My doctor says that I'm too fat
He never stops his barking He may be right at the end of the day But despite it all I'm starving I have a hole inside me I used to quell with spirits I stopped but they still haunt me They'll **** me, so I fear it ******* used to cure this all but no one could keep up then one day I felt all yucky abandoned all pursuits of "love" I had a year way back when Where all I did was party I stuck weird things up my nose But I ran out of money When I was a teenager my dad called me a ***** I got upset and cut myself but quickly I grew bored I drove fast around tight corners to feel the breeze on warm damp nights but today behind a wheel I feel paralyzed My doctor says to stab myself so I don't eat too much maybe if I'm smaller I won't cringe when I am touched But even as I sit here and to food I feel averse I know deep down inside myself I'll always have this curse I wonder what I'll crave now these meds they make me sick maybe just attention will be how I get my kicks I was once the right shape it wasn't long ago and even then I noticed how people come and go Will I ever feel full to the wind I'm ******* I take up all this space and still there's something missing
Trapped in a body
I don't recognize The clothes that I'm wearing Are not my size I'm thinner than this I know I am What the mirror reflects is just a scam The food I consume Doesn't all come out Some turns to fat And just layers about It does keep me warm On a cold winters night No need for a belt Now my pants are so tight The solution is clear I need exercise Choose the small plates I know Not the super size It's the commitment and work That I truly dread To hell with it all I'll be thin when I'm dead
When he says I’m not fat ,
but a bit overweight. When I’m hot enough to ****, but never to date. When I am called brave for just wearing a dress, But they say I’ll lose weight just after that stress. Because I am called brave cause I dare to exist. Because my fat hand can’t fit right around my fat wrist. No matter what’s won Theres just more to lose. Never cry love, only sing blues Cause fat, when in love, is the funniest sight Reserved for comedians on a dark and late night. Because I am a journey waiting to happen Because I am not a person, just a fat one. When I’ve drawn out in sharpie where I’d take the scissors. When In social settings I start to wither, When somebody thin starts to talk about weight My heart starts to race, And reddens my face, What if I am called out and called a disgrace. Because if they are disgusting when they are size 8 Then what am I? So Please, allow me a moment to breathe, Reset, internally scream. Then smile back, polite as can be. Because you refuse to understand what it’s like to be me.
I am soft
I am curve and lush flesh I am smooth and round I am sensuous comfort and that is never a bad thing.
How much do you value
weight loss on a scale of 1 to 20? 22
Apparently we should aim to have a waist measurement half our height. That makes me 7' 6".
The fat, the grease,
of these in between days stills my pen a little So even if I wrestle with another monumental year tick, like the crack of doom I look at the stuff in the fridge and shrug The existential crisis can wait til the brie is done and the crackers have gone soft
They could never hurt, They could never cut, They could never make you bleed, Physically. Words, A manifestation of self-hate, Written in bold, Anorexia, Bulimia, Depression, I was sold. Words, The last, Written on a bloodstained note, "I can't stay afloat"
The cursed number 110 In bone and blubber 110 The taste inescapable 110 My thoughts are nonsensical 110 Shrink it further 110 To be skinny I'd ****** 110 The burden of weight 110 All myself I hate.
"No offense but you're like really fat."
this was said to me in second grade by another kid to be fair, yes i was an obese little second grader but i had been growing about three inches every year since i had turned three i don't believe this person was being inherently malicious but i will never forget their words and the way they made me feel