i've been keeping low
been off the grid for awhile now
the kindest eyes i have ever seen inspired me
to be the next kind eyes someone sees
don't hurt me please
being kind leaves you vulnerable
to the hate i get
you can surely see how good i am
tears keep falling
why must you tell me you think i should be *****
and dumped and left for no one to see
i deserve to be seen
please don't believe me when i say i'm okay
do not disturb is on i'm begging you
don't message me or i'm going to break
the ice is thin
i'm falling in
For far too long
I sabotaged myself
As if not giving my best
Could be a proper excuse
For each and every failure...
But this is yesterday's news
Today I feel badass!
Standing on the edge of the cliff.
Losing my balance.
Not falling slowly,
Hit the ground.
Blood dripping on the ground.
While you could have offered me a hand.
My failings are justified
Ghosting your presence
Love me once meant life
Kindred lips part ways
Varied volume waves your force
Happiness used to be your metaphor for me
Climbing down now
Grounded grinding and generous
Study Study Study
Grades Grades Grades
That's all that seems to matter anymore
Not our happiness
Not our safety
Not even our health
I look okay
Were you paying attention?
Do you even remember, Dad?
Do you remember asking me why I was crying
Do you remember how I couldn't answer?
Do you remember, grandma?
Do you remember when you found a knife in my room?
I was ten
Do you remember, Mother?
Do you remember that lost and glassy look in my eyes?
Do you remember when I was sick
And I told you I hadn't eaten nearly all week?
Do you remember what you said?
"At least you'll lose weight."
I was nine
Do you remember how distraught I was
When had I revealed my first failed class?
Do you remember the tears?
The slamming door?
Perhaps the cold dinner left in my seat?
Do you ever notice how
when I'm asked how I am
That I always pause
I pause and shrug
Because how would I know?
That wasn't on the study guide.
**** school but **** my family more
It was all blue
couldn't find your way through
been knocked out
beaten black and blue
you rose again
that's what you do
life punched, you kicked back
never took the easy way
trying to stay on track
got the bruises
got the scars
days spent in hell
others among the stars
embraced your errors
accepted the glooms
a flower was a buried seed
one day it blooms
tracing the gashes
your name is chanted loud and clear
there goes the fear
Touching the stars is glorious, but you can never do so without getting burnt first.
is this dreary dormancy, or is this death?
for the candle's counting and fire's fading,
the bulb's broken and the light's leaving—
in the silence of makeshift soul sepulchre
i pictured those two angels weeping.
am i dormant, or am i dead? where's the old me? why am i growing backwards? why am i lost? i am now failing child, aren't i?
I can fake a smile to the unconcerned
But feel myself break down when asked
I’m so angry I’m driving myself insane
I try to distract myself with lists of tasks
I watch life progress without me
Can’t seem to match the pace
No matter how my speed increases
There’s no way I’m winning this race
I’m treading water, head barely afloat
While I watch everyone else coast by
Why does nothing I do seem to matter
I’m losing my motivation to even try
This classroom was full at the beginning of the semester
And it didn't happen all at once
One by one students not understanding
One by one failing tests
Realizing they won't make it
And don't get me wrong
I might not too
But at least I'm still here trying
We were sailing to eternity
When you turn to tell me
There’s a hole in the hull...
(“I didn’t mean to, honestly,”
our ship is flooding quickly
And the reel is struggling
To maintain stability.
From this feeling,