it's late August the roads are still quiet while a workforce bronze in European sun and children sleep till noon on seemingly endless summer holidays staving off the winter blues just around the corner with Christmas decorations already in the shops the big push to do it all again bigger and better than last year is on but today I am content in this moment almost just almost happy to drive to work
I am having hard time accepting truth No clue how to survive World without your presence Is not a world In which I long to be alive No one cares the way you did Space in heart nothing can fill Numb myself with substances Sorrow impossible to **** No hope for better tomorrows Barely make it through today Room shrinking with each breath Choke on each word I try to say Pass the time getting high as I can An attempt to avoid dwelling on greif Temporary band-aid to cover wound Relief always too brief Move only when necessary Every step exhausts my feet When walking I slowly trudge forward As if legs are stuck in concrete Around others maintain composure Can even manage to smile Inside back of my mind pain throbs Prowling all the while And I bottle up tears within My eyes never stay dry for long For my effort is ever in vain Failing to be stable and strong This is more difficult than I ever imagined Nightmare manifested in one blink Depth of my agony cannot be captured In range of sound or intricacies of ink Box of memories stored in brain Mustering courage to close Replay past moments until my head spins Speeding in circles train of thought goes Is there end to the madness I feel? Chaos warps perception into knots Drive myself crazy examining events Can't quite connect the dots
I miss my mom I used to confide you ûhhh in her often
I fear, Worry heavily over, Realizing my dream My passion, my drive "Too late" But, I must ask myself When exactly Is too late?? Ten years from now? Twenty? Or is too late tomorrow, Or next week? Because some days It feels that way And days like today I wonder, If there even is such a thing..
Maybe when I'm gone Once my bones decay It will be too late Yet even then, Someone might just Remember it.