~ Some people are scared to show their heart
I was to shy too speak my mind  ~
So I’ll give you some time
The puzzle of my mind
The pieces of peace
The picture you seek
As framed in unfinished architecture
Off bad lighting
A glass house
A stone thrown
A glass lens
With fogged up f/2 aperture
Off good positioning
The devolvement
Of my soul building
A dark room
With a beautiful film
Being golden
Ah but **** all that
Chitchat
That Snapchat
While I snapshot
Your main thought
You’ve lost
Me distraught
Nah
This drought
Is at fault
I can see
Why your water runs with salt
You’re *** got caught
Now your *** is my last thought
I’m outside
I’m not giving a ****
I’m what you sought
~
Sore eyes
Lore ties
Nots hide
But I am
Finally
Alive

I try to force the tears out
can't bear their burning behind my tired eyes
clutching my stomach
desperate for this ache to leave me
Jesus please
take this ache away from me

I want to put a blade to my weakened wrist
can't bear the pulsing, pulsing
beating, beating
of the blood pumping through my veins
Let my body surrender to the darkness
like I have

I need to scream it into the void of nothingness
can't bear these words that are stuck in my throat
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm so so so sorry

t h i s   i s   a l l   m y   f a u l t

They say people come and go
It is the normal way of life
But for me that is not the case

Too many people rely on me
As their mental and moral support
As their final refuge of being sane

Being left behind feels suffocating
Where my world feels numb
Struggling to keep myself sane

They are my source of refuge
They are my only salvation
They are the ones who keep me sane

If one of them left because of me
If one of them lost because of me
The fault is on me

A trauma for the rest of my life

you turn to me but i'm not there
i'm drowning
i told you but you couldn't listen
the thoughts won't make sense
none are clear
they're surrounding
encompassing and unnerving
if i take one last breath
would you notice the body
folded neatly
lying under the baggage
you placed on my back
i can no longer support myself
but you won't take the load
stuck inside your head
and i'm stuck with you
if i stop speaking
i'll stop breathing
so i'll carry on until my
fingers are shaking too much
from lack of oxygen
or sometimes too much
i can hear my breathing
speeding up faster
ready to take off and
fly away with what's left of
my soul and spirit
that you didn't crush
still going as i recognise
the dizzy daze i'm falling into
waiting to collapse in
on myself for maybe
the last time
for a while at least
we both know it won't happen
because of you
i couldn't however much you
argue and scream and shout
or maybe it's because of her
calming my mind
ok i have to stop now
i told you it would get too much
once again i say
i'm sorry
remember me
or the old me
if you can
it wasn't your fault

Fault is all mine
That's I didn't know the value of your
And have tortured you to the core
and now karma is punishing me
By giving me the punishment of loneliness,
In this whole world
Now the most loneliest person is I.

i wish i had known how to hold on
to good things while they lasted
and appreciate them for what they were

but alas, i am a coward
a selfish coward who never learned
that the weight of my words

was just as painful as the blow of a fist
and the spark in your eyes
were drowned out by the fires in my mind

my insecurities and paranoia
drove even the kindest away
this was why the good never stayed with me

                         shakespeare spoke the truth
                         the fault had never been in the stars
                         but in my own self

Losing you may be my fault,
but having you forever is not one of the ways to treat wounds.

All I ever really try to be in my life

is genuine.

And I refuse

to be influenced to feel

that my effort to be so

is a fault

that means to be fixed.