i long for the body i used to have.
strong and fierce.

obsessing over my weight
and the food i consume
comes far too easily.

can't be mentally stable and healthy,
can't be happy and healthy.

no solution.
that Se function in INFJs though... OBSESSIVE.
Willow Aug 5
Age 4, Your father broke your heart before any boy had the chance too.

Your life will be completely different without a father

Age 5, No one to call you princess

You cry when you see your friend's father call them princess

Age 6, No one to hug you when you cry from bullies

You hate going to school

Age 7, No one to tell you "I'll beat up every guy that hurts you"

You don't get to laugh when he says that

Age 8, No one to tell you are beautiful

You hate your body and think your fat

Age 9, No one to tell you "It's okay"

You cry yourself to sleep every night

Age 10, No one to tell you, "You are perfect"

You think you are the ugliest person in your school

Age 11, No one to tell you, "You are too young for boys"

You get your heart broken over and over too young

Age 12, Your father is not there

You miss him and ask yourself why he left

Age 13, Being told you have "Daddy Issues"

Age 14, No father to tell you, "You look beautiful without make up"

You beat your face with make up

Age 15, No father to say to your first date, "If you hurt her, I will kill you"

You get hurt

Age 16, No one to dance with you when they call in daddy daughter dance on your sweet sixteen

You ask yourself why he left again

Age 17, No one to tell you to change out of that clothes because he knows guys couldn't resist

You might get raped.

Age 18, No one to tell you, "My little princess, you have come so far, I am a proud father"

You see all your friend's father telling them this and miss you

Age 19, No one to warn you about horny boys

You have to fight off a guy

Age 20, No one to tell your boyfriend, "I have a rifle, I am not afraid to use it"

You don't get to say "Dad!!!"

18+ age, No one to walk you down the aisle

You tell yourself, "I made it, I made it through the good and bad"
You have a husband or wife or neither, you made it without him.
You made it through the tears, the heart aches, the pain of missing him. He missed your whole life, you realize he didn't deserve you or seeing your life grow.
Eva Tongali Jul 29
Whenever a classmate or a stranger made a comment about my appearance,
my loved ones always said:

“Don’t listen to them”

Because growing up, everyone knew I was a bigger girl,
People called me fat before they called me by my name.
Being ridiculed for being fat was all I had ever known,
And how could I have not listened,
when I was called fat more than I was told “I love you.”
But you can’t admit you are fat,
instead you have to:

“Don’t listen to them”

I lost all of the weight in middle school and was left with curves you could only find on photoshopped Instagram models,
I went from girls calling me a whale to guys screaming across the street asking if that could tap this.
I wondered if things would’ve been better if I stayed fat, if I let go of the shame and just learned to love myself instead of turning into a new person.
I would tell my loved ones about how sexualized I was,
They said in order for me not to be the girl I was perceived as:

“Don’t listen to them”

I was raped in my freshman year of high school, with ptsd haunting my every minute.
Two strangers voices replaying very different things in my head at all times.
One called me beautiful, the other a slut.
I used the advice I had heard so many times throughout my life,
And maybe I’m not a slut, but I’m not beautiful either.

How am I supposed to react when people hurt me but said things I’m supposed to believe?

I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I’m not normal and I don’t take compliments very well.
Maybe it’s because I don’t get them very often, or maybe it’s because I

“Don’t listen to them.”
This is a very vulnerable piece based on different times in my life.
Nina Campos Jul 28
You need to be, to be beautiful
But I can’t
My tears in the dark make me ugly
My insides are rotting
My heart is icing
Like on a cake
But I ate too much
You tell me how I shake the world
And it hurts me
My bones break
My back bends
My muscles hurt
I still keep up with your requests
You want me to be beautiful
But I can’t change how you make me feel
KAE Jul 26
I used to have an issue with my body.
Three years ago. 2015. The year of horrors.
My weight was 60 kilograms and I don’t remember if I had a few grams more, but it doesn’t a matter. The issues is that I was a bit fat. I have never been fat. I was sad about it and I had a lot of problems more in that year.
My principal problem was that when all of my girlfriends developed their body, I had a little girl body. My body begins to develop and that was when I turned fat, I didn’t like myself, personal problems, more issues. I increased 15 kilograms. I was really depressed. I started hating me more.
Between 2016 and 2017, my body started changing. I lost weight, I hadn’t got issues with me anymore. That was really amazing.
End of 2017 and this year (2018), my body changed completely. I don’t have the body that I used to own in 2015. I am thin and happy, but sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror, unconsciously I see myself as I was in 2015, fat.
That kills me.
Kills me more knowing that I couldn’t talk with my mother about it, because she didn’t understand it. But I could talk with my best friend and with my auntie because they understand it. I’m thankful about it.
What more kills me is the fact that I know that my body it’s thin but my mind shows me another thing, which I hate and makes me sad.
But today, July 25, 2018. My weight is 48 kilograms. I see the real me. I see myself thin. Now my unconscious accepts that I’m thin again. I’m really happy now because that is the body that I had all my entire life, that is the body that I want and which I’m in love with. I’m glad that I got back what I always wanted.
Wyatt Jul 16
is a curse.
My “comfort”
makes it worse.
There’s shame
in the fact
that my health
is very sad.

