We are the Failure, Cowards and Conditioned Leaders,
We face the future with warm courage and high hope.
We don't want to wake up and face the music,
as we keep sticking with old and precious values,
For we are the destroyer of homes,
homes for a future that we can't seem to get our hands on,
homes where living will be the expression of everything,
but like that is good and fair,
this shan't be that,
how we hope, future homes hold,
truth and love and security and faith will be realities,
but like all dreams,
we wake and see its not a reality,
We are the Failure, Cowards and Conditioned Leaders,
as we face the future with warm courage and high hope.
for nothing good will come from our race.

everything
like the leaves on the trees,
has to change,

**** it up,
**** it in,
hold it all inside,
up in your head,

learning how not a soul wants a thing to do,
with such a problem like you,
so stop crying about it,
if you must,

hold yourself tight,
even lie to yourself about it,
but never ever,
let it all come flowing out,

no one will be around to pick up the broken pieces,
that you shatter in,

so be like a mirror,
and reflect back at them,
there spitting self image
*as they **** it up.

But I get torn to pieces
For the stupidest reasons

You'd rather I be lonely,
In a bathtub,
With a book,

I miss you,
I miss talking to you like I haven't talked to you in weeks,
as if before was what we had going on now,
not talking,
and when we talked we were so happy to talk,
so excited,
like we were not able to speak,
for staring through a monitor was enough,
like every dream we had was build on dirt and fairytale's,
but one thing we never forgot to include was the trust,
I honestly never had a better friend,
I never loved someone to the end as much as I did with him,
But what could I of missed,
to miss the fact that he got upset by me,
to the point where he no longer wants to speak to me,
what did I miss,
when he wouldn't even phone to tell me with his his own two lips.
when I cried for days,
praying,
saying,
I'm sorry for whatever I've done,
I just miss you,
because I feel as if the flowers all closed up,
and the bee's can't pollinate for the honey,
and now everyone must suffer greatly.
because you can make a flower open up to you,
by missing it.

people come and go,
and save your soul,
for things that are worth your breath that you breathe,

and as every good thing comes to an end,
you hope to god for it to stay forever,
hopping for it to last forever as if wishing the sun to not set every night.

but as time passes you must realize,
like the wind blow away and is gone,
as will you be one day,

so make most of each moment,
as if it is the very last day,
with things that feel like love,

because like the things that save you now,
cannot be able to save you later as they do now,
as you see your only safe for the moment.

*****.
Abused.
Photographed in the ****.
or even,
had a sextual comment told too.

Doesn't label you,
anything less than how you see you.

So stop **** shaming your victimized chicks,
who didn't seem to like you from your un puberized ****,

No one asked for this ****,
so do not blame them for it,

you have my heart,
you left,
so,
give it* 
**back.

I walked the streets,
wishing to hear from you today,
but I see the sad memories as the Adonis open up to cry and pray,
and I remember that I'm just going to slowly fade away,

I was to see a man holding Aster's,
who looked a whole lot like you,
I remembered how you said you loved me,
and then I saw the man pull out flowers as blue as your eyes,

a blue like Anemone for a women,
just as her and my face could show the fading hope,
how she remembered getting Apple Blossom's as a promise from you,
like you had promised to much to keep to me too,

you feel the Bittersweet in the Truth and patients and love you gave,
and you feel Blackthorns stab at you as if it isn't difficult enough,
to forget the pain,
and let the memories fade,

your on your way home,
and you see the bellworths all closed up as if hopelessness is dead,
and the Bittersweet Truth,
is trying to tell you look for the Bellflowers as if he sent you them,

but your heart will learn,
as you race home,
your heart will drop,
when you don't see hee wants to talk to you,

but when you see Butterfly Weeds on your doorstep,
as if he was trying to tell you,
Let Me Go,
when you wanted him to fly back,

there once was an englishman
and he treated me as well as the bee treat the flowers as they land,
and the englishman told me everyday,
how much he truly loved me,
how he loved me as if I was the only girl around,
how he told me I would be the sexiest girl in any town,
and the englishman told me he loved me,
and it took me quite a while to actually believe,

but, this englishman did other things for me,
when he'd talk I feel in love with his voice,
and his smartness,
and his jokes,
and his way to always throw into the conversation,
a million compliments,
and I could barely find the words to say thank you most times,
and I was shocked to hear all the lovely things he had said about me,
rather than the usually flaw countdown party I got daily,

and I hated myself,
that I could not say I love you back,
for a while I don't know why I didn't believe,
why I felt like it was too good to be true,
and how I wanted to grow up each second I spoke to him,
so I could move away to see him,

so, I truly loved this person,
and I kept thinking and waiting,
for when,
he'd stop,
loving me too,

Googleing your hello poetry name, and typing the word poem's after it,
I only found this out when a friend of mine,
typed in,
Cat Fiske ****,
and my name came up with my hp links
and in the images I was the first three and my **** poem was one of them,
this is kinda funny I hope u all try it.

but example:
Id type:
Cat Fiske Poems

and all my stuff would come up, the more you do the more that shows up in the images and on googles. and your followers pics come up too. I find that cool as well.

