Always different but somehow not new
That's the only way I can frame this walkthrough,
The day to day I walk through
To look through these eyes is not something I'd wish on any of you
At best it's glitchy level design, I can't get a map I don't fall through
Worst, this is all predestined,
like wrestlin',
Every blow right on queue
A nonconsensual change of view
Not only but mostly due to the view of what relentlessly plays out in the minds eye,
A prisonesque venue
I didn't use faulty glue to put this mess together,
Who would choose this to turn into?
Nobody buddy,
Bad seeds planted in toxic soil is why this shiit you see here grew
This isn't the standard "good plan gone askew"
This miniscule piece of timeline was doomed from debut
In every story there's never enough time to repair before I will predictively have to leave you
At least according to the solo read through
Please forgive me for I loved you the only way I knew how too
My "how-to" example did more damage than I could undo
This is already more than anybody expected me to amount to
These aren't woven excuses, this is off the cuff, from the heart impromptu
I just want you to be the one who doesn't see me like they do
I know that's a lot of me to ask of you

©2024

"Follow your dreams"
Well, okay
My dreams are nightmares
Rather not bring them into the light of day
I don't see the benefit
But anyway,
I'm on my way
When I crash and burn
Then what will you say?

©2024

Tonight is not a night
Where we will find sleep
Tonight is the night
That we find something more everlasting

©2024

It takes to much to live
Collected from the start
'Till the wick can no longer be lit

All I have left to give
Is this mangled mess of a heart
And a broken spirit

Passive or aggressive
Lifes and bodies fall apart
Death is all we inherit

And death is possessive
No retort
Take the hit and grin and bear it

©2024

Find conviction in your answer
And hold it forever
To hold you together
Through the bad weather
That seems to go on forever
Never getting any better
Never wantin' to become a trend setter
I'd rather avoid a subplot endeavor
A standard cease and desist letter
An awkward deliverer
Of an ignorable order
Internal by nature
From a habitual quitter

©2025

A well lit path is not part of my journey
Mine's through a dark ally
The thoughts that emerge from the shadows come in a hurry
A savage flurry of the eire
Physically consumed with how badly this could turn out for me

©2024

Suicide?
Hold on, I'm sorry,
Are you referring to the barbaric act of hands-free ****** by an inhouse intruder implementing a vicious, self-righteous onslaught
No?
Oh...
Cause that's what I got
That's not what you were taught?
You didn't know each and every thought could be on loop and fraught with a dangerous taunt
No one told you you'd also most likely be the only one within earshot?
It's just thought after thought after thought after thought
And it's nonstop like the whistle of an ignored teapot that's gotten too hot
I ask myself, "is there such a thing as an inner dialogue clot?"
Rhetorical of course, knowing full well that there's not
It'd be pretty helpful though would it not?
A majority of this agony doesn't even seem to originate from an internal spot
But it's held against me that they recklessly destroy all I've fought for as well as rewriting the plot
Turning me into my own distraught subplot
Filming redesignated to the back lot of Salem's Lot
Making sure to make it known I'll only have this one shot
I swear y'all think I was told to bring what I'm gonna need and this is what I brought
So I fillet both wrists and expose the rot
Hoping to relay visually what verbally I cannot
Live stream it for a live audience or not
Copious shallow minds will still produce the same shallow thought
"You either want to be here or not"
Not knowing it has so little to do with want
"You ought to change the way you think"
Oh right, you're right, I must have forgot
OOOOOR
or
Is it that I've been convinced I can not?
Yeah...yeah, that's the caveat
I'd give everything to hit the reset like a robot
But the treason contains some carefully wrought deception that's sent in like S.W.A.T.
Keep that standard victim blaming line you walk taut
It's easier to walk that, is it not?
That's what I thought
Everyone knows the Rorschach test is just an inkblot
I watch in disbelief as my well-being resorts back to just another afterthought
The outlier is no one witnesses the slipping of the knot
There'll be no extension of a helping hand intervention to salvage this broken man by trying to help him reconnect a dot
Because I've lost connection with every dot
A reality checked on the spot
They continue debating amongst each other if it'd be easier to boycott
I bought in, hook, line and sinker,
I should have seen the bait and switch comin' do to all the times prior
THIS IS NOT WHAT WAS SOUGHT!
But here I am,
I guess it's my turn to like it or not

