015
I have no voice,
Because I have been vomiting up pills each and every morning,
getting into my old anna habits you may say,

I don't wanna live on an ADHD diet,
the pills **** with me,
I'm 174.0lb please,

I am a little heavy,
but it's to the point where,
I was 220,
and I could barely breath,
when I had a panic attack,
so my mom is helping me lose weight,
but pills that make me starve myself,
are ones I wanna do without,
so I ***** each day before I eat,
after I consume the pills,
because she won't let me get off them,
you think im crazy,
but I've lost my weight the way I wanted to,
changed my eating styles,
getting rid of the junk food,
eating healthy,
trying to get over some of my sensory issues,
without having to take a ******* ADHD pill for the last month,
I've lost more weight doing that,
then skipping a meal because I had no hunger,
due to medication,
But I'm being healthy about it,
But I'm also not,
because I told you,
I ***** my pills everyday,
so I'm losing my voice,
like I did,
*In my elementary school days,
NOTE: I am not vomiting my pills, I am just yelling at my mom over them, why I have no voice, But I'd love to of lost my weight the right way, and I have gotten desperate enough to do that, but still she refuses, so, I can really get off my meds, plus I need them even more now I have a concussion, but I just want to do it the right way, not just the way bc I am taking pills and they have a side effect that's helping me out with another thing. but I thought it be a good way to compare my feeling on weight loss and how they're different from before, I am also a over/binge eater. so I have problems with that. eating is something I do to cope with things so its not good, so I am trying to stop eating and cutting and burning and all those things at once when I am upset, and its very hard. I've been making people food when I'm upset. but that cost a lot of money so I cant keep doing that.
4.4k · May 2015
Hand Sanitizer
Cat Fiske May 2015
the sparkles in the hand sanitizer she uses,
is as sparkly and blue as her eyes,
and like her soul was made of the stuff,
she longed to be contained in its bottle,
being told when she could help the wounds from getting anymore worse,

she wanted to feel like she could prevent the sickness that filled her mind,
in anyone else's,
she wanted to save everyone from hurting too bad,
but the eyes that sparkled blue,
hid her tears behind black liner,
hoping the redness would surpass,

just never getting anything you deserve,
and feeling less than seeing nothing but the blackness of close eyes,
like close hearts of those who shut her out,
she just wants to feel more,
and everyone else to feel the same,

*why I loved her cleansing eyes,
and every thought in her smart beautiful mind,
Love poem
3.9k · Jun 2015
Nudes to evil doers
Cat Fiske Jun 2015
I may of had shown you,
my body,
on my camera,
on my Skype,


But Know that I had trusted you,
with my body,
when you said you weren't recording,
when you really were,


Know you,
can never be forgive for the blackmail you pulled on me,
the hurtful words you mindlessly sent like typing away at,
the someone who's nothing is a funny little innocent game,


and you,
hurt me the most when you could type away all day long,
like the fact that I was a human being with a soul meant nothing,
like how your words of trust should of been left for nothing,


But you,
play it off as if it was a joke because I did something wrong,
When I asked you as I cried because I though my life was over,
When ever I hurt you what ever I said I'm sorry


I said I'm ******* sorry to you,
When you should of said it to me,
you should of stopped ******* with me,
you just wouldn't stop,


I told you,
That I barley am going anywhere,
and you don't get to take the little hope I have left,
and throw it the **** away like everyone else,


I told you,
that Yes I made a mistake in trusting you,
but I have been ******* over by too many people,
but I never once thought it be you,


I told you,
That I never asked to get *****,
I have no value in the body my soul walks in each and every day,
I told you everything you already knew about me,


and you,
still didn't ******* stop trying to hurt me,
you told me to **** myself,
you said I'm nothing more then a fat **** for guys who can't get anyone,


you,
******* you made me cry even harder,
telling me your going to post it on my Facebook,
telling me your going to send it to my school,


You,
Made me black out,
because I couldn't calm down,
Because I couldn't deal with you and everyone in this **** town,


You.
were not going to be the reason I cant leave this hell hole,
but you were the reason I broke a almost four month clean stride,
but I don't remember **** from that night,