sometimes i regret almost,
most things,
most thoughts
and,
most actions,

but,
my feelings,
are what I regret,
more than anything,
else in the world,

and,
sorry I can't,
fix the damage,
I've done,

to you,
others,
and,
to myself.

today I wear my little pride,
under the skin of my chest,
trying to let today be as good as it can get,

my what seems to be worst fears,
I have gotten through today,
and I am off guard when his close friend comes over to me,

he tells me how he has not shut up about me all summer,
he tells me how he wants to know what's going on with me,
and I'm frozen because of the words someone who's barely my friend,

has just told me,
things that remind me that there are other things that scare me,
other things that really will hurt me,

and even though those things are really bad for me,
I cant help but keep hoping,
he will talk to me,

If you knew,
I liked you,
If what they said and thought about us,
was true,
If we were really ever going to,
end up being a thing,
If we became more,
than lunch pals,
homework calls,
I'd be all yours,
you know so,
I know so,
But what we have,
is a ******* great friendship pal,

I love you,
thats what you told me,

and I know you didn't mean it like that,
I know what it meant,

and I'm happy,
I'm happy,

I rarely say that,
I didn't think I would,

I blindedly handed you all my trust,
I didn't expect anything good to come out of this,

and I love you too,
the same kind of love,

you love me with,
thank you,

**** me,
or,

watch my paranoid body,
flip the **** out,

watch my insides eat at each other,
as they try to snack on the out,

Picture my arms really bleeding out,
filling the room,

both,
me and you,

drown,
in my shame and fear,

I wish for my life to end,
you wanting my charade to come full circle and stop,

and I'll stop.
give you a twitch,

death stare,
till I collapse into myself,

and cry,
and cry,

as my tears flow to the bottom,
because everyone knows,

bloods thicker than water,
and I hate my one reason to live,

you,
for not helping me die,

for not killing me,
and I scream at you,

like you know what to do,
when I don't either,

when all I did,
was try to live,

and nothing good,
has came from it,

Leave me alone,
with the trees and the rocks that feel as cold as the stone,
where the leafs will fall down like the rain the pores from the clouds,
and I still sit there getting soaked by the leaves as the touch me like it's allowed,
I'll pour my heart into what I feel is worth something more than what I have,
but for now my heart is silent like the leaves as they fall down onto me,
and my mind is the only thing making a sound,
like the wind does ever so effortlessly,
and it isn't until the leaves have covered me completely,
that I feel nothing but there cold,
a cold that is like the trees and rocks,
but felt a lot more like stone,
and as the leaves became stone,
like I finally felt alone,

My grandfather taught me things.
Things I didn't have to learn because I saw someone hooked up to a hospital machine,
But the tiny things that mattered,
Like how you should never play with you fork,
Because you could poke your eye out,
And while we're on the manner of table manners,
His constant hand grabs,
Moving plates and glasses,
Farther and farther in,
For a fear they may fall,
I was so curious of why even now when I'm not as small.
For now I wonder,
Is it so you don't fall,
So you feel safer,
Is this why u always push re plates in,
Have your little problems with everything,
And not afraid to share them with the world,
And try to push them to be perfect,
When you haven't figured out no one is,
I know that you see things in me,
No one else does that I don't even see,
All the potential and this future you constantly go on and on about,
And I think to my self what future,
But you don't give an inch,
And tell me I'm worth something,
That means something to me,
They say you don't chose your family
But I would of chose you still,
Your still going to be old and stubborn,
Like the old folks are,
But your unique in your pushy way,
That wouldn't of honestly made me care about you as much,
If you weren't the way you were,
I love you times every plate you pushed in at dinner,
To ever time you told me to stop playing with my fork when I was eating,
And nothing will change that,
Like nothing should ever change you,
And like you've taught me,
Don't change for anyone but you,
And to push myself to go the distance,

6:30 a.m. you wake to see,
a lovely girl.

the type a girl,
who comes with the proper set of manners,

but looks like somewhere,
this girl lost her standards.

7:00 a.m. she wakes and sees you.
when you've never had the decency to point out her beauty,

you're so swell thinking about,
how you can get her for a second round,

never calling her beautiful,
or flawless during the round

you act lousy to her,
even though

you were really hoping to do more than to embrace her,
but you soon forget all this,

as you lie in bed,
at 10 a.m.

sleepy,
like the loath you were,

10:30 a.m. your fast asleep,
while she feels the ever growing solitude,

11:00 a.m. she stands in front of the window,
beams of sun on her like the angel in heaven planned it,

as she sips the coffee she made for the both of you,
11:30 a.m. the coffee is cold, and she contemplates her purpose here,

by 1:00 p.m she is wondering if this relationship,
will ever evolve into something more,

1:30 p.m. she realized he doesn't care about her presents,
and wonders if any man would.