©2024

People,
Creating their own hell
Let's keep it simple
Try to be real for a spell
No spiel,
Just an obvious tell
Deceitful,
But not doing it well
A sequel
Was always going to be a hard pitch to sell

©2024

I want to barbarically remove my heart
And lay it like a horse head on the pillow next to you
Then challenge myself to get far away from you
Before the inevitable collapse from the lack of a heart

©2024

"Last thing I remember was being in
This death spiral tail spin
A nightmare I woke up still in
My question?
Why then
Should I bother to wake up again?
Does anyone have a good explanation
Nearing even a distant point of reason?"
He asked in desperation

©2024

Pit answerless questions
Against questionless answers
The stuff no one mentions
It just sits and it festers
The best of intentions
Played out by the worst actors
Heathens and hellions
Aren't the back stabbers

©2024

Maniacal laughter deployed to be louder than the roar of any monster

Most notably the inner

It gets harder and harder to adjust from loser to winner when just a beginner

Sold a bad bill of goods, nothing gets easier when older

I reside in my own temple but can't shake this feeling of being a squatter

Labeled by life as nothing more than NPC fodder

Never been...never seen a main character

In essence, I'm just practice for a dark passenger that always comes out of nowhere

Far scarier than the for mentioned inner monster but they conspire together

I am not now nor have I ever been a shot caller, never given a reason for no offer

Rather, I've been assigned a standard issue shock collar

Always trying to silence the hollar

Why bother?

Stay inline or find the hypocrisy of anarchy and counterculture

Tried bein' louder than ever before, pullin' from somewhere deep in my core

There's no one with a willing ear prepared to listen so no answer

Preforming to an empty chair reserved for anyone who might actually care

It's been empty for as far back as I've been allowed to remember

So I just stand there, wondering what's the matter, what is matter, do I matter?

A pitiful stature of a habitual quitter being quit on over and over

Want to know where I learned it? Just look over my shoulder in a family picture

This is a learned behavior taught by an unqualified teacher, both mother and father

Scream into the ether, I'm a dreamer but this nightmare ain't from a fever

There's no relief either

Not even first chair in the orchestra playing behind the dumpster fire of my own one man disaster picture

A head scratcher to any outsider, just another blunder to anyone who's ever been there

Next time'll turn out to be better

I swear

I'm a lier

We prefer the lie, at first it's far easier

A few too many attempts to hide the pressure, broke the regulator and boiled over

My present back lit by that there **** dumpster fire I explained earlier

My past rages unchecked through my future

A failure by every measure

No answer to why bother

...real quick...

This is off topic
But please don't let me become my father

...anyway...

Cover mistakes faster with lead paint over plaster

Pay no mind to the cancer that comes after

Dangle from a rafter like a fleshy chandelier

You don't have to guess what happened here

The dossier of the crime scene is crystal clear

You couldn't not get the picture

Even if the veil is never lifted, ignorance a problematic but gifted blinder

Gotta know I would never go and drag myself across the floor before arising once more just to lay on an altar

This has been nothing more than my dark passenger being front and center

How could I know letting it steer would lead to a full takeover of more than the arm and shoulder?

Will this ever be over?

Excuse me, is there someone there?

Has there ever been anyone other than me here for that matter?

Hello??

©2023

I swear...
I didn't mean to **** the best of me
Or squash what I like in me
Yet here I stand
****** weapon in hand
My essence
Dripping down the blade
Like rain from a cloud
Or tears of a clown
Landing on the razors edge
A familiar sight and sound

©2024

So you stay there
And I'll start from here
But when I get near
Please don't feed my fear

©2024

A new found enjoyment, not heaven sent
Still drawn to it like a moth to a flame

Don't share in my regret, promise to stay distant
I couldn't bare to see you in this much pain

Find me ambivalent to some extent
To take another step if it's in vain

Notice I'm hesitant to place a bet
L's stack shame on top of shame atop my name

Life itself's a debt, lest we forget
The plot and grave are one in the same

A dark passenger resident denise me residence
How did I lose access to my own brain

To myself I'm a threat, morality bent
Just so I'm not always going against the grain

Don't care 'bout bein' relevant, never permanent
But pain finds a way to remain

No clue what it meant is a poor argument
Would rather not waste time trying to explain

One day you might get it, wouldn't count on it
Strange to be your very own ball and chain

Go 'head and attempt it, see no safety net
You WILL become one with the terrain

Flesh and bone, neck and neck racing to pavement
Then witness the insane riddled membrane

