I am more than what the world sees,
More than just the sum of my parts,
I am composed of half-hearted dreams,
and built by misfired starts.
I am more than what you might hear,
If you listen close in the hall,
Rumours have teeth and words can bite,
But they dont really matter at all.
I am more than my mistakes,
More than choices I've made in the past,
The clock just threw on running shoes,
And thats why time flies by so fast.
I am more than imperfections,
Im worth more than all my flaws,
You can try and change the way i am,
But i wont put my life on pause.
I am more than a person,
Im someone worth fighting for,
Im everything I want to be,
I couldnt ask for more.
it was almost two months ago
my new job was going terribly
i had two managers
one was either a compulsive liar or losing her memory
to dementia or early alzheimers
the other one was a typical single, white, overweight woman
who enjoyed flying into fits of rage and preaching about white privilege
when she wasn’t giving angry lectures about how howard schulz’s wife
had nannies to help her raise her children
she didn’t like me
so i just quit, with no notice other than an email
saying i was resigning effective the time stamp of that email
two weeks before i quit, i had the saddest dream
about some guy i had a mental breakdown over ten years ago
i haven’t talked to him since some sad
emails in 2010, he never responded to my last email
i’de been looking him up online lately but retrieving no matches
because his name is so common and it’s been so long
in my dream he texted me or emailed me
magically, he had gotten my phone number
or one of the email addresses i use now
he wrote that he would be in my town
and asked if we could meet
i was really looking forward to it in the dream
i was getting ready, hair, make-up, clothes
i realized my dress had a ketchup stain on it
towards the end of that part of the dream
i don’t think my hair or makeup or face or body looked good
i looked like i look
ten years older and haven’t kept up or maintained anything
not that i looked good ten years ago, but i look a lot worse now
i sort of realized that when i saw the ketchup stain
then it occured to me that he never responded when
i either emailed or texted him back:
“yes, yes, let’s meet again”
there i was, excited, getting ready,
vacuuming a car I haven’t driven in years
i just wanted everything i wanted back
i thought we were going to meet that weekend
but then he emailed me saying
no, he wouldn’t be in town until the 22nd
march 22nd was on a wednesday this year
so i would have just been working late
and getting a bad review for anything i did
i quit my job on tuesday, march 21st, after a hard day of doing nothing
since then, i’ve drank a lot of wine, gotten stoned, and smoked cigarettes.
i also found his mom’s facebook page
his is set to mostly private, but his mom had posted
some recent pictures of him and his girlfriend
he looked weak and unhappy in the eyes.
What would you say
If you knew it would all end soon
What would you do if there were
No more tomorrows
I'm not clairvoyant
But my heart knows what it knows
Mercy has been given freely
And yet so many reject it
They go on with their little lives
In their own little ways
Without a thought as to where
They will spend forever
This is not all there is
And what you have today matters not
For it will all disappear in the blink of an eye
The things you hold dear, and the possessions
You strive for will all be gone
You have a choice to make before
You leave this world
For one day you will stand naked and ashamed
Or you will stand forgiven and righteous
Just do it.........soon
There will always be a moment in life in which we need to make some choices and understand on which side to stand. To bury your head in the sand means you are killing your own essence. To make a choice means giving some time to your soul to build a shell of dignity.
- Manuela Camporaso
She is a moth to flames,
fluttering so beautifully.
The night's light sparks her heart,
pumping doses of adrenaline.
Music booming, cocktail burning;
an Orange Twist in her hand.
Hey baby, can I get you another?
Goddamn! You fine as hell!
Hey cutie, wanna dance?
Yes, she is a moth to flames,
always fluttering so blindly.
Vodka scalds her tongue and down her throat;
confused yet she twirls in the blaze.
The strands of her life unravel into
another unfamiliar home,
with another unfamiliar face.
The smell of white lies lined across the table,
a familiar friend to ignite her heart's beat.