2:00 p.m. she fears no one could ever love her,
she's found herself filling notebooks of flaws that are too great to love,

it is now 2:30 p.m. on the dot, and if someone was to walk in on her,
it would be as if she was omit from the world for years..

a minute passes and he walks in,
pours some coffee,

he drinks, and swallows the cold coffee,
puts the mug down,

he looks at her with disgrace almost,
and walks away,

to who cares where, because at 2:36 p.m.,
she wrote one more flaw,

my coffee was cold and he left me again,
and that was enough to tell her she was worthless.

and he sat in his chair,
not once getting up to say,

or tell her,
how he thought she was beautiful,

flawless,
or the fact he loved her,

the order,
the routine,
the rules,
the reasons I want to skip class,
the reasons I do,
the reasons I get detentions,
the reasons I never show,
the schedule,
the lack of order,
the up,
the back down?
the back up then down again but across the school on top of it!
the swimming pool,
the ******* swimming pool,
the **** no I'm not swimming,
the I won't make it to math class.
the guidance office,
the guidance counselor,
the guidance counselor who says she hopes she's not taking up my time,
the period is my lunch,
the location i'm in,
the guidance office,
the problem,
the fact its every monday wednesday and friday,
the fact I may wanna eat,
the fact I wanna see my friends,
the fact you're taking my little social life away,
the bell rings,
the ring is the most joyful irritating noise I hear all day,
the fact I forgot about the freshman for a second,
the ring is the second irritating noise I hear all day.
the next class is science,
the fact your required appointment runs too long,
the fact your class is so far away,
the fact you have a minute rather than five to get there,
the fact you don't make it halfway before the bell rings,
the fact you start crying because you are late for class,
the fact your life is over,
the fact you duck into the bathroom,
the sticky doors are of no concern right now,
the bathroom stalls are all empty,
the middle one you claim and you sit,
the floor you sit, you cry, try to be silent,
the effort to breath, trying not to have a full on panic attack,
the things going on in your head,
the dread pours in,
the anxiety levels rushes in.
the thoughts poor in and spill even when its over flown,
the fact you call your mom,
the fact she gets you off the floor,
the fact she reminds you,
the fact you have to touch that sticky door,
the door you touched once before,
the hand you touch the door with you used to wipe tears with,
the sly way to open the door,
the silence you make,
the bent down head,
the quite,
the trying to act normal,
the nothings going on trip,
the way to the main office,
the fact you on the phone in the hallway,
the fact you made it to the office,
the fact the principal wants to see you,
the fact you start explaining what happened,
the schedule,
the wrongs,
the wrongs they caused,
the people they put in classes to embarrass you,
the abuse the teachers gave you,
the list rambled on and on,
the fact he yelled at you,
the fact he said you were not being respectful,
the fact this school never gave you respect,
the fact they took everything you had left,
the fact he continued to yell til the office ladys got up
the ladys got up,
the people flocked to the door,
the principal went silent,
the fact you still continued to cry,
the fact he acted as if nothing happened,
the fact he tried to say he was gonna fix it all,
the fact you both knew nothing was going to happen,
the fact you both were right,
the fact once you parted ways you were then greeted with a call down,
the fact someone sent you to the nurse,
the walk was the best part,
the pondering of what its for, allergies, medication information?
the arrival is shocking to you,
the nurse greets you and leads you,
the small room you cornered into,
the place where she asks to view you,
the places on your body like your arms,
the fact she implies other places could be searched
the next time
the fact you now know this will happen again,
the fact you having an anxiety attack,
the fact you wanted to say no,
the fact you know if you did,
the next act they'd do is send you to the hospital,
the scare tactics is not fair,
the fact you go home,
the fact you cry,
the fact you don't wanna go back to this place,
the fact they won't let you transfer,
the fact you have done all you could of done.
the fact that they still have the nerve to of ****** up your schedule.

my second most read poem.
recording over 1000 reads.
with 0 likes,
in 3 collections I added it too.

the title.
is the reason there are no likes,
and the fact someone can't like a poem about *******,

when I talk about how they had lost their respect,
compared to any girl out there,

makes me feel less and less confident about the fact,
someone acted on my body like that,

for someone to be not only ***** but then physically abused,
and trying to spread the news

to show you what it does to a girl,
how gross you feel to look at yourself when ur mom wants to hurl,

where u lie when people ask you about your burn,
because you feel the torture will come back.

where you let anyone grab them.
because your blessed with triple D cups,

and at least you feel like you're not worthless,
and  because I named it grab my *****,
I dont Care,
I got no likes,

Like a boy gave my body,
No respect,

I think thats as fair to say as what he did to me,
as it's as fair to know I have a little over 800 views on the poem below,
and 20 likes.
about trauma too.
I don't get how this all adds up,

I got poems written about the same exact thing,
with 2, 3, 4 likes, not even 400 views some barley 200!
all about being ***** and abused,
but how come this one,
had been ignored,
and overlooked,
a ******* name,

thats cowardly
like a ******,
like an abuser,
were not one person could give someone respect after it was all taken from them,
and they wrote about it.
I just..