I wrote *******,
Justin*  *on my skin as if that ink could get all the pain you caused out,
and it clearly couldn't
and I told you,


you win,
because I didn't wanna play with the devil,
when you had no sympathy for others,
when you held my entire life in your
  **hand,
I went into his computer and deleted it, never share your team view info with the girl u record, but I was close to having everything ruined, and I only figured this out bc he tried to blame another kid for recording it, and that kid didn't and didn't want the cops called on him, not like if I did they'd help me.
3.4k · May 2015
Coffee Stains [10w]
Cat Fiske May 2015
here lies all the coffee stains,
created while reading your *poetry,
this is about what happens when I try to eat or drink and read something really good or powerful on here, just saying, there's a lot of stains now *** there's a lot of good work.
10w
3.2k · May 2015
Mental Scar
Cat Fiske May 2015
My breast,
Has a scar,
and I don't know the real lie I've told to so many,

To be Honest,
with myself,
I barely want to know more then the lies I've told
on how I've gotten it,
but I learned that,
boys will hurt you,
and sometimes those things will never leave,
and that they may be,
the only mark you see,

different from the ones on my arms,
and there comes a time in your life,
where you're not scared,

but then you're scared of everything,
you just have to hope for a better tomorrow,
because everything stay with you,
physically,
and mentally,
Someone asked me about this and I wanted to cry.
2.9k · May 2015
perfect [10w]
Cat Fiske May 2015
sadly,
I know,
I wont be
your idea of
perfect.
wanting to be right
2.8k · May 2015
Sunshine
Cat Fiske May 2015
I write,
about my ****** life.
but my words,
have giving you a sun shine,
like one that I have been removed from,
by the monster's night.

and sunshine,
you pull my dark words,
out of the night,
and let them shine,
and give them a meaning I only hoped for them to have,
like new parents,
hoping and dreaming,
every dream for there new baby,

my words,
are like my dreams,
my parents never gave me,
and the fact someone but me cares about them,
makes me remember that even though,
the sun may set,
like we all must rest,
when we wake,
the sun shines,
for us.
Sunshine is a user on hellopoetry. Add her. she speaks wonders to me
2.8k · Jun 2015
Meditation
Cat Fiske Jun 2015
find the matches,
lite the candle,
meditate,
nothing,

turned the lights off,
tried again,
nothing,
closed my eyes,
tried again,
nothing,

Grab the candle,
hold it in both hands because Fire safety 101,
double check to make sure your water bottle is close by
(incase you can't handle the heat),*
be a boss and hold the flame with one hand,
now play with rubber bands, *
meditate  again,

nothing,

look to check if your water bottle is still there,
slide rubber band around the center,

Drink,
Try again for the heck of it,
Focus on the ******* flame,
nothing happens again,

breath in,
now breath out,

**** It,
you blew the candle out,

now your darkness fills the room,
**but u breath,
and u meditate,
and nothing is something,
and things work,
and u feel as if u lit the candle again,
Just deal with anixety
Cat Fiske Apr 2015
It all started,
When you removed my top,
and that's when you made me less composed,

I though then that we were going to become parted,
But you just dropped,
and you made my body opposed,

This is when things got-started,
and my body frozen, and shocked,
because you went to a part of me I had left closed,
4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.
2.7k · Jul 2016
Purple Skies
Cat Fiske Jul 2016
We all learned,
the grass is as green as the sky is blue,
but the sunset and sunrise seems to make this untrue.

Now I ask you,
have you heard the tale of the sky?
I can tell you for I have seen it with my eyes,

one day,
there comes a time,
where each of us begin to die,

and where does your spirit flow,
into the wind,
into the skies,

like how your blood is blue until it touches the outside,
the sky is as blue,
as the blood that swims through,

when the sun begins to leave,
the sky becomes purple to grieve ,
this is where the blue and red blood interweave,

eventually the sky goes a rosey pink
and then when the sun has left in a blink,
it gets too dark to even think,

in the night it is blackened blue,
and in the morning it becomes new,
while new souls pass back and forth,

the sky you see is our life force,
transferring lost souls,
and filling the found ones with life,

the sky has many purposes,
besides holding the sun moon and stars,
the sky lives to serve us,

the sky is full of scars,
why on tragic days the sky shines beautifully,
to show us hope is not something to of forgotten,

so now you know the story of the sky,
and you will meet with it the day you die,
and the ones you love will watch you fly.
2.6k · Jun 2015
Freshman Year
Cat Fiske Jun 2015
I walked into a high school,
with one friend,
the only friend I made in elementary school,
who stayed my friend.

