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Rowan S Jan 27
It's been long enough now
And enough has been said
Apologies and forgiveness passed back and forth
Like folded middle school notes
Yet here I am

"Ouch, I just bit my cheek."

As I let my rods and cones
Intercept the
Lies and smoke
The electrons radiating from my
Squared, glowing palm

I sigh
And attempt to release stagnant regret
As my mouth fills with the taste
"Whoops, I just hurt my own feelings."
Austin Draper Jan 23
What monstrous love that an empire of words building up,
Can be torn down by a single transgression, as if to start again in solitude!

What monstrous love that conditions line our very affections.
And that under circumstances they dwindle and give.

What monstrous love that pouring your heart out no longer is good enough,
Because you’ve had to do it to keep yourselves together.

But I shift backwards in my squandering,
And reside in what I’ve built.
Our tapestry laid across the face and ***** a quilt.
All this love I’ve been hoarding, gathering it for later. Laundering.
But, is it monstrous if it is all for naught? To wilt?
To these ends, experience for broken hearts, I am left pondering.
A poem I wrote at the very end of my relationship, 2 days before we broke up. We just got into a huge fight, and things were already starting to look grim. But we held on to familiarity, albeit for too long. (- -}- -}- -}A B A B A B)
Austin Draper Jan 17
I don’t know what this love means
I don’t know if it was meant to be in our genes.
I don’t know if it is because we’re both teens.
I don’t know if I am prone to act as a machine.
I don’t know if this is meant to be part of my routine.

I don’t know if this is the girl of my dreams
I don’t know what this love means.
A story after my Ex kind of chewed me out, I remember vividly her holding grudges against me while I was forgiving. And how I began to for the first time during our relationship question it's legitimacy. IDK, hindsight's a real ******* huh?
Rowan S Jan 12
When the smoke hits my eyes
Eyes then close
I left long before I last saw you
And your siren memory calls to me
A beckoning to a reckoning
No closure
Smoke billows and stings
Like the memories of what never happened
Memories of maps you drew
Guiding me to my next destination
I forgot where I had been
I regret my lack of sight
Perhaps the smoke was in my eyes
That is why
Strength unbound
I am brawn personified
The blood of Hercules, Samson, faded memories of ancient Titans flowing through my vessels
No obstacle can slow me
No wall can break my stride
Running - jumping - crawling
I can get past it all

Constant running begets strains
Repeated jumping begets sprains
Crashing through barriers beget lacerations and fractures

Pivot to look at the destruction left behind
Now look at the road ahead
Plenty of pitfalls still to avoid
Walls have been fortified

A simple ladder can climb the wall
A plain shovel can dig under the barrier
A machete can cut a path around the brambles

But I chose the sledgehammer
Sprinting from the starting line  
And left everyone behind at the first hurdle
I've spent a life of putting out fires. Nothing has ever been as important as getting past this problem in order to get to the next. In the meantime, I left behind every single relationship through negligence and stubbornness. It is ok to ask for help sometimes.
James Dec 2018
Sentimental longing or a late sense of understanding,
I stand at the fork in the road.
Looking down two paths,
Each one burdened with obstacles and hindrance.
Do I travel alone through the frosted canopy, snowy trail in sight?
Do I follow her through darkened woods, regardless of the end?
Once I have chosen, how will I ever know what is right?

There are two paths, neither has any appeal.
Both require the past be put to rest.
I simply cannot leave my memories stood forever unsettled,
Alone at a fork in the road.
But, allowing them to either side requires decisions,
Which I am unwilling to make.

To **** three years of my life to being a lesson learned,
Seems an awful waste of my time.
To romanticize three years of painful growth,
Seems a waste of my intellect.
just me casually questioning my trans experience! **** im in ****
Audra Nov 2018
i am so sorry
because it wasn’t your fault—
it was set to fail

my apologies
for your words really did help—
i just could not see

though you did not see
the thoughts requiring this,
i know them all once.

to me: i’m sorry
i did not push away lies
so they were believed.
my faults i now see in hindsight and give an unknowingly deserved apology.
polka Nov 2018
is the ******* teacher
who tells you what you could have done to get an A
when you've already turned in your D level assignment.

have i learned anything?
we'll see.
Imanuel Baca Nov 2018
First you say I love you without knowing what is meant
As though love is some money that is bought sold and spent
Then you say I love you as a sin you can repent
love hits forever it has already made it's sliver dent

Latter you will say I love you with greater caution
Knowing love is not something free or easy gotten
All the pains of love and sleepless nights that you’re caught in.
At the end you will say it's what you've been so lost in.

But it's only when you have lost that sweet bitter taste of love
And angels play their teardrop, heart string, harps from down above
Then looking back you see the push, pull, and lovely shove,
And from sweet bitter pain, it's only in hindsight that you love.
You know it's kind strange how you never realize what you have until you have lost it. You would think we'd learn to vaule our loved ones a little more if we could.
Candace D Henry Oct 2018
Sometimes I feel like I should slap the **** out of the next man who says he loves me.
Not during *** either
A slap for pain, not pain and pleasure

Hindsight is showing me a hallway of all the men who said they loved me
Under each frame is a heart
Under each heart is a list of the fuckery they brought to the table
The fuckery I accepted
The fuckery I said was okay because I loved them too

I believe in loving unconditionally
I'm starting to feel like that means hurting freely
It's like opening my rib cage, exposing my heart and letting out all this love in the middle of a war zone

Gotta be real
I'm not a ******* Care Bear
My love stare has been known to tame the vilest of monsters
But over time, the release of my love changes nothing when they have no respect
When they are mad
When they disregard my feelings
When its over

To the next man who says, "I Love You, Candace."
I say to thee, "*******!"
Watch out for the hook
Sometimes I feel like I should slap the **** out of the next man who says he loves me.
Not during *** either
A slap for pain, not pain and pleasure
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