Always defiant, against my better judgement
Probably should have stayed in my own lane

No deterrent to embracing my inner deviant
A full embrace of the profane

Won't seek atonement, least not at the moment
I only wish the only option was to remain

There's a death certificate, a signed suicide document
The growing black mark on my heart is more than a stain

So here I sit, trying to make sense of it
Unknown, alone and forgotten out in the rain

Selfimprisonment, a life sentence recipient
The issues with my DNA, infecting every strain

©2023

High on hope
It's more dangerous than any drug
The natural euphoria
Still gets pulled out from under like a rug
Beware the come down
Depressions clutch can be disguised as a hug
Careful when digging for more
You might realize it's your own grave that you've just dug

©2024

I no longer dare to take a breath, can't provoke me, I won't breathe
Finding it too risky under the pressure of a thousand seas
Plus, you see, I must conserve the air for my self-righteous pleas
To produce more I planted the forest I can't see through the trees
Gods speed please, I've already been brought to my knees
By the artic breeze off a shoulder so cold it threatens to freeze
This house of cards I call a home sheds support beams with ease
From the inception of my very first organic thought
I've been largely ineffective at controlling my plot
Have I earned that first breath I got or not?
Probably not
The gut shot is how obvious it is that everyone at my table agrees

©2024

I melt like ice on a hot plate
Like a candle to a flame
All I know is pain
Though it now sits as an unforgettable stain
The receptors were never meant too sustain
The onslaught like constant rain
Proving to be too much to maintain
I now feel nothing,
Teetering on the cusp of insane
Not unfamiliar terrain
I recognize fears domain
Spent a lot of time on that plane
Where a single step forward is a strain
And one look back can reattach the chain
Scars from a dangerous brain
Are the only parts of the original me that remain
If need be,
Look for my face in the wood grain

©2024

This story that began with hope I hope will end with hope
Feels hopeless
I gave up looking for answers, now I hope to find a way to cope
Denied access
The last ounce of hope left left when I decided to revisit dope
Again, I retrogress
This cat and mouse between hope and despair is an exhausting trope
I'm breathless
Dark thoughts fill the space left by hope, time to hide the rope
Chased by darkness
I don't even know exactly what sparked this
But I'm sure to end up heartless regardless
That's just me being honest

©2024

They tell me, they promise me, I'm not alone
But I can only go by what I've always been shown
Unwanted, undesirable, freek show, just a small sample of all I've known
I wish my inner abuser would adapt another tone
I don't own my own thoughts, any positive feeling is only on loan

People act like I hone in on this curse to be worthless
Like I thirst to be anxious
Like I have to coerce this anger and bitterness
Like I enjoy being immersed in the hopeless
Like my first thought is the worst on purpose
Like I enjoy all my deep rooted issues constantly rising to the surface

Then comes the question that brings me back to reality
"What are you doing to get control of this? Not enough certainly"
Honestly that's another cog in the circle mosh pit of misery, part of the continuity
I'd give anything for it to be as easy as everyone claims it should be

Because what most people see from me is rehearsed
My final diagnosis can not be reversed
The totality of my issues couldn't possibly be unearthed
But that doesn't change the horrible landscape I've traversed
I wouldn't be able to tell you what I'm worth, all I know is...
...I am this, for what it's worth

©2024

My worst fear realized
Beyond scared & paralyzed
the moment I recognized
the signs in the fading eyes
of a lover as she re-lives the lies
& cries herself to sleep with sorrowful lullabies
Ones only heard by the clouds and the stars they pass by in the night skies
The ones just as lonely and as distant as a sunrise
on the moons romanticized dark sides
mingling with the anticipated replies to the backlog of "why's"
that don't even bother with fly-bys
Somewhere out past where hope dies
Where both love and hate are lobotomized
then cannibalized
even weaponized
for passion triggered crimes
leaving no one surprised
Where the only allies one finds
arrive in disguise
as the best of times
as the worst of times
building up to a multitude of inevitable good-byes
How was I to vocalize
a mess of this size
when I don't have the ability to visualize
even loosing such a prize...

