i don't scratch my skin when it's dry to try to tear the surface to cause myself to bleed
i don't have nightmares where your hand touches mine and you're instantly disgusted
i don't scream all the lyrics to songs that make me cry because I relate too strongly
i don't write poetry because i can't find myself expressing my words
i don't scramble my sentences up so i can hide my anxiousness
i don't avoid eating because i'm afraid of weight
i don't do my homework because i've lost motivation
and i avoid admitting the truth.
When I was a boy on TV was an ad
Explaining to children how lying was bad
The message was simple, even telling one lie
May quickly become more as the lies multiply
One may become two, perhaps three if not four
As you tell another lie to cover the lie just before
You’ll keep lying and lying trying not to get caught
You’ll find yourself lying more than you’re not
All of these lies will fill up your head
Piles upon piles losing track of what’s said
You’ll get lost in the lies; You’ll get lost in the piles
And maybe you’ll decide to stay for a while
Maybe the lies aren’t lies anymore
At least not to you; Maybe that’s what they’re for
The spot made it clear not to tell lies to others
But no direction was given for the ones that would cover
My deepest fear, my pain and regret
For all of the adversities I hadn’t met yet
The rejection I’d face; The loss and the failure
No way could I cope. Well the lies they made sure of
One thing, this most important thing of it all
The lies pick me up when I stumble or fall
The laughter, the jeers, the heckling call
Cannot penetrate through my lie waterfall
The impervious shield it wraps me up in
Like a protective cocoon I wait until when
The time is just right for me to appear
When the threats are all gone and no one is near
From my shrouded sanctity I emerge
The beautiful butterfly to observe
No longer a grub, a caterpillar or worm
The present now past, a bottom feeder who squirms
And writhes with anxiety and sulks with sadness
Now I fly high looking down as a badass
A beautiful spectacle, one of marvel and grace
And no one would dare to laugh in my face
To make me feel bad; to insult or put down
At home and at school, even all around town
I could hold my head high as one who has worth
Like the heir to the throne bestowed upon birth
Filled with a vigor I dance and fly high
I’m free to live out this wonderful lie
An oceanic sky filled with cotton candy clouds
Muffle my screams and my cries aren’t so loud
Crashing of waves and salt water I taste
Are actually tears that blanket my face
The good vibrations I felt; Warm sunlight upon me
The result of steam engines and bright lights at high-speed
Squeaking, squealing and chugging along
A screaming loud whistle it adds to its song
I knew all along my inevitable fate
Distracted by fairy tales I sit and I wait
The coldness of steel; The splinters of wood
Instinctive responses responding as should
I feel so alive
What strange irony
I think as I…
-what I do is tell you the truth first,
then, over time; I stretch it.
Till -I'M JUST ALWAYS LYING.
when you trust me most.
-if we fall apart, one day.
You will assume that, I,
was -always lying to you.
-stays Irish, moistened but not wet.
A solace becalms you, -thinking...
...about your' Nature these days?
It is easy to lie
About how much I cry
I barely even try
It is kind of scary
That it is so easy
Who else lies?
Who else secretly cries?
How much do they try?
I can lie
And so can everyone else
We let life fly by
As we constantly lie
you tell me you’re
great at everything
but the only thing
I’ve seen you good at
is pestering people
with fabricated stories
about how you’re
great at everything
and you’re only mediocre
at best, with both telling
stories and pestering
you lying little prick
The truth is a weird thing
It could be different for
Two very similar people.
Some of us try to hide it,
For either the benefit of me,
Or the benefit of you,
Or perhaps the benefit of
Why do you see a lie
When I try to tell you the truth?
Once you open your eyes,
You'll blame me.
Why, I haven't hidden anything,
My dear paranoid one,
For I've simply been sitting here
Watching your suspicions grow
Out of hand.
Because a suspicion is always
More intense than the truth
It's funny how
You think I lose
In this debate of lies
I tried to say
You're the one hearing them
Now, have a nice day.
Did I really mean that?
I suppose I can't do anything
But wait for you to decide
Afraid of staying up too late,
Only half of the bed always awake.
Afraid of pain that haunts me daily,
When I’m full of joy and tired of saying,
“Help me out, hear all my words.”
“Show me your love, show me your worth.”
Afraid of the effects of waiting too long,
Afraid of how I’m ultimately wrong,
When I tell her my feelings,
And realize they’re only nothing.
Afraid of opinions and ultimately running,
Never to experience the lost, feel the shunning.
Afraid of lying to myself,
Never knowing of the wealth,
Following with pure confidence.
Leaving my brain to rot, to be haunted.
Afraid of my empty body lying,
Filling the bed with tears of my crying.
Afraid of looking up and not at her face,
Overflowing with rain, abundant with grace.
Afraid of losing to death,
Replying with no instead of yes.
Afraid of actions, afraid of myself,
Holding the cards that I shouldn’t have dealt.
Afraid of smoke and fire,
Filling my lungs, igniting my wires.
Afraid of depravity attached with debt.
All my love was lost long ago when I bet,
Everything I had and now is forever gone,
Afraid of desolation after completing my song.
Afraid of breaking free after the storm,
Only to realize love is nevermore.
Afraid of the cruelty, afraid of the pain,
Making mistakes but having no gain.
Afraid of gas, afraid of the flame,
Poisoning wrath, scorching rain.
Afraid of destined deception,
Losing sight, losing perception.
Not expecting achievement,
Not searching for perfection.
lying is forcing back the ‘i love you’s on my tongue like im closing my eyes so hard i can only see black
it’s feeling the giddiness of admiration and love for you and telling you i hate you
it’s empty insults laced with adoration that i hope you won’t notice
my love has become a lie again
it has been pushed far back and it’s reaching out again, hoping you’ll see it
i want to believe there will be a time for my love to be free
when i can love you with my entire self and you will want that too
but for now it’s hiding
for now it’s pain
for now it’s pretending
twelve years old and desperate for
the love of a boy,
too naïve to know
the difference between
my first kiss,
taken from me by a
who filled my throat with
his lips coaxing shivers of pleasure
out of my twelve year old body,
mistaking my whimpers of terror
he took me upstairs,
for my legs no longer worked,
amputated by the drugs he filled me with,
my brain was numb
to his touch,
and it was over
before my mind had even begun
to process the
that should have filled my body
in place of his
from my mind and my body.
the drugs rid me of the memories
but left behind the ghost
of his touch
to come and play
in the night.