I loved of milk stains from overflowed cereal bowls,
like too much love was the problem with you and I,
and not that you didn't grab a bigger bowl,
for all the love I wanted to pour out.

but like stains they fade away,
into backgrounds becoming nothings,
of somethings,
that were all once one thing,
worth the energy of the other side of what used to be,
but not everyone gets to be blown away by you,
others will do away with you,
leaving you.
to fade into the tables and become one,

you look at what you once had,
new milk fills the bowl never overstepping in things of love,
overspilling the love,
like you did,
and you'd cry if you weren't dried out.

and you look,
at what happiness they both have,
something you wished to of haved for the both of you,
and it tears your heart in two,
and you may cry on the inside,
but find it in your mind
that your heart may be broken,
but you need to let them fly,
and love,
for you couldn't love right,

and in that moment,
you shut your little milk stained eyes,
the right way to die,
is with tears of forgiveness,
and to remember and move on from the past,
and as you release a single dried out tear,
all of you fade into the background as if you were never there,
leaving no trace,
but your single dried out milk stain tear,

I don't expect someone to take a bullet for me,
But I expect a friend to pull the trigger.

I hold in all my sorrows,
and listen to people ****** whine,

you're having a hard time,
but I'm begging my whole body to stop the urge to cry.

and you put me down,
and my eyes tear up,

This is why I shut everyone out,
this is why I cried,

all alone,
by myself,

I didn't,
even though,
I wanted to,

I wanted to watch candles flicker and scabs form,
I wanted to see blood **** from were the light was so bright,
like nothing could be dark,

but the irony in what I wanted to do,
using light to create the darkness,
my simple candle will mimic the gods in the sun.

but my mind became that of a stronger one,
knowing the candle need not make my path darth,
and the candle acted as a godly sun,
the godliest of all,
the british one,

and I just felt over old burns and cuts,
and cried as one might,
in a the present of the brits sun god,

for even the queen herself would of cried if given her time.
but right now it's just me,
and the dark night.

lie.
everyone lied to you first,
they killed the truth

My friends been depressed,
there a wreck,
and they go through all sorts of tests
what a mess,
because the only outcome is things they suggest,
giving prescriptions to digest,
like you say it's genetic as you pull out cuffs to arrest
you say they can't help it as you ******* their vest,

now claiming,
sometimes you're born with it!

My friend has frights,
and they shake in the night,
as time goes on he gets closer and closer to touching the white lights,

left alone all day wonder
what is so wrong with me? who can I blame for this!

My friend, me well I'm well,
but I mean to say were in an actual hell,
but thats in the past because at least I've got my health and no one to hear me yell,
were if wellness is this, I can't picture the sickness,

my friend we must manage our misery,
or mange in the misery,
Don't run from the misery,
you can't run.

before grade six,
when I entered junior high,
witch felt like junior low,
as it was truly the smallest formation of this lowness they try to hid underneath this word "high",
like high school is alright if you get high enough to get though the rough times,
or maybe I still didn't understand the difference between these words,
the words that hurt like he hit with a closed fist but I was lucky to only get open ones,
to feeling like someone spiked my lunch milk because these definitions make no sense, and my brain is trying so hard to grasp so many terms at once it feels as if its tripping on acid,
but no.
its just distracted,
showing me being a foll of myself again and again,
a repeated playlist of all my mistakes,
of me tripping up.
thats about as far and close to acid as ill get.
but what hurts the most is english,
this first language ******* that the tried to wrap around my mind,
but at the same time I finally learned my first english lesson,
I was in grade six,
I learned a french lesson the class before.
and each and every day I had to work to learn the things,
others were allowed to learn before me,
because teachers and school systems stole my education from me,
were I only even remember sitting in english class once because we had a sub, and I learned cursive on the first day in grade three,
but couldn't spell my name yet,
and the mess I was got messyer as I tried to commit the ink to the paper,
where it made me cry because I knew for a fact I was stupid,
and teachers who still wanted to say I was fine and not help me had the decency to say I was smart,
when they were the reasons I could not succeed.
now letters,
and the alphabet,
had no rules,
why to this day I still have not mastered spelling and cursive,
the basic reading skills you'd expect from someone my age.
im 16 and I was 6 when I could divide and multiple,
by hundreds,
thousands by the start of first grade,
the only type of math,
that made no mathematical sense,
where the ******* how'd you get your anwser questions.
being older now,
I fight back writing
look at my ******* work you stupid *****,
so I simply draw an arrow and don't get the credit,
and I leave word problems blank.
and even with doing that,
I had to of gotten everything right,
for them to wanna push me a head a grade level,
because of math,
every single ******* year oh she could go up a grade!
and then my
reading and writing scores said I should repeat a grade,
and they just left me where I was,
see math is the gate way for me,
it was my only thing I felt good about I didnt know what else to call that,
math in my heart of hearts saved my life,
its the only reason I learned any bit of english,
enough to keep up my fight,
its the only reason I belived in myself,
because with math you just have to try,
and you have to try to solve your problems,
instead of writing about them like I'm doing down,
i'm crying while im writing
because they don't see how much they hurt me now.

