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Anger sizzles, popping like grease
little legs tremble, small and weak
Volumn so high, ears abused
dying inside from the words that were used
So much disappointment, head is buzzing
please, oh please, won't you just love me
Nightmares awake, they bruise, they bleed
ungrateful for all that's been given to me
"Dry those tears, stop that whining,
only babies do all that crying"
Echoes repeating, useless, stupid
clumsy, ungrateful, all I touch gets ruined
I know that I'm a burden, a mistake
Mama told me every single day
Verbal abuse on a child by their parent is everlasting
I beg you

reach out your tongue

and caress me with your words.

Soothe me with your hum.

I want to be enfolded in

the licks of

your love.

 

But your tongue sits

heavy in your mouth

stuck between

contempt and

apathy.

 

Only ever touching me with

it's brutal lashing.

I wish I didn't love

the sight of blood.
Ashtyn Lucas May 26
Confined to the walls of my room
Bandana around my neck
I try to remember the good things in life
I want to stay out of my own head
Nothing in life is free
Not even the air we breathe
It's tainted with diseases
But we breathe anyway
We endure the screams of alcoholic fathers
We cry ourselves to sleep at night
We convince ourselves that we're alright
And never seek help from others

We are the broken ones
We endure our pain and suffering
We remember the things worth remembering

We are the depressed ones
We see knives as toys
We don't know the difference between light and dark

We are hurt, and some of us can't be saved
So my Dad was screaming at me again this morning, and he took away all of my means of communication. Luckily, he forgot my computer, so I can still write (and talk to my Mom, who will save me ASAP).
Ashtyn Lucas May 7
i've seen you    a   d
                       r       n
                         o  u
staring me d
                 o
                w
                n
talking ****  b e h i n d  my back
about  e v e r y t h i n g  i lack  
after all youve d o n e    
some might s   a   y youve w   o   n
                                    p        
even though i g a v e u
word spacing is fun lol
Alex Apr 9
The day you left us
Was the day I lost my mother
I am told to have faith
But you let him in

To have faith in you
Would be to have faith in him
& I can’t take a leap of faith
Off a bridge that’s been burned a long time ago
zb Jan 6
when you get mad,
angry,
furious,
i know it's because you want to prepare me
you want me to be ready for the real world
you want me to grow up
and be your perfection

oh, i'll be ready,
but not for the reasons you think
i'll be ready
because no one
could ever hurt me more than you have
and i could never hate
anything more than what you've said to me
Why do we treat each other this way?
Feels like our words are only a chain . . .

Sister-chained
            why do you
treat me this way?

Sister-chained
            How do I
get you to change?

Sister-chained
            why oh why?
Oh why, even today,
            I'm sister-chained?

Noth-ing but pain,
Born to be sisters except for this pain,
That pain, the words, pain it remains. . .

Sister-chained
conflict between us al-ways remains,
conflict between us remains.

Sister-chained
            unchain your hearts for love.
Oh woe,

Sister-chained
            How do I
get you to change?            
unchain your hearts for love.
Oh woe,


Oh woe. . .
Ever notice how critical and abusive women are towards each other?
Lexus Jul 2018
Those malicious words were infinitely worse than any punch or kick
I lay in bed
My pillow wet
I think I might be sick
His spiteful tongue goes on and on and doesn’t know when to quit
He speaks some truth
But he’s bad too
My stomach is a pit
This night will surely end in apology like they always do
I’ll say “It’s fine”
We’ll hug goodbye
Those words are never true
This is something you should never force upon a kid
The damage lasts
The trauma’s vast
He never hit me but I wish he did
zb May 2018
when i was younger,
afternoons meant screaming matches;
sorry, i mean screaming
lectures, maybe
or sessions
never matches-
we were never allowed to reply
or she'd scream louder and
louder.

i grew up ashamed.
ashamed of my body
ashamed of my personality
ashamed of my quirks and ticks
ashamed of what made me, me
i hated them.
i wanted to strip them away,
peel off my skin,
bleach my face,
burn my hands,
remove anything
that made me her target.
to this day, i still
hold out hope
that i may one day
stop hating myself.

crying was a weakness
unworthy of comfort
i have no memory
of being comforted
or held
just
alone
my pillow and my stuffed animals
for company
oh, how i longed to be held
just once
just for a moment,
someone to hold me up
when i couldn't breathe.

she used to tell us
the reason she screamed so loudly
was because she had tried, in the past
to speak softly.
apparently, we never listened.

i don't remember her
ever speaking evenly
i don't remember a day
without screams
(oh the screams)
filling the house, my mind
and even if she had tried so hard
to be quiet with us, and failed,
aren't mothers supposed to be patient,
even if the children do not listen?

i hated the way she would scream, yes
but more than that i hated
the way she would tower over me
face inches from mine,
eyes alight with what i could only
describe as
pure hatred
the image still haunts me
i'm still scared of her eyes, sometimes.

she gets so mad, sometimes.
i'm convinced she is not aware,
she does not remember
the things she says
when she is taking out her anger
on me.
a blind rage.
isn't that all i am?
an outlet for her anger?
the antagonist to her lead character?
the useless child she has to drive to school
for two more years?
will i ever be anything but
the result of years of anger?
the target of her mockery?
the recipient of her insults?
will i ever be more than
****
*****
disgusting
manipulative
evil
fat
stupid
dumb
unca­ring
unloving
ungrateful
a monster
a brat
a demon
a pig
an animal
boring
antisocial
timid
unlikeable
unwanted?

i have only ever known her to be sharp
harsh
disgusted with anything i do
that's why it hurts
when she gives me brief hugs,
smiles,
tells me she only screams
because she loves me
because i know
her intentions are pure
if her actions
are knives slotted between
my ribs.
a vent poem, inspired by some of the stuff i've been reading here.
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