My mommy Doesn't like her,

I walked into a high school,
and my only friends older sister,
who felt like my sister too,
Passed away,

the school didn't care that we all cried,

I walked into a high school,
and I tried to make other friends,
and a kid got ******,
and he stole my phone,

the police did nothing to him like the school and he later ***** a girl,

I walked into a high school,
going into a program with high hopes,
only for them to get shattered by those who didn't wanna deal with me,
because people didn't get things related to ADHD,

and I wanted to drop out,

I walked into high school,
and skipped the class,
after the one where the teacher and students all harrassed,
me,

because when I reported it, it was their word against mine,

I walked into high school,
and I talked to the teacher who would harass me,
and tried to make him understand me,
understand how I can't do things like everyone else can,

and he made me head banana masher and then I puked,

I walked into high school,
and Skipped that class for the first time ever,
because the teacher made me *****,
be he was absent that day,

and I got in trouble for skipping and "lying about the incidence"

I walked into high school,
and skipped my classes,
and cried in the bathroom,
and cut myself,

because I couldn't handle my panic attacks,

I walked into high school,
trying so hard to make some sort of friends,
and they yelled at me every time I ******* smiled,
because they didn't want to allow me to be happy,

The school wouldn't let me have friends,

I walked into high school,
and tried to hangout with people after school,
and they just yelled at me,
made up lie about where I was supposed to be,

They tried to get more mom mad at me,

I walked into high school,
oblivious to what love,
***,
or abuse was,

and the boy I was seeing ***** me,

I walked into high school,
on the final day of freshman year,
to take my final so i could get the **** out of there,
and they harassed me the entire exam period.

they said things of confidentiality,

I walked into high school,
and everyday I left in tear,
with a scarred body,
and nothing but fear,

and they expect me to wanna come back the following year?
Freshmen year, was ******, This isn't even everything
2.6k · Oct 2017
Harassment
Cat Fiske Oct 2017
you fell deeper and deeper,
down the pit fall of depression,

You read my battle,
off the scars on my arm,
you seek a remedy,
to help you get along.

you fell deeper and deeper,
down the pit fall of depression,

I gave you advice,
you never used,
no matter what I tried,
you got worse and worse,

you fell deeper and deeper,
down the pit fall of depression,

you stopped sleeping,
stopped eating,
stopped living,
I felt your pain and it was killing me,

you fell deeper and deeper,
down the pit fall of depression,

I looked at you,
and saw my past,
every time,
you would over react,

you fell deeper and deeper,
down the pit fall of depression,

I had to do something,
but couldn't alone,
I wrote it all down,
and turned to an adult,

you fell deeper and deeper,
down the pit fall of depression,

you got some help,
I passed my mission,
or so I thought,
until it was all for attention,

you fell deeper and deeper,
down the pit fall of depression,

You lied to me,
and reported me for harassment,
after all the nights,
I tried to help you with your depression,

you fell deeper and deeper,
down the pit fall of depression,

I couldn't of lived with myself,
if something had happened,
I told people!
when really your hospital bracelets told everyone.

So now I'm falling deeper and deeper,
down the pit fall of depression,

My world is coming down around me,
all because I tried to be a good person,
do the right thing,
now this is all on me,

I fell deeper and deeper,
down the pit fall of depression,

I'm trapped and scared,
now everyone hates me,
the darkness is back,
and it seems to have trapped me.

I fell deeper and deeper,
down the pit fall of depression,

Its closing in on me,
my thoughts are dark,
I'm still trying,
to shut off my heart.
I hate feeling that I can never help someone again, in fear of being kicked out of school.
2.6k · May 2015
Funeral Music
Cat Fiske May 2015
I've daydreamed of my burial day,
I've thought about,
who I want to come,
If anyone would come,
and you understand,
if you've been on death's end before,


but if what's more important,
or adequate,

is the music performed,
then we get our ends,

and as the soulless bodies glance down,
as I'm buried in,
there will be a concert,
I'll hear,
six feet underground.


