When will you learn?
You don't play with fire unless you want to get burned.

Whoops.

I know what's coming,
I want to run away.
Maybe a deeper disire,
Always makes me stay.

He slips in behind me
Cuddles and watches TV.
Then he touches me and moves me,
And never once with a plea.

His rythm begins,
One leg bracing me in.
Leaving his hand down my pants
Grabbing at my skin.

With fury and anger
His force comes to an abrupt hault.
Unsatisfied and unloved,
I'm left shaking, in fault.

A few days later,
We're in the same routine.
Cuddles and watching TV,
But this time, I turn away from the screen.

One leg bracing me in,
His hand still down my pants.
Grabbing at my skin,
I'm hoping for a trance.

With fury and anger,
His force comes to an abrupt hault.
Unsatisfied and unloved,
I'm left shaken, in fault.

I don't wanna hurt you.
I don't wanna let you down.
I don't wanna make you cry and feel for myself guilty.
For who I am.
I have to let you go.
It's no one's fault.
I'm sorry I have to go.

Fears created by years and years of trauma and abuse and manipulation. Triggered by the smallest thing.
I’m sorry.

I may have tripped
            over my own feet.

But at least when I stumble.

I know its my own steps that
                      got me here.

Laughing that the shoelaces of life,
               made me dust off..


And not watching  my step,
           but make sure if I do

trip again

its my own fault.

          And not someone else,

getting in the way of my walk.