Inferiority complex,
uglier than the pretty.
I try to fill the holes,
yet I’m always empty.
Eating to mask pain,
alone in this rain cloud.

I lost time,
I lost sleep.
I gained weight,
I dove deep
into reject
and ridicule.

Gotta laugh it off
and pretend that
nothing bothers me.
I’m okay with
being a walking joke.
Embarrassment comes
with writing this out.
Body types mix with
my insecurities tonight.
Fat, disgusting, sight.
My image is poor, my health is deteriorating.
They talk so much about body positivity these days
“You’re more than a number on the scale”
Yet everywhere I look all I see is
Damn skinny bitches
With their flat stomachs
Eating whatever they want.
How are we supposed to feel good about ourselves when there’s nothing but skinny bitches about?
On tv
The internet
I may be more than a number on the scale
But my stomach isn’t flat like theirs
I could exercise
I could eat less sugar
I could starve myself
Yet I won’t ever look like them
Until they stop putting skinny chicks
On tv, in magazines or on the internet
Right in our faces
Body positivity will never truly be a thing.
Body shaming rules the world.
Laura Jul 7
Bun o'clock
I'm hungry but I don't say anything
Because I can hold on longer

Chew pm
Someone says I look thin
Have I lost weight??

Three pounds
Potentially three pounds
But I don't know because I always think I look bloated

Four ice cubes to tie me over
I don't need to eat
I'm okay

Five fat shaming bitches
Stroll past me in their skinny jeans
Reminding me who deserves to be a size 0

Tricks o' the mind
Start to play
As I tell myself I don't need to eat because I did yesterday

Age seven is when
Mama first told me to stretch my shirts
Hide my figure
Watch what I eat
Stop taking second helpings
No dessert

Looks like a couple of donuts.
Muffins.  Pizzas.
Any round food.
My round stomach.

Nibble pm.
It's okay to eat a little?  Maybe?

Ten pm?
Or ten candy bars?

Eleven hours later
Nothing in my belly
But four ice cubes

Twelve: time to taunt my taste buds
Trick myself
Tell myself that I'll eat tomorrow
Tomorrow will be the day
The day I really splurge
Everyone knows that's a lie
But my tummy doesn't
Sarah Maher Jun 29
I look in  the mirror.
I hate what I see.
I squeeze myself into my clothes.
I am disgusted.
They all say, "You're beautiful."
But why don't I believe them?
I should have control over the way I look.
But I don't.
I have no will power.
Time to buckle down and make some changes.
I WILL lose the weight.
I WILL stay active.
I WILL push myself to get stuff done.
I WILL continue to fight.
Aa Harvey Jun 28
Weight watchers paradise

Lemon pies, with feathered wings,
Floating in the sky, as the sun sits and glistens,
Against their skin; yes the beautiful people.
The ones who say, all that food is pure evil.

The bright morning sun kills off the dark blue night
And shows us the way to a weight watchers paradise,
With cream filled donuts and chocolate gold bars,
With the sponge cake motorways, full of jelly made motor cars.

So super-size me; put me on the Elvis diet.
I can’t talk right now, for I have to eat.
Oh and don’t forget, to cut the bacon off my fat;
I have no wish, to look anorexic.

Big, fat and beautiful, look at me!
All you jealous skinny girls, are only jealous of these.
My two lethal weapons, that get me all I want;
So take me to a Heaven, named McDonald’s,
With Burger Kings, feeding on Kentucky Fried Chickens.
This tasty goodness is so darn finger licking.

Rabbit food?  Don’t make me puke!
I have no desire, to become bulimic.
I’m not Princess Di; I have no wish to die.
No I don’t love to watch, my cholesterol level rise;
But I do love my sexy body and I do love my super-size.

(C)2013 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
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