I watched her bleed tears,
watched the red stain her pale face like it wanted to tear away what was under her skin,
as if tears of blood were telling her you're thicker within.

but you see,
this girl she couldn't stop crying,
couldn't get it all out,
what has been done to her,
she can't even speak about.

you told her blood is thicker than water,
but she bleed the thickest red tears,
so large there like ink,
and will over write your name,

from her memory,
from her family,
from everything you have taken from her,

she won't need you gripping at her ankles,
always being the one to pull her down every time she in another fight,
no longer will will you make her feel like she's living a worthless life,

all the good memories have been bleed on,
red ink does not come out with an apology,
and it doesn't even lift the stain lightly,
when it's done to spite her,

and despite her inocents,
and despite her age,
and despite your gene pool relations,

if all the cards alligned in your favor,
you still better feel some shame.
for the way you acted on a little girl,

to touch her in places her father would never dare,
places where that same father your brother,
wouldn't dare to look at you again,

wouldn't talk to you again,
wouldn't let you near any ******* child gender aside,
again.

if he knew the things you had done,
to his little girl,
he'd of knocked you one,

he'd of made you cry till you bleed.
but he would of made sure you wished you were dead,
before you ever really felt sorry.

but you ruined her,
and you think she should grow up about it,
move on about it,

and forgive you,
she kept silent,
every night she cried because of the things you would do,

and now when she crys,
she bleeds,
Thick tears to cover up the mess,

to try and fix all the monstrous distresses,
fixing her family to feel something right,
breaking limbs off the family tree,

as if they were yours,
and trying to live,
while everyone,

wants to fight,

____________________­____________________

­Mommy,

I know you always try your best,
I try to pass all my tests,
but I can't pass anything but math,

and the problems we have I don't know how to solve,
because I'm working with numbers that don't work in the context of the problem we've been having,

and I'm trying my best each and every day,
to just spell my name correctly,
C-A-T-H-E...what comes next,

I don't remember,
Now I feel dumber than my little brother,
I can't read anything harder then a **** and Jane book,

is this why  at school,
by everyone each and every everyday,
I'm ignored and overlooked,

Mommy,

I never want to see you cry,
and every night I don't see it,
but I hear it,

and I hear you pray for me,
pray for someone to help your child in the ways your not able to,
because you can't always help me,

Mommy,

I know you don't deal with everything very well,
and sometimes when you yell,
it becomes more than shouting,

you and daddy fighting,
yelling about me,
every single day,

I hide in my room and cry,
because when I didn't I worried about getting hit,

for not paying attention,
or my homework,
or doing the things i constantly was told to stop doing,

Mommy,

I couldn't help it half the time,
So I cried when I came home from school,
Because everyone picked on me,

kids beat me up on the bus,
people took my stuff,
and recess and lunch were worse,

Mommy,

they put me in the corner all alone,
because I had allergies,
But everyone just thought I was a bad kid,

Everyone hated me,
No one wanted to play with me or be my friend,
no one could even be nice to me for a minute,

Mommy,

I peed my pants everyday,
two to three times a day too,
because people scared me,

and eventually I out outgrew this,
but my nails disappeared,
as did my voice,

Mommy,

I come home everyday and I cry and scream,
and that's the only noise I ever made,
for all of second grade,

my communion pictures make me cry,
because I look so sick,
at the time I just wanted to die,


Mommy,

I was in third grade,
when I know I had self harm for the first time,
Did it in the middle of class,

and no one said anything to me every time,
I pulled my teeth out,

Or the time I stuck my finger in my pencil sharpener,
closed my eyes and turned,
so my nail came off,

and maybe they would let me get out of that class room,
because every day that year was brutal,

Mommy,

I was still in third grade,
when I stopped eating,
wasn't a hard thing,

with my ADHD diet,
and the thing you never know,
that me and Daddy just keep to ourselfs,

Mommy,

when I fell off my sled,
I really fell off the deck,
and that's how I broke my leg,

Daddy saw me jump,
and I wish he was the one who missed it,
and you had to of seen it,

Mommy,

I didn't wanna live,
that was after my 8th birthday party,
you came and yelled at me in front of my only friend,

and she didn't even go to school with me,
and you chased me around the house yelling,
making her uncomfortable,

I thought I lost all my friends,
I honestly didn't know what I had left,

Mommy,

do you see why no one has ever come over since,
why I stopped having birthday parties,
stopped everyone from being near me,

I only wanted people to treat me well,
I only ever hoped for that,
I never asked for all the pain that I've gone though,

Mommy,

You always told me I was scared of men,
But I've seemed to always have anxiety and Depression,
Since I was a little kid,

Mommy,

I thought a boy loved me,
I opened my heart to another man other than the one who made me,
Loved him more then I loved the god we prayed to every Sunday,

Mommy,

I cried,
The night I let him **** me,
Because I had no where else to go,

Because Home,
Was no ******* home,

because the abuse
became too much to bare,

Mommy,

Look at my scarred body,
I dare you,
Don't try to fix me with your prays,

I don't need you to cry another night over me,
I don't want you to have to go to your mother and cry because of me,
I just want you to see,

