I let myself succumb to desires
That aren't worthy to be nurtured
I fall for the same sin, the same fault
That I've a million times taught
Myself not to surrender to
But it keeps falling through
The cracks of my soul
Making me lose control
Of the goodness inside

My entire being.

jumping
to assumptions
and jumping off cliffs
hoping something will protect you
from the pain deep within
consumed
with resentment
and anger from the world
finding others to blame
when it’s only your fault

Oft have I paused to think upon faith and what makes it strong.
The faith to be wise and to know right from wrong.
No not the faith that gives rise for Gods to be born.
But the strength and belief to fight when I am most torn.
I speak of the faith to believe of who I might be.
The faith to know with conviction its enough to be me.
A faith to be sure and a faith with no doubt.
No mumbles in meekness but a voice raised in shout.
So long since my faith was so raised up on high.
So little belief now that there is nought else but to cry.
What can be done to restore faith that is now lost.
With each thought and contemplation at additional cost.
So low now on faith... did I ever really believe?
Perhaps all along... not faith... but only... self deceive?
How can I live a life where all belief of self has faded away.
To what point, without my own faith, to greet the next day.

Dust turns to dust
Ashes turns ashes
Finally I'll be in
The place I belong
If I had anywhere to live
I'd feed off the ground
Rather than breed interminably
Or harbinger a lavish disease
But, it's fun being alive
When you know you are close to the ending
Like reading a book till its last page

Except the story keeps playing in my soul
In my special place
Where I know solitude
Or what dreams are made of
Peaceful starry skies are where I find oblivion

Blessed be before birth
Free from pain
social shackles
taught to fault
stress on brain

Feed head heart and soul
Deciphering tones
Raised energy
View clear to see

It's not my fault
that you've stolen my heart.

Why everything always seems wrong?
Is it what i’m doing that’s wrong?
Is the desire of a happiness is a mistake?
Is the urge to reach a dream is a flaw?
Is breathing also a fault?

Or maybe..

Being born itself is a mistake?

am I really that hard to love?
or am I just unlovable?

it's my fault for pushing everyone away.
it's my fault because I'm never there.

it's my fault.
is it?

am I really that hard to love?
or am I just afraid of getting hurt?

am I really hard to love?
should we love?

how does one love?

am I really that hard to love?
or it's just we all love differently.

what is love?