Big unwieldy reputation
Every time I take a step it’s a big conversation
But nobody ever wants to talk about the real me
And once upon a time, I had someone by my side
But I learned long ago real friends are hard to come by
Well, if good people are hard to find that must be why trust is even harder
Big unwieldy reputation
And people who want to play like adults but are scared like children
Because they’ve learned nothing in life is ever, not even close
And they know every move you make enlarges your reputation
No, no, no, it doesn’t matter if it’s true
It matters if it’s good; it matters if it’s exciting
Because we are a ruthlessly sick crowd craving a taste of excitement
Which is why we all get left with a big unwieldy reputation.
Big unwieldy reputation.
Marta 1d
I don’t write
That implies some creative act
I catch the thoughts as they pass by
Bottle them into shapes
And display them
Hoping for the oohs and aahs

I don’t write
That’s too peaceful
I  stalk the words
I wrestle with them
Hold them down
For posterity
And for fame

I don’t write
I beg
For acceptance
For appreciation
For validation
For me
Before you go on to read  my writing, I ask that you read the one Titled " A Mother's Worst Fear" as you will appreciate and  understand this better .  As i sat patiently waiting  for my best friend of 20 years to be uncaged and given his freedom,
The excitement as I arrived must have blinded my entrance, never paying any mind to my surroundings , until I checked in with a guard and showed him my licence. He said without a smile for me to have a seat in the lobby, as I turned to do just that my heart hit the ground and then it hit me , I was standing in a building centered in the middle of a huge rounded  fence laced with razor sharp barbed metal.
I couldn't imagine the look on my face as I found me a seat, thoughts and emotions running so deep.
I couldn't help but notice 2 women sitting across from me, engaged in conversation. I heard one say her son was the young age of 19  , he had been stabbed four times in 2 different prisons, as the other chimed in her boy was now 30 this was his second time behind the fence of barbed wire
I tried to keep my head down so they couldn't see the tears welling in my eyes ,  my throat felt like a cotton ball was lodged I couldn't hardly swallow,  they shared their stories of their sons and their convictions, one was saling drugs the other robbed a store. Something inside me felt like a knife taking jagged strikes through my heart. My purpose for being there lost in my thoughts, I tried to stay silent and go unnoticed to reframe from any invitation of conversation   as one lady spoke up. Ma'am are you here to get your son too. I can't imagine the look on my face as I choked through the ball of cotton to respond to her. No ma'am unfortunately I'm not his release isn't until November of this year, my best friend of 20 years is the reason I'm here. Dropping my head back down I couldn't reframe any longer, the pain to much, tears rolling down my face as I tried wiping them away. My thoughts of my baby boy running rapid, God how I wish I was here to get him.
The men in uniform in and out , leaving me sickened with the metal doors slamming and self locking at their exit and entrance. The men all around the centered building I waited ,all wearing white with large black words stamped on their backs "Property of the State" Nothing but glass between them and me, I watched as some gathered while others sat alone in their own little world and wondered what my baby did when he was out there , was he joining the others in a game of ball or was he all by himself sad and alone. A guard informed us it wouldn't be long now, they were signing their release, The mother's excitement filled the room, was I being selfish, I should be excited to. soon I would see my best friend,  but all that my mind could think was God why can't I be waiting on my boys release. I picked up my friend as we got in the car, he noticed my silence and could see I had been crying , his age and conviction and knowing me so well, he offered me his condolences and then he said, you know I would've traded places with him just to see you reunited and happy again. Piercing pain and sorrow over took me now .we weren't even out of the parking lot I couldn't see to drive through my tears, I hugged him tightly and said, this is why you will always be my best friend for the next 20 years. My son called me later that night to congratulate my friend as I heard his voice crack on the other end of the line he said tell Mr. David I'm glad he's free , hey momma don't worry it's not my turn yet , he's aged and doesn't have the time left out there I do, for the next time you walk through this fence of barbed wire it will be me walking out to go home with you.
I can't wait for the day to reunite with my son. Thank God for my best friend and his loyal understanding
Could I stop to think I would
Could I write a verse slower
Could I discover my own mistakes
Could I love the stillness of our moments
I would

Could I bring myself to the forefront of my own time
Could I grapple timelines I would
Could I stop your suffering
Could I know the full extent
Could I box my inner demons
I would