Mommy,

Look what the world's done to me,
look what the world's done to your daughter,

from the nail biting, teeth and hair pulling little girl,
who then starved herself & tried to die by jumping and eating peanuts,

Mommy,

I've only gotten worse,
because I've taken up burning,

writing all the hateful things on my,
chest, legs, arms, breast,

Just to scorch my skill off,

Mommy,

I never cut myself till I was in 8th grade when I learned what self harm was,
and I didnt think I was doing it,

I just started talking paper clips and things that scratch the surface of skin,
I didn't ever think it get deeper then the top of skin,

Where I'd see my blood drip out from under paper clip,
I soon used other things to get the job done faster,

Mommy,

just look at my skin,
touch my skin,

do you believe it now?
like they had to do in the bible for Jesus when he returned from the dead,

see i'm as dead as the living dead come

Mommy,

I came back to stay forever,
and not pick up and leave for days,
not telling you where I have been,

Mommy,

every mark was never from you,
It was from those who brought us apart,
trying to take my from you,

Mommy,

every ounce of blood in my body came from you,
you never gave up on me,
even when I have given up on me and you,

Mommy,

I hate this school,
I told you think from day one,
I want the damage they did to be un done,

I want to feel free again,
I wanna feel like I can be happy again,

Mommy,

I haven't been happy for a while,

and even though I have not smiled for years,
in that same time,

I haven't seen yours appear,

Mom,

as the days, weeks, months and years passed,
the steps between us became miles that put u in a heaven leaving me,
under the sea level,

I just was to reconnect,

But things that break can't always be fixed,

so I write you at 16 years old

But

Dear mommy,

I've been trying to reach you since I was 6 years old,

we've lost 10 years of our lives,
because people wanted to make us hate each other,
and fight,

but I will write you one last thing,

my apology can't be worth more than this,

Dear Mother

I love you,
**please believe it

I got to say these things that were eating away at my soul like the birds,
Birds that happen to look a whole lot like crows,
who only ever go after the dead decaying prays,
because when it's dead, it's easiest to ****** away.

But I spoke line after line like the little white lines that lie in long lines,
on the highways where the dead bodies have been laid out to dry,
I was not going to give into your games let alone cry,
but if I must shed some tears to tell all the fears you have put on me,
then my eye will bleed red,
and never dry out,

And for me to pour my heart out onto you,
is as evil as the crow you are,
while you plot where you're going to pick me apart first when I finish,
but like the crows and the dead carcase I am,
we all have rights,
but like the bandages that can't stick around to fix my wounds,
im sorry,
A thing I've been more often than sometimes,
so its hard to fill in the bubbles of how someone hurts,
when the scales seem to add up in the favor of the other hand.

But that still gives me no right to act and do the things you do,
and play dress up in rooten old skin,
like you have set the example for me,
to lie to those who stared death in the face and went on as before,
but before they were nothing and after there still wasn't something,
and you checked the boxes under the bubbles.
securing they would be fine.

when in reality they were fine like you said,
if you compared their mental status to that of yours.
who let someone roam around like a dead corps.
as the crows above circled and waited,
mocking,
taunting,
waiting for the innocence of an infant to mess up.
so they could finally strike.

I get it's only human nature,
Just like the circle of life,
*But why do people have to keep neglecting children,
until those vultures finally strike.

I can lie.
when I say,
Nope I'm Fine,
as I'm cutting up my thighs,

I can lie,
When I say,
I hate you,
to help pass the time,
and make me feel like maybe something I've said isn't such a crime.

I can Lie,
As I hold you hand,
saying everything is going to be alright,
but I only know it might,

But I can not tell a lie.
as I really love you.
and have been honest with you.

Pick yourself up.
every single one of them may stare,
They may haunt you every single ******* night,
because you can't shake the glaring eyes,
there those that you can't escape.
But know,
You maybe on the bottom,
Feeding so much that you're fed up with this ****.
but,
you're not the one who's a bottom feeder.
Feeding off of others and their failures.

No.

You're better,
Better enough to try,
and you're gonna try to be your best.
and not give a **** about the rest.
and if you can't simply try.
you're going to end up like them.
and there not worth anything like you.

my room was a mess,
and we added to it as we undressed,
because I couldn't wait any longer.

I love the feeling of you on me,
as I try to be quite
You came in my mouth,
gripping my head,
my neck,

you tell me, "moan baby"
you love to hear me moan,
you wanted me to moan so loud the whole town could hear,
when I do I feel so happy to be with you,

I lay next to you,
wrap my body around you,
I hold ur hands and make a face that says everything were going to do,
is going to be *****,
but I want to love you,

I kiss you to the point there's no point in stopping,
and when our fingers are unlocking,
they stroke your hair,
hair I love,
you grab my *** and spank it hard,
and I move my hands down your body never pausing,

but I can feel every part of you,
I know that this time its not frightening,
I make my way all the way down to your ****,
and I put it in and we go off,
our ******* feels like it never stops,

we took the time to trace the outlines of each others bodies,
we looked into each others souls,
and now I'm getting ***** faster than eminem's Rap God,
and his body feels like a god,

the ******* begins,
and i'm pleased within,
moaning louder than before,
really hopping the neighbors aren't home next door,

and this is how loving you should feel.
so unreal,
even though its all real.