©2024

You break my heart every day and twice nightly
Hell, I'd rather be lonely
I'd rather be lonely
Than to be rejected by my one and only
I'd rather be lonely
Than feel unwanted by another claiming they love me
I'd rather be lonely
Than completely dismiss the better half my personality
I'd rather be lonely
Than watch you act like it's a chore to explore a little intimacy
I'd rather be lonely
Than to witness you go out of your way to avoid my advancements like they're icky
I'd rather be lonely
Than feel more unwanted than I did through my first 40
I'd rather be lonely
sigh
I can't imagine anybody actually choosing to be lonely
But here I am, holding out for my somebody to join me

©2024

How can the absolute fact that
"I'd do anything to see him"
And the sinking reality
I've not made enough effort to see him
Exist in the same plane of existence?
A fuucking paradox
An impossible duality
But here I am
Standing in that exact reality
And the answer is me
There's no possibility
He hasn't noticed the same
And that truth destroys me
Absolutely
And completely
Why doesn't that push me?

©2024

•°• A Twisted Classic •°•

I don't want to set the world on fire
I just want to start
To burn what's left of your heart

You took my heart as my one desire
Now I hate you
For all you did and didn't do

©2024

Scared
Of
Every second
Of
Every minute
Of
Every day
Spend a lot of time in areas of gray
Moved to the margins, before getting lost in the fold
Waiting for the one bump in the road
A proverbial tale retold
The one thing
That ends every dream,
That costs everything
Leading back too a familiar nothing
Because why?
Because I
Have
Never been perfect
I've
Never been worth it
I've
Never been proven different
I'm
Not worthy of any of it
I beg constantly,
Prove me wrong
Somebody,
Anybody,
Is there nobody?
Not a single soul
Willing and able
Too prove the fable
Let me
At least see
How it'd be
Too belong
Family
Friends
Lovers
Maybe even an enemy or two,
Prove I was wrong thinking no one would come along
I've put my desperate plea in a song
With compassion in the composition
The right music hits the heart strings some
Just grasping for leverage, eyes fixed on the sun
I don't want to want to be wrong
But the list can't really be zero people long
Don't let that be the conclusion I land on
So fuuckin' lie to me...
I don't know if I can count on another day
With my own truth hanging over me
That no one claims too see
Woe is me

©2014

A brain like mine, the brain of an addict, can justify anything
Drumming up excuses that defy reasoning
Connecting dots with miles of red string
Coming to conclusions that are baffling
"The problem was this here faulty Icarus wing"
"Setting me up for failure back when I was seventeen"
Not the fact of the constant nosediving
Bracing for impact, the anticipations paralyzing
It was easier to hide it in the begining
Can't hide it now, so let's call it ageing
The lack of a fatal crash is a bit puzzling
No complaining
It's just surprising
Kinda thought I'd be death defying
'Till I became stuck in the sky flying high,
Ignoring every warning
Didn't think it possible to hit the ground running
But now I'm panicking
I didn't plan for a second half, that fact is terrifying
Far scarier than any thought of dying
I wish I was lying

©2024

(Chorus)

...and she said,
"We don't have to stand it here, we can go anywhere
Find a place to call a home and build our storybook future there
If not here then where? Can't we find that anywhere?
A destination with no journey seems to me to be unfair
Some god, somewhere, already answered my prayer
Cause I'm here and you're there..."

©2023

Everyone thinks,
"It'll get easier when I get older"
Then you get older
And you find no one's there,
No one to share,
No one to say,
"Hey,
I stay because I care"
Or
"Let's get through this together"
Making it harder than ever before
Not wanting to remember
Not even a single chapter
Though at one point,
When I was younger,
I think I use to matter
I don't know why
But those are always the memories that shatter

©2024

I must let go
Or I'll lose you
But if I do that
I'll lose myself too
...I don't know what to do...

©2024

No one paid no mind
To the tears from this man
That land at my feet
Creating a quicksand
I couldn't slow the rate
At which it would expand
Leading to the scars
At the base of each hand
I know what you think of me
But this wasn't part of the grand plan
I tried and as usual
I was not able
To help you understand
That I just wasn't capable
Of being a "real man"

©2024

I mean, it's kinda funny
The punishment for life is the death penalty, that's literally the only true guarantee
Alterations void the warranty and there's no return policy, which I guess if fine honestly
But you can only rotate the tires so many times before it no longer matters
A crash will become eminent and just like the windshield, your future also shatters
No one's looking for a clock with a erratic tick and a broken tock
A polished **** advertised with a tiny sign as a shiny rock
Occasionally found screaming at nothing as frustration fills the body and muddies the mind
A full breakdown, stuck behind a roadblock, this time one of your own design
Trained by history to take every word heard with a pinch of salt
Cold and bitter, but is it by default?
Is it truly all my fault?
...why was I in such a hurry to be an adult...?
I'm gonna go make a fort and sort this all out

©2024

I'll have nothing if I lose her
If I stay I'll lose myself
So I'm forced to ask myself
What is the better future?

