SA Trigger Warning*
I can still remember the couch.
The way I cried in my friend's arms when I thought of that couch.
On the couch.
I still remember going into my apartment alone after.
The way my body shaked for nights spent crying in my bed after.
At my friend's apartment after.
In the hospital after.
They say the mind can forget sometimes,
but what always remembers the trauma is the body.
The one that kicked and fought off the body.
The one that layed under the body.
The violated body.
The tortured body.
The unsafe body.
was never the same.
Not for me to blame.
I know that now.
If you or someone you know has been subjected to ****** assault. Please be aware that you can contact the ****** Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 (US).
i don't recognize you in crowds anymore.
i don't have to see your face in every
blond haired, blue eyed,
morally ambiguous white boy.
i can hear your name
without the lightheadedness.
there is no more bile to hold back.
i don't think i will ever forget the feeling
of you. your hands. your tears
on my back the minute you finished.
the moment you realized
what you had done. tell me,
did your god ever forgive your sins?
and by sins, i don't mean the ****.
you didn't fear the legal repercussions,
you feared hell.
adultery was never your scene,
you told me.
you did not have premarital ***.
that was a sin. and you were not a sinner.
tell me, what did your priest say?
did he tell you that god loves you?
just as he does all his creations?
do you remember what you told me?
you repeated it so many times,
it is engraved into my brain.
you kept telling me god would forgive me.
that he would forgive me.
god knows we can't help but to sin.
but i wasn't the sinner, and
i'm sure this will come as a surprise,
but your god does nothing for me.
there is nothing your neglectful
and lazy at best god can offer me.
you're going to tell me
that "our father" who art in heaven
chose to lead you into the temptation
of my nonconsenting body?
should your benevolent savior be real,
just know you were delivered to evil.
salvation has nothing on the trauma i've endured.
don't worry baby it was just a game just a game i know how much you like those i know how much you like the pain and the tragedy and the mother ******* insanity why else would you talk to yourself so much why else would you **** everyone else as often as you **** yourself we know you're self aware don't play stupid even though you really are stupid if this is the game you choose rattling pills like dice hoping at least one of us will be nice but sorry sweetheart that's not how it's played no one loves you that's why none of them have ******* stayed but don't worry at least you have the voices in you head for ******* company i know playing the game is no fun when your alone so just keep tally until we're done and don't worry i won't tell any of them how much of you is really real and how much is pitch black sin you paint brightly to conceal baby don't cry when i'm here just because you want to die if you hate me so much then why don't you ever leave if you hate me so much then why do you garden with me if you hate me so much then why give me ******* roses you know i pluck the petals and watch them decompose baby why play the game if you can't stand to loose you don't have to stomach it if you choke yourself on ***** but that's never been you that's not the ******* good **** that you crave but drink it any way and choose any bottle for the chase baby it's so funny how sad you pretend to be when we both know the scary part is you don't feel a **** thing so let me help you remember how deep the losses can go baby just remember not to let them show
I'm not your ******* baby. ****.
i laid on the bed completely defeated
with tears in my eyes and a handprint that left my skin heated.
i said no, and i meant it.
but you begged, you just couldn't accept it.
after you ****** me and used me at your disposal
you turned away from me and the phone screen lit up your face
so i turned my back on you and cried into stained sheets.
i never looked at my body the same
after you branded my body with your all-too-common name.
he slipped beneath my skin
pervading the depths of my psyche
he did so, silently
whilst I was sleeping
of his spirit lurking within me
i was possessed
i was tainted
i was branded
with a scar shaped like a *****
all i can say
is that something like ****
comes with a ******* life sentence
**** comes with s ******* life sentence
if i could have back
everything you took from me
i wouldn't want it.
rest of them.
the silly child
you did all
you could to
sink your teeth
to brand your
on my skin.
you are poisonous
to all you touch,
your hands rough
i would rather die than carry your child.
there are now
no living ties
to my old life.
i am not alone-
i am free.
my new love
holds my heart
hands as delicate
strokes my hair
cooks me breakfast
wipes my tears
the little girl
who you spit on
she dances in the kitchen
jumps on the bed
paints a picture
of a life
If **** is the victim's fault,
Then 9/11 was the building's fault
For being so **** tall and crashable.
It is NEVER the victim's fault.
Please, can an angel save an angel,
The phoenix in your heart to roar, cry and
counsel to counsel, bold eagle angle,
No! “Just survive **** state” should be shunned.
Splash cash to prevent invaders but evil
invaded your uncle’s, boyfriend’s, son’s
heart. Loved men stuck in **** state’s upheaval,
Men and women don’t recognise the Sun.
“Just survive **** state” is **** tolerance,
We march ‘cause we have **** intolerance!
How can say happy women’s month when it’s not safe to be a women in South Africa.