I tell her I’m tired and go to bed, I’ve had a couple of shots and a beer in my hand and I throw on one of her tee shirts and sweats and sleep
It’s 3:27 am I wake up with the alarm clock right in my face
As if fate was saying you will remember this forever
A man I do not know it touching me, he places his self inside me,
Like a knife into a piece of meat
I can’t move, I’m confused, I’m sad I’m angry, I’m shocked, I feel every emotion at once but I’m in limbo,
This can’t be happening I say
But it is and my body does nothing to change it.
I can’t look him in the face as his chuckles and groans becomes the ringing in my head,
My pants are on the ground and all I want to do is shed my skin
I walk to the bathroom I’m still floating in limbo it feels my steps aren’t really steps
This is all a nightmare
Bathroom doors lock and hopes that shower doors could too, the water so hot I hope it melts him off me
Like candle wax
I don’t remember anything after that
The next day I tell my friends
You were raped they say.
Rape victim is the one thing I never thought would describe me
Yet still every time I close my eyes I see the alarm clock
Every time I hear a laugh it’s his
Every time I’m alone
I’m scared that I’m not.