I will,
Just
hear,
Sound.


*R.I.P.
death man,
Cat Fiske Jul 2015
my room was a mess,
and we added to it as we undressed,
because I couldn't wait any longer.

I love the feeling of you on me,
as I try to be quite
You came in my mouth,
gripping my head,
my neck,

you tell me, "moan baby"
you love to hear me moan,
you wanted me to moan so loud the whole town could hear,
when I do I feel so happy to be with you,

I lay next to you,
wrap my body around you,
I hold ur hands and make a face that says everything were going to do,
is going to be *****,
but I want to love you,

I kiss you to the point there's no point in stopping,
and when our fingers are unlocking,
they stroke your hair,
hair I love,
you grab my *** and spank it hard,
and I move my hands down your body never pausing,

but I can feel every part of you,
I know that this time its not frightening,
I make my way all the way down to your ****,
and I put it in and we go off,
our ******* feels like it never stops,

we took the time to trace the outlines of each others bodies,
we looked into each others souls,
and now I'm getting ***** faster than eminem's Rap God,
and his body feels like a god,

the ******* begins,
and i'm pleased within,
moaning louder than before,
really hopping the neighbors aren't home next door,

and this is how loving you should feel.
so unreal,
even though its all real.
Someone asked me to write this
2.4k · May 2015
Messy black polish
Cat Fiske May 2015
I try and paint my ugly *** feet,
with black nail polish,
but my medication,
isn't allowing me to feel my hands,
so they shake,
and the only reason I know,
is because of the darkness they've painted,
over my fat uglyer now blackened toes.
just a poem about me painting my nails
Cat Fiske Apr 2015
1,
you were already 16,
2,
but I was finally turning 15,

3,
you knew I didn't celebrate my birthday,
4,
but you never ask why.

5,
I had a birthday that coexisted around the time,
of valentines.
6,
We we're unable to see each other the week on valentines,
but the week after on my birthday we could.

7,
you faced timed me,
all week,
while working on my gift,
but never showed me your hands,
so I never saw the present.

8.
finally it was my horrible birthday,
a day full of crying at home,
but finally I was here at your house to hand you,
my pay check,
because I really wanted you to get your permit.
I knew how much you wanted it.
so I had 60$ for you.

9.
you came out,
saw me and picked me up and kissed me,
hugged me like a distant relative who was way to friendly would,
and like them,
we both acted in not wanting to let go,

10.
We went inside your house,
and sat on your tiny brown couch,
and your mom was so happy to take pictures,
and I gave you my gift,

11.
you opened it,
and you almost cried,
and I did see the tear in the corner of your eye,
then you left like the sun leaves the day to fetch mine,

12.
your mom got to talk to me,
and was so very happy,
she even made me a cake,
like one you would of seen at a wedding,
I couldn't of said thanks enough.

13.
you came back,
and you gave me a tiny little box,
and a note,

14.
you opened the box first,
and told me to read the note while he put my gift on me,

15.
my note said,
"baby you are my valentine,
and violets and roses combined,
will never be a more beautiful design.

Speaking of designing,
I made you this necklace and its shining,
just like your eyes,

but I cant rhyme,
so I hope you know this was more then for,
being my valentine one special day of the year,
its for everyday,
even your birthday,
so enjoy it more.

love,
the necklace maker"

and everytime,
I wore it,
I was happy,
because I thought of him,

*15
5: Talk about the best birthday you have had.
2.3k · Jun 2015
Moth be like the Butterfly's
Cat Fiske Jun 2015
____________________­____________________

D­o you see a shattered girl,
because I've been trying to tell you people all year,