Could I compass the whole world in a time-lapse
Could I analyse for the sake of bringing time to its knees and bring yourself closer to me
Could I feel I would
Could I be reasonless and pure
Could I cuddle your expectations
Could I brake past’s shackles
I would

Could I show you what I write and let yourself in the absolutely grudgeful dread of madness my mind persists on being for the sake of dying someday
Could I find the hero in me like once we both knew and let him fight these battles for me while I relax for the both of the three of us in our love of itself and our life on its own and expectations grown to ideas grown to lived experience and maybe die alongside you maybe grow myself out of this looping madness we know it’s madness so why keep it up when I actually had foreseen it all I think it was it at least what I saw was suffering and I’m pretty sure this is suffering I’m feeling and if it’s not it still hurts I can tell you and I don’t know what I hate more if it’s me or if it’s you which it certainly isn’t or entropy itself with all its cruel apathy before our issues you must surely know by now I’m not functional so why won’t you just leave me alone and why won’t I let you go I don’t know but I just can’t I just can’t I just won’t so let me tell you once and for all
Could I solve myself I would
Could I let you free
Could I grant all your needs
Could I be who I promised to be
I promise
I would
Poetry is just how you write it, even if it's prose. This is one of my favourite styles to write. It lets me be completely honest and free while holding me in place with just enough structure. Thanks for reading.
mslu 5d
The first time

was when I was walking down the street
filtering through my thoughts, like I do
minding my own business, like I do
when your scent found my nose
street sewages & the dancing of the
it jolted me, disturbed my personal missions
after which I turned around
in hopes that I would find you around me
so I could confront you face-to-face
instead, I was left to tilt my nose up at a degree lesser than my dignity
as I tried to follow the trail of your scent back to where it came from
only to get lost  .
...he's still out there
Tell me 'bout your family
Tell me how you've been

Have you found your saving grace
With every act of sin

I hope you know, with every word
I am captivated

With every poem I've ever heard,
I have cultivated

A passing transaction
Of humble attraction
For you, my friend.

Tell me 'bout your heartache
Tell me how you feel

Have you ever seen a thing
So precious and surreal

I hope you know that you are loved
With no hesitation

With every song, I come undone
My simple invitation

Is cherished conversation
With deep consideration
For you, my friend.

Tell me you won't leave me
Tell me we're not done

Please leave no words left unsaid
Or any song unsung

I hope you know this is the time
It's ours for the taking

With every hour, before you leave,
Just know that I'm making

A heartfelt pleading
Of hidden feeling
For you, my friend

Let's wait and see if this ever becomes a song. Who knows?... *shrug*
It felt so disappointing
To have

All I knew

Become something so distant.

So strong, so intensely -- like there was nothing that could stop me.
Nothing that could show me another way

And I felt so
Sadly, truthfully fallen
So broken

------ I could not speak ----

And every where I look the voice
inside me says

But I felt so small. Something felt so wrong
So I asked
What do I do.

And nothing -- but you said to you --
Get through it all.
Just live
Just pass
Just go

And my head, my mind. This idea
This reality
Where am --------------

The blank spaces. the intense thought, become

I am falling
Or am I diving

still I say -
I lost it all
in one night

I have never felt
so empty

yet so full
When I try to contemplate the changes, the things I want to do. I try to rationalize what is going on in my head. Yet, I must learn to not overthink every moment and go with the flow.
Mess in my room and mess in my mind
Lately I've been obsessed with making these islands out of clothes on the ground
If the room is dirty that's how you know I've been depressed
and that's how I've been feeling for a long time to be honest

So please don't judge me I'm not lazy
The thoughts that I have are just making me crazy
and I am sorry I can't deal with my shit right now
I wish I could but I don't know how
Oh you've been shafted and shat on from a great height. You'll never forget any of this. But just like Mandela, you walk with peace in your heart and forgiveness in your soul. A hand of peace for your enemies. No animosity but understanding. Setting an example. For if 7 billion souls do the same, our world is healed. No war, anger or hatred. Be honourable, just and humble. Expect nothing and give the world in return.
like the thin air,
you slipped
between my fingertips

i tried to hold
on to you,
us, and
what we shared

i wanted it to
stay in tact
but there was no

it was all
slipping away,
i could feel
the distance
between me and you

i had to let go
of what i wanted
you to be

i was living in
a dream
and it was time
to face reality.
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