Let this trend please, like it, share it, send it to collections, its Edgar allen poe.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=08_cqtFLQ3c

Please watch the more views I get the better chance I have to win the 1500$ prize, or audience choice, I hope I can at least be a finalist and walk away with 200$ because this is one of my favorite poems, and Its Edgar allen poe so this is related enough to share, also If I am the winner audience choice or finalist I will get featured on larger poetry sites, for my video but that can also help with my poems and soon to come movement. So please do me a favor!  

if your into making videos check out www.projected.com because winning prizes are 1000$ or more, and finalist get 200$ so why not even try if you're just getting into the video making thing, you could earn money for equipment and other stuff you may need. its also all about getting people to read again, so they do have poetry challenges for more money because for the obvious reason those are more important than books.

I've been told from a young age,
that in the end,
everything is going to be alright,

but I'll lead you in on this little secret,
a Secret a word has been blocked from,
because the human race decided to put the blinders on,

Not everythings going to be alright,
and in the end,
If things haven't hurt you,

made you forget the sky is blue and the sun rises and shines each day,
but every time you only think about the things like,
how you ponder life and death,

and sometimes its too early for thoughts that whisper in your ears,
when u have to stop to make sure you heard them clear,
because sometimes they keep you up at night,

and the nightmares play live shows,
that you wanted to return your tickets to,
but you sit there and wait til the sun shines and makes the sky blue,

because sometimes thats all you can do,
and that's as close to alright as it gets,
When battles never seem to have a victor anymore,

Because we have more tools than we know what to use,
and if we could try to not abuse the people we've claimed to love,
because we should get even they had it rough,

because we sometimes wish for things that takes hearts above angels,
and we don't know if the angels wanna listen close enough to hear,
and people sit in hospitals each day praying for parents and children,

praying before themselves,
because they learned that someone means more then their life to them,
and they don't wanna live like they died as well,

But there prays will only ever be covered up by distant strangers,
praying for things they don't really need,
when they got the house over there head and are always fed,

I wanna know why there's people who have nothing,
but the people who have what they would die for are upset for,
Why we complain about things when we're better than it could be,

Is it because it's not how you think it should be,
were we bleed because were upset at average ages of 10,
but we still have a roof over our head and parents to feed us,

Do I have the right to be depressed over the countless things done,
when countless people have it worse and say,
everything's going to be alright,

because I don't feel like it's alright,
when my world crashes before my feet as people shove you,
off cliffs for the fun of hearing your screams echo as your fall.

But sometimes you want to fall,
Sometimes we leap off the building that mimic cliffs,
because we can't take everything,

because sometimes,
like life handed us out the rotten lemons,
because from the start we learn how it's never going to be sweet,

But we have to learn to make the most of it,
so even when thing seem like nothing could get better,
we know at some point,

maybe right now nothing is going to be alright,
and everything's not going to be alright,
but something will be alright,

But it just takes time,
and patenince,
as we learn to make the most of rotten lemons.

The problem with our love,
was when I only loved,

I feel nothing but dead,
with every ounce of strength left in my head,
so ******* **** me,

so my body,
can match how I've been feeling,


feeling that never seem to go away,
no matter how many petty wishes you make,
on stars and dreams you know in the end,

all are just ******* fakes,
but you still wish,

because sometime you hope and pray,
that one of these times,
that one ******* day,

you wish at the right moment,
and the **** you need happens,

but I still live by everything happens for a reasons,
so I am not supposed to cut my cord,
but you could cut it for me,

thats the loop hole,
in the death tolls system,

I walked into a high school,
with one friend,
the only friend I made in elementary school,
who stayed my friend.

My mommy Doesn't like her,

I walked into a high school,
and my only friends older sister,
who felt like my sister too,
Passed away,

the school didn't care that we all cried,

I walked into a high school,
and I tried to make other friends,
and a kid got ******,
and he stole my phone,

the police did nothing to him like the school and he later ***** a girl,

I walked into a high school,
going into a program with high hopes,
only for them to get shattered by those who didn't wanna deal with me,
because people didn't get things related to ADHD,

and I wanted to drop out,

I walked into high school,
and skipped the class,
after the one where the teacher and students all harrassed,
me,

because when I reported it, it was their word against mine,

I walked into high school,
and I talked to the teacher who would harass me,
and tried to make him understand me,
understand how I can't do things like everyone else can,

and he made me head banana masher and then I puked,

I walked into high school,
and Skipped that class for the first time ever,
because the teacher made me *****,
be he was absent that day,

and I got in trouble for skipping and "lying about the incidence"

I walked into high school,
and skipped my classes,
and cried in the bathroom,
and cut myself,

because I couldn't handle my panic attacks,

I walked into high school,
trying so hard to make some sort of friends,
and they yelled at me every time I ******* smiled,
because they didn't want to allow me to be happy,

The school wouldn't let me have friends,

I walked into high school,
and tried to hangout with people after school,
and they just yelled at me,
made up lie about where I was supposed to be,

They tried to get more mom mad at me,

I walked into high school,
oblivious to what love,
***,
or abuse was,

and the boy I was seeing ***** me,

I walked into high school,
on the final day of freshman year,
to take my final so i could get the **** out of there,
and they harassed me the entire exam period.

they said things of confidentiality,

I walked into high school,
and everyday I left in tear,
with a scarred body,
and nothing but fear,

and they expect me to wanna come back the following year?

