I wish you could tell me what actually happened Half hearted excuses with reasons that seem to always shift and change I’m listening I’m trying to understand But I fear nothing will quench the fear That I did something wrong.
that initial feeling of water as it seeps through the seams of a boot finding cracks in the leather supposedly waterproofed against such leaching of puddles being drawn in by a traitorous sock willing to sacrifice the fraternity of dry comfort that once it held flooded with irritation that will be quenched only with the offering of an inane expletive or two muttered under breath carrying the weight of a week's worth of frustrations
i was late through no fault of my own at least that's what i tell myself just one of those occasions where try as you might the universe won't allow you to leave on time standing at the threshold one final pat of pockets to check i had all that i needed looking up to gauge the need for coat or umbrella i witness an inhumane globule of avian faeces viscous and creamy in colour and consistency exploding upon the path two steps ahead of me i see no sign of the culprit hearing only its cacophony of enjoyment or maybe disappointment drifting into the distance
my blindness causing me strife never committed to being right but never committed to being wrong either just trucking along the beaten path I didn't know there were fires birthed in my wake I didn't know for goodness sake I would not be the bad guy, even if it were my fault but ignorance is bliss at the top water the burnt fields, open my eyes to the real could you open my eyes? for real
you turn to me but i'm not there i'm drowning i told you but you couldn't listen the thoughts won't make sense none are clear they're surrounding encompassing and unnerving if i take one last breath would you notice the body folded neatly lying under the baggage you placed on my back i can no longer support myself but you won't take the load stuck inside your head and i'm stuck with you if i stop speaking i'll stop breathing so i'll carry on until my fingers are shaking too much from lack of oxygen or sometimes too much i can hear my breathing speeding up faster ready to take off and fly away with what's left of my soul and spirit that you didn't crush still going as i recognise the dizzy daze i'm falling into waiting to collapse in on myself for maybe the last time for a while at least we both know it won't happen because of you i couldn't however much you argue and scream and shout or maybe it's because of her calming my mind ok i have to stop now i told you it would get too much once again i say i'm sorry remember me or the old me if you can it wasn't your fault