starving as he was, the snow could not hinder the undying rage beneath his fur, his skin— it was boiling, as if to erupt, to evolve into something entirely different.
wailing, he kept walking despite the weight of it all, shredding every piece of humanity ever afforded to him. it was then that he realized animals were never concerned with rights or wrongs— only what was in their hearts, or their craving.
he kept his fangs showing, his claws sharp enough to maim, to turn his next friend into a victim— just so he can go back, rest, and live another god-awful day.
The waiting list has an opening Here's to new hopes and beginnings. Will therapy benefit me once again or will I end up hurt in the end? There is so much I need to fix and so much to come to terms with. I never noticed, and because of me the one who was closest no longer is. Why did things have to turn out the way they did? It's so cliche but I'd do anything to start over again. There is nothing like having a friend who you feel so connected with But when I pick through my nostalgia I'm left to wonder where the connection is What do I really know about you? What was true? Where did things start to go bad? The exchanging of passwords I think. I think that's where it began. After I saw the things you had said My heart started to turn black. It's normal to be mad and say things you don't mean when you don't think anyone's looking. But you were so important to me back then I will never forget the feeling I had. I should have just told you back then that it hurt my feelings Gotta love growing up with no boundaries No choices when it came to yes or no I got hit if I contemplated it Came to write poems on the internet And would be groomed by countless men Think I was in love because of things they said But I was eleven and they were gross I played games with you and laughed Then I'd cry to men I didn't know In exchange for pictures that made me feel like an adult Infatuation is a ***** for middle school kids At least for this girl it was I'd word ***** so much Honestly I never stopped Validation is a drug stronger than any other I love to feel like I matter Especially when I care about the person too I think that's a huge key to why we were a we in my mind. Whenever I was with you I was high Until I wasn't, jealousy hit me hard When I'd see you making plans with others I always wondered why we couldn't call Why it was awkward to play games after all The time that passed between us I think you knew way before I did Just how toxic I was Another guy and I broke up My insecurities told me you thought I was a **** A new relationship and I was gone I don't think we spoke for months This relationship is different I think I'm actually in love I debated infatuation since learning what it was I wanted to talk to you about it Eventually I did I smothered you and hated when I couldn't Months go by, I'm still word vomiting You try to set boundaries I still can't read the messages without crying I didn't understand and chose to pretend instead I ignored you and you distanced It felt like you had passed away. I try to say hi and it's so awkward I wished I would die You reach out and I feel so happy I could fly I tell you everything I had been holding in You disappear from my inbox and I cry This is so toxic I'm in bed grieving a friend Left to wonder why I do this The counselor on the line says enmeshment And I hate myself as I sob to a stranger about you for an hour. Searching for therapists never made me feel like such a loser. Wait list, wait list full, wait list Months pass You didn't wish me a happy birthday and for the first time in years I didn't tell you either. I sent nothing. I'm a bad friend. New job, New accounts, New acquaintances I still think of you but only cry on the drive home Sun sets are pretty I sit outside with my dog and look at the sky I think she can feel my pain when she looks in my eyes It rained for weeks and now the leaves are changing around me I can live without you and you without me. You reached out and I crumbled again I told you about my 988 experience Why do I do this I have an episode I'm the heaviest I have ever been. But I'm off the therapy wait list.
New hopes and beginnings. Maybe when I'm better we could be healthy but I am not saying anything until I know for sure.
From my miserable cavity, out spills terror; An illusion waiting to bite, the heavy desire of hunger Splatter and traumatize with desire Eyes creeping around the corner When the shadow swiftly descends, The next victim has been found.
haunted by your presence your imprint in my powder stamped on my heart forever everything reminds me of you I wish you didn’t matter can’t even see pictures of me without relating them to how you used to be changed the way i see pivotal in my evolution, delusional since rejection been off the market, been on the grind been second guessing my part in the tragic fall, maybe i am not such a victim after all maybe i am not so young and dumb after all maybe i am better off