standing in the sun's golden rays,
you let yourself enjoy the peaceful paradise,
that's hardly ever to come.
the way you smile suddenly feels so foreign,
as i witness your moment from afar,
hands crumbled into tight fists.
the stinging pain has become numb,
for centuries of laying on my bed,
gaze glued onto the ceiling,
and muffled sobs.
but when you're laying on the fresh cut grass,
with hands spread on the spacious greens,
it hits me again but harder than before.
yet this time is different,
because you're finally happy,
so despite my hard feelings,
i pick up my feet and turn away.
because you deserve this happiness,
i don't get to take that away from you,
so with a heavy heart,
and a mind of thousands of words,
i leave before i disturb your paradise.
i shove the confession down my throat,
even if it will soon eat me alive again.
i love you, and i did this for you.
i think you're happy now, enjoying your life, but when i see her claiming you, i don't want to face this hard reality. but this selfish part of me wants to embrace you and run all these words out of my lips. confessions and words that i was terrified to admit.