Laura 2h
Some people don't realize how much you cry when you throw up
How much you shake
How much your nose runs

Nobody likes to throw up
You feel like a goddamn kid
With snot and bile dripping everywhere over the toilet
And your hands clenched to the bowl
Desperate for it to hold you back
And tell you you'll be alright

But I do it every day
Every goddamn day
Because I can't afford
A lifetime on the hips

So I find my place on the floor
The place where I spread my towel
In order to make the cold, hard ground
Just a little more forgiving
I have toilet paper ready to wipe my mouth and nose
Because shit gets messy after the first retch of regret

But once it's all over,
You can't just tell people,
"I threw up everything I ate today."
You have to keep going
Like nothing fucking happened
Because otherwise they flock over you
And don't let you do it anymore
yúyīn 5h
A nother shitty day
B inging, then throwing up; Hunger
C rying, as usual
D eath sounds comforting
E each day is a struggle
F orcing smiles
G one too soon? Not soon enough
H eaven isn't for people like me.
I nternal struggle—i want to
   die//i want to live ..
J ust one more cut .. Oops, too
   many to count
K ill yourself, my thoughts say
L iving is exhausting
M ore scars
N othing inside. It's hungry. Being
    eaten alive
O h, I woke up this morning, I
    wanted to die
P ain .. So much pain.
Q uit  it!
R est in peace [RIP]
S hut up!
T hese thoughts will be the death
   of me. Tired
U nder the facade is a corpse. Im
    a walking dead
V ery soon i will end it.
W hy should I stay alive? Should
     I kill myself?
X friends, x lovers, goodbye
Y es
Z ero thoughts
26 days since my last failed attempt. I will be successful next time. I have to.
Jiggles on the spoon as I scoop
Slides slowly down the chute
Transparent goodness on a plastic tray
It's the one thing that could make my day

Sun light hits it surface and it starts to glow
It casts a shadow, a color it might show
Causes confusion, if it's solid or liquid
But it something you'll never know you need
It's good to exercise one's mind,
At this time,
I loathe
Excessively lengthy explanations
For much of anything.
I'm just glad that the Kafta Kabob
At the local Ali Baba Grill has improved.
When I first went there,
Their Kafta Kabob seemed  overseasoned to me
Now, it has improved
It tastes just fine!
Four letters, one word
Is what we seek in this world
Mangoes, am I right?
I take a break from writing,
go to a diner not too far
from my house.

I walk in and grab a
local newspaper and
sit down at the counter.

I order a ham and cheese
sandwich on toasted wheat
and a water.

I open the local newspaper
and start reading.

a man is sitting a couple
seats down on my left
having a cup of coffee
and also reading the
local newspaper.

“everybody’s crazy,” he tells me.

“I guess so,” I tell him without
looking up from my paper.

“must be something in the water,” he tells me.

I just smile and nod.

he finishes his coffee,
folds the newspaper
and tosses it aside,
drops fifty cents on the
counter and walks out.

I finish my meal,
pay and leave a tip,
walk out and leave
to go back home.

while I’m driving
my stomach turns
and bubbles and growls
and then it feels like
my insides drop straight
down and overcrowd
my bowels.

must be something in the water.
7 15 2018

Oranges oranges
I like oranges
Oranges oranges
How about you

Oranges oranges and maybe a mango
Oranges oranges are really cute
That vitamin c
For you and me. Its really really so so good

Oranges oranges and maybe orange juice
Oranges oranges oranges for me and you
But what about grapefruit
Grapefruit oranges oranges grapefruit to

Do you like grapefruit
Grapefruit grapefruit
Do you like oranges
Oranges oranges and grapefruit to

Fallen from the trees
Rolling to your knees
Pick em up if you please
When your done. Plant their seeds

Then watch the trees grow
Right from your window
Slowly over time
Long after these rhymes

A bountiful pleasure
That endures all the weather
Share all these fruits and veggies
For its natures gift. Lots of free food. For everybody

You just gotta help them grow
In any fields we sow
Life and nature holding hands
Like lovely eternal. Orangey wedding bands
I love fruits and vegetables
Oranges strawberries
And grapefruit juice
Lily 4d
I started with my dress,
The white one with the black flowery design.
I added my black scarf, draping it
Casually around my head,
Trying to stop my thoughts from drifting
To what I was dressing up for.
I slipped on my sandals and then
Slipped out the door,
Not slamming it because that felt like
An ending.
I didn’t want another ending.
Walking into the church,
The temperature went up 50 degrees,
And my anxiety went up 100.
I shook hands with the extended family,
Hugged your widow,
And comforted your grandchildren.
I made it through the opening liturgy,
Your favorite hymn, and the obituary.
I even stopped my tears from falling
During your granddaughter’s touching eulogy,
When she started sobbing up there on the altar.
Afterwards, I sat through the meal,
Everything tasting like cardboard in
My mouth as the temperature kept increasing.
Near the end of the night,
When the church was clearing out,
I went back to the food,
Craving a final bite of cheesy potato casserole
Before I could finally leave this night behind.
Yet when I get there,
The tray is cleaned out,
And there is no more cheesy potato casserole.
That’s when I finally break down and sob.
I didn’t get that last bite of
Cheesy potato casserole.
Sometimes the simplest things kill you.
If you subscribe to the 5 second rule
anything edible dropped on the floor
can be picked up and eaten
it's more than just folklore

Butter side down toast in the dirt
is fine to be scraped within the time
immune systems need the challenge
as lemon needs its best friend lime

6 seconds and you're pushing it
we have to draw a line somewhere
we've evolved from cave dwellers
and using wheels shaped square

We dispose of enough uneaten food
we should only consume to our needs
and treat our planet with more respect
and never bite the hand that feeds
Hae Sun 7d
Everybody’s rushing with their lives
So they take what’s easy
They takeout Chinese food for dinner
They find the song they like online
They read the synopsis instead of the book
They say good night too early only to find themselves awake at 2 am
looking for someone to talk to
They make 3-in-1 cups of coffee
They type, they forget to write
But you darling, you’re not made for the “now”
You’re not made to-go
You’re not made for takeouts
You’re for later
You’re for enjoying lunch for an hour
You’re watching sunsets for dinner
Because time will never run out
for something that is not meant for the time being
Let’s take this moment in and stay still
We’re not for now
We don’t need to figure out how
Because darling, we’re not made for now.
haven’t written anything for so long until now
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