©2024

Trying to find shades of myself
In the simple black and white
Trying to wade out in the middle
Of a basic wrong and right
Maybe I will or maybe I won't
But maybe I just might
I want to live in the twilight
There's too much darkness in the spotlight

©2024

Like a drug taken for a quarter century, this writing doesn't help like it use to...
See,
I'm starting to feel like it's working against me
Holding me here in pain and misery
Cleverly disguised as creativity
I use to lie and say it was a way to get rid of all this negativity
But I've spilled so much blood and tears onto stationary
...and not even purely metaphorically...
I should be completely empty
Hell, I think I might be
I think it's moved onto draining my energy
Can I still call this writing therapy?
Is it healthy or does it keep me from a new me?
Holding tightly but in spite of me
Hiding a different side of a complex personality
A new level of maturity
Is it actually helping any?
Today it's hard to say, but maybe
Unfortunately, it's something I'm good at, a skill I enjoy and I don't have many
So I've begun to notice I look at it differently
It was suppose to help me let go of the painful unpleasantry held in many a memory
But it woke a part of my ego that I didn't know would grip so tightly
It might have been a mistake to rely on it so heavily
It's no longer moving along the story
No cautionary tales to learn from because they never become history
It becomes a bookmark that I don't use properly
I never move it to the page I left off on and now, I must admit openly, I'm doing it purposely
I keep the worst of me right next to me, close as a frienemy
All because I notice I DON'T write when I'm happy
And I like to write so I dance around emotions strategically
I don't know if it's anything worth saying but writing is calling and drawing me in closely
A ghostly presence that when I look closely I see my identity
It hasn't always been but is now a big part of me
But does it want all of me?
Can't say either way with any certainty
No AH-HA moment, no clarity, only a death grip on disparity
So I recklessly walk the line of happy and tragedy
Like a DUI test on the side of the freeway, drunken pageantry
Eyes closed usually
No thought of mine or anyone else's safety
Dangerously close to calamity
And I just worry

©2024

I had it yelled at me once, "you don't even know what love is!"
At first the accusation put me on the defensive
But the examples to me of laugh, love, live
Has always been top tier corrosive, a wildly destructive narrative

©2024

I'm not scared
I'm terrified
Every step forward
Fears are verified
Every glance over the shoulder
The past gets magnified
Every breakdown in the corner
Bad strands of DNA amplified
I'm afraid if I stay on this ride
I'll be taken out with the tide
Created by the oceans I've cried
Ignored 'cause I say, "I'm good" but I lied

©2024

I'm tired of fighting for a we that you don't seem to ever be in the mood to fight for deep in your core
I'm tired of working on a we just to have me thrown in my face till I surrender and hit the floor
I'm tired of having to be perfect in order for me to be worth you sticking around for
I'm tired of being in a single topic argument just to have you bring in dozens from the way back store
I'm tired of being held fully responsible for these issues I have but am not even remotely responsible for
I'm tired of working on us issues just for you to shrug them off 'cause I have so many more
I need you to want me to be part of your we, otherwise what the fuuck are we struggling through this fire for?
I'll be waiting for your answer by the exit gate but only for a couple minutes more

©2024

Can't rid myself of it
There's surely no controlling it
Before I see it
I feel it
I fear it
And that fears legit
Didn't create it
Can't destroy it
So I'm forced to own it
While I own up to it
Like, "give me it"
"What is it?"
"A heart?"
"I'll slap it on my sleeve and wear it"
Though not to display it
But rather as a reminder of it
An extra warning of the dangers of it
And to call out all those promoting it

©2024

I've shut down so completely it's profound and I've now lost touch with reality
What I want to be and what I'll never be eventually co-mingle and become one entity
The blasphemy, the phony sanctimony and hypocrisy blast from me
I try awkwardly to juggle all three, run 'em up the flag pole, wait and see
Hear ye, hear ye...another blunder here for your amusement, come see
Woe is me! An empty plea for pity ******* by a request to be put out of my misery
It's plane to see, at least by me, that I'm my own worst enemy, I'm no friend to me
Bad karma stacks rapidly atop the early onset of senility
Losing my mind was an inevitability but that was my only company
...now it's only me...
The notion that behind every smile you'll find your happy is, in it's self, a fallacy