I'm dying here,

like maybe I was flying around to start with,
but on the inside I'm nothing more then a Moth,


and you expect me to do the things butterfly's can do,

when I can't do more then attempt to mimic there actions,
Following far behind while all the butterfly's migrate,


but I can be miles away from my lover & still smell him from all this way,

because I'm stuck behind butterfly's,
trying to find my way to a better home,


and I will never get to a home where I can be excepted,

every place I get to I am to be greeted with fly swatters,
when butterfly's get loving fingertips to land on as if they were tired,


like they had to run from there death like me,

and everyday I fight for my life,
and the butterfly's live theirs carelessly,


so maybe I can dress in the outer shells of butterfly's that once were,

become the thing all people wanted me to be,
stop smelling my lover from miles the part us,


and let the world control me,

But even when I've given everything I've had,
In, to this ****** idea of a plan of normalcy,


just now you decide to say there may in fact be something wrong with me.

and that when I cut my wing on rose bushes,
so maybe I can feel something better then what you've done to me,


and you try to help me months almost a year after when I am close to death,

by killing me three weeks,
before my life span is up,


**tell me why butterfly's got it so good and moths gotta have it so rough?
just what I feel right now
2.3k · May 2015
Uppers [10w]
Cat Fiske May 2015
I love'd you,
with open hearts,
your love,
was* **stimulating.
love is like drugs, or you love drugs,
what?
10w
2.3k · May 2015
Childish thoughts [10w]
Cat Fiske May 2015
A child thought,
my cuts,
where just from,
paper
*cuts.
I went to work one day and I remember the little boy thought my cuts were from paper, and thought I was unlucky.
2.3k · May 2015
GOALS FOR NEXT RELATIONSHIP:
2.2k · May 2015
Silent fear [10w]
2.1k · Apr 2015
false charm, in demise
Cat Fiske Apr 2015
you and me,
we though we were in love you see,
you took me,

as my incense was leaving with every step,
and every breath,
and every beat in my chest,

we step inside
your garage became your demise
and you became a beast when you felt deprived

as beast you were,
you made my mind a blur,
and I hate you for this Sir,

Formal terms is all I can give you,
to a man who wanted me just to *****,
you put me through it all just for it to rain blue,

you led me into your garage,
demanded I started to give your **** a massage,
but I didn't engage,

that's when you grab my wrists,
and tried hitting me with your weak fists,
and that's when I didn't wanna exist,

But hitting me wasn't enough,
you sat on me and lifted my dress off thinking you were hot stuff,
and what you saw made me tougher,

You saw my head to toe in the ****,
I laid back while you viewed,
you looking at my body you didn't think would include,
scars that looked liked bad tattoos,

and i cried more and more,
he just asked me what these are supposed to account for,
And i had nothing to say even from everything with before,

he grabbed me in his arms,
and promised me he'd protect me from harm,
like that I fell into his charm,

as he wiped my eyes
he kissed me everywhere with his lies,
everywhere I told myself with my lighter I wanted to die,

this is when he undressed,
when he go to my level last thing I saw of him was his chest,
then he grabbed my *******,
and I felt like he molested me,

but I never stopped him,
throughout he was grim,
and didn't stop till he hit my brim,

and how I though this was okay,
and every day since I pray,
because of how I wish I stayed

so I pray to stay away,
because they can'r pay me enough to go back and decay,
but part of me still loves him and if it were to be that way,
I'd go back and stay,
on some-days,
37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.
Cat Fiske May 2015
I shed,
Like petals,
That floated to the hard earth,
And was called words,
That dug in,
Deeper then the deepest,
Of thorns,
Because roses hold,
the beauty,
But shield the pain,
In vines like veins,
We see there stronger,
Then the delicate outlines,
We have been accustomed to,

But one thing,
He didn't care to notice,
Her eyes were not blue,
Like the violets,
Her eyes were a brown,
Of coffee stains,
And Bibles,
Where words really did hurt,
Because they oppressed,
Telling us it's okay,
To be different,
If we separate the blue eyed,
From the browned,
But him not noticing,
The color of her eyes,
Is like as if Ah wanted him,
And every man to point out,
That they had different colors,
Of skin,
That he thought,
they were example enough,
Of how these word and names,
Hurt,
But will not be,
A belief ,

For roses are red as violets blue,
And I may love you,
But you have be stabbed,
Bleed red blood,
By hateful names,
Because brown eyes,
aren't blue,
But I still loved you.
A redo of those famous words
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