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Suki 2d
Every night I lay in bed
Hoping those memories won’t come to mind
I take pills after pills each and every day
Praying to leave me be

I remember how it felt
Even how the words sting
The yelling and the hitting
Haunts my numb soulless body

The nights the memories come and greet me
I wake up frantically hoping to forget
I usually can’t go back to sleep
So I end up harboring the thoughts till the end of the day.

I remember everything,
I find it hard to forget.
Each and every day has a different trigger
And I don’t know what it is.

I used to wonder what it felt like
But now I fear the worst
Because every day is the same
I wish I never went through it

I got scared whenever my dad woke up
He woke up screaming
With tears coming from his face
It made me scared, scared I wasn’t safe

Now, I get scared I will do it again,
Scared I will wake up in a frenzy. 
Scared I will scream and kick
And tell her to stop

But I hope I will soon learn
Learn how to live with it
And I hope,
Oh *** I hope, I’ll finally be okay.
Do you ever feel
So lonely
That you find yourself  
Talking to your
Baoding *****
In the middle of the night
Sad, huh??!!

I sure have
Felt lonely enough
That I was talking to
My Baoding *****
In the middle of the night
Sad, huh?!!
Even when my skull vibrates from the screaming in my head.

I will wrap my sturdy arms around me, fear and all, fear especially.

I will whisper, quiet but sure "I will not hurt myself the way they did."

I.
      Will.
                  NOT.
                    ­                 Hurt.
                                                           Myself!
I feel vacant again, Can’t stop blowing my brains out.
Mt triggers pull the trigger and my 24 years young, old hands tend my wounds.
Despairation hollows out my mind the way hunger knots the stomach.
My war-torn fingers march back through no-mans land, they’re dancing through a mine-field of trauma.
The only dance they’ve ever known.
In this desserted land mirages are deceitful, like hallucinations are liars.
Like ‘swallow this bitter water called ‘coping mechanisms’ doesn’t sound like ‘you’re destroying yourself’
Waynepatrick Dec 2
Marks left behind by the past, the dust is settled but ungone,
Memories are forlorn,but not forgotten,
The ghosts still float,they wander about my thoughts,
If time does assuage then these unpleasant thoughts should be in cages,
But they pour into my head,they resist to fade,
They surface as they please, as if my peace to tease,
They make me their *****,medications are unable to save.
Toxic yeti Nov 29
I am sitting in a chair
Or at least I think I am siting
In a classroom
Studying computer science
Bored
Frustrated
Sad
And angry
I realize this I am dead
Dead because of the class
The boring class killed me
I am still able to speak but that is it.
No fancy lights
No pearly gates
Just a trip
To the morgue
There I am prepped for autopsy
The ME makes the first y incision
And open me up.
“ if you are looking for the cause of death
It was the lousy class my mom made me take!!!”
I cry this to the ME
But she doesn’t care
And continues on with the autopsy
I am at this point crying
I cry for my mother to and help me
As the ME weighs and dissects each of my organs
I cry
“You idiot I died of extreme stress caused by the class....
I had a heart attack! Please leave”
I scream
I yell
But I am  dead.
Then after the autopsy
I seeing the fancy lights
And cross over
While my parents claim my corpse.
My first poem ever.
I don't understand
The way my body reacts
Or how it doesn't.
Allison Wonder 2018
Autumn Nov 28
What did I ever do to you?
What was so wrong of me?
Why do you do this to me?
What gives you the right?
Tell me please,
Do you think I asked for this?
Is this some kind of sick joke?
I don't find it very funny,
Tell me please,
Tell me please,
Oh, please tell me,
So what if I have,
PTSD,
Depression,
Autism,
Tourettes,
ADHD,
Dyslexia,
Anxiet­y,
Aspergers,
Addiction?
What’s it to you?
Am I hurting you?
Once upon a time
The man I trusted lied
Hair clad in blue dye
'Twas the night my soul died
He took my body and ran
Overwhelmed me with his span
Legs and mouth open wide
'Twas the night my soul died
Now it's almost been a year
I thought I'd overcome the fear
Yet when I wake I fear his smile
Getting my soul back will take a while
Some anniversaries aren't meant to be celebrated
Toxic yeti Nov 26
The gold fish named Tony (a poem)

Happily and freely
Does the fantail goldfish
Named Tony
Swims
With out a care in the world

Tony thinks
The world is a peaceful place
Yet he does not know
Much of what goes on
Beyond the fish Bowl

But it is better
Then hearing and seeing
The bad things
That happens outside of the
Fish Bowl

So freely and happily
Tony swims
Ignorance is bliss
When you’re a fantail goldfish
In your little slice
Of paradise
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