©2023

(song)

I'm only human
I am not perfect...
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it...
Yeah, I'm only human
I'm only human

Sometimes I don't wanna carry on with this life another day, but that ain't the thing to say, at least not out loud anyway
My carry on is baggage and part of me but can't stay? I need it to remind myself what had hurt me along the way
It's completely intertwined with my destiny, seemingly by design, forged by my raw history gone astray
So not by the fire burning within per say but rather by a flame that got carried away, lighting up my dismay
Not a phoenix, no rising from the ashes, I just claimed them as my own then created a home
A collection of stone after stone thrown in my direction become the cornerstone of the foundation I raised all alone
Harvest my own backbone to support the load, structural integrity is homegrown
Get blown down, just rebuild, try to hone my skill to out will what I've sown

I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
I don't know what you expect of me
Yeah, I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
Understand all I can be is just me

**** and moan, scream and cry to an empty auditorium, my lithium battery drained and I don't know where to go get some from
All thumbs and numb, fumbled the mission, what's done is done, can't be undone, self reflection is no fun so I play dumb
When reality hit it stung, my demon won, a surprise to no one, all attempts to enter the ring ended with me caught up in the top wrung
Can't predict the future but I see the inevitable outcome, only one lonely track on this self titled album
Said track is a sad song, repeat stuck in the on position and so loud I didn't get off stage at the sound of the gong
Not only did I play the biggest part of my downfall but tragedy overshadowed comedy in this parity type sitcom
I can pin point precisely when and where it all went wrong but can't explain why I kept on this particular path for so long
Prayed for help then buried my head in the sand before it came along, popped up only to find it already gone

I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
I don't know what you expect of me
Yeah, I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
What you see is the only me I can be
I'm only human, yeah, I'm only human
I'm only human, yeah, I don't feel human
...what am I doin'?

I slip and trip more often than not, trapped in the web of a side plot, main story got lost in the shuffle, it happens a lot
Forgot to implement basic self maintenance leading to rot spreading to every thought
So I question the thought that I ought not lower my defenses, got caught in the in between, can't connect, lost a dot
Struggled with the day to day, fought just to get to a level playing field, all for naught
Yes, it was me, I did it, I hit the self destruction button too quick but it didn't say elimination, it was simply labeled quit
No mention of a death certificate or that it would make the feelings of my inadequate existence permanent
I couldn't keep my whits about me, lost sight of what was important, my insecurities the culprit
Don't think for one moment though that attention is why I did it, it most certainly isn't

I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
I don't know what you expect of me
Yeah, I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
What it is you see in me

Responsibly taken, still forsaken, got front row seats to my damnation but it's a rerun that I'm tired of watchin'
Internalized everything behind blue eyes, an examination taken place with no follow up explanation given, why are the results always hidden but lurkin' right outside my field of vision
The implosion of my life left a broken man child chokin' on the pieces left and your sinister laugh proves you think I'm jokin' or just enjoyin' what you're seein'
The implication bein' that there's no salvation, no savin', tried on the shoe and continue to wear it, it fits to perfection
Pretend not to listen so you can't be guilted into any type of action at all, and so you're not looked at as responsible
And that's reasonable, you let out a little nervous laugh and giggle cause it makes you feel uncomfortable
And that's just a small taste compared to my mouth full, out of mind, out of sight not possible
The blowback was powerful, not mindful of everything I don't know, what I do know now is I was never in full control

I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
I don't know what you expect of me
Yeah, I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
This isn't the me I want to be
I'm only human, yeah, I'm only human
I'm only human, yeah, I don't feel human
...define being human?