____________________­____________________

D­o you see a shattered girl,
because I've been trying to tell you people all year,

I'm dying here,

like maybe I was flying around to start with,
but on the inside I'm nothing more then a Moth,

and you expect me to do the things butterfly's can do,

when I can't do more then attempt to mimic there actions,
Following far behind while all the butterfly's migrate,

but I can be miles away from my lover & still smell him from all this way,

because I'm stuck behind butterfly's,
trying to find my way to a better home,

and I will never get to a home where I can be excepted,

every place I get to I am to be greeted with fly swatters,
when butterfly's get loving fingertips to land on as if they were tired,

like they had to run from there death like me,

and everyday I fight for my life,
and the butterfly's live theirs carelessly,

so maybe I can dress in the outer shells of butterfly's that once were,

become the thing all people wanted me to be,
stop smelling my lover from miles the part us,

and let the world control me,

But even when I've given everything I've had,
In, to this ****** idea of a plan of normalcy,

just now you decide to say there may in fact be something wrong with me.

and that when I cut my wing on rose bushes,
so maybe I can feel something better then what you've done to me,

and you try to help me months almost a year after when I am close to death,

by killing me three weeks,
before my life span is up,

**tell me why butterfly's got it so good and moths gotta have it so rough?

I may of had shown you,
my body,
on my camera,
on my Skype,

But Know that I had trusted you,
with my body,
when you said you weren't recording,
when you really were,

Know you,
can never be forgive for the blackmail you pulled on me,
the hurtful words you mindlessly sent like typing away at,
the someone who's nothing is a funny little innocent game,

and you,
hurt me the most when you could type away all day long,
like the fact that I was a human being with a soul meant nothing,
like how your words of trust should of been left for nothing,

But you,
play it off as if it was a joke because I did something wrong,
When I asked you as I cried because I though my life was over,
When ever I hurt you what ever I said I'm sorry

I said I'm ******* sorry to you,
When you should of said it to me,
you should of stopped ******* with me,
you just wouldn't stop,

I told you,
That I barley am going anywhere,
and you don't get to take the little hope I have left,
and throw it the **** away like everyone else,

I told you,
that Yes I made a mistake in trusting you,
but I have been ******* over by too many people,
but I never once thought it be you,

I told you,
That I never asked to get *****,
I have no value in the body my soul walks in each and every day,
I told you everything you already knew about me,

and you,
still didn't ******* stop trying to hurt me,
you told me to **** myself,
you said I'm nothing more then a fat **** for guys who can't get anyone,

you,
******* you made me cry even harder,
telling me your going to post it on my Facebook,
telling me your going to send it to my school,

You,
Made me black out,
because I couldn't calm down,
Because I couldn't deal with you and everyone in this **** town,

You.
were not going to be the reason I cant leave this hell hole,
but you were the reason I broke a almost four month clean stride,
but I don't remember **** from that night,

I wrote *******,
Justin*  *on my skin as if that ink could get all the pain you caused out,
and it clearly couldn't
and I told you,

you win,
because I didn't wanna play with the devil,
when you had no sympathy for others,
when you held my entire life in your  **hand,

find the matches,
lite the candle,
meditate,
nothing,

turned the lights off,
tried again,
nothing,
closed my eyes,
tried again,
nothing,

Grab the candle,
hold it in both hands because Fire safety 101,
double check to make sure your water bottle is close by
(incase you can't handle the heat),*
be a boss and hold the flame with one hand,
now play with rubber bands, *
meditate  again,
nothing,

look to check if your water bottle is still there,
slide rubber band around the center,
Drink,
Try again for the heck of it,
Focus on the ******* flame,
nothing happens again,

breath in,
now breath out,

**** It,
you blew the candle out,
now your darkness fills the room,
**but u breath,
and u meditate,
and nothing is something,
and things work,
and u feel as if u lit the candle again,

hey so I make videos, and look, you all are smart people so who else should try and make a video for this and maybe win $1500! so I am going to do it, you should to, and if you're a finalist you get 200$ they care more bout the audio. visual is not as important, but I feel all poets should be available to this challenge! again AUDIO IS KEY! read the rules! I am planning on entering so even if you're not going to enter, please comment and give me some ideas bc I got equipment (cameras, mics, video crap) and days to film, and it's a class project/ final for me, and I GOT TO PICK IT, I sometimes like my film class x.x but link below!

https://www.projected.com/contests/77-a-song-for-annabel-lee