©2022

An organic cell
An inescapable cage
A personal hell
A shell of rampant rage

Under a digital spell
Center stage
A deadly swell
Safety not easy to gauge

How quickly the bar fell
A sageless age
Shhhh, don't tell
It's the same on every page

©2024

A life with no safety net
Do I make it or will this be yet another instance where I don't hit the ground running, instead I splat flat on the pavement
Place your bet, I'll take that bet
Another tally mark added to my list of regret
I'm my own biggest threat and relentless as it can get
I feel preset to replay every horrible event
A looped cassette
Bad precedent after bad precedent set
Where is this button labeled reset?
When will I find the bottom of this decent?
If you tell me I'll try to keep the secret
I forget now if I've ever even seen it
I know I never see it coming, but there's no question I've felt it
Going dark and cold like a long forgotten briquette
Stagnant and never lit
Like a burning cigarette this hell is a slow burn with evil intent
I'm spent like a tax return, sanity gone before I even got to know it
Out of my mind cause I could no longer afford the rent
My twisted twist on Russian roulette is the full chamber aspect
So you can surely predict past it
My downfalls bound to hit a record high percent
The first click shoulda/woulda/coulda ended it all in an instant
With steel to flesh, I find myself desperate to create an outlet
To finally get the torment to ease up a bit
But it jams every time and I must admit
Dumb luck and the law of odds get the credit

©2024

Never did I intend
To depend
So heavily on this pen
And the hand it was able to lend
But if I didn't spend
The time I did attend
Like if I only spent the weekend
Workin' on me,
I wouldn't have been able to defend my heart
Or fend off the dark
Because I wouldn't have been able to comprehend
The in-between
Of the beginning and the end

©2024

Would you get a load of this priick...

Entitlement punk crybaby excrement
In mom's basement
Everyday
Trying to **** his own wick

No ******* with a chick
Mildly pathetic
Still
Stream it to the public

Embarrassment is gonna hit
Shoulda quit
To late
Now this is what you get

Find blame and aim it
Control the topic
"It ain't me"
...so it must be women's empowerment?

Assuming you never knew what rhetorical meant
You can't know that wasn't
I'm asking,
That's not a statement

The angers placement
Seems specifically targeted doesn't it
Common denominator
Looks to be your equipment...
...dip shiit

Y'all need Jesus, you're sick

©2024

Can't break
This figure eight
So as of late
I've been leaving it up to fate
To reveal a gate
Before my plate
Folds under the weight
Transforming me into living bait
For thoughts of hate
Directed straight
At a lone inmate
Inside this prison-esque estate
Skull bone real estate
I was forced to create
Became a red flag trait
And looking back it's probably innate

©2024

I've heard people are strange
When you're a stranger
A lesson learned
Only as you grow older

Faces look ugly
When you're alone
My past proves
No one pays no mind to what's shown

They say women seem wicked
When you're unwanted
My truth is I've wasted
All the time allotted

Streets are uneven
When you are down
Seemingly impossible
To find solid ground

The strange
Have faces they hide in the rain
It's strange
Couldn't be bothered to remember my name

Are you strange?
Am I strange?
What is straaaaaange?

©2024

With the passing of the years
The good disappears
Take inventory,
What's left for me?
Only nightmares and fears
Lies for the heart, mind and ears
Wasted light-years
A husk of a man appears
Drained from fighting through iron bars and chains with nothing but tears
The blind leading the blind
While the blind steers
Grinding through all the gears
With the numbing effect of false help from **** and beers
A deluge of judgment from peers
The worst kind of souvenirs
And yet still my heart peers
Looking for new frontiers
Maybe after the glue adheres
From past repairs
But I'm racing an end that nears

©2024

Hello hello,
Welcome to the show
Good luck getting through the impossible to get through MO
One long typo
A hypocritical, defeatist manifesto
More stupid than ******
Misplaced gusto,
SUP BRO?!
Possible becomes unreachable then unthinkable
Undeniable failure is sure to follow
First name familiar with the mental hospital
A revolving door install
Biggest chart right up toward the front of the file being that it's alphabetical
A tragic life, only ironically comical
Spine stained yellow
Same as the teeth, thanks Marlboro
A nose incased in a thick brown crust on the face, smack dab in the middle
Cornered with a dunce cap and a little bit of spittle
Condition has always been critical
I do take it personal
Can't show, can't let them know it hurts even a little
A forgettable imbecile with a needless purpose and a fleeting soul
Held accountable but it's not balanced or rational
Equal? I guess maybe, but not equal to anything favorable
Decent into madness unavoidable
Some of you are only here for the spectacle
Swerling around the bottom of the toilet bowl
Forced sabbatical
Out of sight, out of mind so I've band all travel
Departure and arrival
Business and commercial
An attempt at better has been abysmal
Wouldn't have made it past the pilot if it were a show
You would just know it was shiit though from the overflow
"You've made your choice" but not by choice, it's never that simple

©2024